Okay, I know this sounds so ridiculous and insane.
I (18F) am adopted and was adopted as a baby. My parents thought they couldn’t have kids, even tried IVF, so when my sister Princess (10F) was born, it was a miracle. Everything changed. Princess was spoiled and clearly the favorite. She never got in trouble, was always right, got WHATEVER she wanted and acted HOWEVER she wanted.
My parents didn’t treat me badly though, but if I got 1 toy, Princess got 5. It sucked, I was jealous, and I got in trouble for it.
Princess got worse around age 6 when she realized how much she could get away with. She broke my things, hurt others, stole, and hated when anyone else had attention. I became a target. Luckily, I had friends, school, and relatives for support though so it wasn’t the worst. I did great in school and joined clubs and sports just to stay out of the house. During summer I worked or interned just to avoid her.
Now I have a car and a boyfriend (since sophomore year). I stay with him a lot and his family loves me so I’m barely home, maybe 24 hours at most weekly. My parents didn’t care and this was my normal so I stopped caring too.
Anyway graduation was last month, one of the few things I asked my parents to come to. I was excited, they seemed excited, and some relatives came too. But Princess had to ruin it. See her current obsession are these doll plush keychains called Labubus, she collects them and that specific day, she found this super rare one for sale in our city. Now instead of contacting the seller and buying it the next day, my parents went to go get it and not only that spent $350. (my grad gift was $150) Then they showed up so late, our caps were already being tossed.
I was hurt. After graduation, I ignored them and went home with my boyfriend. I’ve basically moved in with him at this point since anytime I went back “home” it was to get my things to go back. My parents called, texted, apologized, even came over and begged me to forgive them, worst part of it all, they think it’s the money and sent me another hundred dollars. I refused to talk to them.
Now it’s serious as they’re threatening to report me as missing/ a runaway and contact my future college if I don’t go back home. I feel justified in my actions and don’t think it’s that serious but AITA?
NTA
You are a HS graduate and a legal adult. You didn’t run away. You simply moved out.
Tell your parents to have fun “reporting” you.
The only thing they might have a case on is the car. Who is the legal title holder?
same sh*t happened to me. my folks missed my grad brunch for my sis's cheer thing. i didn’t even get mad, just stopped showing up. keep your boundaries solid, . you’re not being dramatic, you’re just done being the afterthought. respect.
Real talk bro that hits hard. When you stop showing up they finally feel what you been dealing with the whole time. It’s not even about being petty it’s just knowing your worth and moving different. Mad respect for choosing peace over chasing validation.
you’re not being dramatic, you’re just done being the afterthought.
🔥🖊️
Knowledge and wisdom absolutely distilled.
OP.....tell your parents exactly this.
The worst part is they are creating and entitled parasite that will be dependent on everyone for the rest of her life. What a shame. She wasn't a miracle, more like a curse for everyone that meets her.
As the former spouse of one of those spoiled "miracle" babies, I can confirm the truth of this.
Would OP have to go to the police station to let them know that they're not missing?
Nobody has to, but sometimes it helps. "Hi non-emergency, my name is Elesia Redditor. I've had a dispute with my parents and they're about to report me missing. There's no emergency, I just moved out. I'm an adult and a high school graduate and they're not coping. I just didn't want you to waste resources if a call comes because I'm safe and happy."
Honestly, most places won't really care. I know my hometown didn't give the slightest fuck. The embassy was grateful though.
Not gonna lie, the embassy coment just tossed in the end like that did make me curious for this story
At least in the EU, it's really easy to go work and study in another EU country. In Finland, an official change of address to the other country would be enough for them to just call you and ask that everything's okay.
I'm Finnish and I've never heard of this. Do they do that often or regularly? When I moved abroad, only one that cared was the taxman and the my bank 😆
I think they meant that if someone tried to report you missing, they would call and ask if everything's okay, but could be I misinterpreted the comment chain :'D
I would also call the college and let them know that your parents are no longer in charge of your finances or education. Tell them if they have any questions they should call you specifically.
Now, if your parents are contributing to your education fund that's another story. If that is the case, you're probably going to have to deal with them until you graduate. In that case, go incredibly low contact and speak to them as little as possible but just know you're just going to have to create your teeth and bear it.
Once she hits 18, FERPA kicks in and they have no access to any of her academic records (without her permission). Financially is another matter. She needs to declare herself financially independent and make sure their income can't affect her opportunities for financial aid. It may take a year, but it can be done.
She would still be protected by FERPA as a college student even if she wasn't yet 18. I'm a college professor and have had students as young as 16 in my classes, and I still can't tell the parents anything. I can't even confirm if the student is even enrolled in my class. If there is a FERPA waiver signed and on file, that would be a different story.
I stand corrected -- I was under the impression that FERPA was always there for the student, but until the student was 18, the parents had access to the files. It was once they turned 18 that the parents or guardians were kicked out of the files.
It's a common misconception. Trust me, the annual FERPA training is annoying but helpful when a situation arises that needs it. Most minors in college do have signed waivers (edit: college athletes also tend to have one signed for their scholarships and eligibility, at least in my experience), so it usually only comes down to getting the college/university to send you a copy when you have a parent trying to get information. I've only had to deal with it twice in the 10+ years I've been teaching at this level. In high school, FERPA is automatically waived and parents have access to everything, though.
I answer 911 and nonemergency calls. When parents call for a missing persons report like this I ask why the adult child left home. If they give an answer like this that indicates that there’s nothing nefarious going on and it’s a household disagreement, all we’re going to do is an informational report. I will tell them that and so will the responding deputy. “She’s an adult and she’s allowed to not be in your house. If there’s a reason she moved out you can think about why that might be but we aren’t going to force her to come back.”
Yeah that’s actually smart as hell. Saves everyone time and avoids the drama turning into a bigger mess. You’re just letting them know you’re good and not out here missing like they’re gonna claim. Most cops probably roll their eyes at stuff like this anyway but at least you’re being responsible about it.
And if you tell that to my local law enforcement I know our deputies have no trouble telling the parents to back off and she would contact them when she wants (without giving any information about her location other than it is safe). I've read a report or two like that in the last few years.
My ex is a cop, and I concur. He told me a lot of crazy stories where the parents were all, "My house, my rules. If you don't like it then there's the door," and the kid says "Bet." Then the kid does indeed GTFO and the parents are all surprised Pikachu face and trying to get the police to force them to come back and also threaten them to follow the rules. The stories about parents saying there was family violence to force the over-18 kid out immediately instead of giving them 30 days to vacate *and then* calling to report them as a runaway and having the same deputy respond were just crazypants.
I had to do this as an adult and I would highly recommend OP does this. Contact the closest station to her and inform them that she has left home (take ID showing age) and tell them that her parents have threatened to report her as a runaway. This will then go on file and if the parents try to report, it will be stopped at the station and OP won’t have to stress about police showing up at her BF’s place.
depending upon where you are, your parents may find themself in a bit of trouble for making a false police report.
Oooh, I love a good paper trail.
Nope. The cops will ask the parents how old their “runaway” is. Once the cops learn OP is an adult. The conversation with the parents will be over.
Or when the police speak to the runaway and OP says, 'my parents have only just noticed I moved out months ago?'
There’s a couple of states where the age of majority is older than 18, and I can’t speak for other countries.
Holy crap. TIL. I had no clue it was even possible for an 18 year old to fall short of being considered an adult, but you are correct. Nebraska and Alabama: 19. Mississippi: 21.
Isn't Mississippi one of the states that still allows child marriages? But you're not an adult until you're 21?
Alabama has 19 as the age you are an adult. (I know because the buyer of my previous house wanted his wife on the mortgage and deed, and she was only 18, so it delayed closing until the paperwork was corrected).
Yeah, It's because most people in Mississippi don't graduate from 6th grade until they're 21.
In the UK technically you are an adult at 16 in that you can get a job or join the army, move into state housing, claim your own benefits from DWP, leave school even before your SQA exams (the ones you take in S4, S5&S6 are needed for university or higher level entry posts) or GCSE (English 14-16 exam), legally have sex and a child at 16 but you can’t sign a contract for a rental, credit card or any of your utilities, drive (16 for motorcycle, 17 car), vote (18) or drink alcohol (18)
Edit to add NTA
Regarding leaving education at 16, that isn't consistent across all of the UK, for example in England you have to do some form of education until you are 18. https://www.gov.uk/know-when-you-can-leave-school
Yeah it changed from 16 to 18 a few years ago, it's recent (and not publicised) enough that many people still think it's 16.
Edit - it was actually 10 years ago, time flies lol
I mentioned this too. I grew up in Nebraska and had over a full year of college as a minor. It was a nightmare. I fully moved out of my parent's house at 17 and never went back but I couldn't do so much because I was still a minor at 18. Medical appointments were even a problem.
This is one of my favourite UK laws (because it achieved the complete opposite of what the woman wanted, and it has her name forever), but it is currently under attack by the TERF brigade :(
I went down this rabbit hole and somehow found out that China has one of the oldest legal ages for marriage on the books. 22 for men and 20 for women.
Is that so those states can imprison their child brides even longer?
Completely different discussion, but yes. My own opinion is you should not be allowed to marry until you are legally eligible to file for divorce.
Can you explain? Are you saying there are places you can be married but cannot file for divorce because you are not an adult? But you can be married? And the reason for not filing for divorce is being too young? I had to misinterpret that, right?
Marriage is considered a legally binding contract. To break a legally binding contract, like a divorce, you need to an adult.
Say you get married at 16 to a 19 year old (in a nice example). If you are in a state that 18 is the legal adulthood age, then you can only get a divorce with your spouse's (or parent's) permission until you turn 18.
This traps child brides until the age of majority in their state with abusive husbands. Even resource centers can't do anything to help them legally sooner.
What's really messed up is some states do not have a minimum age for Marriage - if you have parental permission. Massachusetts is/was one of them! (Found that out while digging into this wormhole years ago - it may have changed since but that would be a recent thing).
Massachusetts is/was one of them!
Yes, that was only changed in July 2022. Now all child marriage is outlawed.
Wow, we really are talking about US? Not Middle East? I am shocked (from Europe). I don't know why would someone get married while being minor (I mean besides being forced or manipulated into). Here I think I heard this is theoretically possible but super rare I suppose. Maybe I am wrong, I think I will look for some statistics.
I married at almost 17. The beatings began within a couple weeks. I couldn't divorce him until I was 18, no lawyer would even talk to me.
Oh boy, I am so sorry. I assume you are happily divorced right now? May I ask why you married him?
So there are only 15 states currently that completely ban marriage under 18 and I believe all of those laws were passed within the last decade or so. Some of the remaining states you can get married at 16 with parental permission, some states there's no age limit with parental permission. I want to say there's one or two where you just need a judge to sign off on it?
But until you're a legal adult you can't get a divorce without your husband or parents agreeing to it. And given that a lot of these are religious marriages where there's no chance of the family or husband agreeing, well. It's also used for child trafficking because having sex with a minor is legal if you're married to them. Sometimes someone is trying to escape an abusive family and realizes too late they jumped from the frying pan into the fire and their family doesn't care enough to fish them back out.
The organization Unchained At Last does a lot of great work lobbying to pass laws outlawing marriage under 18 all together and has a lot of great info on their website but tbh it's a depressing as fuck read.
I think it's the same in Canada, also a country considered "civilized". It's sickening, really.
Thank you for your elaborate response! It is good to know that such a problem exist in the -someone could think- civilised place as US. But now I must do some reality check for my own (civilised I would say) country!
Is that "considered adult" or "considered adult enough to buy alcohol"?
Tell the police you are 18 and moved out. You did not run away and as matter of fact they're harassing you. Show them the all the messages. Start a paper trail. Do not block your parents or anyone who takes their side. Mute them so that their messages go to separate folder. Everything will be organized should you need a cease and desist letter or restraining order (you can get help from a legal clinic at uni or some law schools have them).
Not necessarily. Missing means MISSING. As in, the person has actually disappeared. And... it's not a crime either really. You can go missing. You can go to your bank, cash out your account into a bag, take your ID and any cards out of your pocket, turn off your phone and throw it in the trash, and walk away. The only way you'll have a legal issue is if you have specific legal obligations (judgements/leans/kids) and you don't fulfill them before walking away.
The police will ask if they know where she is, and either they will lie and the police will contact other family or the boyfriend and figure it out real quick, or they will be truthful and the police will warn them about the legal implications of filing a false police report.
OP should go preemptively and warn them, that way if the parents do call they know the situation. She should also warn the college and potentially remove her parents from any contact list from the college and inform them of the situation so they don’t give info to the parents
No, police usually wouldn’t even bother going to talk to OP if they know she’s a legal adult. But they might contact her if her parents claim she’s unable to care for herself, they don’t tell the police how old OP is (or claim she’s under 18) or claim that OP is being held hostage by her BF. But, once the police were to find OP to do swell check in her, OP can prove her age and inform them that she’s with her BF of her own free will and had no intention of returning home.
Totally agree. She needs to inform the police and also her college so that they are aware of what is going on.
If the car belongs to your parents then you need to give it back so that they do not file a stolen car complaint.
Next - go full NC with them as they have shown that you were adopted for their needs but once they had their own child they did not give a damn about you. Time to not give a damn about them, karma is waiting for them.
Fr like she didn’t “run away” she peaced out from the nonsense haha! I’d do the same tbh.
What dose your finical situation for college look like? Are they paying? Because that's the last leverage they have on you.
I'd outline as many specific instances of neglect and favoritism you can remember. It might be uncomfortable to list them all out, but push through and send that to them and any people in your family that you think might be on your side. Let them know it's not about the money, and that they can't buy you back for 100$. Show them with clear impartial examples how you've been passed over and pushed to the side for years. I think it would be useful to frame this not as you being mad about graduation as an isolated incident but as the last straw after years of neglect.
What do you want from them? An apology? Low to no contact? To humiliate them publicly? For them to fund your future? Family therapy? Individual therapy? Decide if and to what extent the relationship is worth repairing.
You didn’t ‘run’ away; you’re an adult who set a boundary after your parents showed you (again) where their priorities are. You didn’t do this over money, but because they missed your big moment for a toy. Setting distance is valid when people repeatedly show you where you rank. You’re not punishing them, you’re protecting your peace.
She put "running away" in quotes...
Right? "Reporting" a legal adult who just doesn’t want to live at home anymore isn’t going to go anywhere. I hope she sticks to her boundaries.
I used to work a student job in the university tech support call center. I remember when Karens / helicopter parents used to call in demanding to know this or that about their child it was a shock to them that the answer was a flat 'No'. Their child is a legal adult, and we don't just give info about people out to randos who call, even if hypothetically they could prove over the phone that they are the student's parents.
At most, as sometimes happened, the parents could file a missing persons report with actual police, but again, all the police are gonna do is check that the person is fine and then close the case, and likely make a note in their file so if those parents call again, the police know it's just them trying to be controlling and the person is not actually missing or in danger, and eventually there can be negative consequences for the parents for wasting police's time on crap like that.
Exactly they just mad they can't control her anymore. She did everything right and they’re throwing a fit like it’s still their house. That car thing might be the only thing they can touch but even then if it’s in her name they got nothing. Let them try and “report” her like it’s a missing persons case when she’s out here just living her life.
Lmao, right? The only way their threat works is if they're in Alabama.
NTA You are 18, a legal adult. They can't do diddly squat about college either.
ENJOY YOUR LIFE!!!!!
If you’re in the US, there’s an education equivalent of a HIPAA. If you’re in the UK, GDP applies. Your college can’t just report on you to other adults, just because they’re relatives.
I know there are other countries but they’ll have similar legislation in place.
Do you depend on your parents financially, OP? They might try to use that against you but you sound as if you’re doing fine without them
FERPA is for colleges!
That’s the one!
Holy cow, but FERPA is an absolute brick wall. My child is starting college at 16, so he obviously needs some parental support to get started. As his parent, he legally needed my permission beyond the logistical support. Once he got enrolled, they would not even acknowledge that he existed until my son signed a form that allowed them to disclose information. Once they had that form, they became very chatty. In practice, FERPA is much more protective about the individual than HIPAA.
Exactly. OP’s already built a life outside of all that toxicity and finally has real support. They don’t get to guilt trip you now that you’ve chosen peace over chaos. Keep living for you.
For real. OP’s finally in a space where they’re respected and safe. That’s not something to walk away from just because their parents are throwing a fit. Keep thriving, OP.
I mentioned this in another comment, but they may not be a legal adult. I grew up in Nebraska and you aren't an adult until 19. Made my first year of college a pain in the ass.
Even when I was the age of majority, dealing with college administration was a pain in the ass. I had some kind of issue with financial aid, and I spent forever trying to handle it myself, but they wouldn't budge. I eventually gave up on trying to do it by myself because they wouldn't listen to some punkass "kid." Then my parents could say the exact same thing, and they'd do something.
Dealing with bureaucracy is so much easier in my 30s now that I've aged a bit.
This! OP’s finally free from all the emotional neglect and guilt tripping. Their threats don’t hold weight anymore, and you owe them nothing. Keep moving forward with the people who actually care.
Totally agree. OP’s finally got the freedom to live without being sidelined or gaslit by their own family. They missed your big day. Now they don’t get to control your future. Keep doing you.
Probably wouldn't hurt to call the housing office/academic office/mentor and let them know parents are threatening though. I worked with my university a bit and that let them put those parents on their radar.
NTA I would call your future college and explain that you are estranged from your parents. Tell them your parents are threatening to call the college and make a scene. Update all your contact info. Ask that a note be put on your profile that you do not authorize them to make any changes or obtain any information. I have a friend who is the assistant to a college dean and she has told us some sad stories. Get in front of this one.
The parents automatically aren't authorized to make changes or obtain information due to FERPA. It's such an empty threat it's laughable. Colleges are hyper aware that they have students who are newly minted adults, and a bunch of those have parents who don't want to let go. Unless they're paying, they can do literally nothing to mess with her education.
"My daughter ran away!" Uh, ok. We're an academic institution for adults, we don't really care about her personal life. I looooved telling parents that no, I'm not looking up their schedule and giving them a copy, I'm not telling you which class they're in right now, and I'm certainly not telling you if they changed their major. "Can you change the primary number to mine? They made a mistake and put my son's down, and I'd like to know when his classes are cancelled." It wasn't a mistake, your kid is the actual student so of course we use his information, and it's none of your business if a class was cancelled.
The “But I’m the one paying for itttttt!!!” Ones were my favorite. Lady, you called Financial Aid- the whole reason I’m here is because you’re not paying for it.
I told one mom, "Yes, you are paying, for SOMEONE ELSE. I can call and pay for my sister's gas bill, that doesn't mean the account belongs to me."
I worked in Transportation and we'd have parents from the wealthy areas who would basically tell me that they've never made their kid take a city bus, but they're adults so what route will bring them straight downtown? The answer is none, because you keep voting against expanding public transit. "Well what am I paying for?!" Uhhhh not for a personal bus to take your precious angel to school exactly at the time they need to, that's for sure. $85 a semester doesn't pay for a whole fucking lot.
I want your job.
Unfortunately I don't work for there anymore but if you love telling controlling parents "no", you'd LOVE working at a college. It was also the only place that I got to say, "No, I will not get my manager. There is no reason to get her just because you don't like my answer." I tell every friend in customer service about that one, so satisfying.
ETA: Forgot to mention my manager was literally sitting behind me, but the dude kept saying "he" no matter how many times I said "she", so his sexist brain couldn't comprehend that the office full of women might have a woman in charge.
If you're worried they'll actually report you missing to the police you may want to get he ahead of that too & call them with your story so it's in their records if your parents DO report. You can leave your phone # with them so if you get reported they can call & verify that you are not actually missing (plus you will find out if your parents actually report you) If your city has a hotline or whatever you can prob do it there instead (I'm Chicago & we have 311 for non emergency things). Also this starts a paper trail for if you have future concerns with them. OR you could lie & tell your parents you did this!
NTA
You’re 18, you’re not longer a minor. Even if they tell the police your exact location, the most the police will do is ask if you left willingly
Thank you sm! I hope so since small town lol. I don’t want to somehow be forced to go back home 😭
You won’t. You’re 18 and an adult they can’t do squat and neither can your parents. NTA OP your parents and spoiled sister suck ass
If it’s a small town, tell the police/CPS exactly why you left: the extreme favouritism, the neglect, the abuse by your sibling, and the fact that it took you not coming home after they missed your graduation for them to realise that you’ve barely been home for almost a year.
See how they like that spreading like wildfire
I did a paragraph on things you should do and do quickly, one being to secure your banking. If either of your parents are on your bank account, they can close it or drain it without your permission. Do that before they do.
Make sure you withdraw your money and open a new bank account at a new bank where your parents aren’t clients. If they’re the primary account holder, they can do whatever they want with any account that was opened while you were a minor. Its a priority if you have student loan money paid to you directly instead of the school.
Who's paying for college? If you have that handled without your parents, then you have a variety of options. If your parents are expected to pay then your current strategy isn't going to work well. If you still need money from them, loop in the family members who showed up for you. They will more effectively change your parents' attitudes than most anything.
If OP is going to college, contact the school. I've seen stories with the parents contacting the college and telling them that the OP has decided they don't want to go, thereby wrecking their school plans.
Why the fuck would you be forced to go back home? Thats not how any of this works
Even if they tell the police your exact location,
It's not really running away if they know where they are?
The cops wouldn't even bother they'd say "this is a civil matter, get them yourself"
been there, yo. people don’t realize how much the “little things” build up over time. you don’t have to accept the bare minimum just ‘cause it’s coming from family. you deserve effort, too.
Be sure to get your important documents out of that house: birth certificate, social security card (or country equivalent), car registration and title, diploma.
Piggy backing: Ensure no one has access to your bank account, and you may want to take steps to freeze your credit with the three bureaus.
OP? When I was 33 I had life threatening surgery. My parent prioritised a camping trip with their spouse over being at their child's side when they could have died. I cut them out of my life 1.5 years ago. I wish I had done it when I was 18 and they kicked me out of home because their spouse doesn't like competition.
Context given... I am so proud of you and your self worth! You know what you're worth and it's not feeling like an afterthought or a burden! I hope this self-worth follows you throughout your life and is never chipped away at because no one deserves to be treated like you or I were!
It's wild to me to view a child as competition and even more insane to allow a jealous adult to force your kid out of your life. I've seen it happen, I had an ex who tried to make it happen, and I still don't get it.
NTA. That keychain was just the last straw. From what you write, it seems your parents have been happy to let you live the life of an adult woman in your teenage years. They seem to have done very little to try and repair things. Princess has kept on victimising you, and your parents kept on enabling her. When you tried to show them how unfair they were being, you got in trouble for "being jealous".
It's ridiculous to threaten a grown woman with the police unless she moves back home. Would it be an option for you to take your boyfriend's parents, head to the nearest police station with them and say: "I'm 18 and I've moved out of my adopted parents' home after graduating. They're threatening to report me as 'missing' unless I do what they want. I'm letting you know so they won't waste anyone's time. If I'm reported as 'missing', here's my own phone number so you can check in on me" - with your boyfriend's parents to confirm that you haven't been living at home for a long while now and have mostly just dropped in for weekly overnight visits. Or whatever is best.
You might want to contact that college, too. I've no idea how things are in your country, but my hunch would be that you might want to phone or e-mail them, saying more or less: "Here is my new address, I'm 18 and I've moved out of my adopted parents' home. If they phone you with differing information, please get in touch with me first."
Best of luck to you. I hope some of your relationship with your parents is salvageable, but you're absolutely NTA to want your own space now and leave this whole Golden Child / Invisible Child dynamic behind.
You're not the AH. Your parents prioritized a toy over your graduation that's incredibly hurtful and dismissive. That's not a small mistake, that's a loud message about where you stand in their priorities.
I completely agree. Also at 18 there’s no way the police either would or could force you to go anywhere! Stand your ground and good luck op. UpdateMe!
Amen. I would recommend OP answers her parents with this as her reason.
You are legally an adult. Walk away and stay away.
I went NC with my family at 18, never saw or spoke to them since. I am now 67.
NTA, for all intents and purposes you've moved out of their house. You're 18 and a high school graduate about to go away to college. Honestly missing an important event like graduation for some stupid and expensive keychain, is just the straw that broke the camels back. I understand the princess being a miracle baby, but I have a feeling that in the next five to ten years your parents are really going to regret not disciplining her more.
Played this game for different prizes and much higher stakes.
This is controlling behavior and you are literally a legal adult.
My mom did this; the cops came, saw i was an adult, sane and had reasonable reasons to not want contact and then proceeded to file/warn my mum that doing a second report would be considered a waste of time and also resources and she would get Served for it if she tried to call me in as 'kidnapped/runaway' again
Continue to ignore them
NTA at all. Your parents are awful people for the way they have treated you. You owe them nothing.
Even more egregious was the reason that they were late. Buying today's version of a Beanie Baby?!? And spending $350 on useless junk? All to keep a spoiled brat happy.
I wish you all the best with your life.
NTA. You asked for one thing their presence and they chose a stuffed toy over your graduation. You’re not wrong for walking away.
Ugh. I hate these Labubu things. My BF has one and thank god it's only one. I'm so tired of all these manufactured consumerist fads.
Anyway. NTA.
So, you're 18, so they can't exactly report you as a runaway because you're a legal adult. They can theoretically report you as missing, but the fact of the matter is that because they know exactly where you are and have contact with you, they'd have to lie to the police about everything, and even if they chose to do that, you can contact the police station after they do this and let them know what the truth is - you're not missing, you're staying with your boyfriend, your parents are in contact with you and know where you are. I don't know if they would be in trouble with the law for filing a false police report, but that *might* be a legal issue for them (it would be a small one but I think that filing a false police report is technically against the law). Likewise, though they've threatened to contact your college, what are they going to tell them? Don't let her in because a legal adult chose to go stay somewhere else of her own volition? Again, same thing applies, too - if your parents do call your college, you can also contact the admissions office and explain the situation. I highly doubt that this would have any bearing on the admissions process, especially if you've already been admitted. If all your ducks are in a row to start college - you've been admitted formally, you have a housing assignment if you're living in campus housing, and your financial aid package is approved - there's almost certainly nothing they can do, and again, I'd call the admissions department regardless and inform them of the situation. The only wrinkle with the college thing would be if your parents co-signed your loans. I don't think they could interfere with that process at this point if the loans have been approved, but yeah.
One thing of import here, keep your bf's parents in the loop about everything - what's going on, what your parents are threatening, that kind of stuff. Make sure you're in the clear to continue staying with them if possible and make sure you will have their support depending on how this plays out.
You probably should talk to your parents about what happened here and prepare to civilly and calmly explain, in detail, what's going on. Like I'm sure you've done this before, but give it one last try, for you, not them. You're totally justified in your feelings. I'd also be prepared to lay out for them how you expect the near future to go - like, you're going to stay witih your boyfriend until you go to college, etc. etc.. If your parents really don't get it, might you be able to get your boyfriend's parents to talk to them? Just an idea. Sometimes an adult needs to hear it from another adult.
Anyway, NTA. Good luck, OP.
Is the car in their name? They could report it stolen. Are they paying for your college? They could tell the school they are not paying or will not pay after a specific date.
If none of those scenarios apply, just let the police know you moved out.
If US, are you on their health insurance? Do you have any health conditions that need maintained that would be too expensive without that health insurance?
Look at it this way. That spoiled kid is going to be a MONSTER when she's a teenager. A ungrateful spoiled brat.
Absolutely NTA. What your parents did was unforgivable, and what they are threatening now is even more despicable.
A word of advice: Assuming you have passed your 18th birthday, contact your college administration. Tell them what happened, tell them your parents are threatening to derail your acceptance by falsely claiming you as a runaway and ask them to not allow them any access to your information or to decisions about you. This way you will preempt any malicious attempts they make.
NTA and they can't report you as a runaway since you are 18. Get the rest of your stuff and fully move out
They showed you repeatedly who they are and what’s important to them
Your 18 make it clear to them they are failures to both their children and one who they literally neglected from the moment their desperately wanted child was conceived and the other who clearly they turned into a brat.
Go to the police tell them you’re not a run away. Lock down all your college passwords and so forth get your belongings and important papers
Tell them yes your ran away from the awful parenting they have shown you and provide to you when they constantly showed favouritism to one child over the other They may say they did their best. No the made choices not mistakes
NTA. You're 18. Contact the local police and let them know that your parents are planning to weaponize them to harass you and that you're healthy, safe, and living with your boyfriend's family.
NTA. Make sure you don’t take anything with you that you don’t have evidence (texts, emails, receipts or witnesses) belongs to you as either a gift or something they were obligated to provide, so they can’t claim you stole from them. If they’re petty enough to lie to the police and your college about you I wouldn’t put it past them.
They won't get anywhere reporting you as missing. They'll get into trouble for wasting police time and resources. You're a legal adult that moved out. They can't do shit now that you're 18.
NTA
You didn't run away. You moved out of home after experiencing almost 11 years of being a second class citizen to them.
Why are they so concerned you no longer live at home? This way they don't have to take you into consideration at all and just focus on Princess.
Contact your future college first and let them know what your 'parents' have threatened and you can also contact the police first and tell them that you are not missing and not a runaway and that you are legally an adult who no longer wants to live at home.
Guerilla marketing is so weird.
As a spurned sibling--they're assholes and they'll never really understand your feelings, or maybe worse they will choose not to understand to save their egos. I told my egg donor to NEVER piss off my sister if she wanted decent end of life care because I wouldn't be there. You're not doing anything wrong by prioritizing your peace over their need to not have everyone acknowledge they suck. You're right, it's not about the money and no amount of money can heal ten years of being neglected and passed over. Look forward, not back, you've got your whole life ahead of you.
You're 18. Go to your local station, tell them you are an adult and that your parents are threatening to report you missing/runaway because of reasons. Head them off so if they do go through with their threat the police will just state to them you're an adult and there's nothing they can do.
Give them their money back. Explain to them it was never about the money but them missing an important day to go get an overpriced fad piece of fluff for a spoilt brat (though maybe word it better than that)
Use this for your college essay let them report you. Disown yourself legally so you get more college money.
NTA. In th US 18 is a legal adult so they can say what they want. ETA:if you're not in the US, check your local laws.
NTA. Graduation is such an important moment and milestone. Your feelings are completely valid!
NTA.
If they call the cops to report you missing, you clear it up with the police and make sure they know it was a false report.
Contact your future college and let their admin know that you will be attending and that if anyone calls to say otherwise, they should be ignored or you should be contacted, at your phone number, to confirm— just in case they try to tell the college you’re declining the spot.
lol that they could only manage another $100 for your graduation gift when they dropped $350 on a keychain. What AHs.
NTA. Please contact your college administration and finance offices to tell them all contact is to go through you and no one else has permission to change anything.
NTA. Get your papers now. Act nice. Change your i.r.s. status by separating yourself for financial aid now. After you go through the legal paperwork then go no contact.
Even if it was about money the extra hundred is a slap in the face because it is still less than what they spent on your sister.
You did the right thing removing yourself from that situation. For people so desperate to be parents they really don't know the first thing about it.
Congrats on graduating!!
My only advice please let the police know you’re not missing so if they file a police report you already have your own. Idk if you can contact your school of choice with said police report.
NTA! But contact your college and let them know they are not to provide any information to your parents. There are laws about it, and if you've given permission in the past you need to make sure they no longer have it.
NTA-honey you are 18 they cannot report you as a runaway you are an adult. They can't do anything but complain!!!
You’re 18 ie a legal adult so not a damn thing they can really do….if anything write down a detailed letter explaining everything and why you’re going NC/LC? And just leave it for them at the house
Like everybody else has been saying, get ahead of your parents call the college. Tell them that they are to do everything through you nothing through your parents and to please ignore any phone calls or information from them or to call you for any clarification. If needed call the nonemergency line for the police department and tell them everything‘s fine and if they need to contact you, give them your number or if you need to go in just as proof that you’re OK that you’re willing to do that too. Your parents can’t do anything.
You’re 18 and deemed an adult. If they report you to police let the cops know they’re wasting police resources and they know where you are. And as an adult you’re legally allowed to be where you are
Also - Don’t tell them where you’re applying to. And if you have to, let the schools know that due to security issues with your parents you need all info password protected.
Let your parents know it’s not about money. It’s about 12 years of mistreatment and preferential treatment to their bio kid. That they took the one moment to be proud of you and prioritised their kid buying a stuffed animal which says it all really.
A- for the creativity
NTA
BUT - to prevent issues, with that threat (is that in a text /mail by any chance?) - how about talking to the cops BEFORE? As in 'i`m moving out to a college of my choice / living with my partner - and my controlling parents do not like this, and have threated to report me as missing (a runaway has to be a minor, right?) - in an attempt to sabotage me - can you make a note that I am not missing - just no longer living there?"
If OP is a legal adult, then your parents can report you as a “runaway” all they want, it won’t do anything.
I am concerned about your parents meddling in your college plans. I strongly support you contact the college you are going to and ask them to put a password or something on your account so your parents can’t sabotage you!
Congrats on graduating!
You’re 18, a legal adult. Which child exactly are they reporting as a runaway? Lol
And please, please, please tell me you have your important documents and things set aside at your boyfriend’s/family’s place?
NTA
NTA, you are a legal adult, they can't force you back home unless they want to commit a crime.
Call your local police dept nonemergency line and explain to them that you are a legal adult that has moved out and is currently not on speaking terms with your parents, who has threatened to put in a false missing person report. Call your college admission office when they open and explain everything to them that any correspondence to and from the school will only involve you and no one else including your parents should be disregarded. Change your passwords to your college accounts to be in the safe side.
Call the non-emergency line and tell them you're concerned your parents are planning to report you as missing/a runaway and you want to let them know that's not the case.
Call your college and find out who to speak to about getting your records locked down. Explain you're having trouble with your family and they've threatened to interfere with your plans. Make sure that no one gives your family any information about your schooling, or tries to make any changes. See if you can get it noted somewhere in your file that you have a difficult home life and they are not to believed. Then see what your college offers in way of support for people in your position.
Good luck.
NTA. Gather all of your documents and essentials and move away. Call their bluff, if you need to. At 18, you’re seen as a legal adult who moved out of the house in the eyes of the law.
NTA- I would sit down with them and lay it all out. Make sure they understand how they have made you feel over the years and how they are raising a little monster. Going to college will be great for you, but have a plan for yourself incase the boyfriend doesn’t work out.
OP, congratulations on your graduation! It's one of the biggest milestones in your young life. Enjoy your success. Good luck with college. 🎓
Your parents and the Princess are rude, uncaring, and frankly, stupid. None of their shortcomings are your fault. You'll go on to do great things, and they'll still be giant assholes.
NTA.
Unfortunately, OP, you were just a placeholder until they had their own biological child. Yeah, it sucks.
NTA. This is gonna be super unpopular opinion but I think you should talk to them. Tell them how hurt you were. If they actually listened and cared then yay you can keep in touch after you leave for college and still have a relationship with them. If they called you jealous, made you feel like you should be grateful for basic necessities, then you run. You say they didn't treat you badly, so give them one chance. Only one.
NTA. They skipped your graduation to buy a keychain for your younger sibling.
Good luck with college.
NTA “Look, you’ve shown me for years who and what your priorities are and where I fall in them. This was just the last time I let it upset me. I’m moving on. I wish you well and maybe we can exchange holiday cards sometime.”
They can’t report you as a runaway if you’re 18 lol. NTA and tell them to shove it and enjoy their overly spoiled monster.
NTA. Unfortunately I can relate. I graduated college the same month my little sister dropped out of high school at 16 and took the California Equivalency Test (an easier GED). My parents threw her a catered party. When I told them I graduated college that summer, they asked to see my diploma. They didn’t attend my graduation. I didn’t even get a card.
I know where I stand in my family and my expectations of my parents are in the dirt. If I don’t expect them to care, I can’t be disappointed anymore.
Assuming you live in the states, you’re 18, you’re an adult. They can report you as a run away and you can basically report that you’re not in fact a run away.
They can contact your college, so can you and you can explain the same you explained here. Don’t stress over their petty threats. Continue to get better and be better and they’ll soon see what they missed out on!
NTA. Contact the police and sheriff's department and let them know that your parents have threatened to file a missing persons/runaway report. Let the police/sheriff know that you are a legal adult and have left your parents home voluntarily.
Cutting off your "parents" over this latest stunt is more than justified. There's no way they can ever make up for their disregard of you and your achievements.
NTA. But if you are attending college in the US, you will need information for your FAFSA from your parents to get student loans, Pell grants, etc. You should probably review your college funding and if you either need money from your parents or their info for student loans, you should keep enough contact to get your education paid for.
Reddit likes to recommend No Contact. But you really, really need to look at this situation through the lens of college expenses
Nta. Not even a little. Protect yourself & protect your money. Your poor sister likely won't be fit to be independent when the time comes.
A bunch of people in the comments dont realise that you can still be reported missing even when 18. You wont be forced back but their gonna go to you to check if your okay. Give the police a quick call and say you recently cut contact with them and that if anyone asks for you to tell them your okay but dont give out any private information.
That way you wont have to deal with the police coming to you thinking something bad happend.
You’re graduating so you’re at least 17 going on 18, the police don’t care let them report whatever they want. Colleges are used to dealing with this type of stuff just reach out to them and let them know that you are having some issues with your family right now and you’re the only person who can make decisions on your behalf.
YTA. This is absurdly fake.
Um you are 18 and you have text messages. How can they report you as a runaway? What are they going to say to your school? Our daughter moved out and really hasn’t lived here for about 2.5 years. We let her leave but now want her home? Lol wtf… you are now technically and adult and they can get in trouble for false reports. Close this chapter my dear. They have made it clear over the years. They just don’t want to look like the “bad parents”. Unfortunately too many people already know and have seen how you are treated. Walk away and. Lose this chapter. Also warn them that you will also file charges on them for harassment and falsely reporting a runaway. Best of luck ♥️.:: so sorry you are going through this
Tell them if they do what they're threatening you will go NC with them. I would do LC no matter what.
NTA. They cannot use the runaway thing, you're a legal adult. Even canning your college... What will they say? Our adult daughter doesn't talk to us?
Go back there one last time, get your papers (Id, passport, birth certificate, social security...) and as much of your stuff that you can (clothes, laptop, important things), and go.
Go NC and live your best life.
Let them report you missing.
Once the police come, tell them that you are safe and okay, not missing, and that you never want to see your family again as is your right as an adult.
If you’re financially depending on them for college, do everything you can to change that.
Are you in the US? If so and you are over 18, there is nothing your parents can do to force you back home. If you are under 18 but have graduated from high school, the police are going to do their best to avoid getting involved. There is nothing your future college can do either. Your only potential source of trouble is your car if your name isn't on the title. Return it to the owner in exchange for a signed receipt acknowledging that you surrendered an undamaged car in running condition.
If you are not in the US, then everything I wrote could be wrong. In that case, I can only offer my congratulations on your recent graduation and wish you good luck.
You can and should apprise your local police station about this situation (you don't have to give details, just "I'm 18, I moved out after graduation, my parents are threatening to report me as a missing person/run away" will do) just so that if your parents do attempt to file a report, the police will know it's not valid. They can even "reassure" your parents by saying you've been in contact with them and are safe. You're definitely NTA. I think parents often forget that kids will become adults one day who will remember the things they've done. Let them stew in their regret. Their choices have consequences.
Ring your college and tell them that a family member is threatening to interfer with your college place if they don't get what they want. Ask that any and all communications only go through you. Ask if they can password protect your communicationswith them (not sure if that can be done, but its worth an ask though)?
NTA but are they planning to pay for college. If so I would play nice just enough to get that paid for and go NC after.
NTA they can’t report you as a runaway when you are now legally an adult and have graduated high school. Your parents are the AH the missed and important mile stone and they can never make that up to you.
NTA. Sorry your parents failed you (and your sister) so hard. Their threats are only making this situation worse,I hope they realize their role in pushing you away and support you, even from a distance, sooner rather than later.
Unsolicited advice: Please be careful with this and possible future relationships. Since you won't want to go home, you may put up with toxic or even dangerous behaviors. I'm not saying this is happening, just that you are in a vulnerable position and may move faster through stages than you otherwise would, without the option of a neutral safe space. I wish you the best in carving your own life path!
NTA. If you are 18 you have the right to decide your future and are responsible for your actions. It sounds like your adoptive parents aren’t the best at handling being parents or prioritizing their two daughters.
While I understand you are hurt understand they are human and won’t understand their folly unless you speak to them. Try to give them some grace they did adopt you and they did try to make both requests work.
It sounds like they are threatening you as a means to get you to talk to them. (Classic parenting)
Overall teenage years are hard on everyone, but rather than turn your back on I recommend talking things out with them calmly. Especially since you will be starting college 🔜
NTA. Also, your parents may cause problems with the FAFSA, so tell any colleges that you have applied to that you are estranged from your parents and may not be able to get documents that the school needs in addition to their FAFSA applications. If you own the car, get the documents for it, make sure it is insured (parents may take you off their policy), get your birth certificate and social security card as well as medical records from your pediatrician. You may need to know if your immunization is complete. Get control of any bank accounts you have as parents might close them or drain them if they are on the accounts. Work fast.
NTA, call me cynical but I suspect it’s less about you and more about them being found out by relatives at a public event.
NTA
Go to the local police and tell them about them threatening to call them on you. Then show them your ID with your age and that you're an adult.
That way your parents won't be wasting any police time.
Also who cares if they call your future college. Be proactive and call them yourself. Explain your situation and that you just wanted to make them aware of the situation. Maybe they can make a note in your file to not give any information out to anyone but yourself.
Youre 18, so cant be a run away. I would look at contacting your college and letting them know you have family issues, see if your school has support officers or some kind of pastoral care program, most do. Just say that your parents are having a hard time adjusting to your leaving and have made some threats but you are fine, and you are definitely going to be attending. See if they can lock your file with a password, so that your mom can't pretend to be you to cancel your enrollment.
NTA
You are so strong and have a great support surrounding you. Hold onto them! You are worth being cherished!
You don't need to, but I would write a letter explaining them how they fucked up ever since Princess came into your life and that they neglected their adopted child. That you don't want any contact anymore and that them missing your graduation was the final straw.
Get your stuff out of there and live the life you want to. I wish you well and hope you will have a great time at college! Feel hugged by another kid estranged from their parents 🫂
NTA but you might want to play nice if you're dependent on them for college.
NTA. You made them parents, yet they stopped behaving like it. Ignore them as long as you wish. They did that to you too.
You could always graduate from another college for them to attend graduation, but they may never find that labubu again /s
NTA at all.
Not to be cynical but the police often don't take legitimate runaway cases seriously. You're 18 and they know where you are. They'll be laughed out of the station. As other people have said, you could try and preempt it by calling your non emergency line.
I would DEFINITELY call your college and warn them that you are the only one who can make any decisions on your academic future, in case they try and withdraw your acceptance or otherwise sabotage you. I'm sure this won't be the first AH family members the administrators have dealt with.
Definitely NTA. They ditched your big day for a toy, and that’s just messed up. If they don’t get why you’re hurt, maybe some space will help them finally wake up.
you need all your important paperwork, birth certificate, social security card, passport.
You need to change your mailing address (rent a PO box if you can or use your boyfriend's address).
Call the college that you have been accepted at and let them know you have moved addresses and ask them what happens if someone calls and tries to impersonate you and cancel your college acceptance.
Good luck!
Now it’s serious as they’re threatening to report me as missing/ a runaway and contact my future college if I don’t go back home.
It’s not serious. They’re making you think it is.
Police will go “she’s a legal adult? lol, fuck off”
College will go “we don’t discuss current or potential students to random adults, you fucking weirdos.”
If you’re really still worried, call both. Explain your parents are crazy & controlling & are not taking you moving out well. They will nod safely as they have seen this 1000 times before.
NTA.
NTA. It is deeply hurtful to experience favoritism as a child, you’re trying to protect yourself from being hurt more. I wish you the best, this is a very difficult situation. I’d recommend family counseling if you want to repair and maintain a relationship.
NTA. Real talk though; are your parents paying for your college and car insurance, etc? It might be worth putting up with their bullshit for the money.
well, time to put on big girl pants and go TALK to them, stop pouting in a corner like a child
NTA and also if you're over 18yo, then you aren't a runaway. You are an adult that has moved out of the house. They have no legal grounds to report you as a runaway OR alter your college, though I'd contact the college and let them know about the situation so that they don't call pretending to be you and withdraw you from college.
I'm so sorry you had to grow up with all of this and I'm so glad you had somewhere safe to go. Get all your documents etc from them and go live your life. They made their bed, they can just go lay in it.
NTA
You're 18. Declare you no longer live there if you are sure of having another place to legally live. Contact your future college to let them know the situation.
To miss a graduation for a collectible that could have been picked up another day is laughably absurd.
Have a meeting with your parents on neutral ground without your sister. You are to get your time uninterrupted or there is no meeting. You can bring a trusted extended family so its not 2 on 1 if you like. Have all of your grievances (incidents, slights, the 5x gifts to biological daughter, etc.) typed up and a copy made for everyone in attendance before you start. You are to go down the list in its entirety while they make notes and then they can discuss individual things.
You have the power to walk away and apparently they want a relationship. You hold all the cards. I get a sense you want a respectful fair relationship with your parents.
Set them straight on how they need to curb the monster they are creating now that you are no longer in the house to be the target. That kid needs discipline NOW.
They thought it was about the money and STILL didn't give you equal to your sister.
Are you 18? If you are, you are allowed to be purposely ‘missing’
Nta Dude that fucking sucks. I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how it felt growing up in this environment I'm sorry. You're not the asshole. You have simply moved out of your parents home.
You NEED to get all your documentation-birth certificate, passport, social security card (if USA). An officer can escort you to the home to get them if you request it so as to avoid extra drama or them threatening destruction of your property/papers. You’re doing the right thing. You’re choosing you, they haven’t for a decade now. Stay firm and know you’re loved and supported by internet strangers the world over.
You're 18, graduated HS. You're a legal adult and can make your own decisions. If cops show up and claim you're a runaway explain you're 18 and you've decided you don't want to be there in their home(make sure it's cool with your bfs family).
I'm 1000% for adoption, but when you adopt you need to treat your kids the SAME. When you CHOOSE to adopt a child and then have a bio child that doesn't mean your other child gets put on the back burner and treated like an unwanted goldfish from the fair when you finally get the puppy you've been dreaming about.
I'm sorry that you have been treated like that in your own home and family.
ABSOLUTELY NOT… sibling favoritism is so crazy to me and i think it’s so unfair to the one being treated poorly. The fact that they only thought it was about the money speaks high volumes about their character. it doesn’t help their case either that they adopted you and can’t show you the same love they have for their “real” offspring. i hate that you’re experiencing this.. i wouldn’t forgive them nor would i go back to their house for a good while. until they can understand what they are doing is completely unacceptable… which im sure they won’t.. keep staying with ur bf and his fam!!
OP's parents are doing "Princess" no favours either...
NTA, obviously.
That's so truth.
OP has been working for years for exemple while Princess spoiled behaviour if it's never reined in, can make her virtualy unemployable.
That’s assuming she ever has the desire to be employable. She’s probably going to be one of those people who live off mommy and daddy until they move on to living off a significant other.
It will go wrong before that. Give it some years, and we will read about her on reddit in a "AITA for kicking out my roommate from hell" or a rant post about something along those lines.
Unemployable, unfriendable, unlovable. Princess is never going to understand that she is the problem, guaranteed.
Exactly this. OP’s been treated like an afterthought their whole life, and now their parents are shocked they finally walked away? Favoritism isn’t just unfair, it’s damaging, and OP’s doing the right thing by choosing peace.
Exactly this. OP’s been carrying the weight of being second best their whole life. The moment they choose themselves, suddenly they’re the problem? That’s not love, that’s manipulation. Proud of OP for finally walking away.