I (45f) am also a plus-size woman so obviously my husband (44m) has a type. I discovered he's having an affair with this plus-size woman (49f). I was venting to both my sister (42f) and my best friend (44f). They're both thin women. My best friend had my back. A few days later, my sister said it was a bit hypocritical for me to talk about any woman like that. She asked me if I would be disappointed if my daughter (19f) were to talk about any woman like that. My sister also asked what if someone talked about my daughter like that. In most situations, I would agree that fat shaming is 100 % wrong. But this woman is screwing my husband and I'm insulting her behind her back. Am I the asshole ?
A small update: I did read many comments, and I do agree that everyone sucks here. Before making this post, I had already decided that I was leaving my husband. I will try to stop body shaming my husband's affair partner. For one thing, it doesn't really make any sense because he had told me many times before that he likes my body type. The affair partner and I look like we could be sisters, so it's clearly more than physical reasons he chose her.
I wasn't expecting messages from men, especially given my post, which showed the worst of me. Thank you to the few I replied to for your validation.
I will try to be the better person and not sink down to my husband's level.
you should be shaming your husband
She should be shaming both of them cause they both suck.
Only if the other woman knows he’s married
It is not fair to blame the other woman IF she didn’t know he was married or involved with someone else. To a minor degree, the other woman owes no loyalty to her even if she did know (in which case it makes her an immoral slime bag).
Including the fact if the AP did know he was married, the husband likely lied about his wife. She's horrible, we're separated already and going to divorce, etc...
From everyone I know who ended up in this situation they dated and fell in love first, then found out the person was married. Then came the lies. Obviously best to then just leave, but I can see how it can happen to someone without them being the monster. The cheating spouse is always at fault.
Exavtly!! The husband’s the one who made vows and chose to break them. She’s hurt and lashing out sure, but the real issue is him, not just who he cheated with.
Your fat shaming is not your problem, tolerating your husband cheating is far more a problem. Cheating is a deal breaker for me. I would be at the divorce attorney.
She didn’t say she’s not divorcing him, she just said she was venting because she just found out. Could be she has not had a chance to take any action yet or is taking action and just didn’t say anything about it in the post because it’s not the question at hand.
It Is she should be taking it out on her husband if anyone
I’m sure there’s plenty of vitriol to go around
When you're in the mud you may as well splash. You've got bigger problems right now. NTA
I see what you did there...
Exactly, when you're already knee-deep in it, might as well make some waves. You've got more important things to focus on. Definitely NTA.
I like how this is the exact same comment just rephrased lol
lol bets and gloves are off when they’re shaggin your husband IMO. He’s a fat c*nt too.
yeah... honestly sometimes u gotta be able to be an asshole with your friends when someone does you wrong. OP is grieving in a way, and anger is a part of that. process it in a safe space. all these friends did was basically call OP fat, that would piss me off.
like... reverse it and say OP and this other girl are both plastic surgery skinny barbies with massive tits who both dress to show them off - she would not get the same response being like "who does this bimbo sl*t think she is" ...
personally, i'd probably join in on picking everything about her apart if my friend came to me like that. who the fuck is this fat, ugly, useless homewrecker anyway lemme see her socials i bet they're cringe. bet she eats off of others plates too since she doesn't know how to keep her hands on what's hers
NTA but yeah husbands gotta go too
Amen brother
Just make sure you point like 99% of that hate towards your husband. He's the problem, not the person he slept with
NTA - you’re allowed to vent. But really most of your anger should be directed to your husband. He’s the one that’s betrayed you.
Yup. She really should be venting about his tiny dick and how she doesn't know why any woman would want to sleep him a second time because he doesn't know what he is doing either. Like... you f*ck another woman, i am telling all your secrets. Everybody gonna know allllll your shortcomings, especially in the bedroom. I'll tell all your coworkers, friends, and yo mama
Yup. I'm about to blow up my relationship over an emotional affair, and I'm going off like a dirty bomb: everyone's gonna know it all. Fuck that guy.
I'm behind the wheel of the Woman Scorned bus heading straight to Hell to show the devil what fury looks like.
You coming?
I am not on the bus, but I have gas money and bail money when you need it.
You do realize op would also be insulting herself with this?
"I don't even know how he could get someone to sleep with him"
"Well, you do it, so..."
Apparently she was also insulting herself with the fat shaming comments if they’re the same body type?
People in glass houses shouldn't throw cake.
Take my damn upvote. Vicious mockery at it's finest and I have a weakness for it. I'm going to hell for snort laughing at this. 😂
If he’s anything like my ex, what’s in his pants might be the only thing worth staying in the relationship for, and they make better toys than that anyway.
LOL "Don't hate on the affair partner about something she can control, hate on the husband over something he can't control" is stupid. She should be hating on him because he cheated on her, which is something only the most awful of people even do.
You can absolutely hate on the affair partner if she knows he's married. If she didn't know then I agree.
You can, but sometimes people focus on the AP, because it's easier than dealing with the betrayal of someone that you love. If you can make it more the APs fault in your mind, it's easier to justify forgiving your partner. At the end of the day only one of them actually owed you their loyalty.
This! Plus for all OP knows, he lied and said he's separated, getting a divorce, in an open marriage, etc etc
If he'll lie to his wife, he'll like the AP to get in her pants...
OP said in a comment she knows they are married.
I knew a guy who used to tell girls “my girlfriend and I are in an open relationship.” He justified it to other people saying “I’m not lying to them, it is an open relationship, she just doesn’t know it’s open and it’s only open for me.”
Most cheaters, especially those who are having full blown affairs, are fucking scum and will do and say anything to anyone to have their cake and eat it too.
Yup. I knew a guy once that openly admitted he asked his situationship for exclusivity, but failed to tell that it was for her to be exclusive but not him. He also neglected to tell her that exclusive or not she wasn't his gf ...
He had at least 3 women he was sleeping with at the same time, and felt completely justified ... When two of them figure it out, he told them he was poly and it was a valid sexual orientation (uh no it's a lifestyle) ... He was pissed when they dumped him 🙄 such an idiot
(I knew him thru my ex husband - he was a total tool but he was part of their friend group from Kindergarten, so they all tolerated him 🤢)
I get it, but sinking to that level and fat shaming someone (plus making fun of their age and skin) just makes OP look insecure and ridiculous. Reality: he had vows and he cheated. If he didn't want to cheat, it wouldn't have mattered what the AP did, because no cheating would have occured. Full stop. Husband, who knew the agreed upon terms of his marriage, made the active decision to violate those terms and cheat.
Is the AP right or justified? No - it's sleezy as fuck to go after a married person, BUT if the husband didn't want to cheat - nothing would have happened. So its back on him. He made the vows. Being angry at her just takes away anger and responsibility from his actions.
AP being aware that he was married (we still don't know if he lied about the terms of his marriage) certainly doesnt paint her in the best light, but putting the responsibility on her for the affair to not happen is akin to making a woman cover her body, hair, face, whatever so she doesn't "temp" men ... Making women responsible for mens actions is misogynistic and toxic
Happy cake day!
Yeah, for all you know that lady could have been clueless to your existence…
How about you insult the real asshole here, your husband?
What did you say about the woman?
…. You realize that’s literally not the problem here right…
Would you feel better if she was thin, with a nice body?
Great point -- most likely OP would be exponentially angrier.
I’m sure no matter what the other woman looked like she would have found something to say about it. She should redirect that anger at her loser of a husband.
Your priorities are all wrong wtf
HE is cheating on you.
And it's perfectly acceptable to also be really mad at her also.
You know how often men take off their ring and lie?
OP stated that the woman knew he was married.
It's either wrong or it isn't. You don't think it's wrong, it just hurts your feelings when it happens to you and you don't want to do anything about it.
Personally - I don’t love those insults and making fun of someone for weight or skin or age regardless of reasons is gross. I’m not saying I don’t get it, but I do not like it.
Is it your biggest problem right now? No not really. But if your own sister called you out on it, I wonder how far you pushed those insults.
During a girlfriend’s divorce she called her (now ex) husband every name you could think of and several of them were related to his possible sexuality. Was he the worst and needed to divorce? Yes absolutely. But focusing on that he may be gay and using derogatory language for it was … not great.
True…now I’m curious what OP actually said.
Talking about the affair partner’s weight is just you trying to make yourself feel better, which just shows that you think plus size or fat = bad. Sucks you were cheated on but there’s a lot more you could be venting about and focusing on without talking about someone’s body.
Yes, don’t internalise that sort of self-degradation
This 100%! Take my poor woman's award🏆
This comment should be way fucking higher lol
Thanks! It’s amazing that people don’t realize their first reactions and thoughts often reveal ugly truths about them.
Mm this comment should be higher
generally speaking, make fun of people for the shitty thing they did, not things they can't help about themselves.
Fat shaming or any slurring is a problem because of the collateral damage. You hit your target, but you then also support the stigma and remind others with that characteristic that they are an "other" and "less than". It's better to focus on the actual problem.
I agree. The actual problem is not what the other woman looks like. It’s that her husband cheated. Op is TA. It is explicable why she would say mean things due to being mad, but she is still TA for doing so. Anger does not render fat shaming acceptable. Similar to how just because you’re mad it doesn’t mean you wouldn’t be TA for making derogatory comments about someone’s race.
Someone’s weight is often not within their control. It would be fine for OP to call the other woman a mean lying bitch because she chose to sleep with someone she knew was married. She had complete control over doing that.
This. It's reinforcing a "fat = ugly" mentality, which is used against any plus-size person, including you, including your daughter. I don't blame you for being upset and saying things that aren't super on the up-and-up, but don't throw out an insult that also puts yourself and others down. Focus on the guy, he's the AH here.
Fat shaming while not wanting to be fat shamed. Yes, YTA.
Right, if the affair partner was black would she get an n-word pass too? Because obviously if they cheat all bets are off and you get to do or say whatever you like about them.
She really did not pass this test with any grace or dignity still intact.
YTA. instead of insulting and fat shaming the woman, you should target your cheating husband. it's not an accident that he screws her, he wanted this.
YTA. She doesn’t hear you. However other women do. Your daughter might. Her fat isn’t the issue.
Also, attacking her on looks/body is just low hanging fruit. You can do better.
Your husband likes plump women and you're upset that your husband likes plum women....besides you. Bet she isn't ugly though. Your husband owes you fidelity, take your issues up with him.
That part.
It's understandable, but also, your sister is right to call you on it. Now you can do better and shame her for being a disgusting human being instead of for her body.
It’s valid for other people to express discomfort with how you’re referring to someone else’s body regardless of what the surrounding moral situation is or what beefs you might have with the non-present party.
Your relationship obligations here are to your sister and your best friend. Did you make your sister uncomfortable? Yes. Your duty in your relationship with your sister is to listen to how she feels (and to share how you feel too). Was it valid for you to vent? Also yes, but that doesn’t mean you should make your sister feel like you’re going to ignore how she feels about this going forward. Make sure she feels heard, learn the new fact that body shaming is a sensitive topic for her, and move forward together.
Why are you mad at her tho?
She didn’t wait for you as you walked down the aisle, and didn’t vow to love and cherish you. She never built a life with you, etc.
He did. Know your enemy.
this 💯
i mean shame him for putting his dick in someone else. its a reflection of how you feel about yourself and that he chose someone else and that hurts
It’s petty, focus on the facts about the affair. He’s the one who’s cheating no her. Forget her and go after your husband.
“But this woman is screwing my husband”. Oh boy. Lady, you do realize that if it weren’t for your husband entertaining this woman and pursuing her she wouldn’t be sleeping with him, right?
If you don't mind being fat shamed NTA... If you do mind YTA... She's not betraying you... HE is...
Fat shouldn’t be used as an insult. Full stop. But youre not an AH for being mad, and I don’t think venting privately makes you a full blown asshole, either. i do think you should probably do some internal work to work on that not being a go to insult when you’re mad at someone, though. Next time call her an unfunny see you next tuesday that even a golden retriever would hate or something. Oh- and drop the loser husband. NTA.
Ugh, so what about your husband? He's cheating on you, not the other woman. Does it make you feel better to tear her down? Sounds like you're just insecure and rightfully so but still not justified. You're going after the wrong person. YTA.
I agree with this. Especially since she has a daughter and if she’s mouthing these things around her daughter, she’s raising her to think it’s okay to do. Set a good example and never lower yourself to your husband’s or her standards. Be the bigger person, use that energy on your own self success instead of anger on anyone else.
If she knew and was apart of it or not, she most likely will lose your husband the same way she found him. He’s the cheater.
The best revenge is to do better without him.
I mean technically its shitty but so if she knew she was fucking someone who was taken then its an eh thing. If she didn't know he was taken then honestly I wouldnt throw her any shade because that would 100% be on him.
You’re the AH for body shaming. Your husband is the AH for cheating. And if the other woman knew about you? She’s the AH for knowing about you and still getting with him. But it was a low blow to body shame, especially considering you yourself would be offended if someone body shamed you
YTA during that one very specific moment when your hurt and anger led you to say something you probably wouldn’t endorse otherwise. She is shitty for being an affair partner, not because she is fat. You have plenty to work with without falling into the trope of fatness being a moral fault that someone should feel shame about.
In the situation as a whole, NTA of course.
2 wrongs don't make a right. That's enough to answer your question.
But for clarity, yes, you are. As an overweight person, you shouldn't be fat shaming no matter what.
NTA for everything else, you have every right to be pissed and upset.
NTA You were venting privately. It’s not like you are going on a crusade. Best friend gets it. Your sister is acting holier than thou and focusing on the wrong shit.
Betrayal brings out the worst. But body-shaming just feels like punching below the belt…It shifts the focus from what he did to how someone looks, which isn’t really the issue. You can be angry and hurt without dragging someone’s body into it.
I mean if that was their only takeaway from the situation they have problems
She didn't marry you and take vows to be loyal your bum ass husband did. Direct your anger towards him
Does she KNOW she’s screwing your husband??? While you have the right to vent I would be more angry at my husband
Edit: read the thread before replying to me. I never said she couldn’t be angry at the lady got damn yall are annoying as hell
She knows he's married to me.
Out of curiosity, how do you know that she knows?
Did your husband also know he was married to you?
Then fuck her. Can’t stand a homewrecker
Or don’t fuck her. Let’s not turn this into more of a mess with a ménage a trois
🤣🤣🤣🤣
You guys are more mad at her than the husband thats insane, and this is coming from a husband
You might want to put that in your post. That is important context.
You should be mad at your husband- he's the one who made promises to you.
While she's not an integrity and morality example- she didn't give you any promises, nor she's betraying your trust.
YTA !
My husband is a lying POS and I take that opportunity to belittle another woman who was likely lied to and manipulated…you are gaslit SO bad, you are damn blind. Therapy. Pronto.
Um….who cares? Sorry about your husband girl. Maybe focus on that and making him your ex-husband instead of worrying about the implications of the way you spoke about the other woman in private conversations with your support system. What an odd thing for your sister to pick out, right?
I’ll say NTA though. I don’t want to be held accountable for the shit I’ve said to my sister in my angry/venting moments. Fuck your husband, first and foremost, fuck that cheating bastard. But allow me to join you in also saying…fuck that fat bitch too.
This is genuinely the dumbest shit I’ve ever read.
In that case, everything you’re saying about her applies to you. Be mad your husband is cheating and blah blah blah, but fatshaming a fat person when you yourself are fat is so… childish.
It’s just as dumb as Black men who hate Black women. Or Black women who make fun of other Black women. Or short men who shit on short men. Or women who are misogynistic to other women.
Embarrassing on your part, YTA.
Why do people attack the other person instead of the one that cheated on them?
YTA for fat shaming, you're also a hypocrite. Every bad thing you said about her, in relation to her weight, is an insult to your own self.
You could shame her for fucking your husband (if she knew he was married). Moreover, you could shame the person who has actually done you wrong. Your husband.
This whole post is a mess.
erm did she know he was married? why're you seemingly more mad at her than the man who made vows to be loyal to you LOL address that first
Soo rather than viewing your husband as the problem.. you just think the woman was at fault like he didn't lie about being with you or anything? I think you still have things to figure out..
You should focus on the real problem. Your husband, cheating on you.
Why are you shaming the woman and not your husband? And why shame her for being fat and not a home wrecker?
The fat shaming is the least of the problems here. If she’s still screwing him I hope he isn’t your husband for much longer
He cheating on you and your own sister is worried you called the affair partner fat? I bet you could have said a whole lot worse than what tbh.
Is he going to be your ex? Nta but your stbx husband should be facing most of your anger’s
He will be my ex
AH, You should be mad at your husband and not the other woman. Of course, she has her role to play in it but your husband is the one who cheated on you. Insulting her isn’t going to make you feel better about being cheated on.
Find something else to shame her for
Why aren’t you mad at him?
ESH. You for fat shaming anyone, especially if you say you are plus-sized yourself, your husband for cheating (leave him!), and the affair partner for sleeping with a married man. There must be a lot of other, non fat shaming things you can say about her.
I agree It can't be good for your own sanity right after being cheated on to start talking bad about fat people if you yourself are plus sized. If you end up internalizing the shit you say you just end up hurting more. I'd also add that her friends also kinda suck for chiding their seriously hurting and betrayed friend. I frankly agree that fat shaming is wrong even in this instance, but maybe bring that up at a later time when there's a chance your friend is feeling more stable??
Divorce time
It's the labels that fit so many for various reasons. You put them in the universe so you can't shed them. Use negative language that is applicable to home wreckers, not body sizes.
So... you're just overall okay with your cheating husband?
Your husband is the asshole, and you have a right to be angry, but I agree with your sister that fat shaming is not an appropriate way to express your anger.
I don't know the situation and whether the woman was even aware that your husband is married and monogamous or if he lied to her to bypass her moral compass. If he lied, then she doesn't deserve anger, she deserves pity. But first and foremost, your husband should be the recipient of most of the anger. Be angry at him for being a lying, cheating asshole and for blowing up your lives together just to chase some ass. Please don't bring anyone's weight into it.
Your husband's affair partner's weight is the least important item on a very long list of things you need to be focused on right now. It does provide an interesting insight into your own insecurities, but beyond that, that woman and everything about her are a waste of your mental energy.
Whether you chose to stay in your marriage or end it, your old life is gone and you need to piece together a new one. You need to protect yourself and any children involved while doing that. Venting to your support system now and then is healthy, but keep your focus on the real work you need to do.
Yes
Ummmm….. “…but this woman is screwing my husband”. Your husband is just as guilty - if not more. Why the venom just for her?
YTA but also somehow still with this man.
Eh. Leave the woman out of it. She owes you nothing (assuming she isn’t a friend or family member). Save your bitching for your (ex?) husband.
Aim at the POS scumbag who cheated. Tell him he can go live with her, or go live on the curb where he belongs.
YTA. Your issues are with your husband and no one else.
Why are you mad at the woman and not your loser ass husband?
Let’s be honest even if she knew he was married it’s not the the lady he had the affair with problem the husband had a commitment with op and broke it she didn’t have a commitment to you so yeah I don’t see what talking about her will really accomplish
Uh.. shame the man. He’s the one who’s cheating on you
Your husband is TAH
So, your husband cheats and your sister is stuck on the fact that you fat shamed the woman he’s cheating with as a way of venting your frustration and betrayal?? Your sister is an AH! NTA
Yes you ATAH. Pot meet kettle.
YTA. If you need to shame someone, start with your husband. His affair partner didn't make a commitment to be faithful to you. He did. Shame the hell out of him. Community dick and a cheater? Just throw the whole man away.
YTA.
She's not the one cheating on you. She isn't the one breaking her vows to you. Your internalized misogyny is showing.
Just make his affair public on social media and get popcorn. He's the one cheating.
I think you're allowed this one time.
Fat shaming in general is bad, you are the asshole in that aspect. Since that’s the question you are the asshole. I don’t think you should be talking shit about his affair partner and maybe talk shit about him instead.
NTA.
We all vent to our closest friends and family about our troubles. The fact that your sister is making this an issue is weird considering your daughter wasn't there.
There's nothing wrong with trashing the other person. They knew what they were doing. So yes, call her fat, ugly, or anything else you want.
It’s so pathetic when women have no issue with their husbands’ philandering, but outwardly rail on the other woman.
Why are you fat shaming her when you’re a bigums too? Like I get your husband cheated on you but shouldn’t you be mad at him? She didn’t promise to love you thru thick and thin, sickness and in health and all that other mumbo jumbo. She owes you nothing. Yea she’s a shitty ass person but she’s not the one you should be mad at. Your husband deserves all your wrath and pettiness.
You honestly should focus more on your husband. You are hurt, but still YTA.
Yes you’re the AH if anything you should be upset with your partner. The one in a relationship with you. it’s messed up to insult someone’s looks even behind their backs (especially if she didn’t know he was married in the first place) what’s with people acting like the person they are cheating on is the problem? It’s very much mostly the cheaters fault or when the other party didn’t know it’s 100% their fault. It’s not that hard to not cheat.
Your husband is cheating, not the other woman. Your anger is misplaced.
NTA. But maybe focus on shit talking the husband
Omg girl, you can't really be this stupid??? Seriously. I'm going to say what everyone else wants to say...
You are embarrassing yourself! Two heifers name calling over one man. Seriously???
Both you girls are stupid. Yes honey, you. Dumb as dirt. Petty and pathetic.
Idk what is so special about this chubby chaser, but you can bet you 2 aren't the only ones in his bed.
The anger should be towards the husband not the woman he allowed the women to come on to him you don’t have to stay and put up with this
Is he fat? Because he’s the only one who was supposed to be committed to you
I hardly think fat shaming is the main issue here.
Yeah, no joke, OP’s husband cheated. OP asked if they were the AH for fat shaming, what do you think the bigger issue is?
It depends on which woman is bigger…
Probably not the best time for you to ‘be a bigger person’ about it. The fat shaming should be like #5 or so on the list of what’s fucked up here. 🤷🏽♂️
This app is so funny, how does someone holding their Willy give a serious response, and no one seems to notice 😂
It’s like when you see someone giving really helpful and insightful advice and then you see their username is something like “18InchHorseCock”
This is no bigger-willy measuring contest.
You’re so right. I mean we need to discuss the elephant in the room here.
You mean the woman who is having an affair with OP's husband?
DAMMMMMNNN get the popcorn, hide the peanuts 🐘
Some girls are bigger than others - Morrissey
As a "midsize" woman trying to lose weight: LMAO
I'm "funsize" and its no easier ngl 🤣
Well, if I tried to put the moves on your husband, you would be able to fat shame me! 😂
Honestly I'm bisexual and these men overestimate their market value most of the time. I'd be a hot wife stealer ngl
I haven't switched teams, but somehow I know it'd be a lot better place to be 🤣
🤣🤣🤣
The thing is, the cheating husb has a broken nose & two black eyes from his affair partners huge tits slapping his face…
Not the husband but I enjoy a good titty face slapping. The bigger the better.
Several years ago, my husband received Versed IV prior to a surgical procedure. He was so high he asked the nurse if she would leave the room and close the door so he could motorboat my boobs. He remembers nothing of it. He also broke into a rousing rendition of Chuck Berry's My Ding-a-ling after hearing a call bell going off. I could hear them laughing all the way down the hallway at the nurses desk.
Oh my god your husband and my dad would be best friends
I was a nice wife and didn't record him. I just never even thought about doing that. I guess it would have been a funny little video to keep in the immediate family. Oh, well. I guess no YouTube discovery for him and his dulcet tones. 😜
As my dad gets older, he introduces us to more songs that he loved to sing in high school and the Navy. He now has my nephew singing "Ding-a-Ling" at his school. I told him that he could have at least taught the kids "The Streak" from Ray Stevens to go along with it!
Might want to have him hold off on It's Me Again, Margaret. Heee heee heee.
This is why I love Reddit. Thank you for sharing this gem!
Also, you should hear my stories about my dad. He was hospitalized last year for 10 days. I stayed with him. We had so much fun joking with the nurses, one in particular. He was confused as to why there was a piece of metal in the toilet. I told him it was to cut up his huge poops. He told the nurse he would prefer to use the bedside commode because he was worried his "low hanging fruit" would be sliced off when he gave himself a courtesy flush. 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Miss you, Dad! 🥹
You're very welcome!
I wanna party with this guy.
He's a hoot! A lightweight drinker, but he's a happy drunk. We both are. No drunk drama for us. Unless it's Versed. 🤣 He has a surgery scheduled for next month. I'll keep y'all posted! 😈🤣
Ah shit. Here we go again.
...going down the only road I've ever known 🎵
This is so gd funny
OP. why focus on her body.l?
you should be focused on YOUR MAN. lying on you, cheating etc.
This other woman is not in a relationship. you both are. he broke that. deal with him. then get some counseling. It sounds like he has done a number on you and your self-esteem and your body image.
You deserve so much more.
I think it's the idea of insulting a person's physical characteristics overall. Moments of emotion like this reveal who we are and what we truly believe is okay or not.
The husband is obviously an AH. So is the other woman if she knew. But what you do and how you carry yourself is what defines who you are. The sister may have thought better of OP prior to that exchange and they feel let down that OP would go for such low hanging fruit. Especially since it connects fat people to being unworthy solely because they are fat.
This is NOT a judgement from me on OP's character. It is simply what I believe could be how the sister feels about the situation.
It's also the thing of OP's directing her anger/insults at the wrong person.
Would his cheating have been more tolerable if she was skinny? OP knows he likes big women, she's one. What's the point of insulting the other woman when her real problem is the man she shares a bed with every night?
I would say something to my friend too. Not because of the fat-shaming but because she's using fat-shaming to avoid dealing with the fact her husband is a cheater.
This is just one woman. Even if he dumps this one, there are plenty other fat women willing to sleep with him. OP needs to deal with the source of her anger.
You’re right. Also - OP’s sister might be concerned about the daughter out of love. It would be horrible if the daughter heard how her mother was talking about other people.
I can very affirmatively say that hearing a parent fat shame other people will definitely rebound onto the daughter, especially if she has any extra weight.
Criticize the AP and husband for cheating, not for being overweight.
Her anger at the affair partner is justified. She knew he was married! The fat-shaming and criticism is unnecessary.
I think it totally depends on the other woman’s situation. Is/ was she aware he’s married? If not then OPs comment was unfair. However if this woman is knowingly sleeping with a married man well then maybe don’t sleep with married men if you don’t want people calling you fat behind your back 🤷♀️
The op said the other women knew he was married and is still having sex with him
To add to this, if OP is a person who is a proponent of fat acceptance, it’s going to be extra difficult to accept. It would come across as someone who’s doing it for completely self serving reasons, which would obviously and justifiably lower people’s opinion.
I mean, I think when you are the injured party in a situation like this, anything about the person who has deliberately hurt you is fair game for insulting. Physical characteristics, morals, intelligence. It's all open for insult. It isn't about every fat/ugly/stupid/sleazy person, it's about this particular person and sometimes going after the low-hanging fruit is what feels the best. It feels good to say hurtful things about people who have wronged us. Sometimes it helps us through it. It's an ugly part of human nature, but it's a reality.
Hard disagree, you have to know your personal line and not cross it. I don’t care how dirty I was done, I’m not going to bust out the N word or F slur just to get my lick in.
And that person who deliberately hurt her is her husband who made vows to her. Not some random who couldn't give a shit about her, if she even knows OP exists.
Okay, so she insults the other woman... and now what? She stays with her husband so he can cheat on her with another woman? He gets forgiven? C'mon...
Like… who cares if she goes for a low hanging fruit?!?!! Her right to vent and her right to use what ever comes to her mind. Not anybody’s place to judge.
I get the need to vent. But I’d be more concerned about the fact she says that she herself is a plus sized woman, then the affair partner is also a plus sized woman and the thing she chooses to be upset over is her size specifically? It sounds sort of like projecting and OP has some self esteem problems. So maybe being an AH to herself a bit as well? Idk. Maybe I’m way off. It’s just what I take from it .
For OP to say fat shaming is wrong and then to go ahead and fat shame completely negates her ideology of fat shaming being wrong. It doesn't matter if we agree with the ideology against fat shaming or not.
In her sister's eyes, OP championed an anti fat shaming world and then put fat shaming into that world. That's hypocrisy pure and simple. And no matter who you are, you should and will be judged negatively for not practicing what you preach. Think about it, actual fat phobic people have more honor than OP.
I mean it really is just that she is bitter (As anybody would be). And I guess I’d argue she would be hypocritical since in any other context, fat shaming for her is wrong. Well what’s the difference if you do it behind someone’s back lol. Regardless of literally all of that, her husband is a pos. So who tf cares if you feel like insulting one of the cheaters lol
I agree. Your comment is as clear as a nose on one's face. What the fk is the relevance.?
I think the bigger issue (no pun intended) is that your husband is having a relationship with a woman who isn't his wife. Is she still seeing op's husband? Is HE calling the affair off? Op needs to think about a divorce lawyer in this case. She is not in a good marriage. I know how much it hurts to be cheated on. Either focus on going to marriage counseling, monitoring his phone/ chats/ emails to make sure he's no longer seeing this lady, or kick his sorry a$$ out. Op needs to focus on her marriage, and what steps to take next, not on this person's dress size, as much as she may want to.
That part. I can't believe that they're not saying that.