AITAH

UPDATE --- AITAH for wanting to break up with my GF when she said she wanted to keep things casual 8 months ago and now wants to move in with her kids?

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Discussion

Potential_Cold4049

Seems like you dodged a bullet...

1 day ago
Usual-Canary-7764

Several bullets fired from an uzi held by someone with poor motor skills aiming in OPs direction lol

1 day ago
Typical-Ad8052

Nah it was a 50 Cal

1 day ago
OutragedPineapple

More like a punt gun.

1 day ago
ZZoMBiEXIII

Dual wielded 4 bores with a punt gun on the truck bed.

1 day ago
RedGhost3568

God damn howitzer shell dodged.

12 hours ago
pgh9fan

Stormtroopers?

21 hours ago
Ok-Ad3906
NSFW 🔞

He had to dive behind a thicket of redwoods to dodge those, lol.

1 day ago
Toni_Rae20

You didn’t dump her out of the blue, she tried to skip 10 relationship levels and hit “move in with kids” after 8 months of casual dating. That’s not a breakup, that’s a plot twist you wisely exited.

22 hours ago
LushBlink

No kidding. That kind of pressure after saying she wanted to keep it casual is a huge red flag. OP definitely made the right call stepping away before it got even messier.

1 day ago
TheShrewMeansWell

I don’t know man… knocking up a 40+ year old single mother sounds like a lot of life excitement! You know that sex is gonna be absolutely wild, break your dick wild, and the drama after putting a bunch of in that oven would be out of this world crazy. 

OP should go for it!!

22 hours ago
RapidEngineering342

Dude dodge a tactical nuke.

1 day ago
WeAreLivinTheLife

Tactical nuke dodging is going to be my new go-to "miss me with that shit"

1 day ago
jacobesonex34

That wasn’t just a bullet that was a whole cannonball wrapped in red flags. Moving in with teens after 8 months of casual dating is wild. You made the right call, my dude

21 hours ago
QuietEvelynMoments

it’s wild how fast some ppl try to speedrun a whole life together like girl we ain’t even synced Netflix profiles yet 😭

22 hours ago
tgim48

Looking like Neo from The Matrix

22 hours ago
chiledog10

You mean a nuclear bomb. ☢️

23 hours ago
Kayos-theory

Seems like he shielded her daughters from a bullet!

16 hours ago
One_Weird2371

She does not seem like a good person or mother. 

10 hours ago
Tfuentexxx

Three bullets...

8 hours ago
EmpressClaraB

bro dodged a nuke

8 hours ago
abear61

Still NTAH.

Smart decision. Of course she was angry. She was banking on you being her gravy train.

You dodged a BIG one!!!!!

Updateme

1 day ago
AltF4Open

Yeah, when someone shifts from casual to ‘let’s move in with my kids’ that’s a huge change. Not outta the blue at all..

1 day ago
chila_chila

after only 8 months… and then the manipulation/ guilt trip at the end “you used me” 🤣🤣🥹. She was trying to use the OP. She really was on point with the DARVO.

22 hours ago
New_Hearing4693

Facts. She wasn't looking for a partner, she was looking for a paycheck. Bullet dodged. Enjoy that relief, king.

19 hours ago
softywhimsy

Don’t beat yourself up for feeling a lil bad, being decent doesn’t mean you gotta tolerate chaos. her being mad, you being wrong.

NTA

16 hours ago
Melophile_27

Sounds like she was looking for a man to pay her bills and play daddy, but doesn't want the commitment of a real relationship. You wanted to bang a hot chick casually, I'm not sure how you'd think that would end well, honestly. She's clearly not a good mother, if she operates like this.

1 day ago
Baby-cabbages

Women don't always get called out for being hobosexual the way men do. But moving 2 teen girls in with someone as un-vetted as an 8 month casual relationship? They're just collateral damage in her dating wake, aren't they?

1 day ago
gigicinnamons

Exactly. If the roles were reversed, people would be sounding every alarm. Her poor judgment put her kids in a risky situation, they deserve better than to be afterthoughts in her dating lifE.

1 day ago
TheShrewMeansWell

My wife spent some time as a clinical mental health therapist at a DV women’s and family shelter. She told me once after she left that most all of the CSA cases she encountered were perpetrated by the children’s mother’s casual boyfriends (i.e., shitty mothers choosing shitty partners and making shitty decisions to their children’s lifelong detriment) but especially the live-in boyfriends. 

Sad. 

22 hours ago
LostDogBoulderUtah

November 2005 issue of the journal Pediatrics.had a study of fatal child abuse which found that children living with their mother’s boyfriends were more than 45 times more likely to be killed than were children living with their married mother and father.

Casual partners should never have anything to do with your kids.

19 hours ago
FHTFBA

Makes sense, when a male lion takes over a pride he kills the cubs.

9 hours ago
BobbieMcFee

That makes me suspicious that the numbers are 1/1000000 Vs 45/10000000.

Just "45x" is meaningless without either the start or end number.

"The rate has doubled!" when the rate was essentially nothing to start with.

It's how politicians manage to mislead without actually telling lies.

14 hours ago
LostDogBoulderUtah

You might find this study interesting. Basically the research suggests that the abuse isn't necessarily *because* of the stepparent, but that the kind of family where the parents could not maintain a relationship but have already moved in new casual partners without any form of long term commitment or stability are where abuse is most likely to occur.

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8090814/

Basically, unstable homes are less able to protect children. Unstable homes are also more likely to have multiple adult romantic partners move in and out of the home, experience housing insecurity, poverty, etc.

Correlation does not equal causation, but they can be hard to separate.

9 hours ago
BobbieMcFee

Nice. I "always" try to ask if something was a because or an also.

Like selective schools don't need to have better teachers than others - they simply start with the sort of families who bother going to them. And that's enough!

9 hours ago
Diligent_Support_331

Yeah, i feel she is a total mess as a mother. I pity those girls.

1 day ago
ImaBitchCaroleBaskin

If you read his previous post, she was all on board for "casual" right up until she tried to move in.

1 day ago
OC6chick

She was on board for casual til she saw the beach view.

19 hours ago
PumpkinSpiceMayhem

There is nothing wrong with wanting a casual sexual relationship. There is EVERYTHING wrong with a person trying to shove their kids into a new household with a partner they swore up and down to they were only casual with

19 hours ago
CarolineTurpentine

I think it was likely more desperation. She agreed to casual thinking she could win him over or that he’d catch feelings.

22 hours ago
bug1402

She may just be having a hard time adjusting to being single. She may have honestly wanted casual at the beginning but saw he was a good dude or she missed having a full time partner and tried to move to fast.

She could also be a horrible person who doesn't care about her kids and latched onto someone she thought would take care of her.

Or somewhere in between.

11 hours ago
bluepanic21

Why doesn’t banging a hot chick end well ? So what

1 day ago
KittycatVuitton

When it ends with 18 years of child support payments.

1 day ago
No_Age_4267

it does not end well when you choose a 41 year old divorcee with two kids

1 day ago
Apprehensive_War9612

Well done.

It was not out of the blue- you never need a reason to end a relationship. But as you keep saying, this relationship was casual & you told her precisely why it would not work. Her judgment is trash. You should never move your children into a home with a man they do not know after 8 months. You may be a good guy, but a good mother would never take that sort of chance. Anything could happen to her girls.

I’m willing to bet she’s losing her place or has some financial difficulties happening & was looking for a way out. Or she is just crazy.

NTA

1 day ago
Agile-Top7548

I never moved my kids in woth another man after divorce. They are grown now. But no way after 8 months. And not with a guy they meant once and a step up from a hook up.

1 day ago
No_Age_4267

I disagree to an extent

yes OP was right to move on from her however he still chose a 40 yr old divorcee with two kids to be a casual partner in my opinion he saw easy prey and it became more than he bargained for

1 day ago
TangledUpPuppeteer

If she says she doesn’t want anything serious, then it’s not serious. It doesn’t matter if she has kids or was once married — single women with kids can want sex too.

The random rule changes coming from her was the issue. You don’t just spring mess like that on an other human, no matter what “good” reasons you think you have.

The type of relationship they had is a valid one. Trying to change all of the rules of their agreement in a short time frame with no previous warning or negotiation is a big, fat no.

1 day ago
Apprehensive_War9612

Don’t infantilize grown women. Divorced women over 40 don’t suddenly become gazelles with a broken leg stumbling across the Serengeti. Adult women with experience who have lived the life are not victims to be preyed upon.

She met a man and wanted a casual relationship. As was her right. The fact that she had two kids was irrelevant to what she said she was looking for. He did not come in and befriend her children to get close to her and promise her a lifelong commitment only to use her and throw her away. He listened to her and did exactly what she wanted him to do. with her full consent.

And now she’s changing what she wants. Which is fine. She gets to say that she’s at a different place in her life now, eight months later, and now she wants something serious. But he has the right to say “that’s not what I’m looking for.” She doesn’t automatically become a victim because he doesn’t want what she wants. He ended it, not strung her along. Divorced women with kids have the ability to have ownership over themselves and their bodies and their sexuality. That’s what equality means.

21 hours ago
No_Age_4267

You’re right that divorced women over 40 aren’t fragile prey, and no one’s saying they don’t have agency. But let’s not twist this into some perfect example of sexual equality in action. This wasn’t two emotionally aligned adults calmly executing a clean, casual arrangement. It was two people with very different expectations walking into something they both misread.

He wasn’t some saint just “doing what she asked.” He chose a woman with life experience, kids, and emotional history—then acted surprised when it got complicated. That’s not respectful—that’s shortsighted. And let’s be honest, he probably assumed she’d be easier to deal with, less likely to want more. That’s not equality—it’s convenience masked as openness.

But she’s not innocent either. Saying “I want something casual” doesn’t automatically make you immune to catching feelings. If she later wanted something deeper, that’s fine—but don’t spin it like she suddenly evolved while he stayed heartless. She wasn’t tricked. She made a choice too, and like him, may not have been fully honest with herself about what she really wanted from the start.

No one’s a predator or a victim here. They both played with fire thinking they’d stay cool. That’s not oppression, and it’s not nobility either—it’s just two adults thinking they could skip the emotional math, and getting hit with the bill later.

7 hours ago
Apprehensive_War9612

You’re the one who tried to make her victim. You’re the one who said he saw easy prey. I didn’t try to make him noble. I said that you should not try to infantilize a 40-year-old woman who entered into a casual sexual relationship just because she changed her mind.

3 hours ago
hey_its_only_me

You didn't dump her "out of the blue" though. Anyway, just be relieved it's over.

1 day ago
CuteGirlii

She wanted a bill payer not a partner, you wanted casual bad match. She’s not acting like a great mom either

1 day ago
ragweed

I bet her girls are relieved. Getting enmeshed in your parent's love life sucks.

21 hours ago
cachalker

Yeah, don’t feel bad. There are reasonable stages to getting to the “moving in with my two teenage daughters” and she tried to end run around most of them. You are not responsible for the dashing of her unrealistic hopes and expectations. That’s all on her.

1 day ago
Lisa_Knows_Best

She was absolutely planning on getting pregnant and trapping you. Instant family just add OP. Now all her bills are paid and you can take care of her while she plays SAHM. Don't feel guilty, her reaction is enough to know you made the right choice. 

1 day ago
Intelligent_State280

She is so mad at you, rushing to find a solution, because her rental lease was up.

I hope you find the one with whom you want to settle down with.

1 day ago
JustWowinCA

Trust your instincts. 8 months? She's looking for a sugar daddy to provide a stable house for her daughters. You dodged a bullet. NTA

1 day ago
hedwigflysagain

A good mother does not move her 2 teenage daughters in with a strange man after only 8 months of dating. That terrible idea. She was looking for a free ride.

1 day ago
LilPajamas

This happened to a doctor friend of mine in Florida- he moves his mortgage broker (who pre-qualified him if you know what I mean) into his house with her 3 teenagers and puts a ring on her finger after 4 months. Things went to hell rapidly and he filed for divorce - since the kids were all under 18 she got to live there for 18 months while the divorce was finalized. You dodged a bullet! 🚩🚩🚩

1 day ago
Tumor_with_eyes

NTA - She wanted casual and then changed her mind, you did not.

If you both don’t want the same things? Break up. Always.

1 day ago
DatguyMalcolm

Welp, there you go Bullet dodged. Mebbe stay away from women with kids next time, especially like this one. 8 months in, you barely met her kids and she was trynna move in? Naw

1 day ago
Charming-Command3965

NTAH. Dodged a nuclear missile

1 day ago
broadsharp

You definitely dodged a bullet.

1 day ago
AccomplishedDuck7816

She wanted to have your baby after 8 months.

1 day ago
Theunpolitical

Her reaction to the break-up showed her real maturity. I saw your original post and I'm so glad you dropped her fast. She would have done anything to cling on to you!

1 day ago
sb0212

You're 100% correct that it's super weird she was willing to bring her two teenage daughters into your home after casually dating. My comment has nothing to do with you as a person but I find that strange. You made the right mood because you don't want a woman who doesn't think straight for her children to become the mother of your child. I'm sorry to say but every parent should make sure the person they are dating is 100% safe to be around their children.

1 day ago
Lazy-Instruction-600

OP - you didn’t just dodge that bullet. You bobbed and weaved! 🥊

1 day ago
Obscura-apocrypha

You dodged a spacehulk.

1 day ago
Evening_Eagle425

NTA. You weren't the user in the equation, OP.

1 day ago
Gheerdan

Any woman who is ready to move kids of any age into a man's house that the kids barely know is a huge red flag. Where was she living before?

1 day ago
periwinkelle

Take note of the last time you had sex with her so that if she somehow finds a way to tell you she's pregnant, you can have an idea if she's fully bullshitting or not. And if that hypothetical pregnancy has a chance to be yours, get a DNA test before paying for anything or signing anything.

Good luck. Hopefully she's not that crazy.

1 day ago
No-Air-3401

She wanted casual for 8 months, which means she was keeping her options open in case someone with a nicer house and more money came along. After 8 months, she figured you were the best she was gonna get. And now she's pissed that you broke up with her. No reason to feel bad here.

23 hours ago
imherdpapley

If you fall for the regretful break-up sex, don't be surprised when she calls you and says she's pregnant

21 hours ago
bluepanic21

Wow trying to move in her two teenage daughters after 8 months is bad parenting. You did the right thing def not the asshole

1 day ago
CocoaAlmondsRock

I think you made a wise choice, my friend, and it sounds like your gut agrees.

1 day ago
Key-Canary-2513

Don’t feel bad, you’re NTA here. She’s playing it loose with her life and the life of her children. No bueno.

1 day ago
Complete_Gap_9798

NTA - You did the right thing for yourself and your peace.

1 day ago
simplyexistingnow

You didn't dump her out of the blue though.

1 day ago
Kooky-Situation3059

NTA Bullet? A cruise missle

1 day ago
TheGreenCabbage747

NTA, you definitely doged a bullet.

1 day ago
unzunzhepp

Seems like she was the one ready to use you.

1 day ago
angel9_writes

Oh, you definitely dodged a bullet.

1 day ago
Rand-Man

You dodged an ICBM! stay far, far away........

1 day ago
TheMaskedHamster

She's absolutely in the wrong for expecting you to change your priorities just because she wanted it.

But you're insane if you thought that someone with a family was going to continue perpetually as a casual thing.

1 day ago
Bitchinfussincussin

100% dodged a bullet. Gotta be careful mang.

Priorities of single parents are different

1 day ago
Vegetable-Fix-4702

Trust your intuition

1 day ago
Andromeda081

Glad to hear it OP. The comments about, uhhhh, basically wanting to go halves on a reckless midlife baby when you are childfree, the age gap, and the “I want to move my daughters in after 8mo” combined was all pointing to trouble. Not a good fit at all, and you honestly did not waste her time any more than she wasted her own trying to get knocked up with a CF guy.

1 day ago
GoopInThisBowlIsVile

She said that you were using her? Interesting coming from the lady with two teenage daughters that was trying to move in after eight months.

1 day ago
Puzzleheaded_Bet3455

Nta you did the right thing. She was scheming to take over ownership of your house while you still pay (like alleging you sa her kids).

1 day ago
TangledUpPuppeteer

There is literally NO evidence of this.

1 day ago
PumpLogger

You dodged a MOAB bud

1 day ago
wytherlanejazz

Too soon is too soon 🤷🏽

1 day ago
Platypus_Neither

She's a hobosexual who wanted live with you while banging other people (wanting to keep it casual). Good job ending things with her.

1 day ago
CheckTheOR

Bravo! We're all proud of you! 

Gorgeous and fun is all well and good but when things get ugly and conflict arises, that's when you see who she really is.

Good job for getting out when you did.

1 day ago
RNH213PDX

Wow! Hobosexuals are rarely seen in the wild with their off-spring.
NTA and you are pretty lucky this didn’t end worse for you!!!

23 hours ago
trm_observer

NTA. 8 months is quick but that doesn't bother me as much as moving two teenage daughters you only met in passing in.

23 hours ago
IrisSmartAss

She shouldn't have considered dropping that bomb on her teenaged daughters like that. That was a red flag. I wonder what prompted this as it just doesn't add up. I would suspect some ulterior motive, probably financial. She set that parameters of the relationship and then decided to abruptly change them. Probably dodged a bullet or she would have explained the sudden change.

23 hours ago
MotherNATEur

Ending it was the right thing. Casual and moving in together are two tooootally different things

22 hours ago
Darkelf_Bard

Don't feel bad. She didn't want casual, you did. She shouldn't have pushed you for more.

22 hours ago
CarryOk3080

You dodged a tommy gun full of bullets. Good job!

22 hours ago
Particular_Sock_2864

That's like a happy ending for you in your own life at the moment. So NTA still. 

Of course it sucks when you thought/think she was gorgeous and fun and you feel like a bad guy. But you weren't. She tried to skip so many steps, it would have been such a risk. 

Good think you weren't baby trapped as well. 

And don't be too sad, she showed you another side. Didn't get what she wants, got pissed, made you feel like the bad guy without looking at her own actions and responsibilities. Even told you that you used her which is nonsense cause you both seemed to agree it was casual. No man, you have every right to feel relieved. 

Better luck in the future. 

18 hours ago
Honourstly

Hey look you were honest with her and ended it. No point sticking around if your priorities are different.

15 hours ago
DrBadFish420

She was looking for a wallet to support her and her daughters. Good dodge.

13 hours ago
boykisser-hisuke

NTA when women tell me they have kids i instantly block. I ain't playing daddy because some random hoe let a loser cum inside.

1 day ago
youcanrunnaked

You didn’t break up with her. You vetoed playing house with her after only 8 months of dating. You told her it was too much, too soon. You didn’t say “never.” It only became “never” when she showed her true (psycho) colors. You dodged a bullet. It’s okay to feel bad about the loss, but it’s also okay to move on.

9 hours ago
Squirt-Reynoldz

Her kids? Run for the hills!

1 day ago
Familiar_Cheetah4792

My partner told me of encountering a woman who said one evening, their third or fourth time together, "Well, do you feel like living dangerously?"

"So what did you do?" I asked.

He said, "Actually, I got out of bed, got dressed, and went home." He really was scared of the casual way she put it.

1 day ago
cocopuff7603

You dodged a bullet but wait she will try & get in touch with you and say she’s pregnant and if you fall for that she will eventually pull the miscarriage card. Be aware!

1 day ago
Illustrious_Gas_5166

The gorgeous ones are usually the most looney. You dodged a bullet. Sounds like she was 100% betting on you going for it and using you for your home. People do stuff like that every day.

1 day ago
Altruistic-Ad-3380

RUN!

1 day ago
OblivionJunkie

Good choice. Nta

1 day ago
pixie-ann

Wise move.

1 day ago
scotswaehey

Updateme

1 day ago
lemonhader

How’d you dump her? Wasn’t it just casual?

1 day ago
Vethetrucker

NTA!

1 day ago
judgynatin

NTA - it’s either she doesn’t know what casual dating means or she is setting you up and hoping that you’re going to financially support her and her teenage daughters. You dodge a bullet and good thing you didn’t get her pregnant. Better block her on all your social media accounts as well. You’ll never know if she’s crazy and stalks you, your family and friends on social media. Next time if you only want to date casually, then avoid women with kids. They will eventually want to have a serious relationship

1 day ago
LucyGoosey61

1 man 3 women. Yea. You dodged the silver bullet with that one. She though you was gonna be her sugar daddy.

1 day ago
estrellaente

Yes, you dodged a nuclear missile, rejoice in this, and seeing how they treat stepparents, even more, live your life to the fullest oP!

1 day ago
Stock_Strategy_6744

Definitely dodged one. She wanted to keepnit casual (meaningnthat she had other options) until her situation changed. You were here 'backup plan'. But you thwarted that.

23 hours ago
NOLACenturion

You got it

23 hours ago
Electronic_Option891

Good you dodged the bullet.

22 hours ago
JVEMets

Seems like she had an anterior motive for her sudden change of heart regarding the status of your relationship. You were smart to hit the brakes.

22 hours ago
Professional-Talk376

Good for you!! Drop the guilt. You got insight and saw through her manipulations and ended it. She's in a vulnerable state from her divorce and not thinking clearly, also probably a hobosexual. You did the right thing now go celebrate

20 hours ago
tonytown

I hate to say this, but She's spent the last 8 months casting about for better fish. She's come up empty and is, In her mind, settling and saw an easy mark in you. She's not worth worrying about anymore. Block and forget.

I'm not wanting to insult you, but want to point out her poor character. I'm sure you're a hell of a catch!

20 hours ago
Sweaty_Painting_8356

I got no problem with single moms. But I have a huge problem with bad moms. Wanting to move her children in with a complete stranger is not something a good parent does. At 8 months you should just be starting to get to know the kids, not becoming their instant stepdad. Yikes.

20 hours ago
PumpkinSpiceMayhem

NTA HOW could anyone move their kids in with a guy she knew for less than a YEAR? Obviously you aren’t the bad guy here but she’s opening her own children up to all sorts of danger being THIS stupid.

19 hours ago
Scorpion2000x777

She couldnt find anything better, so now is settling for you after all

19 hours ago
dante0111

she wanted more from the start-ut told you what you wanted to hear, and hoped that if she hung out long enough you would change your mind-or she got pregnant-and she would eventually be living there with her kids.

that comment she made about her living there with her kids was a calculated risk-and it failed, massively failed!

19 hours ago
cofrade86

You did the right thing. Something similar happened to me, they introduced me to a woman with whom the relationship was not bad. Soon I found out that he had 4 children and his intention was to come with me so that I could cover all the expenses. As soon as I confronted her, she played the victim, denying that she is hiding everything from me. So don't feel bad, you have escaped from a situation where you would have come out badly.

19 hours ago
weberobots123

Wheres the Keanu in The Matrix GIF

18 hours ago
DecoratedDeerSkull

Listen. You dont actually need a reason to break up with someone. Just not feeling the spark is reason enough. You also dont owe someone a reason.

And you dodged a bullet.

17 hours ago
Suspicious_Hope_2308

Great move. Saved yourself a lot of future pain. I have teenagers and it's tough. Amazing at times but tough also.

17 hours ago
Extraspicygirl

you moved fast, take it slow

17 hours ago
LDA668

Sounds like her lease was about to be up and the landlord is wanting to raise the rent.

15 hours ago
Ivan_Rd

Sounds like someone I know

15 hours ago
JakeDC

No good could come from you having two teenage girls you barely know in your house. Plus all of the other problems. NTA.

13 hours ago
Turbulent-Lab-4980

Never stick your dick in crazy, even if she is gorgeous and fun. Females have ways to get impregnated, so better stay away from such women.

Of course NTA!

13 hours ago
CombinationQuick2768

P

12 hours ago
brightspirit12

NTA. Anyone who wants to skip over the stages of any relationship and move in with several other people is a huge red flag. What else will she want to skip over and have you accommodate?

Providing shelter, food, transportation, clothes, etc., and whatever else for several people while they remain "casual" and at a distance - this is real life phishing in real time.

12 hours ago
RefrigeratorRare4463

I honestly see you feeling that 8 months was too soon, especially after the relationship being intended as casual is kind of a green flag. Particularly for those girls, like they are teenagers whose parents just got divorced and their mom wants to move them in with her casual boyfriend? There are so many posts on here about people rushing relationships when kids are involved and the kids almost always get the short end of the stick.

11 hours ago
AccomplishedDuty2479

You said it yourself. She’s fun and gorgeous. You didn’t express any loving feelings at all. No way should you cohabitate just because someone is fun and cute. When you find the right one you’ll know it. Big Nope to this lady.

11 hours ago
DaddyGoddess24

Bullet dodged

11 hours ago
Opening_Honey_5236

Moving in with two teenage girls after barely knowing them is too much. I didn’t read your post but clearly she was the one trying to use you for a place for her and her daughters to stay when she told you your relationship was casual.

10 hours ago
jellydrizzle

NTAH, but i feel so bad for the kids. That's so potentially dangerous? I hope she doesn't rush to move in with the next guy. You never know what someone's like, and the fact that you barely know the kids is crazy too

10 hours ago
TheeLifestyleQueen21

Glad you didn't shoot any bullets while dodging the bullet. If she had tricked you into a surprise pregnancy you'd be stuck. Casual is casual. Moving in together is not casual. It's a statement.

10 hours ago
ernoselsun

Most mature relationships are about saving money on housing

10 hours ago
DJShepherd

NTA. Thats wild for her to even ask! She must be getting kicked out of her place or something. Thats kind of a desperate move when you’re not even serious and she has kids that you don’t even know!

10 hours ago
Danube_Kitty

What kind of mother would move herself in with a guy 1 after 8 months 2 of causal dating 3 with kids 4 especially if guy has said he is not fan of kids in general ???

What is wrong with that woman?

10 hours ago
Riker_Omega_Three

Yeah so she essentially lied to you and attempted to get you to financially support her and her kids

Please don't let this prevent you from giving other single mothers a chance...but at the same time, keep your guard up

You just saw first hand that some single parents will absolutely tell potential partners whatever they want to hear just so they can get some help....so make sure you do your due diligence in the future

8 hours ago
cyclebreaker1977

Sounds like she wanted someone to take care of her now that the divorce is done. There are women who will intentionally get into relationships so they’ll have that man take in daddy role, who are rarely single and jump into relationships. It sounds like you definitely dodged a big bullet there and she would have tried to get pregnant “unintentionally” if you were to have stayed with her. Be weary of any calls in the future that she “accidentally” got pregnant.

8 hours ago
Wild_Billy_61

That's rich. She tries to use you by wanting to move into your home, then tells you that you were using her. You most certainly dodged a bullet or three.

8 hours ago
kindofanasshole17

Nah, you didn't use her, she's just pissed that her plan to use you to subsidize the living expenses of her and her kids didn't work out.

8 hours ago
Different_Guess_5407

NTA - bullets nicely dodged.

7 hours ago
LiveLongerAndWin

Observationally, there's way too many men and women pushing for cohabitation way too soon. The money savings is usually mentioned as a bonus. And the basis is we're already together x days a week. I can't count the various disasters I seen in recent years. And a huge part is no one seems to be able to afford getting their own place again as soon as things are obviously going south. And then they're stuck and things get really ugly. I think you made a really clean decision. I would never have considered moving teenagers in with a boyfriend of less than a year. Let alone one they don't really know. The fella I dated when they were teenagers, I only dated every two weeks when they were gone. And that was over a year. When we were engaged at year three, they were all well acquainted and comfortable. And then we bought a new house together to fit everyone.

7 hours ago
Mysterious_Cupcake75

That was a set up. Run away from people like that.

7 hours ago
Free-Stranger1142

Her reaction should tell you all you need to know about her character.

7 hours ago
kmp212

You didn’t just dodge a bullet you dodged a grenade.

7 hours ago
aStankChitlin

NTA and don’t feel bad. You avoided a headache.

6 hours ago
Traditional_Fan_2655

You wanted a hookup. She wanted a provider. Time to move on.

5 hours ago
ObligationNo2288

NTA. Never give your peace up for anyone.

4 hours ago
CompetitiveLow4279

She would have been hard to move out too…good for you and your decision

3 hours ago
LilBoo2019TR

I would take a huge sigh of relief and keep it moving. Next time notice the red flags and dont ignore them. She wasn't blindsided and you shouldn't feel like you did something wrong.

2 hours ago
Much_Classic_2959

No. A whole lot presumptuous on her part.

2 hours ago
Maggienanimous-

You definitely sound like an asshole.

3 hours ago
LadysaurousRex

It is sad because she will likely find someone else and it may not work out so well for her daughters.

23 hours ago
Apprehensive_War9612

Updateme

1 day ago
FHTFBA

She tried to transition you from alpha fucks to beta bucks.

8 hours ago
Dana07620

You used each other. It was a casual relationship for sex.

Stop fucking people with children.

20 hours ago
AyanaJehan

You definitely wasted her time dude. Scumbag move. Don't date anyone with kids.

1 day ago
sheilaxlive

How did he waste her time where she also wanted a casual relationship until now?

1 day ago
AyanaJehan

Because casual relationships many times evolve into actual ones. If he wanted nothing to do with kids. He shouldn't date someone with kids. He wasted her time

1 day ago
Sebscreen

And if she wanted a daddy for her kids, she should never have sought a casual relationship and not communicate her intentions from the start.

23 hours ago
AyanaJehan

Who said she wanted a dad for her kids? She 2ant3d a partner who is smart enough to know she comes with kids. Which he and you obviously aren't.

23 hours ago
Sebscreen

If that's true, she has utterly failed as a parent and as someone in her 40s by being such a bad judge of character and such a terrible communicator that she spent 8 months with someone who has such different expectations.

Not to mention that she can't even provide basic shelter for her kids without asking her hook up for a favour.

23 hours ago
AyanaJehan

She said simply there is a better school where he is at not that she can't provide shelter tf? Learn to read before projecting all of that

23 hours ago
Sebscreen

How about people who choose to have kids afford their own damn place close to the "better school" instead of prostituting themselves for housing?

23 hours ago
AyanaJehan

Who said she was prostituting herself? Again. An awful lot of moronic projecting. On your part buddy. You sound like you stopped mentally maturing around 4th grade

23 hours ago
Sebscreen

You want to talk about projection when it's obvious you relate very deeply to this failure of a parent, yet are so utterly useless and powerless to even offer words of encouragement to her?

Your use of the term "grade" to describe school years implies you're American. How is your language and punctuation that abysmal if you live in an English speaking country? I see why you relate so much to this loser mum, you're a terrible communicator as well.

23 hours ago
sheilaxlive

The the same can be applied with her. If she has kids she shouldn’t be having casual relationships and look for something more serious from the get go. Not all casual relationships develop into something else. She did this to herself.

18 hours ago
AyanaJehan

Except no? Are parents supposed to be alone forever? Tf is wrong with you jackasses supporting his scumbag behaviors? And no she did not. He did this. Hold everyone else accountable BUT the man as USUAL

13 hours ago
sheilaxlive

You are infantilizing this woman way to much. Both agreed it was a casual relationship, she’s allowed to change her mind, but so is OP. No one is entitled to a relationship. I still don’t see how she is a victim in any of this. Some relationships just don’t work

12 hours ago
AyanaJehan

So you are absolving him of any and all responsibility shocker while nobody is entitled to a relationship she still had the expectation of one and if he doesn't want to be with somebody who has kids he shouldn't date somebody who has kids stop deferring

12 hours ago
sheilaxlive

And if she wants a daddy she shouldn’t be looking for casual relationships. A casual relationship means no commitment, too bad she wasn’t brave enough to say what she really wanted from the beginning.

11 hours ago
Sebscreen

if he doesn't want to be with somebody who has kids he shouldn't date somebody who has kids 

What a stupid and dehumanising mindset towards the single mum. You would no doubt be the loudest and most obnoxious voice advocating for women not to be defined by their motherhood and that single mums can lead a lifestyle of casual sex and empty hookups if they want.

So why is it that you are advocating for her partners to ignore her agency and her literal words that she "only wanted something casual and fun" and instead think they know better than her, that a woman can't help but eventually be controlled by her maternal instincts, and that she'll ultimately only be looking for a partner to engage with her children?

Is that what you want? For men to outright ignore the words out of a woman's mouth and just assume she's actually defined by stereotypical feminine priorities like her kids, securing a serious commitment, and pursuing financial security.

11 hours ago
AyanaJehan

What I want? Is for people to be held accountable for their actions if he didn't want to be with somebody with the kids he shouldn't date somebody who has kids it really is that fucking simple this is actually on him he knew he didn't want to be with somebody who had kids and yet wasted her time what the fuck is it with you idiots and not holding these people accountable for their actions?

11 hours ago
Sebscreen

he didn't want to be with somebody with the kids he shouldn't date somebody who has kids

Yes or no? Single mums should be allowed to want and have casual sex without their partners assuming her kids will enter the picture at some point and rejecting her for it?

You seem incapable of grasping that the infraction here is that this particular woman LIED about only wanting something casual. And you are repeatedly arguing with a half dozen people far smarter than you and who actually read the posts: they say this particular woman should suffer the consequences of her lie, and you say that she shouldn't because people should know that all women are lying.

The most pathetic part about it is that you legitimately don't even realise that your ridiculous point of view is painting women in a far worse light and advocating for them to be disbelieved on a wide scale. You genuinely think you are advocating for women. Really really pathetic.

11 hours ago
MadM00NIE

💯

1 day ago
Diligent_Support_331

In y our original post you wrote that you were casual, now you are calling her a GF. I feel, you are confused. You did the right thing, but i also feel you are dumb, and follow your genitalia more than your brains. Next time clarify things with a woman and i suggest you stop getting together with women who have kids or are in the process of divorce. And if you guys both knew it was casual, then no, u didn't use her, and she didn't use u.

1 day ago
Life_Detail4117

You can have a girlfriend that’s casual as a relationship. Basically a friend with benefits.

23 hours ago
CheesecakePitiful714

All beautiful women come with a cost. Buy the best you can afford. Question, is she pretty enough to be worth it. If you two have kids, you have built in babysitting.

19 hours ago
Love-Laugh-Play

How are you expecting to casually date someone with a kid for 8 months? Surely you could’ve met the kid and planned the move in after.

1 day ago
Creative-Ad-1363

Sounds like she needed financial help and wasn't upfront about it. It doesn't mean she's a horrible person, maybe just embarrassed.

1 day ago
Penectomie

And she’s no longer gorgeous? SMH. Men.

1 day ago
selkiesart

You can be gorgeous and entitled at the same time. He can find her gorgeous but still think that this is not going to work out.

1 day ago
CreatineAddiction

Thats what you took out of this story? Classic woman.

1 day ago
[deleted]

[removed]

1 day ago