[removed]
These commenters are psychotic! No it’s not ok to cut a kid’s hair without the parents’ permission. And what planet do you kooks live on where adults just follow the whims of 6 year olds? NTA
And just because she said the daughter wanted her haircut didn't mean the kid actually said it. At best she could have prompted her into agreeing by saying, oh, don't you think you'd look so nice with it shorter?
My MIL hates long hair on boys. My kids had long hair when they were 2 or 3. Every day we'd pick them up after work and she'd complain. I came one day and she had BUTCHERED it. I was beyond mad. Kept saying they wanted it done but they only "said" it when she kept asking them. Of course they say yes after being asked 50x. I just took them home, had to buzzcut it to make it the same length (it was that bad). She tries to make comments sometimes but all I have to do is look at her.
Now they are 10 and one has longer hair than me. She kind of complains but I tell her like I tell them. It's their hair. They can do what they want.
Has she ever been left unsupervised with them after that?
Yes but she also knew if she wanted any other contact with them she never needed to do it again. She also hasn't in the last 7 years so I figure she learnt her lesson.
If you really want to know that she has learned her lesson, you should ask her to buzz her hair.
Well it's been 7 years so a little late now. She did apologize and hasn't done anything similar since.
She has also made up for it a lot. She gave us her house, she also bought property down the road so we have a place for our food truck and she now teaches them (she is a licensed teacher and nurse). She just had to learn body boundaries. She was so use to just doing whatever and I'm normally easy going about stuff. I figured they watched them for free I'd let them kinda do what they want (sweets, staying up, etc). I just never thought cutting their hair was on her list.
My mil did this too. Once to each kid. We let the hair grow out at 2/3 because barbershop experience is just a scream crying child, less hassle to just let it be long a bit. But mil cut it. The first kid, we had a haircut appointment scheduled for 2 weeks but she couldn't wait. 2nd kid, she butchered it, so we left it like that and did official family photos like that, and now she's forever shamed with all these toddler pics of him with his hair fucked up by her
I really, really want to know if the daughter has been asking for a haircut. It's wrong to cut a kid's hair without permission. I can almost see thinking it's a good idea if the kid repeatedly mentioned hating their hair, and threatening to cut it themselves.
I've read stories where the parents went NC with the grandparents for doing this. There were other boundary issues as well, but this was the one that sent the grandparents into permanent time out.
It's wrong to do things like cut a kid's hair or pierce their ears without permission. I get that. The babysitter crossed a huge line. I also got fed up with my hair and hacked it off myself, and can't help but wonder if someone else had done it for me if it would have better in the long run. I went super short in spots. It took a long time to convince my mom that I hated longer hair, and wanted it short.
There is a point, around 5ish, in which kids get their hands on scissors and have at it. Not all of them do it, but enough do that it's not shocking.
What is shocking is a babysitter choosing to play hairdresser and cutting off half of a kid's hair.
I suspect that the babysitter didn't know how to care for curly hair and did it in an effort to insert her notions of hygiene on someone else's kid.
I had my step daughter one afternoon - her dad had an emergency with work. I was already sitting with color , when she arrived. Wanted the same.
Nope Nope. Call your mom. She got her ends trimmed & spa experience. I’d never, overstep mom’s boundaries.
Had the same thought. Was the daughter asking for a haircut or was it something like she was being fussy about having her hair washed and someone was like “well if your hair was shorter …”
OP cutting your daughter’s hair without permission isn’t “helping,” it’s hijacking a parenting moment that mattered to you. You didn’t overreact you set a boundary. And you’re not ungrateful for expecting basic respect as a parent.
Fully agree! What if the kid wanted to play doctor and neighbor took it too far - something you can’t SEE. Clearly neighbor has no physical boundaries. Just because something is free doesn’t make it good. NTA
There was an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm where a little girl wants Larry to cut her dolls hair. In true Larry fashion, he does it. Then the kid doesn’t understand why it won’t just grow back automatically. THAT is the mindset of a 6 year old. If this woman’s daughter did ask for it, which I doubt, the kid had no idea. If she asked for it a) she is 6 and b) she is 6.
Exactly! Cutting a child’s hair without the parent’s permission is a huge boundary cross, no matter the intention. And since when do 6-year-olds make the rules? You’re absolutely NTA for being upset.
Even if kiddo did ask for the cut, lady should've called mom first.
Cutting a child’s hair without the parent’s permission is assault. Let’s be real.
This was my absolute first thought.
A lot or commenters in this sub are here strictly for the drama, and if they dont think theres enough try to create it. Theyll even attack other commenters for no real reason, other than they hate the opinion the person left. This sub is so fucking toxic, starting to be worth not checking out
A lot of commenters in this sub are children imo, who have no clue.
there are absolutely teens pretending to be much older commenting
Absolutely!
With how much projecting is going on here, more likely sad adults that are mentally still teens
I think the breakdown is close to:
50% - sad adults, mentally teens (or worse)
25% - Teens, usually pretending to be older
20% - Sane people
5% - Depends on the day
Seems like half of adults have arrested development, and on Reddit it's probably more. Our great grandparents didn't have the option of being in their 30s or 40s without having life figured out yet.
Yep
Honestly doubt the mental faculties of this woman, I wouldn’t trust that calibre of decision making to take care of my child, it’s like leaving a 6 year old alone to be taken care of by a mental 9 year old
Comparison feels kinda disrespectful to the average 9 year old lol, I’d expect them to know better too
Wow, I guess it is good thing the 6yo didn't ask for a tattoo because using the neighbors reasoning she would have gotten the child a tattoo.
I even asked my sister if I could cut just 1 or 2 cm off in the front because my nephew was complaining about the hair in his eyes. The difference was absolutely not noticeable other than he didn't have hair in his eyes and I've been cutting my and my husband's hair for 10 years ( mine for the last 25 years probably), ALWAYS ask. No matter what the child says. I called her at work just to make sure
When I was a toddler, I had really bright blonde hair and my mom let it grow so long that people thought I was a girl. I was left with my grandmother while mom either worked or ran errands. When she came to pick me up, mom was horrified that my grandmother had taken me to get my haircut without her knowing. Grandmother said there was gum in my hair, but I was too young for that. Mom was PISSED, she said.
Yeah, initially I was like "well did the kid want the hair cut?" but given that the kid was 6 years old the obvious move should have been for the neighbour to talk to OP about it. Or at least not just hacking it off herself! Seriously, taking her to a hairdresser would have been almost exactly as bad, but at least it would have been professionally done.
And if she thinks cutting a kid's hair on a whim is okay because they wanted to... who knows what else she's okay with. It makes me lose faith in her as a competent adult.
I wanted to marry Kermit the frog when I was 6 😂
I was temporarily obsessed with Michael Jordan thanks to space jam lmao. His niece actually went to my middle school a couple years behind me too lol.
The planet is earth 🌎 and this is what we do now. It seems to be the norm. Giving into the whims and tantrums of children.
My parents pretty much gave in to many of my whims. But they can do that, they were the parents.
This woman should not have cut it off without talking to the mom. Unfortunately, op may have shot herself in the foot, having to find new childcare.
Yeah my parents did too, which is why at the age of 16 my high school boyfriend (who was constantly cheating back and forth between me and another girl) lived with us and shared my bed. But they just didn't give a shit about me.
If this woman in 2 freaking weeks only of babysitting this child is doing something like THIS, what the fuck else would she have done as she got more comfortable? I'd rather not imagine honestly cause it's nothing good.
You’re right. This is a line that shouldn’t have been crossed. She could be criminally charged in several states for cutting this kids hair without permission.
And what planet do you kooks live on where adults just follow the whims of 6 year olds?
When i was 6 I wanted to jump off the room and see if i could fly. My sister didn't let me. Would this neighbor be like "yeah go ahead".
NTA, giving ice cream before bed is neighborly, cutting off hair without prior approval is not. You are not wrong for finding other options for baby sitting because she believes that just because she’s doing you a favor she gets to do what she wants. If your daughter asked for a haircut, she should have said, I’ll speak to your mom about itching, maybe y’all can make a mommy daughter day sometime later. You don’t just cut off someone else’s child hair.
Yes. Kids body is off limits!!! This about more than hair.
The babysitter is lucky op doesn't get her done for assault
Yes. It’s not just about the haircut, this neighbour has shown that she is not good at setting boundaries so I would not trust her to set healthy boundaries with this child. What else will she give in on because the child requested it?
So, if it's true, she just went on ahead and did this at the direction of a child? Who wouldn't be upset? That she was babysitting free of charge didn't give her license to do this. I hope you can find alternative childcare in the wake of what happened. Your neighbor is an idiot. NTA.
One of the kids in my family had their tonsils removed. The babysitter was aware. Kid wanted pineapple juice and told babysitter it was okay to have it. Kid was in sooo much pain. The babysitter was like, "they said they could!" Mom replied, "But you're the adult."
Kid was okay after drinking water.
NTA. Babysitting for free doesn’t mean she gets to make parenting decisions. Cutting your daughter’s hair without asking is a big breach of trust. You can appreciate the help and still expect basic boundaries to be respected.
NTA. Your neighbour had a few options here:
"Let's wait til Mom gets home and see what she says."
If your daughter was insistent (doubtful), she could have TRIMMED a little off the ends.
DON'T FUCKING CUT SOMEONE ELSE'S CHILD'S HAIR.
Yes, it's hair. Yes, it will grow back. But you'll never experience your child's first haircut, and I feel for you.
Nope, not even a trim. You don't cut a child's hair without parental permission.
I wonder if the neighbor gave the kid gum or something that got stuck in her hair and had to be cut out, and the neighbor is trying to cover for that.
Honestly, that would make more sense than just cutting it because the kid said to. Still would be wrong, but least would make more sense. At the same time, I know sense is something some people sorely lack.
NTAH.
What the heck? That crosses so many lines.
Unfortunately you’ve learned your neighbor is the kind of person who offers unsolicited help and then gets upset when her “helpfulness” isn’t appreciated.
I’m seriously flabbergasted at the audacity of cutting that much hair just because your kid asked for it.
If your kid was asking for ice cream all day would the neighbor feed her nothing else?
NTA
Your neighbor crossed a line, there is no overreacting, that neighbor broke your trust. You no longer trust her and if mom thinks you’re overreacting cut her hair and see how she likes it!
Your neighbor is feeling entitled because she does free babysitting and taking over a parent’s decision. What other parenting decisions she will make on your behalf? No you nip this on bud and you’re doing a good job.
Nta that’s insane to cut a child’s hair randomly. No normal adult would use the excuse, the kid asked for it.
No reasonable adult would do something like that without parental permission just because a 6 yo said they wanted it. Your neighbour proved she isn’t a fit babysitter and you are NTA. What else will she do/allow because your daughter wants it? Dye her hair? She’s irresponsible and it doesn’t matter if she meant well.
NTA It is not okay to cut a child’s hair without permission from their parent/guardian. Imagine what else she may try to do!
NTA. She's a babysitter, not the parent, she doesn't get to cut a kids hair without parental permission. Something like that would get a paid babysitter/nanny fired, it's not different just because she's doing it for free. This isn't an overreaction on your part, she way overstepped, cutting your daughter's hair was in no way her call. If it's true that your kid wanted it, and you can ask your kid about that, then she should have told you about the request so you could arrange to get the hair cut properly, not stolen a first from a parent.
NTA. Who the fuck cuts a kid’s hair without clearing it with the parent first?
I’m sorry she took that moment away from you. It’s not ok, and hair has such deeply cultural connections.
You are NTA.
I used to run an in home daycare, cutting a kids hair has neverrrrr crossed my mind. To me the neighbors proven she cannot be trusted with your child and giiiirrrrllllll I know free daycares great but she’s a random who knows what she’s capable of.
NTA
The audacity of someone thinking it is okay.. also, it is a red flag to offer to nanny child at no cost… yeah, definitely NTA
Ugh yeah I'm happy at least SOMEONE said this. I don't like to throw around accusations, but offering free childcare is a massive red flag for abuse. Its how several of my family members ended up being abused - someone offering free childcare 'to help out the mother'.
NTA. That's a psycho move. Something's really off with her.
NTA
Your neighbor shows extremely poor judgement.
NTA never in a million years would I cut a child's hair without their adult present!!! Even if they got gum or something in it, I'm not cutting anything until I get ahold of Mom and make sure that's what they want me to do. (And in that situation I'm only cutting off as little as humanly possible)
NTA she definitely should have asked you
NTA.
Your neighbor is the AH. At the very least she overstepped, and at the most, she committed an act of assault on your child. I’m inclined to go with the latter.
Your daughter is a child and anything like that, even if she asks for it, requires parental permission.
NTA.
Ask your daughter if she asked your neighbor to do that.
NTA. Your child, your rules. End of.
This was her first haircut, and that’s a meaningful moment for many parents. It’s not “just hair” it’s a milestone.
the bigger concern here is that your neighbor doesn't have the judgement to think "hmm, this 6yo says she wants a haircut, but i should probably wait to ask her mother". It's not about the hair, it's about the fact that you are leaving your child alone with an adult that you want to know has good critical thinking skills and will think twice about just acting on the whims of a child.
Are you fn serious??!! I would go off!! I babysit full time for multiple families and I ask the parents before I do anything new. (New to me with that child)I was with a 1year old and was getting lunch ready and I’d never fed her hotdog before so I asked if it was ok to give. She had never been given hotdogs, mom gave the ok so I videoed the moment to share. (New Mom was nervous about giving hotdogs) but I always try to catch new things on video so the parents don’t miss out. That was wayyyy out of line
thats very sweet of you to share the video with the parents ^^ and also happy cake day 🍰😊
Cutting the hair without parental permission is actually assault.
Ungrateful? No sweetie. She should asked you and I think it can be reported to the police for abuse. or something like that. Family, friends, sitters, teachers do not have the right, w/o permission, to cut a child's hair.
That’s definitely crazy. I would not want my child with that woman. What if she comes back with her ears pierced next time?
Do whatever you can to make money to pay a babysitter.
Thats NOT cool, my ex MIL did the same & it was so ugly. I cried for weeks and will never forgive her for it
I’m a grandmother and keep my 2 yo. Granddaughter 5 days a week and even I would never do that!! Her hair is finally growing as she was pretty much bald for the first year. It’s now in her eyes and she won’t keep a barrette in so I just push it out of her eyes. I grew up with a mother who was a Cosmetology teacher and she also taught me. I cut everyone’s hair in my family. I would not even THINK to cut my grandbaby’s hair unless her parents asked me to! That is a huge overstep!! Her hair will be long enough soon that it will be easier to keep out of her face so no need to start cutting bangs and while she’s my grandbaby, she is NOT my child. That is my son & DIL’s child and their decision. I haven’t even mentioned trimming it. That neighbor way overstepped and she wouldn’t ever be left alone with my child again. She has no respect for boundaries.
INFO: was she telling the truth about your daughter asking for a haircut? Has your daughter asked you for a haircut and you’ve refused or put it off?
Whatever the answer to that is, she’s TA. She did not have the right to cut your daughter’s hair. That being said, if your daughter has been asking for a haircut and you’ve refused, then you are also TA. Especially since hair care for long, curly hair can be difficult on young kids. Regular trims can make that so much easier. The fact that you’ve let her get to 6 without a haircut really isn’t ideal, especially if she’s been asking for a cut.
Nta.
She should have waited.
The i was just trying to help is bs.
Tell her you are thankful of the free childcare, but the hair cutting help was not needed,not warrented nor asked for and you cant trust her any more
NTA, If she's comfortable doing this, who knows what else the neighbor is comfortable doing to your child.
NTA
Cutting the hair is a problem that could have maybe be worked through with discussions (different people have different relationships with hair), but the neighbour's reactions afterwards make it very, very, very clear that she shouldn't be trusted as childcare. She clearly had some sort of selfish motives for offering to help.
NTA cutting her hair is crazy but I don't trust people who randomly volunteer to babysit like that. It's one thing if it's a grandparent, or other family member who knows and has reason to want to spend time with the kid. But a random neighbor? Absolutely not. I would be worried about their motivations
NTA. It wasn't her place to cut it without first consulting you.
NTA
You need to read past this haircut. If she willing to give into a 6 yrs old’s request for a haircut, which is common sense you should not be doing. Especially if she somehow coerced her into saying it. Where does this stop?
I get things are extremely hard doing on your own, and can be expensive, but at what cost do you put on your daughter’s safety?
If this person wasn’t offering free childcare, what would you have been doing? That’s exactly what you need to do now. It wasn’t a godsend, it was a manipulation from someone who is looking at your daughter as theirs. This is a sign, as small as others may see it, it’s only going to get worse. And god forbid it turns into something there’s no turning back from. Here is your moment to protect your daughter. Please put your daughter first, instead of money.
The only thing your neighbor should have said in response is “I’m sorry”. Also, you can still make this a nice memory with your child by taking her to the salon for the first time to get a “big girl trim” and have the hairdresser fix it up! Of course that is depending on your budget.
NTA.
NTA the neighbor had no fucking right to do that period point blank
NTA. Free babysitting is never free.
What else do they think they're entitled to do to your daughter's body, in return for free services? Because that's sketchy as hell. NTA by far.
NTA, but on the other hand free childcare is not easily replaced if you have no relatives nearby....
Nta. Cutting someone's hair without permission is assault.
That's fcking weird.
it's also very unusual for someone, not a relative or family friend, to offer, "free" childcare on a daily basis without pay. Honestly, I find it a bit off.
You are not the bad one. It doesn’t matter if your daughter asked your neighbor should’ve talked to you first. Haircuts are a big deal, especially for a kid that age. You’re not ungrateful you’re setting boundaries. Her reaction just proves she didn’t respect yours.
"Your daughter asked for it!" She's a CHILD. Do you give her EVERYTHING she asks for? If she asked for candy and cake for lunch, would you give it to her? You do not do something like that without the parents' permission. The only way that would be acceptable is if her hair got caught in something dangerous (which very rarely happens), and that was the only way to free her before she got injured.
Edit for grammar and to say NTA.
Insane behaviour. Why not give her a tattoo because she really wanted one? NTA. I'd be livid. "Well why don't we ask mommy about it when she gets back?" How hard is that? Unbelievable.
Cutting someone's hair off without their agreement is assault. And if the child is a toddler, the agreement needs to come from their legal guardian.
"Totally devastated" is a big overreaction. But cutting a child's hair without her parents permission is a sign of terrible judgment to the extent that I wouldn't trust her to take care of my kid in the absence of an emergency.
No. Gross. That's crazy that she would think this is okay. What is next Also? Spanking your child without asking? Also, as a mom, I feel compelled to share that I would only accept free child care from family. I am suspicious of anyone that volunteers to watch kids for free. Not to mention her expecting you to just hand over your choices as a show of gratitude. No way. That lady would never watch my kid again.
NTA - Babysitting for free does not entitle you to cut a child's hair without parental consent.
Even if there's an emergency situation, they still should have called if it wasn't at the level of "Their hair got stuck in a machine and I cut it to save their life".
Wow. I have curly hair and that is ALOT of length to lose without asking for permission. A trim? Maybe could let it slide, I guess, but curly hair is soo hard to grow because of the coiling so it feels like it takes twice as long to grow back. I'm so sorry she did that, absolutely NTA, I would be livid if it was my daughter. What she should have done was mention that your daughter asked for a cut and that she'd be happy to do it if you wanted to bring her back. That's how a professional behaves.
NTA. Absolutely overstepping a boundary there
NTA. Heaven forbid, Next time your kid might ask to try a sip of neighbor's beer and a hit on their vape. Maybe a small tattoo after that?
Seriously though, the neighbor overstepped, and OP needs to make other arrangements.
Man, you don’t cut a kid’s hair without parental discussion EVEN IF YOU ARE 1/2 OF THE CHILD’S PARENTS. Grandparents don’t even get to make this choice without social repercussions. Neighbor is way in the wrong. NTA.
So, if 6-yo said, "lend me the car, I'm going to the corner for ice cream, that would be fine? Perhaps that is a bit extreme... Oh, I know- "hey neighbor sitter, I always wanted to pierce my nose, but mom is a stick in the mud 'cuz I'm just six- you'll do it for me though, right?"
Gaah!
I have a story. My long hair was cut when I was 5 years old. I had a boy cut until I was 10. When my daughter was born, it WAS known that NO ONE was to cut her hair without me being asked. At 11yo, my aunt cut it right below her shoulders. No asking. When my daughter got home, her hair was in the shape of a triangle because it POOFED out. I won't share the fall out because it was anticlimactic, but GIRL I would want to tell her a thing or two about BOUNDARIES!!! NTA
That was potentially assault. NTA
No 'potential' here. Legally so as it was done without the parent's permission.
She shouldn’t be making any changes to a child’s appearance without your permission— PERIOD!!!
A 6 year old wants a lot of things, it doesn’t mean that you give it to them without mom’s permission.
A 6 year old wants a lot of things…
IF the daughter actually asked for it. Big if. Big. Huge!
NTA. When are people gonna freakin learn if it's not your kid do not take scissors to that child's head?! Period. She could have texted, called, waited but instead chose to cross a major line.
Fun fact: that is assault and you could technically press charges.
Thats crazy. She should at least have checked its ok with you first
NTA. Your neighbour should have called or texted you and asked if you if it was ok that she gave your daughter a haircut and not assume that you would be ok with it.
Unfortunately, you get what you pay for. People suck.
NTA, obviously she shouldn't have touched your daughter's hair. Just as a thought, I wonder if your daughter chopped it and the neighbor is covering for her. It would certainly be weird for the neighbor to do that if that's the case, but my daughter has cut her hair twice, once with art scissors (the kind that cuts paper into waves), and once she cut a portion with nail clippers. That doesn't affect my decision that the neighbor is TA.
Isn't this classed as assault.?
NTA. If she wanted to help she would have informed you before and not make a decision without your approval.
NTA. That’s not ok. You do not cut a kids hair without parents permission.
NTA 1. She broke trust. She could have asked you but didn’t. Never have her babysit again. 2. What else will she overstep on next? 3. Her reaction sounds entitled. What else does she feel entitled to do to your daughter? 4. Legally, a 6yo cannot give consent. Charges can be filed in many places for this violation.
When I was 5 or 6 I was watching twilight with my dad and stepmom and i asked for my hair to be cut like Alice’s. My stepmom was a hairdresser and cut it but no one told my mom about it so when I got back for her custody time she balled when she saw me because she thought my dad made me cut it. Things got cleared up. NTA, someone should have at least one parent consent for someone else to cut their young child’s hair, especially when it’s not a professional.
NTA. The problem here isn't that your neighbor cut your daughter's hair, it's that she did it without so much as talk to you about it first, much less asking your permission. Even IF your daughter had asked for it, she should've talk to you about it instead of doing it herself. It is NOT her place to do that! You are the parent and she didn't just crossed a boundary, she also took away that precious moment from you. It is totally understandable that you'd prefer to find other arrangement after what she did. And it made matters worst that your daughter has curly hair, something not even all hairstylist can deal with, there are actual hairstylist that had to have special training to deal with curly hair, and I'm guessing your neighbor isn't even a regular stylist.
NTA I've been cutting hair for over 20 years, but there has not been one haircut given without consent from the parent. That's a huge no-no. I think you're right about ending the babysitting. If your neighbor is comfortable doing something as big as drastically altering your daughter's appearance, I'd be worried about what else she may think is acceptable to do.
My daughters paternal grandmother got her first haircut without telling me. It was the 80's bowl cut that is very difficult to fix on a girl. I had specifically told everyone i didnt want her hair cut and made it clear i hated the bowl cut. I was so pissed. Grandma was proud of herself and said my daughter "looked adorable". I took her for layers until it was at her shoulders again, then let it grow out from there. Never left her alone with grandma again.
NTA, I am a teacher and I have had children say they wanted to cut their hair. I have never been compelled to cut their hair.
NTA
If she wanted to help and wanted to give the 6 year old what she asked for, she should have told her "let's ask your mom". She didn't. She either lacks impulse control, ability to redirect or ability to say "no".
Who tf does this ?!!!!! Oh my gosh I'm so sorry that happened I would be livid
Being an adult and cutting someone's hair without consent (and a 6 year old is incapable of that) isn't even "taking that moment" - it is ASSAULT.
If daughter wanted to go play in the road or take drink of alcohol, would she let her?
NTA
pretty sure that qualifies as physical assault, what a psychopath
NTA. What other boundaries do they cross that you don’t know of because you can’t see? I hope you can find someone affordable and trustworthy.
Who offers to babysit for free? Something weird was bound to happen
A rando neighbor offers to watch your small daughter for free indefinitely out of the goodness of her heart and your spider sense didn't so much as tingle??? the haircut is going to be the least of this poor child's problems.
NTA but your neighbor was definitely wrong she had no right to cut your child's hair without even asking you regardless if the child wanted her too or not she's the adult and she of asked you first was it ok I would be pissed off too I guess if the child said she wanted alcohol she would give her that too just because she wanted it yeah don't let her watch your kid nomore
Fafo, press charges, this was assault
NTA. She isn’t safe to babysit if she’ll cut a child’s hair because a six year old asks. What else is she allowing? “I had to let her drive the car because she asked and I wanted to help.” “I had to give her the bottle of gin because she asked and I wanted to help.”
NTA it’s nice that she babysat for free but that doesn’t give her the right to just cut your daughter’s hair. She should have asked you first and I really don’t like it that she got defensive about it and didn’t apologise… if she had apologised, it would have been less infuriating. I understand you and it would have really pissed me off as well. She could have just sent a text… people who don’t respect or understand boundaries are dangerous and I wouldn’t be able to trust her again.
People don’t understand boundaries! Just because it’s free doesn’t mean you can play with me or my kids.
First, NTA. You did not overreact. Second, did you ask your daughter about the haircut? To confirm that it was something daughter actually requested? It's very, very weird that the neighbor immediately said sure! It seems more likely that the neighbor didn't like your daughter's long hair and wanted to cut it. Either way, it shows poor judgement from the neighbor. Your neighbor is weaponizing gratitude. Don't fall for the manipulation.
Cutting hair without consent is usually assault, I wonder if that applies when somebody cuts your underage kid's hair without your consent, or would the kid's consent have been enough? Perhaps check with the police to see what they have to say about this if you want to go that route.
NTA.
NTA
In Germany cutting the hair of a 6yo without permission of the parents is a crime and she could be reported to the police. The permission of a child this young would be irrelevant.
NTA, I wouldn't even cut my nieces hair while babysitting without explicit consent from her parents, weird behavior and I doubt your child asked for a haircut, even if she did, no.
In some places cutting a child's hair without parental permission is considered assault
Your mom thinks the neighbor meant well? There’s a big problem right there.
NTA
I (19f) babysit for free, taking care of a 2 year old 3 times a week. Her mom is basically my sister, and she'd pay if she could, but she can't, and I don't push. She's incredibly laid back about what the baby and I do during our days. But I still send occasional "is this okay" texts when I'm not sure. Super basic, non boundary crossing things. (Asking about certian snacks before giving them, movies before watching them). Because I respect her and I respect what she wants for her child.
Providing childcare for free does NOT make you entitled to make decisions concerning the child. At all. Especially not altering her appearance. WTF.
NTA. If your daughter wanted to smoke a cigarette, she’d give it to her?
Cut MIL’s hair.
"She said she wanted a tattoo! I was just trying to help!"
NTA. That can be considered assault in some places
who listens to a 6 year old?
Rage bait karma farm lol
My mother and Father nearly kicked the shit out of me once because I cut my sister's hair. NTA
NTA but I'm curious...
INFO: did your daughter ever talk to you about cutting her hair before?
I ask because while I think you were right in being upset and that the babysitter overstepped, often lots of parents don't let their kids have enough reasonable control over their own appearance and that can be a problem. While parents should get the final say when it comes to certain aspects of their kids appearance, a lot of parents take that to treating their kids like literal dolls.
This isn't an accusation, just trying to show some perspective.
Free babysitting doesn’t entitle anyone to drastically change your child’s appearance drastically without permission
If you inform the police she could be arrested for battery or criminal mischief
NTA
I think that this entire situation shows that your neighbor does not have the intelligence or wherewithal to be taking care of children, and I’m glad that something even more serious wasn’t at stake. NTA
That's actually a crime.
What she did is likely illegal. It’s concerning that she doesn’t understand why this would be an issue
Isn't this a form of assault in most places?
Where's the hair? Did you get it back?
I know this seems like an odd question but 8 in of hair that has never been dyed or treated nor is silver. Some places you can sell that for some good money.
I wouldn't trust someone who would just chop off that much hair off of a child. Not to have ulterior motives.
I would be concerned that the neighbour didn’t take your feelings into account. It doesn’t matter if free of the most expensive childcare- she overstepped boundaries. Hair cutting is not part of babysitting. The reaction you received to me is very concerning- especially throwing the free aspect at you. I would be further concerned if the quality of care. And I really believe your reaction was the correct, follow your gut feeling and find somewhere else. Maybe ask coworkers for a recommendation. Depending the schedule, maybe a college student is a good option?
She should have asked permission for sure but if she is truly trustworthy in caring for your daughter (I mean does not have strange guys hanging around,does not put your daughter in unsafe situations,etc)you might have to bite the bullet for trustworthy childcare. If that's the case I would sit down and discuss going forward what is and isn't allowed
NTA. She assaulted your child.
Why would someone offer to babysit for free? That is the most concerning part of this story and honestly you’re lucky if the worse thing done to your kid was a haircut.
NTA. This is actually considered assault.
Even foster parents aren't legally allowed to cut their foster kids hair without the parents permission.
Ask her for the hair back. I'm serious. She might have cut it off to sell it, I've seen it happen before.
Your mom is wrong and your neighbor violated your trust. Heck, I even think cutting your kids hair was an act of aggression. She cut your kids hair for a reason, one only known to her, and it was not a good one.
This was a major lapse in judgement on the neighbour's part. Your daughter may not be safe with her, no matter whose idea it was.
[ Removed by Reddit ]
NTA
My 10yo granddaughter spent a few weeks of the summer with me and wanted a haircut.
I still asked her mom's permission to get her hair cut.
Nta. What next? She gets your daughter's ears pierced?!
NTA - in many places this is a form of assault. Neighbor is lucky you aren't calling the cops and a lawyer
NTA. The agreement between the two adults was for her to provide childcare for a set timeframe. There was no agreement that she could do anything beyond that: she can't cut hair, she can't make medical decisions, she's not deciding if/where they practice religion...you get the point. It blows my mind that she cut her hair. Even if the child wanted it, any responsible adult would tell her that she needed to first check with mom. If the neighbor had apologized immediately and made it clear she understood boundaries, maybe there would have been a way forward, but there's no way you can trust her.
FYI it’s not ok at all. If I were your kid I’d freak out. Idk what it is but every time I cut my hair I would freak out. And I mean full on temper tantrum even if I asked for the cut. It’s super invasive to me personally I hate getting my hair cut and need to prepare myself mentally sometimes for months on end. And it also takes my mom to persuade me for a year to actually get it cut. It’s traumatic for some people. I honestly don’t cut my hair unless I trust my life with this hair dresser. So sometimes I have to travel halfway around the world to Asia to get it done right.
Hair is hard because everyone’s hair is different and needs different care. It’s not fair for your neighbor to make that conclusion for you. Also it’s crazy that in some countries cutting of hair historically is seen as shameful and bringing dishonor (in Asia back in history women’s hair meant their life so if it’s cut short you get the point) and in current times if someone cuts your hair without consent, it’s considered assault.
That being said no you are Nta i have also heard that after a first haircut that the hair can change so NTA.
Analyzing user profile...
Account made less than 1 week ago.
Suspicion Quotient: 0.10
This account exhibits one or two minor traits commonly found in karma farming bots. While it's possible that u/Responsible_Page_252 is a bot, it's very unlikely.
I am a bot. This action was performed automatically. Check my profile for more information.
I’d have called the police or something. Wtf? Cutting someone’s hair is bananas.
My brother shaved his head once while his 2 year old was in his custody. She threw a fit because Daddy and I wouldn't shave her head too. You know what we didn't do? Cut her hair! Little kids want to do all sorts of stupid and dangerous things. Sheesh!
Neighbor probably thought curly hair is messy and didn't know how to take care of it. I had a friend with very curly hair as a kid and her parents couldn't afford much so she always got the worst haircuts from those cheapy salons. She hated her hair until she was old enough to buy her own products and haircuts.
NTA. You just can’t cut somebody else’s kid’s hair. It sounds like she was doing whatever she wanted because she was providing free care.
Even IF your daughter asked this woman for a haircut. Doubtful. This woman should’ve explained that she should wait until you (her mom) was able to take her to a hairdresser. Not hack at it herself.
Am I correct in thinking that without your permission this is considered assault??? On a minor, no less.
NTA Cutting her hair without permission can be considered assault in some areas. If she slapped your child in the face, should you take it in stride and be grateful for the help? Absolutely not! She should be grateful if you decide not to press charges.
NTA. Kids that age say many things, want many things. And don’t nearly comprehend what that means. Probably want something else the next day.
You can be a ‘fun babysitter’, giving the kid 2 scoops of icecream instead of 1. Or letting the 6yo stay up 15 minutes or so past bedtime. Agree to build a pillow fort with them. Let them paint their nails or play around with make up, while not even leaving the house to be in public.
You don’t give them pets, you don’t give them foods you were specifically told not to, you do not cut or colour their hair, give them a tattoo, or pierce any part of the body, ears included, unless this was agreed upon by the parents and the child. You also don’t brand them, nor do you baptize or otherwise initiate them into any religion (including your own, or even that of the parents’ family).
I would have cussed her ass out! And your mother is tripping! 🤦🏾♀️
Hell no! It is NOT ok to cut someone else's kids hair without the parents permission. Sane people just do not do that. Your neighbour seriously overstepped. I'd be furious too.
Consent is required! This can be construed as assault!
NTA. Insane. If your daughter said she wanted pierced ears or to dye her hair would she have agreed to that too???
NTA. I believe that she didn’t mean any harm, but I would not trust my child with someone who has that bad of judgment.
OMG NTA!!! If she has a pet, ask her if it's okay if you shave them! I've had kids at my daughter's school cut her hair and I was furious!
NTA - I have cut kids' hair that I have looked after but only after speaking to their mother first. I mentioned to their mothers that they had asked me to give them haircuts, and I didn't mind doing it, but they had to get permission first. I also told the kids that their mother may prefer a hairdresser doing it, and that was fine too.
White people cut the hair off the Indigenous children they kidnapped and took to boarding schools. It’s child abuse and in some contexts one part of genocidal erasure of your child’s identity.
Do NOT cut curly hair!
Did this to my girl and never again. Find someone who knows how to do it.:(
That is crazy. Who cuts a neighborhood kids hair without permission from the parent??? Insane to me
Oh my god, NTA. Cutting a child's hair without their parents' permission is not helping out. You're not being ungrateful or dramatic.
NTA. I sure hope you can find childcare you can afford. Your mom probably wont baby sit. Honestly, I would be very pissed but I would calm myself down and find out why she cut my child’s hair. Night shift baby sitters would be hard to find.
Your mother is correct.
i wouldn't trust someone to babysit my kid if they just do whatever the kid wants. what about candy for dinner, and unlimited ipad time? NTA, that neighbour is very weird.
While the argument, it will grow back is valid. It could take years to get that length again. The bigger issue I see here is this adults lack of judgement. Even if she would be ok with another adult cutting her own child’s hair without permission from parent, surely she has to realize that not every adult is going to see her perspective here. Even if the child requested it, that’d be something most adults would probably want to reply with “we should ask your mom or dad first!”
The use of AI or bots to make comments or posts is not allowed, even for grammar or editing. Please understand that this decision was made by human moderators, not AutoMod.