i (32F) rent a converted warehouse loft in the arts district. When my previous roommate moved out two years ago, I took over the full lease because I'd always dreamed of having a proper studio space. The rent is steep, but I make it work through my art sales and the pottery classes I teach twice a week.
My boyfriend (29M) moved in eight months ago. He was spending a fortune on his downtown apartment, so when I offered to let him stay here for half what he was paying, he jumped at it. That's when the problems started.
He immediately began complaining about everything. The kiln in the corner that I fire once a week - he says the smell is "toxic" even though I have proper ventilation. The pottery wheels set up in the main living area - he thinks they make the place look "unprofessional" when his colleagues might visit. The paint-splattered drop cloths covering most of the floor - he wants me to roll them up every evening so we can have a "normal" living room.
But the final straw came last month when he found out about my weekend workshops. I've been teaching small groups of 4-6 people basic ceramics on Saturdays for the past year. It's good money and I love sharing the craft. When he realized "strangers" would be coming to "our" apartment regularly, he lost it. He demanded I find another venue because he doesn't want people tracking through his living space with muddy shoes.
I explained this isn't just where I live - it's my workspace, my business, my artistic practice. I was doing all of this before he moved in. The whole reason I chose this place was because it's zoned for residential and commercial use.
Last weekend, he actually hid in the bedroom during my workshop and then complained afterward about the noise and mess. He said that since he pays rent, he should have a say in how the space is used. That's when I snapped and told him maybe he should find somewhere else to live if he can't handle what this place actually is.
Now he's giving me the silent treatment and acting like I'm being unreasonable. But I feel like he moved into my established life and workspace and is now trying to change everything about it. This loft was my dream space long before he arrived, and I worked hard to afford it on my own.
AITA for prioritizing my art practice and business over his comfort in what is technically my rental space?
Sounds like you two are just not compatible. Like if you’re having problems now, imagine in the future….
While reading the OP I kept picturing Dharma and Greg (old sitcom). Sitcoms rarely work in real life.
OP don't let your BF interfere with your art life. This isn't just a work and income thing, it's who you are at your very soul. You will regret giving up who you are to appease him and avoid conflict.
NTA. It sounds like this experiment has reached its logical conclusion. If what he's paying in rent isn't enough to offset your lost income, and it's causing unnecessary aggravation, it's time for him to move out. Don't damage your finances and risk your living situation for a guy.
NTA-he decided to move in a with an artist and then is surprised and annoyed that you create art there. Compromises are needed when you move in with someone, but it doesn't seem like he wants compromise, he wants control.
This is exactly what I’m thinking. He says he wants a say but it feels like he wants what he wants period no discussion no compromise
I am wondering if there is way to better "zone" the space so that the work and public areas are more separated from the living area. I have no problem living surrounded by maker supplies, I do have some issues with student traipsing through my living room.
She shouldn’t have to. She can if she is so inclined to try and compromise but he knew what the space was used for before he moved in. If I were her I wouldn’t be willing to compromise because that’s not what he wants, he is demanding she change the space to what he wants and then giving her the silent treatment because she won’t give in.
He knew she held classes there. She can’t just stop having the classes, as she already tried, because she needs the income.
She said in another comment she stopped the classes and only recently started doing them so he didn’t know. I’m not sure why either of them thought moving in together was a good idea if they couldn’t sit down and communicate expectations.
He knew she's an artist, didn't he? I'm baffled by his shock horror.
I’m sorry, but did you two have a conversation about how the space was going to be used by BOTH of you before he moved in? Did you not think about how his presence might shift the needs placed on the space, did HE not actually pay attention to how you were already using it?? Everything about this situation seems to have been set up for failure.
His concerns are legit, but the solution is he needs to get his own place to address them. The alternative is to go rent a separate art studio somewhere else - and that does not sound financially feasible.
Your apartment is doing double duty as your office/workspace and home. You don't meddle in how or when he works in his office - it's unreasonable for him to expect you can't do your professional work in your own office w/o his input.
Your lives are incompatible. Just break up.
He wants a home, you want a live/work space. The two aren’t compatible. I think he needs to move.
How long have you two been dating that he didn't know BEFORE he moved in what your apartment looks like and the classes you taught there?
Like did you ask him to move in five minutes after you two started dating?
Gentle ESH. He doesn't get to control your professional life, but it sounds like you need to do a bit of work on the idea that when you invite someone to live with you, its no longer just your space. The other person also gets input on what goes on in the space, and shouldn't just have their opinions dismissed. It was inconsiderate of you to refuse rolling up your drop sheets after a workday, or to have whole classes of strangers in his home without even bothering to inform him first. It sounds like you never successfully transitioned from viewing the space as "my home" to "our home".
That having been said, he is not blameless. He should understand that moving in with someone else means he can't really demand people make huge sweeping changes to their well established routines just for his comfort, especially ones that will effect your business. He knew you were an artist who worked out of your living space before he moved in there, he had no right to be angry about that place showing any evidence at all that you worked there.
Living with a partner is about compromise; you both need to be able to give and take in equal measure and with thoughtful consideration. You guys sadly both seem just as stubborn and immovable as eachother about the way you want things in your home to be, which doesn't lead to peaceful cohabitation when what you want is in such stark contrast. Asking him to leave is probably the right move, because you don't seem right for eachother.
It would be a hill i died on.
He could just leave.
[removed]
Thank you! That's exactly how I feel , he knew what he was signing up for when he moved in.
Except you literally changed what you were doing to accommodate him.
and? she can never change again and has to continue to "accommodate" him with his every need? Nah, it's her lease, her studio, her career, her life he moved into. He can figure it out or move out.
I literally didn't say that. I think she should have him leave.
But he obviously didn't "know what he was getting into" because when he moved in she accommodated him.
And now suddenly she's unilaterally changing it back.
They both are idiots and they both suck.
NTA. This guy resents everything about you. No idea why you like him. I say throw him out of both your apartment and your life.
NTA, but you never should have paused your weekend workshops to cater to him. He instantly got used to it, so it makes sense he would push back once you needed to start them up again.
Never shrink yourself for someone else’s benefit. Because when you can’t do it anymore and need to expand again, they will always take offense. Plus it’s just not fair to you to start with.
I feel like you guys didn’t have the necessary conversations before he moved in.
It seems like he has come from a place that you’re moving in TOGETHER and building a home together.
It seems, from what you’ve said, that this is a financial agreement in that you’ll pay less rent and so will he. He slots into your space.
Can we assume that you’ve changed / amended the living situation in other ways to allow for him to feel like it’s his space?
Is his PlayStation set up in the lounge? Is HIS art / photos / trinkets set up around the place?
Info - did he know about all of this before moving in? If so, then he either thought he could handle it but can’t (so n a h) or expected you to change (n t a, he is). But if he was unaware of all of this, then e s h for you both both discussing what living together would look like. If you told him you wouldn’t do workshops at home then did it anyway, then y t a.
Also, I feel he should be paying 1/3 of the rent and you 2/3. If he’s paying half the rent with less than half the say, then y t a.
Unless he never visited OP's place before moving in, he must have been very well aware, because as soon as he started living there he started to complain about the pottery wheels in the main living area that were already there.
Yeah for that he’s definitely an asshole
Maybe an unpopular opinion but NAH. He's not wrong for wanting to COMBINE spaces after he moved in, and have a say in how he lives and who comes to his home. But you're not wrong for wanting to keep your business as it was. This is a very clear case of failure to communicate, both expectations and compromises, and since it sounds like you aren't willing to compromise your work set up (understandable), this doesn't seem like it's going to be working out
NTA. I would tell him it’s not working and he needs to find a new space to live. He doesn’t see value in your work. He looks at it like an inconvenience or a messy hobby.
Yta for stopping your workshops when he moved in.
I wouldn't want a partner running a business from my home. That's reasonable.
You want to run a business in your home. Thats also reasonable.
If you had of continued run in the classes in your home it would have been fine. Something you did before he moved in and he knew what he was getting into.
Instead you have switched around. You didnt run your workshops to make him comfortable for 8 months. Then you started again when you knew it was something he wasn't comfortable with.
Just do everyone a favour and end this relationship. You arent compatible to live with one another.
NTA
Was he even there before he moved in? What does he think what an art space/ atelier is?
Don't change your art-dream-space, more so as you worked hard to have it! If you did, you'll regret it some time in future. Do your thing as long as it feels right for you!
How’s avoiding conflict working out for you?
NTA, tell him to leave
Move him out.
NTA. You did him a favor and he’s acting like it’s his place now. It’s not. If he’s not on the lease, he has no say and you are well within your rights to kick him out. Give him a hard deadline to find another place or you’ll be stuck with his whining indefinitely. Why let him destroy your peace and your dream?
Time for the boyfriend to move
Dump his ass and evict him. NTA
What's the rent and do you need a new boyfriend?
Added bonus: I know how to throw a pot.
You've been teaching weekend classes for the past year and he's been living there 8 months and never noticed? This doesn't make any sense.
NTA. Please don't be with someone who treats your dreams like that. The people you teach are learning something they can carry with them the rest of their lives. I doubt your boyfriend carries in the groceries.
No, you are not. Get him out of there.
Kick him out
NTA it’s your livelihood, tell him to go find somewhere else to live. Give him 30 days.
NTA. As a person who formerly lived in a residential/commercial warehouse space where we made art, threw parties and hosted all manner of community events and other activities, warehouse life isnt for everyone. Kick the normie to the curb and try dating someone with similar tastes, values and preferences instead.
How much does half of what he was paying equate to the total he's paying towards your space? If he's paying anywhere close to 50% of rent and utilities, YTA. He should be paying 25%, at most, since your business accounts for half of the apt and probably over half of the utilities.
ESH
Is he on the lease? Is he paying YOU the rent but you're the lease holder.
You two should have figured out how him moving in would work before he moved in and starts paying rent.
NTA, but I wouldn't say youre innocent in this either.
Relationships take communication and commitment. It is primarily your space. But when you asked him to move in it became more than that. It became the space of you both. And as such, you shouldn't be expecting him to just suck up everything he feels uncomfortable with, the same way he shouldn't be expecting you to fold at his every demand.
It sounds to me that neither of you really thought it through what living together and sharing a life actually means and what it actually takes.
I'd say take a step back and reevaluate if you two are even compatible.
This was an easy ESH. I look forward to your break up post!
He isnt wrong. It IS his space too. He deserves a say and he isnt being that unreasonable. Asking you to pack things up when you are done is not a big ask. The fact that you stopped hosting people then restarted without taking him into consideration sucks too.
I dont care what you charge him. Its his space too. You live with another person.
That being said you need to stop avoiding conflict and have a real conversation.
Look at it from his perspective. He cant have company over without explaining the mess away. He cant use common spaces while strangers are occupying them. He has to endure the house smelling like kiln ass for days.
(As an amature potter myself i can assure you that the room the kiln is in can easily stink. Any professional studio ive used has the kiln in a separate closed room on a separate hvac system. Especially when you are doing glaze runs.)
You might not be very compatible to live together but this is on you for accommodating him then choosing not to anymore. No matter what conflict was going to happen
YTA. It was your space. Emphasis on was. It's now yours, both of you. He also gets to be comfortable when he comes home. He gets a say in what happens in the only home he has, the home you offered him to come live in with you, the home he's paying for. He's not an AH and he's not being unreasonable, you're just incompatible as cohabitating partners. You either need to compromise or part ways.
I've been in your position. I had my own space that was a live/work artist studio. After years on my own, my partner moved in with me. I didn't want to force this person I love to live according to my comfort only. I made space for him. I made sure to ask him before having people over, because I knew I would want the same from him. And even still, I worried that it felt unequal. We ended up moving to a new place together so it wouldn't feel like my space that he was invading, but our space that we shared as equals. I don't get everything I want. I shouldn't get everything I want. I have a lot of space for my art (just got cleaned up from working at the wheel a few minutes ago myself) but it's not the entire space. I find other venues to teach my art classes. We respect that this is a shared home and we both deserve to be comfortable. I don't see any of that from you in your account of things.
Again, you offered to let him stay. He pays rent. This is his home. This is where he lives. You either learn to compromise and be equal partners, or live alone and have full control. You don't get to demand that another person only do what you want while giving you money for it. You are giving major main character syndrome and acting like he's just a guest star with no backstory who is messing up your script.
Finally, the reasonable answer. I got baffled by all those Ns above.
What proprtion of the rent does he contribute to?
It doesn't matter.
He should leave.
updateme
You feel like he’s infringing on your life and your work because he is and he’s acting like an entitled prick. time for him to go.
NTA. Reclaim your space.
He should move.
NTA. I’ve barely made a few bucks from my art but my boyfriend is respectful of my supplies, space, time, etc. You deserve someone who is excited about your lifestyle.
Ok but you invited him to live there with you permanently? Or as a helping hand ? Because he should be able to feel at home too if he pays rent ... right ?
It's not just your space anymore
Maybe unpopular but NAH. Like your BF I also wouldn't like random people coming into where I live all the time. And look I'd think differently if he begged to stay with you but it was you who made the offer. He's right that now that he pays rent he should get a say in what goes on in his home.
It sounds like you've both realized that living together here won't work since you are unwilling to compromise.
Karma farming bot.
So from the comments it sounds like he did not know about the classes before he moved in and you recently started them back up.
For that YTA.
The kiln, the canvas, the pottery wheels, I get all that. They were there when he moved in. But these classes you teach, having strangers coming in to you shared home, that was not something he knew about before hand, and now you have sprung it on him. That is not cool.
You should have made it clear that you were going to do that before you agreed to have him move in.
This guy doesn't know who you are. He did not have the ability to observe that you live in your studio, that it is how you make a living, that it's not just a hobby.
This is not an apartment that you share the rent on, you are lucky enough to be able to live, and enjoy living in your work place. The only way you messed up was canceling classes.
Are you just looking for companionship? Is he just looking for something that provides sex and a cheaper place to live? I say this, because he's obviously not an artist and you don't sound compatible at all.
The minute you lose being able to be, you, is this minute you decide if not being alone is worth living the life you have invisioned, and are now living.
I'm going to guess your 12 year old self would think your life was the coolest ever, minus the guy who doesn't know who you are.
You are the person lots of people admire, I think you should get a little more social in general, as hard as that can be. Get a best friend that admires your work, and if that best friend isn't a potential lover (gay best friend of artist is a thing for a reason) then have your best friend, and when you want lovers that adore you, because they want to be you.
That's how we did it in my day, I was never that cool, that you potentially could be to people. At 57 I kinda wish I could trade places with you.
Sounds like you both absolutely failed to have an adult conversation about the situation before you agreed to live together.
He has the right to live in a private house.
You have the right to a house how you want to live.
But YTA for expecting to change nothing whatsoever about how you live when taking on a roommate... Or not making it very clear that you wouldn't be changing a single thing for them.
Living together is about compromise.
You dated him for long enough to let him move in but he was unaware you teach classes every Saturday? Or he knew but was somehow unaware that they were taught in your home… which contains multiple throwing wheels, a kiln and covered in drop cloths, ie obviously an art classroom? He never wondered why you had MULTIPLE throwing wheels? This doesn’t make any sense.
It sounds like you both had wildly different expectations of living together. It doesn't seem like you made any effort to make space for him in your place. It also doesn't sound like he realized what living with you would entail.
If the relationship is with worth saving, both of you should make some adjustments.
I mean he's not wrong, but neither are you. NAH, but your living situation is HIGHLY unusual and basically incompatible with a relationship unless you find a unicorn partner. Strange that he didn't realize what he was getting into, but part of that does fall on you for not communicating it after inviting him to move in. Doubt this relationship will last since you seem to have no interest in actually living with him.
NTA. He needs to go, and you need to make sure all of your art/anything valuable to you is locked up and doesn’t get “accidentally” destroyed.
ESH. Maybe an unpopular opinion, but I think both of you are at fault here.
Your BF moved into your space, presumably knowing what it was like, and didn't consider the impact. Probably he was blinded by saving money. That said, if he wasn't aware that you taught classes and always had your art supplies in the living space, that may be on you for not letting him know what to expect so he could make an informed decision.
I think one big issue here is that you continually refer to it as your space. Once you invite him to move in, it's also his space. He is allowed and should have a say over what goes on in his own home. So that's where, if you want this arrangement to work, you have to compromise. So far, all you've seem to have said is that it's your space, so you're not moving anything. That's not the attitude of someone who is willing to make changes to meet your partner's needs. If that's the case, you're probably not in a place where you should be sharing your space with anyone and your BF should be moving out.
ESH, but more you than him. It's your dream space and it probably would've been better to keep it that way. His complaining seems to be centred on:
1) You not making space for him or creating any differentiation between work space and home space (it's actually not unreasonable for him to ask you to move your paint splattered floor cloths in the evening) 2) Not discussing wanting to restart the classes, and just telling him you were restarting them, even though the pottery wheel is in the middle of your main living space. And you haven't been 'teaching classes for a year', you were teaching them and stopped for 8 months. 3) Its definitely not a fair balance if he is paying half of the rent, since it's your studio and home you should be paying 2/3 and him 1/3, since much of the space is given over to studio.
I'm not surprised he hid in the bedroom during the pottery class, i wouldn't want strangers in the middle of my living space either.
Yta. Workshops are something you should have told him way before about. Its one thing being surrounded by art supplies, it's another not to be able to feel at home once a week. What income are you suplimenting when he's already paying you half your rent which you didn't have before?
Start the eviction process. This relationship is a dead end. The longer you keep Mr.Bitches a lot around the longer it'll take to find a supportive partner.
NTA. Your place sounds cool as hell
NTA. Kick him out.
NTA..kick his ungrateful ass out
He is not in anyway supportive of you.
I think you may have to upgrade.
I love doing pottery class, pity I’m not very creative but it’s fun anyway.
NTA
NTA for all the reasons you listed. He can put up and shut up or gtfo.😤
Dump him...
You are both AHs. You needed to have a conversation about house rules before he moved in. Now you are paying the price for but having done that. Either try to do it now and find a compromise, or he moves out and you go back to paying full rent.
NTA. What compromises is he offering you if you change everything? I'm sure a reasonable guy would understan... sorry, I can't finish that with a straight face.
He's unreasonable and has unrealistic expectations regarding the space. He needs to go.
NTA. He has no right to change your living space and your place of BUSINESS. He is the unprofessional one by how he is acting. He can move out, good bye
updateme
Info: do you two talk or speak to one another about your lives in any capacity?
ESH. You both needed to discuss what moving in meant and he needed to know the reality of living there. This is why when people move in together they generally pick a new place that doesn't just belong to one or the other. Because this is his home too now and you're acting as if it's unreasonable for him to want to treat it as his living space. He should have also known it's your workspace. But then he should only pay a third if it's your work and living space and he's only living there.
Run. NTA
Isn't it great that you found out who he is without having to divorce him. Don't give him a choice, give him 30 days to move out because you don't want to fight about the space. Tell him you thought that the rent savings was doing him a favor, you didn't realize that he was going to expect you to upend your work-life and take on extra expenses (pay extra rent for class space???) so obviously you can't live together.
NTA
Boyfriend definitely needs to move out. If he keep yapping, I would go as far as evicting him. Unfortunately he is not in his apartment. He is staying in op's apartment.
If he truly wants a place, he either needs his own. Or him and op need to find a new place that suits everyone's needs.
NTA
I could see if he was offering to roll up the drop clothes, offering to find a way to help divide the space to create a defined living space vs. work space, etc. But he's just complaining and trying to take control of the space.
Sounds like he needs to move out, and you need to consider if it's worth staying in a relationship with someone who behaves this way.
Show him the door. He's not going to support you - and he's already trying to boss you around. No
Don’t dull your shine because he can’t handle the light. NTA.
NTA
I think your relationship has run its course. Break up and kick him out.
Find someone who actually supports you, because this guy doesn’t
NTA. He wants you to be someone else. Rehome him.
GIRL!!! ART BEFORE BROS!!!!!! Fuck that bitch ass weasel boy. GTFO.
Had he never visited your loft before moving in? I can't understand how he could have missed the obvious signs of it also being an art studio. Either that, or he's freakishly unobservant.
I suggest a little test to see if his real concern is the presence of art materials and workshops, if you're willing and able. Tell him that because you can't change anything about your studio setup and operation, you'll instead lower his rent to help make up for the inconvenience he feels. Don't lower it so much that it hurts you, just enough to make him feel the tradeoff is worth it.
If he still insists on you changing or stopping the things you do, then I'm sorry to say, but he sounds like a guy who wants to change YOU.
Chat GPT is shit with details like that!!
How much is he paying of the rent?
NAH.
90% of the people saying N T A would also struggle to live with you. It seems like a lot.
You’re not TA for the way you live, but just saying it would be a pretty hefty adjustment for most people. All the best.
Darlin'? It's not just your rental space. It's also your "mental space", where you live, create and it brings joy to you and others. The "fumes" (ahem, my parents had a small kiln in their basement and there weren't a bunch of toxic fumes, fhs!) are properly vented and a kiln is an awesome and big investment. This isn't just your home, it sounds like a dream come true!
I've reached what I like to call my "IDGAF MATRIARCH" stage of life. Not to say that IDGAF about others! Rather that I am at a point in my life where if something or someone doesn't contribute value to the lives of me or my children or disturbs my peace of mind, then I have no room for them. Your bf (and I say that with a curled lip of distaste) no longer adds value to your life and is ruining your peace of mind in YOUR dream space.
I'd say throw the whole bf away...but that's up to you. But, for future reference (and from personal experience) it starts small, like this, wanting to control the "space." That's not his ultimate goal though. It's to control you. Please don't let it go on any longer because I would hate it if he begins to steal not only your ability to have control of your home but also begins to steal your joy. Don't let him do that, please!
Sounds like a hassle to live in your place tbh
Yeah, it's definitely not for everyone! That's why I was upfront about what this place is.
You were, but then you stopped doing classes "to avoid conflict." So you had to know that when you started them again, there would be conflict.
He needs to go. Even if you continue dating, he needs to be in a space where he can be comfortable, and so do you. Have you thought about how you might work this out long-term? Because it sounds like it will be very hard to find a solution that will be acceptable to him. I'm betting he loves the idea of dating an artist, as long as there is no paint on the floor.
Then don't 🤷🤷
If you loved him you would change. Just kidding! He's one of those toxic assholes who thinks he's the man of the house and what he says goes. Time to ditch the wet blanket.
He was fully aware that:
He knew all that before moving into your space. But as soon as he moved in he started complaining about it all. That's ridiculous. If you don't want to live in a loft space that is also used as an art studio, don't move in with an artist who lives and works in such a place.
And he even has the audacity to tell you to not make your art in your studio space because pottery wheels and paint splashes look unprofessional to his colleagues (wtf?). And he expects you to make extra costs by renting another art studio for teaching workshops, so he can pay cheaper rent than his previous expensive downtown apartment...
I think this relationship is done. He has no respect for you as a person or as an artist. He has to go. Make sure you change your locks (and make sure he cannot do anything to your expensive art supplies and your art work).
NTA. But he is.
Sounds to me like you don't have a boyfriend, you have a hobosexual in your residence.
Nice attempt.
YTA, yes he moved in with you but you act like this is just your house and he doesn’t pay any rent. Some of the things he is asking is not too much.
But it’s her space and he moved into knowing what it looked like and he still made the choice to move there. He waited until she allowed him to move in before he addressed the issues and he wants her to get rid of everything she has had in motion for YEARS just to appease him. To say that she’s the ah is ridiculous.
It’s no longer just her space. It’s their space.
In this case I disagree. He moved in a loft space that is used as a living space AND as an art studio. He must have visited OP's place many times, so he knew exactly what he was getting into and that the space was also used as a work space for making art and teaching workshops. It's not a hobby space, but her place of business that pays her rent and food.
It's totally unreasonable to expect OP to not use the space as an art studio anymore, because pottery wheels and paint drops look unprofessional and the kiln with proper ventilation has a smell he doesn't like. It's not workable to move (heavy) art equipment around everyday.
It's also unreasonable to expect OP to give up part of her income and no longer give well paid pottery workshops. Renting another proper art studio (if you can find one) is expensive. Why should OP have to make more costs in order for him to pay less rent?
Not wanting to live in an art studio is totally valid, but if it's not for you, don't move into one and immediately demand it has to be converted into a more regular living space because of you not liking it and because of your colleagues totally irrelevant opinions.
🏆🏆🏆
He moved into her existing space and should have known exactly what she did for a living and what the place looked like. If they move into a new place together and both their names are on the lease, then they'd have 50/50 rights.
So if you moved into your boyfriends space you would not change anything and be completely happy with the decor he currently has? You would be ok with him saying this is his house and he can do what he wants in it? When you move into with someone or they move in which you both of you have to compromise on some things. It’s not just his place or your place anymore.
Bullshit 😮💨
NTA. He needs to go. You do not need his stress.
You should find a really really nice studio space.... And then tell Thurston Howell the Third how much it rents for, and that he can pay for it since your home studio is too workman like for him
Dating is for finding out whether you’re compatible. And I can understand him not wanting to share his home with weekend classes, wanting carpet in the living room, etc. his mistake was moving in with a girlfriend whose career means that he’s not getting these things. He’s paying less rent in return.
The two of you are not compatible. Some things, like the kiln are not negotiable. Others, like him giving notice before having colleagues over so you can switch dust sheets for a clean rug are not unreasonable. In the long run, you should consider how you can set up the private part of your space so it’s more comfortable for anyone who shares your life; but otherwise: keep living your dream.
Usually when someone moves in, especially your partner, you should share the space equally and take in each others opinions. BUT this is also your work space and keeping a roof over your head comes before a boyfriend. If he was a husband, maybe it would be different. But he’s only your boyfriend and he moved in with you to save money on rent. Tell him to either get over it, move out, or pay the full rent/utilities/bills if he wants control over the entire space. He is being overdramatic.
YTA if you don't grow a spine
Yta, he moved his stuff in and pays rent? So your are just a bad roommate. To him this isn't just for your workplace is, he is seeing the laziness in the future as well.
NTA unless he literally had never been to the space before he knew what it was. But maybe there’s a compromise. Can you section off a living room space that stays drop cloth, clay, student, paint free? I would think you would also want a space for hanging out. Maybe just rearranging could help. After all this is a shared space now so some compromises should be expected
Dump the piss baby and keep doing you. He's incapable of being an actual partner if he's that controlling and inflexible about living in YOUR space that you INVITED him into out of affection. NTA
NTA - he should be dating a white collar person, not a creative. He has zero understanding of what your life consists of.
Nta. Kick him out. He's holding you back.
Nta, drop the dud and get back to living in your dream space. He's dead weight and will only continue to drag you down, further from the dream life you are working hard trying to build for yourself
NTA. Could he not join in on Saturdays and have fun with it? He’s got a cool, motivated artist gf in a sweet ass loft. There are plenty of guys who would be so into and supportive of that, he sounds like a prude. Says your place doesn’t look professional? Sounds to me like it screams of dedicated profession, does he not respect your work? I’m gonna guess he’s a lawyer or finance bro type who doesn’t appreciate creative arts. He entered your space and he can exit the same way he came in. Maybe someday y’all can move into a bigger space together where you can have your own separate studio, but until then he can either suck it up or get his own nice neat boring apt.
why are you with someone so incompatible???? he doesn't respect your art or you as an artist. he sees it as an annoying little hobby, and tells you to clean it all up like you're a child. get rid of the dude and find someone who appreciates who you are. nta, he needs to get lost. fully.
He wants to mess with your income. Probably make you dependent on him
Stop dating children. Jesus Christ.
Wow talk about killing the vibe. What a jerk.
YTA he’s right, he lives there too, pays rent. He’s entitled to a say in how the space is used. You can’t roll up some drop cloths? Sounds like you are unwilling to compromise at all, that’s not how relationships work.
YTA did you invite him to move in with you just to save some money on rent? Because “tHiS wAs My SpAcE fIrSt” it’s the shittiest attitude to have when living with someone.
How does this Hallmark movie end?
NTA better late than never finding out what a tool he is
NTAH. You have your space and we’re doing your thing way before he came along. He moved into your space and he decided that he wanted to change it to his liking. That’s not okay. He can leave if he doesn’t like it. If you guys were living together from the start and all this started then different story. You’d have been slowly changing joint environment or if it was his space and you moved in and added all that stuff however that’s not the case. You should not have to change your life style and what you have built for yourself for him.
He definitely needs to move out. He knew what he was getting and frankly your home sounds wonderful.
can I live with you? This is my literal fantasy life lol. I'm a florist so you'd have an excuse to make funky vases! I only have a baby and a husband that would be coming in my suitcase.
NTA. Keep your dream alive and don't give it up for anyone, especially someone so unsupportive and dismissive of your livelihood, profession, and passion. Someone who can't support your passions cannot support you in a multitude of other ways either.
TO THE CURB
Kick him out. The rent $ is not worth the aggravation.
nta, sounds like boy needs to find another place to call home, if he can’t be happy with what you were offering! I think it sounds like a wonderful idea, and i’m happy your reaching out and teaching people about pottery! dump the guy, keep the studio! good luck with your future endeavors! :)
NTA your place sounds awesome and you and your boyfriend, I fear, seem incompatible.
NTA - did your BF not understand your space?
NTA and good for you for sticking to your boundaries.
NTA
NTA kick him out and find someone who appreciates you and your passion.
NTA Did he not know this was also where you did your business? Cause he’s acting like he didn’t know how you lived your day to day life lol
He sounds controlling. It’s your apartment not his, I say dump him.
NTA but why are you with someone who is disrespecting you, your lifestyle and your livelihood like this?
NTA. He needs to GTFO and you need to make better decisions. Wise up.
Normally - Yes he pays rent so he should get a say - but not if this is how you make a living and he knew all of this beforehand.
Wanting to change the set up and function of an already established home co workshop space is crazy. He sounds unreasonable and controlling.
He sounds like he needs somewhere else to live
NTA. Bye Bye Ex-BF.
ESH, you shouldnt have spot your weekend course. He shouldnt have moved in since he knows you livelyhood is art in your home. He need to move out and you need to not avoid conflicts, the only way get to the otherside of them is through them. Conflict happend when something is important other either one or both parties.
What I don’t get is that you’d obviously been dating a while so he must’ve know what your place looked like before he moved in. Your place sounds awesome btw!!! ❤️ NTA
NTA
Neither of you are wrong for wanting your space/life a certain way that suits you, gives you comfort.
He's wrong for moving in with you, when your life style rubs him the wrong way. He's wrong for wanting you to change your way of life. It's wrong that you felt the need to deminsh yourself to fit in with him. Your partner, should want you to fullfil your true self, your creativity.
Your place sounds wounderful. If he's worried about visitors with light fingers (it happens) he could put his valuables in a locked bedroom. We had to do this due to a family member who stolel, till we went NC.
Idk about your boyfriend - but I'd love to visit your space because honestly, as an artist soul - it sounds really nice
NTA
NTA. He wants a normal living space, which is understandable in an ideal world, but in this economy you gotta make compromises. Having a house that also doubles as a work space so you can make some of your rent money back by using it to teach classes is a great way to make the space pay for itself. If this means he has to deal with some art-related mess, then it is how it is. imo art mess is a charming kind of mess to have compared to regular trash laundry, dirt, etc. kind of mess so it wouldn't be that bad for me... Hey, are you looking for a roommate? :p
He's a dick. Although, you have some blame here, Ms. Self-Professed Conflict Avoider. And, you screwed up royally because you threw down the Move Out card, he called your bluff, is still there, and treating you like shit. You are being an asshole to yourself if you don't actually end this - its gone off a Toxic Cliff.
NTA, please stop enabling this mardy bellend, he needs to move to his own place.
Your BF needs to move out.. he also needs to stop being your BF. He clearly has no respect for what you do. Don't make yourself small for a boy.
scrape this barnacle off your boat sis
He should definitely move. Even move in with a guy roommate
I'm so sorry you have to go through that 😔
He's definitely killing the vibe. He's so entitled. He knew what the deal was before
As an artist I find this comical. He is in a relationship with an artist; a studio, classes, supplies, and smell come along with you.
This won't work and you both know it. Boot him out .... ;-D
For the record, my husband was my CO in the AF. He didn't even know I was an artist ... I had laid it aside during that ten years. When we married and moved into our own place I brought my easel, taboret, supplies, paints, art books, brushes, sketch books, etc. He said, "Wait, you paint?"
Um, yeah. "Cool! We'll have to rearrange our apartment for your stuff!"
Ditch this AH immediately.
Ditch the boyfriend, or at the very least throw him out. This is your living space AND your work space. You worked hard for it and you deserve to enjoy it, not have a little man baby complaining all the time.
Whiney fucking capitalist hippies, I hate the human race you included you're both assholes fuck you.
If he’s been there for 8 months, and you’ve been doing weekend workshops for the last year, how is he just finding out about it last month?
I stopped doing them when he moved in to avoid conflict, but then recently started again because I need the income.
when someone says "to avoid conflict" i physically cringe
ESH. He needs to move out and you need to stop avoiding conflict
Grab conflict by the horns and throw his shallow,controlling ass out
Absolutely this! Who does he think he is! More to the point, who are YOU thinking he is?
Avoid conflict with the person you want to spend th rest of your life with. The person who you trust to make medical decisions for you if you can’t 😂
Just because they're dating doesn't mean she wants to spend the rest of her life with him.
You have to make compromises in every relationship. Disliking having strangers every weekend in my apartment is reasonable thing to ask. and she was willing to compromise until money runout.
Remarkable how people say compromise, when what they actually mean is the woman sacrificing and bending to the will and desires of the man 🙄 Giving up your life, your career, your income, your work space isn't compromise 🙄 what are you on about?
That's not what I mean. I don't understand why you have to specify genders. If man had strangers in his living room every weekend without her consent it would be just as bad.
Compromise would finding bigger apartment with separate room for her work. Or cleaning up after painting and finding another place for classes or get employed somewhere while you don't have money for one more room.
And if she can't make that compromise then sure, they should break up but having classes and working from living room is unusual and good luck finding partner that will be ok with that.
It is an established business space? Surely, he was aware of this before moving in.
So, you knew it would be a problem 8 months ago. It looks like all of this should have been discussed before he moved in. He wanted to save some rent money but wants everything his way as well. NTA.
I would have never stopped doing them. Did you lay out the rules and that this was a working and living space to him before he moved in.
NTA. He needs to accept and adapt or to move out. If you want to let him make changes in the bedroom or if there’s a private space for him to have a bit of a man cave thing that’s up to you.
He needs to become an ex.
You’re doing him a favour and he’s ungrateful. Ask him when he’s leaving. He needs to be gone yesterday.
Maybe. Op does say he is paying half of what bf paid at his own place, but op didn't say how much it actually is of that studio's rent.
You two can’t reasonably coexist in this space. Rip the bandaid off and give him a month to get out. I doubt the relationship will survive, but it doesn’t sound like it was on very solid footing to begin with.
A month is too long. OP had the space organized before he moved in. He didn't bring his library, wine cellar, and family of pet leopards with him. Four days should be her starting offer with a stretch to seven if he faints at the suggestion.
Have him move out to avoid additional conflict.
Omg this is startling. No wonder he thinks he can tell you what to do in your own home
Do you hear what you just said? The red flag is so big it probably covers your entire building!
NTA.
That's an emotionally manipulative, controlling boyfriend who is abusing you emotionally and financially. Why are you with him again? Not seeing what he brings to the table that is worth you losing your income, stability and peace of mind. At this point he's stopping you from earning a living, trashing your career and making you feel uncomfortable IN YOUR OWN HOME.
Why are you still with him?
Yeah no. Kick him out.
Girl kick him out
NEVER. hamstring your income because you are afraid of conflict. your income is not conflict, it's the foundation to your financial freedom
So you knew that part of your normal lifestyle and normal income stream was going to cause conflict with your boyfriend and you still invited him to move in? Frankly, absolutely NTA in this situation and sounds like your lifestyles aren't very compatible.
Chatgpt muddles up the timelines every now and again
So Iam not the only one that can tell this story is fake, phew
Chatgpt "muddles" up the "timelines" every "now and again".
Or maybe muddies the timelines?
Yeah, that timeline ain’t adding up. Either he hasn’t been paying attention this whole time, or he’s pretending to be surprised now for some other reason.