Ok, so my new gf introduced me to her friend group. Including the ex. Admittedly, I never felt entirely comfortable with my now ex being friends with this guy.
He acted weird when my ex introduced me. I thought it was me at first. However, my ex explained that her ex told her he needs time to "adjust" to her dating me. And told me she was gonna try to limit our interaction. I asked her to clarify. I asked her if she's gonna not see him, but she told me not exactly, but she was gonna try to keep me and him apart.
To be honest, when I heard how apparently she's gonna actively make her "friend" comfortable like this, i felt a punch in the stomach.
I told her I do not feel comfortable with her being friends with a guy who needs to "adjust" to us dating and that we weren't gonna work out. She tried to convince me there's nothing going on between them, but I didn't believe.
I mean, what the fuck is there to "adjust" if they are platonic friends.
NTA, keep you apart sounds crazy.
Gotta keep the new cat and old cat separate until they’re familiar with each others scent
I brought in a feral girl kitty late last year and tried to keep her in a crate for a few days to get my other cats used to her. My Morticia kitty on the other hand knows how to open the crate door apparently. So that lasted all of maybe a half hour.
Instant friends, they were curled up together on the couch with Pink Panther cartoons in a couple of hours.
Somehow I don’t think OP wants to be best friends or cuddled up to his ex’s ex.
But it does sound like a roundabout way of getting a ménage…🙄
Wonderful, I loathe cats and how they stare at you with brown sphincters unashamedly
You deserve better than that mate. Sounds like she wants the best of both worlds. Good for you. NTA
NTA. She's still into him on some level.
Or she's really enjoying the ego stroke of how into her the ex still is. Either way, it's not good.
It could be neither and she genuinely cares about him BUT I still agree it’s not good. Need to sort that stuff out before getting a new partner. I mean you can avoid taking your new partner to the old friendship group out of respect for ex but that means you don’t go either. Can’t be sneaking around / keeping your ex as a friend but not allowing your partner to meet them IMO
Best case scenario she is not ready to be dating again. Which is not on op. She shouldn’t have brought op into a situation that is uncomfortable. And if she wants a good relationship with op then she should have cared about op’s comfort
Best case scenario happened. OP dumped her. There is no reason to keep exs around as friends. Break up, they go away. Keeping exs around is a huge red flag
You csn be a mature adult and keep exes as friends whom you wouldnt cheat on your current partner with my ex and I dated on and off for like a year it was never going to work and at some point we both knew that. Today? We are still best friends and nothing will change that. He introduced me to my current partner and set us up and no one feels like they have to compete against the other for space and time. If I kicked my ex to the curb the moment we broke up I would have never met my current partner. It CAN work its just not for everyone
You may not have met your current partner but there are plenty of others you might have met.....so that to me isn't a good enough reason to keep an ex around, but that's just me. You can also be a mature adult and remove exs from your life. Nowhere does it say you're immature if you don't want exs in your life or even deal with others who keep them in their lives.
Certainly doesn't sound like she's ready to move on if she has to pussy foot around him until he's comfortable she's saying again. He's the one that should be backing off. She certainly doesn't sound invested in the relationship if she worries about her ex more than her current boyfriend.
Or understand boundaries
Very true and the ex may may never say he’s comfortable with the new relationship
Even if she wasn't, I didn't want to have to stop seeing my gf at times just so her ex's feelings are spared. His feelings are not my problem and I don't want a gf to make it my problem.
Yeah you nailed it. They are probably both lying to themselves about how they actually feel about the other. One day that’s going to totally blow up, I’d get away when the hurt is only minimal
It sounds like the opposite? The ex is still into her. And that's what's causing the need for him to adjust.
And not only is she into him, but this guy is either still hung up on her, a dick who gets joy out of stringing her along, making a power play to prove that she’ll still prioritize him (and his “feelings”) over OP, OR, any combination/all of the above.
He doesn’t need “time to adjust”. That’s a bunch of bullshit if I’ve ever heard some. That guy is bad news and she’s wearing rose colored glasses. I mean, allowing him this much influence on her relationship with someone else is insanity. The fact she sees nothing wrong with prioritizing his comfort over OP’s, AND her own, is proof that she isn’t ready for a relationship with OP, or anyone else for that matter.
Fr right? The whole “he just needs time to adjust” thing sounds like she’s more worried about his feelings than her actual boyfriend’s. If anyone needs time to adjust, it’s me trying to figure out why she thought that was normal
Yep she’s prioritising his feelings over OPs and will continue to do so. Too much drama just break up.
You did good!
Nah bro, she's keeping dude in the pocket as a backup. NTA
Or is he keeping her in the back pocket? Sounds like the ex holds the power to me.
The more she would’ve separated y’all two, the more closer the ex will be feeling her back pockets… she showing 🚩🚩 OP find someone who doesn’t have that kind of baggage still w them
NTA. Honestly, it sounds like she needs to do some work on things before she starts dating. I have exes I'm friendly with, or at least that I (and my fiancé) are still in the same social circles with. It requires setting very firm boundaries for the ex and calling out any push on those boundaries. She clearly does not have boundaries established with her ex. This is going to be an issue no matter who she dates, and it'll be an issue even if she is single. Also, the "let's still be friends" thing can only work if both parties are going to be mature about things and actually do move on and hope for the best for each other. Neither of them around like they're doing a good job of this.
they will fuck eventually if you stay, get out
This. Exactly the thing that will happen, from 10 to 10 times.
yup, i have experienced that....its gonna fuck you up so bad
It is on nearly equal foot with the scene, when somebody from the friend group says don't argue with your gf, because she so nice. 100% they'll fuck in 1 week.
Yup, I had to leave after I found out that, to this day still fucks me up thinking about that…
oof im sorry this happened to you. I hope someday those of us who been cruelly fucked up by betrayal can find some healing and peace.
Not necessarily, but that friend will never stop trying.
Arguably worse, because you don’t have a very clear boundary being crossed (cheating)
What she'd doing is emotional infidelity.
It would lead to physical cheating eventually, or at very best dumping OP out of the blue for the ex.
Leave her immediately.
Sadly this really is the only right answer. A new relationship and already dealing with stupid shit like this? They’re both clearly not over their past relationship. Better to just avoid the inevitable heartache and move on now.
What made you think you were even remotely the asshole for ending a relationship you’re not comfortable in? Genuinely curious, not a trolling comment.
You could end a relationship because it rained, and you still wouldn’t be the asshole. If you don’t want to be in a relationship, leave.
I was almost 30 before I figured that out.
NTA. She definitely into him. You better leave now before it’s too late.
You guys he was using an example turn your social cues & nuance back on he wasn’t being literal
Ding ding ding, we have a winner!!!!
I was having fun going along with their mistaken interpretation of my comment.
Go ahead and try telling somebody that you want to be serious with that you ended a relationship because it rained
This is such a stupid Redditism that there aren’t bad or asshole reasons for breaking up
Especially if you are at a point where you are committed, engaged, married, etc. like if you are at that point and wake up and say yeah not feeling it, without ever trying to get to the root of WHY, you are not really learning or even being honest or fair to your partner. If they wake up and say it rained I’m done they are kinda shitty.
I’d argue you’re more of an AH for not ending (or for even starting) a relationship if you’re prone to end it because of the weather.
Ill letcha know how it goes!
Yeah sure you will
Sure you’re going to tell all your prospective partners that you dumped someone because it rained or something equally absurd.
This practice can only preached on Reddit or by people who lie to their subsequent partners or are avoidant about their relationships
A practice only preached by chronically single people with zero experience
This was truly a life lesson i needed. Thank you kind internet stranger.
You were being sarcastic and leaning into the joke and it seems pretty clear to me ¯\(ツ)/¯
Maybe the /s was truly needed? Idk
Happened to me and stayed more than I should have. My ex considered her ex “family”, and walked on eggshells not to make him uncomfortable. He was definitely not over her at all, and was controlling, jealous and guilt trip her a lot.
NTA.
You can break up with someone for any reason, especially in a new relationship. You haven't really invested anything into each other.
Don't want to drive across town for dates? Sure. Don't like their cooking? That's fine too. They are friends with their ex and the dynamic is weird? Absolutely.
People can be friends with exes and people can choose not to date people who are still close friends with their exes.
So much this. I wish more people understood this.
🚩 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
I generally agree. Could be a few more red flags though.
NTA run for the hills
I'm going to keep you two separate and date both of you at the same time. I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable so I really don't want you two in the same place at the same time. Gotcha.
Good on you for seeing the red flag for what it is and keeping an actual boundary. Not trying to control what she does with her life but just walking away when something is a deal-breaker.
i dont know how old you are, but you’re gonna look back on this in 10 years and be like “lmao wait, of course i wasn’t the asshole, this insane girl who thought keeping her ex around and tried guilting me into accepting a situation i didn’t like is the asshole.”
NTA
Not only are You NTA, she is doing it backwards. The fastest way to get used to something is exposition, not avoidance.
She's on the fence with him and could dump you or cheat anytime. Dumping her first was the right decision.
NTA. You are right to walk away instead of being involved in an unhealthy dynamic. An ex should never be given that much power in anyone's dating life.
Sounds like you're borrowing his girlfriend until he learns how to " act".
You did right.
I don't have a problem with a partner talking to or seeing an ex. My best friend is an ex-partner, and my partner is also good friends with an ex. Everybody's emotionally mature and understands that those relationships are over and there's no lingering feelings. We've all met each other.
But I think it's a good baseline requirement that if you're going to date someone, that this person be fully available to pursue a relationship as THEY see fit without someone else's approval. Especially an ex-partner.
If the person and the ex aren't 100% over each other, they either need to reduce or stop contact, or not date other people until they've moved on.
Thanks. Honestly this experience is making me reevaluate dating people who have exes in their lives at all tbh.
I can understand that. Although if I might offer a suggestion, look for emotional maturity instead. In that sense, having an ex in their life is either a sign that they are emotionally mature (and can move on after a relationship) or emotionally immature (and can't let go or follow through on a decision to split). It's pretty easy and fast to figure out which is which.
NTA
You dodged a bullet. There's no reason (if there's no kids) to stay friends with an ex. You break up, they go away permanently.
She's a walking red flag and you did the right thing
You were right to nope on out of there. Now go find someone who isn't weirdly attatched to their ex.
Good for you! Don’t stay with someone who is this friendly with her ex.
To me it’s not that she is friendly with him it is that he still has a say in her life. The only people that can ask you to give them time to adjust to a new relationship is your kids imo.
Exactly, way too close. “Keep them separate”… like are these two dogs that don’t get along?
NTA because you're allowed to get out of this mess. Sounds like he still has feelings, not her. Doesn't mean you want to be involved with her if her ex is that close.
Oh youre so right about this one... Just protect your peace.
You made an intelligent move. Even if nothing is “going on” between them, she should not be altering your relationship to accommodate his “getting used to” your relationship. If she can’t put your relationship front and center because of her ex’s feelings, then it’s time to leave.
NTA. This woman is not ready to date anyone else yet, and she is not really that into you. She is using her ex as an excuse. If she was really into you, no ex would keep her off of you.
I was in her position once and understand where she could be coming from. That being said, I was an immature high schooler at the time. You’re making the right decision to walk away because no matter her reasons, she sounds either emotionally immature and/or manipulative
It doesn’t matter whether she is still into him, at some level he is still into her, which is why he needs time to adjust. Knowing that she should have cut him off, if she wants to move on. NTA
Spot on.
I’d be out if there too!
Were all different, have tolerance or intolerance for different things- thus wouldn’t fly with me.
Attend every social gathering with her friends that he will be there and be overly obnoxious with PDA. That should help him “adjust”
Nah you did the right thing. That situation sounds like a dumpster fire. Just close the lid and walk away.
Your relationship should not have to make concessions for her ex. If you’re having to do that, not really an ex.
She’s a loser.
Opposite sex friends are healthy. Opposite sex friends who have been balls deep in your gf is poison. NTA. Good call bro
Gotta keep the dick and the backup dick separated.
Yup you’re not the asshole and she needs to cut off her ex, it’d be better for the ex as well because the ex obviously isn’t over her.
They're still a twosome. Forget her; she's not available.
NTA and yeah, that dude probably knew exactly what he was doing by saying that and obviously got what he wanted which was her single again. I’m betting he knew full well that would be a turn off for you which is why he made something out of it to her.
NTA
You are right to and a relationship you are not comfortable in.
I want to add another perspective here. My ex and I have been together for nearly 9 years and I thought we would grow old together. We lived together for most of the time, and got through really rough patches. We have been separated for more than 2 years now. We are still very good friends, because these nearly 9 years we supported each other through a lot of difficult stuff and both our families are troubling for us, so we've been our own family for a long time. Contact was reduced at first but we are still meeting as friends. I haven't been dating (me coming out as asexual was part of the reason for our breakup) but he has had a relationship that lasted for about a year.
There were circumstances that made it especially hard but when I found out about his new relationship (they started seeing each other, when I was moving out. I searched nearly for a year for a new place to move into. So we were separated for 10 months but lived together until then. And he lied to me for a year about his relationship status) , I also had a hard time adjusting to that. Because I felt like I was being replaced, that I was "losing" the breakup, because he found someone he loved soon after our breakup. Because it felt like he moved on and that somehow hurt. I have mostly supported them when I could, though I refused some things (like giving an opinion on a birthday present he wanted to make her, i just couldn't do that. He has gone overboard for that one.).
I think having an ex that is uncomfortable with the new partner is a normal reaction for an ex to have. Even without wanting that person back. The question for me was always how to act on my feelings. And I wanted to make sure to never stand between those two. I may not be comfortable doing some things but I wouldn't have asked him ever to exclude her when we are meeting or something like that.
And probably my situation isn't the slightest like yours. I just wanted to add a perspective of a supportive ex girlfriend that really would have loved that new relationship to succeed (sadly it didn't) even though I was uncomfortable with it at first.
Run.away. fast.
Hell to the no. Good job getting out when you did
If he wants her back, she’ll go running back. Just leave bro
He’s there just to stay next to her. Once you’re an ex, you’re just killing yourself hanging out with your ex and amongst friends that’s just ridiculous on top of that. He’s trying to see who she’s dating again. That’s a bunch of bullshit.
NTA! Why would you want to be hanging around a guy that used to fuck your girl. Why would you want to meet a guy that was fucking your girl?
Eh as soon as he said he wanted her your be out the door anyway so
Not even worth worrying over. They've got some kinda issue going on and you arent there to fix it. NTA.
Yup get out early man huge bullet dodged
Oh, she was still getting railed by him dude. She was never your girlfriend.
lol yea Nta, she’s in an open relationship with him and you’re an experiment. Good thing you dropped that one.
This has deadass happened to me. I went on a few dates with a guy and we had sex after a while, and then he told me his partner "wasn't as comfortable with him having sex with someone else as she thought she would be" when I asked him when he wanted to get together again.
Now I ask men if they're single because a surprising number of partnered people will omit this information if not explicitly asked.
‘Cause they know what they’re fuckin doin.
YEP
Their partner being OK with it doesn't make not disclosing that they have a partner OK. BEFORE the first date.
Don’t ever date someone who is friends with their ex unless Kids together
Depends on how she was going to limit your interaction. It’s not wrong for her to care about her ex and wanting to stay friends. It’s not wrong for you to feel uncomfortable with her being friends with her ex.
If her way of limiting your interaction was going to be to leave you at home, that’s not ok. If it was going to be you two just not joining that group as often I don’t really see the issue.
You're reinforcing your preferences as important. Good on you.
NTA, you did the right thing
Good man. Wish I knew this about 25 years ago.
You did the right thing. NTA
NTA it seems she is more concerned with her ex’s feelings than she is with yours. Run Forest Run!
“It’s a lot harder to be walked on when you are standing up!”
Updateme
She is using you to get a rise out of him. NTA
NTA
Good on you. You made the right choice. Her behaviour around this is definitely a red flag. Better to break up now before it gets more complicated.
Nta. Yeah no that's not something you need to deal with.
Better to walk away now. She wouldn't be worried about him "adjusting" if there wasn't still something there.
NTA, all she showed you was that she isn't capable of being friends with him and dating you.
They're gonna fuck. And it's gonna be the best sex they've experienced, at your expense. Get out now. Take care of you she's stringing him along until a time you fight and he bangs her to oblivion.
NTA-that was only going to end one of two ways. Her fucking him or you fucking him up.
She still harbors feelings for him. You saved yourself alot of pain. Well done
I’m friendly with my exs. Doesn’t mean I let them influence my future.
Already too much drama and you just started dating. Move on. NTA
No. Run away.
You're not going to work out. Ending it now is the best thing you can do.
Good job!!! You did the right thing. She's way to concerned about the ex, let him have her. Talking about dodging a bullet. Over here dodging them like neo🤣🤣
NTA I would’ve dipped so fast
If you accepted the situation it would have been a habit hole of red flags later
Narcissists tend to keep their exes around. Not saying your ex is one but that behavior alone is a red flag.
NTA.
As soon as you found out your girlfriend was still good friends with your ex, you were right to walk. That doesn't always mean she'll cheat on you with her ex. But the odds go way up.
You handled it perfectly. NTA
NTA JUSTIFIED and it would be ridiculous to put up with that in the first place😤
NTA. You made the right decision.
NTA there is no such thing as "platonic friends" with an ex. You dud the right thing in dumping her.
I've seen less red flags in a communist parade.
That girls gonna die alone
She cares more about his feelings than yours.
Enough said.
She is not emotionally available at this time. NTA
NTA. People don't need adjustment periods.
So why is she prioritizing her ex over her actual boyfriend? There's no acceptable answer.
She's for the streets.
NTA, she's chosen to keep her ex in her close circle of friends. Not many people would feel comfortable with that dynamic. He still has active romantic feelings towards her. She likes the attention he provides her. It's too messy of a situation. You did the right thing by removing yourself from that. You won't be the last guy she loses while keeping her ex so intermingled into her life.
If every man on Reddit were like you, there would be literally 0 incels on Reddit.
NTA.
AND A MASSIVE FUCKING SALUTE TO YOU, GOOD SIR!
Other men: this is how it's done. Take notes.
NTA.
Good for you. These stupid games will only get worse so good you bailed before being hurt further. She knows what she is doing.
Oh, hell no, that's just nuts! Don't reconsider, either. She's trouble.
My ex was in the same group of friends but they had nothing to do with each other anymore
INFO. Did she break up with him?
NTA
NTA, if you are not comfortable in a relationship, exit the relationship. That being said I have certainly seen friend groups like the one that she is part of in which everyone has dated everyone else and they eventually got past the jealousy. However, those groups tend to be really tight knit and either intentionally or unintentionally they don't side with people outside of the group. I don't think you ever had a role in that group besides showing her ex that she is "over" him. Sounds like you made the right call IMO.
Nta
NTA
Are both of you younger? Sounds like an early 20s bit, still trying to figure out relationship boundaries.
FWIW there very well might be nothing going on between them. But she is a bit clueless if she thinks any potential partner is going to be ok with a 'friend' who can't handle them dating.
It's not about picking one vs another, it's just they're obviously not a friend if they don't want her to be happy with anyone else. She doesn't get that (yet).
NTA, fucking weird behavior on her part.
NTA - Bravo. You saved yourself a bunch of bullshit and negative emotions. Good for you.
Someone in here said it but I'll say it again differently. She's using you to cuck him or him to cuck you and it seems the latter. She clearly wants to keep banging him and have you as well or it's all a lie and they are both working you into being their third. No matter what way you cut this it's full of lies and deceptions and just no good. They are not "platonic" friends. I am proud to be "friendly" with almost all my exes all the way back to high school and there is a period after a break up that it just has to go cold, it's too fresh and too many emotions involved. There does come to be a time where hanging out and being friendly with their current partners (even exwife's husband) can be very amicable but what you are describing is NOT that. She is behaving horribly, hopefully you didn't get sucked back in and have cut her from your life. People like this ruin people around them trying to make themselves feel good with no regard for the harm they are causing others.
NTA. You dodged a bullet.
NTA. She either likes the drama or is still interested in him.
She is not good for you and the faster you leave her, the better it is. Suggest to just cut her off and don’t allow her to play with your emotion and feelings. It is better to spend your energy on somebody else.
Man up dude
Ditch this insufferable c***
NTA… sounds like she’s the one that needs to adjust to not being with him.
His feelings of being okay with her dating you are her top priority in your relationship? Where, on her scale of importance, do you rate? Clearly well below him.
Nta
NTA. There may not be anything going on, but even if there isn't, that is not how to handle this situation. You don't like... Quarantine your bf to appease your ex. The ex is clearly not over her. And yeah. It's hard to get over someone when they are still fully in your social orbit so it's a wound that can't heal. The only way to get over it is a clean break. No talking. No hanging out. No texting.
Plenty of people come into a relationship with baggage, but jfc nobody should be bringing their exes baggage with them as well.. she's not going to be able to move on either if her ex has that much influence over her relationships. That's wild.
Obviously too late for you guys, but hopefully she learned from this. You deserve someone who's all in for you and just you.
NtA
Clearly, one of them isn’t over the old relationship (her ex) and one is willing to keep him around anyway (your now ex). I think you made the right call. I probably would have ended things with a “let me know when you are completely done with him. Maybe I’ll be available.”
NTA That's messy
Good for you 😂😂 the fuck
NTA. You know your limits.
Stay far from that situation a caring partner would never put you in that situation
NTA. She owes nothing to her ex and it's entirely up to her who and how she dates.
The fact she's so invested in her ex's feelings over yours is... Nah
Far too messy and far too much drama for a relationship just starting off. Good for you for walking away. It seems that there was always going to be 3 people in your relationship.
NTA. If her ex needs time to “adjust,” then that’s not just some normal friendship. You’re right to dip if things already feel weird and uncomfortable.
You were smart to walk away. If she’s this invested in his comfort, it’s unlikely to get better anytime soon. There’s clearly some enmeshment and codependency, even if she no longer is romantically interested in him. And that can be worse and harder to deal with, because she will be convinced the lack of romantic feeling makes her behavior and complete inability to draw and maintain boundaries that are respectful to her partner perfectly ok.
Leave when you first sense weird drama. It gets harder and messier the longer you stay in it.
This does sound weird. Unless they literally just broke up in the last month or so, he should have had plenty of time to "get used to it". Seems like maybe she needs to reevaluate her priorities and resolve whatever residual feelings there are. She might be telling the truth, but that's not fair to ask someone new to deal with that and it's not ok for her to put priority on an ex's feelings.
NTA. She wants to limit your interaction towards her to make him comfortable? She sounds like she isn't over this guy. I think you moving on was the best choice.
Yeah....the ex is her backup plan, the guy she wants to keep around in case she can't find a guy that she really wants
that is why she is prioritizing him
She doesn't want to live life without a safety net
NTA. She’s obviously not ready to let that old relationship go. And it looks as if her ex isn’t either.
Red flags all around
You dodged a bullet
He can need time which is actually kind of healthy. But its on him to limit his interaction time. Not you guys. Your girlfriend shouldn't have done anything. Also, there is staying friends with an ex and there is staying close friends. The second one is asking for trouble.
NTA Honestly when I left my ex and tried to be friends after it just didn’t work. I couldn’t be friends with him and I’m glad I walked away fully. It’s going to be weird seeing someone you once “loved” with someone knew and looking back I was silly to think I could be friends with him. That was one thing I’m glad I fully separated myself from.
Now my current boyfriend and I made it clear that unless there’s children involved there’s no need to talk to exes. Since she put the other guys need before yours that meant she didn’t want or see a future with you.
This was my experience and opinions for the people who can be friends with their exes that’s great, but in my case I found it not to be a good thing
She's not ready to be in another relationship. Good for you for knowing to walk away. NTA
This is why so many guys say no male "friends" as a boundary in relationships. Most of the time these guys are male orbiters waiting for their chance.
NTA if the dude is so unhinged that she needs to manage his emotions, you don’t want any part of their dynamic. Even if she’s over him, the dude’s insecurity will hang over your relationship.
I'm reading this completely differently. It sounds to me like she's taking in on herself to not make him uncomfortable and she feels bad that she's going to hurt his feelings even more. Not that he's going to go crazy if she shows up with another guy
It’s kind of the same read. Substitute “sad” or “weird” or “unpredictable” for unhinged - it’s still her putting her ex’s comfort above OP’s.
NTA. She still cares about his feelings more than yours. If he has a problem with her dating someone else, then he is not over their relationship. It's not her job to give him time to adjust. They should probably not continue to be friends, because that's unhealthy for everyone involved. There may be nothing going on between them, but she's catering to him and making choices based on his feelings about your relationship. That's messed up. I don't blame you for not wanting to be in the middle of that.
When I broke up with my ex I kept my mutual friends, but cut him off and haven't spoken to him since. It isn't hard. If she can't do that for the sake of your relationship she isn't worth your time. She's definitely still harbouring feelings for him in some way if she hasn't fully cut him off.
You did the right thing and just walked away. He's her ex and he's controlling who and how she dates? You dodged a bullet.
NTA. If she's really over him, she shouldn't give a fuck whether he adjusted or not, it's none of his business who she dates. I wonder if he even knows you were dating her or if she hasn't told him yet to keep her options open.
I was friends with my ex when I met my now husband. Ex wanted to meet for coffee and I said yes……thought about it and decided my now husband wouldn’t appreciate it and I also wouldn’t appreciate it if the roles were reversed. We haven’t spoken since. Nta…..you’re not the priority, the ex is…..no need for him to feel comfortable…..you need to be priority and you need to feel most important or you never will be. You’re feelings are valid
NTA don't understand anyone who wants to still be friends with their ex. Mine were abusive AF, why would I want them in my life
Except one, mine were all decent human beings that I had a lot in common with. I've drifted apart from them over the years but except for that one, we ended things due to incompatible lifestyles or life goals, not because anyone was being mistreated.
I'm sorry you had such bad experiences but that's not universal.
NTA and it’s clear she is still into him
Maybe once he says it’s ok she can lead her own life.
NTA
You did the right thing
Past dating history should be exactly that. In the PAST
NTA She is prioritizing her ex over you. Go find someone who doesn't have her ex orbiting her.if he was my ex he would be told to get used to it.
NTA for not wanting to be in a fake thruple with this random dude.
NTA, she def has feelings and hes waiting for his turn
Even if there's nothing going on between them, she's still prioritizing her ex's feelings over yours.
NTA
This is my ex boyfriend, and I'm really concerned about his feelings and want to prioritize that.
Talk about toxic and unhealthy.
NTA lol this is weird as hell! and that's coming from someone who maintained their friendship and continued to share a house with an ex for a couple years after we split.
Like, I would like to make that very clear. My ex and I had an extremely close relationship after we broke up. We were MUCH better friends than we ever were lovers and our arrangement was not something many people would agree with because "exes can't be friends" or whateverthefuck. We were clear and honest with any potential partners, because sharing a place together was definitely (understandably) too much for a lot of people. But you know what? Neither of us ever had to adjust to the other dating Why? Because neither of us had residual feelings for each other.
it didn't feel weird for either of us. Honestly, the most awkward part was double checking and being like "hey, is this weird for you? Should this be weird for us?"
and on the off chance my ex wife had actively been rude to a person I was dating - I would have told her to get f*cked and get over herself.
If she's walking on eggshells to appease her ex, she's not in a healthy place to be dating anyone new.
Correct, seeing your ex with someone new is something everyone has dealt with and I don’t think either my exs or me ever cared about giving me or them time to adjust.
You had your time you move on hopefully for the better. But to basically treat him like a child you had to make sure his feelings are ok is something everyone weird AF shit.
Don’t blame you for moving on.
NTA move on dude there are normal people out there for you to date.
Obviously her priorities are f'd up. She is still tied to him so good for you walking
You're not wrong for walking away. If her ex still needs time to “adjust,” that’s a sign there are unresolved feelings. It’s fair to want a relationship where you feel secure and prioritized, not like you're competing for space.
Exactly if someone’s still stuck on their ex they got no business trying to build something new. Nobody wants to feel like a placeholder while the other person figures their feelings out. Walking away isn’t weakness it’s knowing you deserve better than playing second to someone who ain’t even in the picture anymore.
Facts she chose to stay tied to a mess and clearly showed where her head’s at. Sometimes walking away is the only move that makes sense. No point sticking around when someone’s showing you their true colors like that. Respect to her for dipping.