Wife thinks I'm obsessed with dildos

Go communicate, bro. Ask what’s up, and if she’s not into the constant strapping, figure out an alternative.

A side note: unless you’re buying dual density, penetrative toys can be unyielding and feel too much after a while in a way that’s rather unpleasant. Also consider: if she wants the feeling of intimacy, she probably wants something she cannot give herself - so your fingers or tongue, if you’re having ED issues. Dildos are a whenever toy that she could use herself if she wanted. She can’t experience fingers or tongues without your assist.

How Sure are you that she is actually enjoying it? Maybe have some really open talks...

Talk more.

I had a similar problem on meds. I could get hard but couldn't orgasm. My libido dropped right off. It took a long time for my wife to understand why I was OK bringing her to orgasm and leaving it at that.

Some time later, she went on meds with the same sort of side effect and all the light bulbs went on.

So talk. And really, really get into how it is for you because your side is likely the complicated side.

Also, try other medications. There are loads and your body will react differently to some. Never met a doctor who wasn't willing to take sexual problems as a legitimate reason to change meds.

And the dildo will always be there for both of you.

This is a chance to work on both of your communication. You tell US you don't get it, but do you ask her what she really means, and what she'd like instead? If she is criticizing it as "obsessed", maybe she doesn't really like it. Improving your empathy and understanding of each other can make a deeper relationship, and can maybe help you improve your depression.

Try talking to her abt it. You're not TA but shes NTA either. You need to have a little chat with her about it, what your mental health is making you prefer. All in all you stated you love hearing her orgasm but the strap-on feels better to you. Tell her you prefer the strap-on, and you use it because of how she responds that it makes you get off on it.

What an utterly insane response to a problem. Consult your doctor to work on a solution? Nah. Discuss the issue with your partner to determine how she feels? Nope. You just pull yourself up by your harness straps and go to work!

Here is a wild concept: Ask your wife. Talk with her about what she likes and does not like with the strap-on.

This is not even an AITHA-question to be honest. Just you not really asking strangers on the internet anything, more like explaining something with no question at the end, instead of just asking the one who has the answers you seek a simple question. Or explaining what you like about it.

You are the asshole for not considering asking/talking with your wife as the first thing to do

NTA and not sure your wife thinks you are either from the context of this writing. 

Being intimate is important and can take various forms, as it has in your case. You shouldn’t feel shame for finding a middle ground with your problem. 

Have you tried/considered ED medication? I have been taking daily Cialis and now have the opposite problem with little desire but can rise to the occasion when my wife is in the mood. 

Get good with the tongue work. I also was prescribed Zoloft, and heard no shortage of orgasms while I was on it.

Maybe she just likes the real you. Or doesn't like feeling like she has to submit to the device, or put on an orgasm show. Sex could start feeling impersonal, and lonely.

Also, maybe you should make an end game plan, of how to get off the anti-depressants sooner than later. They can have bad side-effects, and other therapies can be just as effective. Best wishes.

NAH, yall just need to have a kind and open conversation about each other's feelings.

> notbonky

Are we all just going to leave that alone then!??! C'monnnnnn.

NAH. It may be that she is feeling self conscious about being the sole focus during sex instead of it being mutual.

This is a wildly over generalization, but a lot of straight women aren't actually all that great at taking turns during sex (with the most frequent exception being oral). She may not be as comfortable with the idea that sometimes it's just "her turn" to feel great and there may be some guilt coming up around that.

But you won't know for sure unless you keep talking about it. I would probably just tell her that your back is stronger than your fingers and you love to see her get fucked.

Viagra or Cialis may or may not resolve the immediate issue, the ED. So let’s just say for now, it’s a no go. If you really want to provide your wife PIV sex, have you considered wearing a penis sheath or cock sleeve with a cock ring? Depending on the type of sleeve, you could continue to have direct PIV contact with a greater level of bodily contact and intimacy than with the harness and dildo. The harness may be a bit of a distraction and part of what’s adding to her uneasiness given the circumstances. But of course, you should talk to her about this.

Talk to your doctor!! The same thing happened to me on Lexapro and it turns out I'm bipolar. SSRIs can cause manic symptoms in bipolar people, which often includes hypersexuality. This could genuinely be a sign of something very serious.

Viagra maybe? Also maybe she’s not feeling as connected to you with the strap on. There is more to sex than numbers of orgasms and how intense they are just saying.

And I am a guy btw

NAH - I (f) and my partner (m) experience the opposite. I’m on Sertraline (an antidepressant drug) for about 2 years now and I physically cannot for the life of me orgasm anymore ever since I started taking them.

It took a lot of getting used to for me because I really do value being intimate a lot with my partner and I was scared that this would change things for the worse. After a few months I figured that the side effect wasn’t going to improve and I ended up talking about it with my partner. I told him that being intimate still feels good and I enjoy whatever it is that we end up doing because I do get wet and all but I physically can’t get to reach an orgasm.

In the end, it’s far more important to me to keep being intimate with one another instead of letting that part of our relationship ‘die out’ and possibly leading to different problems in the future.

Communication definitely is key!

If it helps, they do make ones that fit over you so you could get something out of it. I don't know if they would work if you're flacid, though

You have ED. you found a way to get her off despite that purely because you enjoy making her come, and she is complaining? Girl what?

You’re a service top, sounds like. You like getting your partner off first and foremost. I think she needs to be reassured that she’s not leaving you high and dry

You could get the same result (orgasm from her) if you go down on her. Honestly, she’d probably like it better (most women do added to the fact that she’s getting weirded out by the strapon). Plus, and this is my personal opinion here, a woman cuming with her their legs wrapped around your head and your face up close watching them buck and hearing them moan…. It’s better than having them cum anyway else.

I have tons of experience with psychiatrists, and they really are only a bunch of lazy pill dispensers.

I would do absolutely anything to explain the depression before visiting a psychiatrist. Have you had your testosterone levels checked? What about exercise, which may take a lot of work to get into a positive rhythm with? How’s your diet? Explore any other reasonable ideas to tackle depression that you can find on the Internet. Antidepressants have tons of side effects (as you know) plus many report little success on them (you claim some success even though you are required to use a fake dick to pleasure your wife).

Let her try it on you.

sex toys are not a substitute for sex.

i hate that they put you on it so quickly.

yta pick up viagra

It’s not the toy it’s the joy. Some men chase pleasure, others just love watching it happen

Try having a more in depth conversation about it. I would also talk to your dr (Psychiatrist is who you’re talking about hopefully. Have had both prescribe and the Psych was the best at figuring it out). There are other meds out there to try, it does take time to find the right one that works overall in every way. Been through finding the right meds with myself, husband and children. Yes it takes time but is worth it to find what works the best for you. Or like another person said, try meds to help with the ED issue. Either way talking with a medical professional would help. Also if not already in it - therapy. Which could eventually help your wife understand better too.

Maybe you can get a note from your doctor, some meds can cause some unusual side effects

Have you tried other options, more foreplay, fingering etc? Is she dead set on penetration from you? I think I good open talk perhaps of more you could do to help her be comfortable or enjoy more than just the strap could be beneficial. Tbh I wasn’t positive how who else out there does the same. but I also love getting my lady get off, she’s 50 I’m 33. I love this woman and she’s done so much to help better my life but I find myself not being ultra physically responsive to her and I consistently strap up and please her. She has complained about not getting any actual flesh from me, nothing a pill couldn’t take care of. I wish you the best man, hope things sort out best for yall.

Edge her. Get her to the point, then stop. She'll be quiet.

I thought Mt Onky was gonna be his dicks name

First post I see when I first enter this app btw for the first time 💔💔💔✌️✌️✌️

You should have a talk with her about how much you enjoy having sex with her, and let her know what you are getting out of it. Also point out that if you weren't getting anything out if it you wouldn't keep initiating it.

Maybe consider a change in technique. You may want to focus more on sensual touch. Penetration isn't the only way to cause orgasm. You could probably get it done without the toy.

How does she feel about the dildo? If she is worried you are not enjoying sex with it, that is one issue, but if SHE doesn't like it that is another problem.

Stop using it on her. Problem solved.

I'm in a similar situation. I had prostate cancer and it was removed along with all the plumbing to the testicle. Had an implant put in my penis and it malfunctioned,didn't deflate. Long story short I had it removed and now the diuretic doesn't work either. Looks like I'll be shopping for a strap on device for her. Suggestions??

How does a guy wear a strap on? 

My friend had this issue, make sure to tell your doctor. His gave him Wellbutrin and now he’s boner city again. 

Just here to let OP know, you can orgasm without any erection. Check into it

Have you tried cialis (tadalalafil)? It’s a once daily ED treatment. I take it for similar issues due to the SNRI I take and I am always ready to go, and for much longer than I used to be able to go.

My friend got into a relationship and this was happening to her! She said the problem was that she didn't feel attractive bec he couldn't stay hard. Even though there was another reason. Just like you enjoy getting her off she probably enjoys doing it to you. I'd try boner pills. My boyfriend also warned me when we started dating he had them bec in all his past relationships that was an issue and didn't want me to feel insecure if it happened. But 3 years later and we are completely fine. But when our sex life gets repetitive he gets less into it. So to keep him on his toes I look up different porn for ideas or sex blogs. It's fun I'm more confident to try stuff and he doesn't get bored because he doesn't know what's coming. Now it's just like a rush of excitement when it starts to be dull for a few months and I get some liquid courage and say whatever crazy stuff comes to mind or try stuff I've never done before. I'd learn how to do more foreplay or talk dirty and ask her to do stuff for you even if it's possibly out of your comfort zone. It gets super intense and intimate when you both let your walls down and the freak flag fly

My question is, was a strap on the only thing you’re physically capable of? There’s many ways to get a woman off; penetration is arguably the hardest (lol).

The idea that the only way you can get your wife to orgasm without using your penis is by using a toy penis is heartbreakingly heterosexual.

Most women rather famously have trouble reaching orgasm from vaginal penetration alone, so the idea that you're compelled to use a strap-on because you're "obsessed with hearing her orgasm" is the type of thing someone would write who has a kink for sex toys, not someone who is actually preoccupied with getting their female partner off.

Do you just never go down on her? Never use your fingers on her g-spot?

Is your sex life just all about shoving a penis, real or fake, into her vagina?

That poor woman.

As an old lesbian, this post makes me sad.

I too choose this guy's wife

Just get some viagra or cialis and get it done. And communicate more.

Get some f*ckin Viagra then. That's how most men fix ED, not buying a strap on.

You say that like it's a problem

You jus gotta learn how to hit the sweet spot my baby 🫡