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You married a spineless husband who rather have his wife insulted than standing up for her.wow.NTA.
Thank you. It really hurts to feel alone in situations where I should be supported.
Why should you keep the peace?Ask your husband how it would feel if your family insults him and you dont stand up for him.Your husband is a spineless loser.
I decided the other day that when a husband says that, a wife should assume her “Honey” voice and tell her husband “Keep the peace? I’m the only peace/piece that you should ever need to keep. “
You should stand up for yourself if your husband doesn't. Everyone thinks you disrespected her? Say: "Yes, I did. She deserved to be disrespected for her comments."
Next time tell her “oh bless your heart, don’t get offended I’m just being honest”
Maybe time to set the record straight? Is there a family group chat? Maybe you can reveal some of SIL‘s greatest comments about your home, decor, furnishings… Completely unprompted and uninvited.
Then explain to them after at least 10 of these lovely visits you had had enough, and that was your calm response to all of her repeated insults. If anyone is out of line, it is SIL. She was not invited to your home, if she doesn’t like it, she doesn’t have to drop by.
Maybe ask everyone in the group chat why no one in the family seems to have been raised with the mantra of “If you can’t say something nice then don’t say it at all?”
You have a huge husband problem by the way. Ask him to explain how his sister “meant well?” Make it uncomfortable and bring up every single insult and ask him to explain to you how each comment was helpful.
Ask him how he or his sister would feel if you started doing that in her home or regarding her appearance, or her car, or her career… Should you start being brutally honest as well? See what your husband has to say about that!
Let him know that since his sister is so helpful that you will change your mindset and be less sensitive from now on, and you will also participate in the helpful tradition and start telling her and everyone else in his family exactly what you think of all of them and their choices. Holidays are going to be much more fun from now on!
Let loose on everyone OP, especially those in the group chat or in the family that are defending her and taking her side. Be brutally honest, mean well, and let your opinions fly!
And then when your husband is humiliated and embarrassed, you can remind him that you are just being helpful like the rest of his family. You never realized how therapeutic it can be to just be brutally honest with everyone without any repercussions!
Tell him you can’t wait for the next corporate event so you can let his boss, his supervisors, and all of his coworkers know how you feel about each and everyone of them because you want to truly be helpful! 🤣
they're telling you what the real problem is. If you don't want opinions, don't air out your family issues on reddit.
It's frustrating how families can overlook toxic behavior just to keep the peace.
Agreed. It’s honestly sad how quick he was to stay quiet instead of having her back. If your partner won’t defend you when it counts, what’s the point? OP deserves better.
NTA - Your sister in law is rude AF and apparently no one including your husband has ever stood up to her. Good for you DO NOT FEEL bad. She's entering your space and disrespecting you.
NTA, I love how people get offended when they get told off in straightforward wording instead of " trying to be nice" approach. She can be an AH for what she says, but you can't be straightforward? Tell everyone if they don't like how you speak, stay out of your home. Niceness gets you nowhere in life.
I lived in a fixer upper for 20 years. It’s exactly as you stated. If someone didn’t like the looks of my home, they didn’t have to come here.
Next time tell her, “Yes, but we can make our house beautiful. You’ll still be a b****.”
NTA
Your idea is better than mine.
I stole it from an old episode of Cheers. Changed the wording to fit this situation, but I always thought it was a good comeback.
I think it’s originally a Winston Churchill reference -
Winston, you’re drunk! Madam, you are ugly, and in the morning I shall be sober.
It is.
"I'm taking a page from your 'just being honest' handbook, SIL. I figured if you were comfortable enough with me to be honest, then I should feel comfortable with you and be honest, too."
NTA. "Why should I be grateful to you for coming into my home and criticising everything?"
NTA. Ugh. I just can’t stand people like this. They do this everywhere, treat people/places like crap under the umbrella of “just being honest”. When in reality they just love to put people down because of some twisted mindset they have. She’s never going to change. But if you REALLY WANT TO STOP HER IN HER TRACKS, agree with her. On EVERYTHING. Yes, this couch is bad. Yes, this place is a mess. Yes, it’s horrible. Yes, I’m horrible. Once she can’t get a reaction out of you, I swear she’ll move on to something else to B**ch about.
Wouldn't it be great if the people who pop in to criticize so they can feel better about their own life, stopped by to ask if they could help with the next project? I mean, what is it that they feel so insecure about in their own life that they need to criticize another person's home? It's almost like the home is the only thing TO criticize and they're jealous of the rest of your life. Ya, that's one lonely person. NTA
She DOESN'T mean well.
Your husband has been beaten down by the older sister his whole life, and this is his automatic reaction. He needs to man up and realize he doesn't need to put up with her shit anymore.
You disrespected her? You've said she is disrespectful everytime she comes in your home. Hopefully she's took the hint and won't return. And your husband should have told her before you did. Its your home not hers if she's making you uncomfortable in it then she's no right to be there.
Well done! You are being honest and hopefully this will set some boundaries. Shame on her and your husband. Keep doing what you’re doing.
NTA.
No you just turned HER disrespect to you right back.
She's TA, not you.
When she comes, don't answer the door anymore.
Or say sorry I'm on my way out.
NTA- I would be proud for purchasing a house THAT YOU CAN AFFORD. We did the same thing. How many entitled AH’s buy something they can’t afford & lose it or rent something they can’t afford & blame their “greedy landlord” for wanting payment. Good for you! Buying your first house is epic! Congratulations 🎉 I think putting your foot down was the right thing to do to do. She shouldn’t insult you in your own house.
NTA Don’t feel guilty. No more visits or drops ins. Just tell her you can’t have her over until it’s up to her standards. That sounds like it might be never, but...oh well!
Absolutely NTA!!!! She has NO BUSINESS doing what she has done. She has no boundaries. Your husband needs to put his foot down and tell her keep her comments to herself unless she is going to fork over the money for a decorator and contractor!
NTA. She sounds like the type of person who is so supremely unhappy in her own life that she makes herself feel better by putting down others.
I would invite her to leave and not return if she can’t apologize and stop insulting your home.
Ewwww. I would stop letting her in. You handled it better than I would have. Next time if there is one tell her if you want to make changes so it’s not so “depressing” here’s my Amazon list or whatever feel free to purchase stuff on our list so we can get things done faster. Or ask her for a gift card to your favorite home improvement store. What a (rhymes with store) and your husband is the AH as is she…the audacity!!!!!
I'm sorry you have such a pathetic excuse for a man as a husband.
Sooooo this is reading like an AI story. Apparently their favorite descriptor this week is "Like I slapped her or something".....
"Means well" are horrible words. She doesn't mean well, and saying she does means that he wants you to sit down, shut up and accept it.
So it's your home, too, right? You don't have to let her in. If your husband wants to see her, he can go to her house.
More Reddit rage bait. Dead giveaway: husband says "OP could've said it nicer" (other variations of the same thing in other posts).
This is the clincher: She acted shocked. Like I slapped her or something.
I'd tell her she's not welcome for drop-in visits. EVER. When you offer an invite, that's when she can show up.
But before that, get your man-child on your side and standing up for you and your lives together. Otherwise, look forward to 40+ years of being gaslit and disrespected on the daily.
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NTAH. And husband should have said something.
Don’t feel guilty. That is what they want.
You are right. No amount of trash talk will change the facts.
I feel like the only way to truly resolve this issue and work out your differences, is if you and your sister in law need to get naked and wrestle. Display your lady dominance lol
NTA. Hopefully it worked and she keeps away or shuts her mouth.
Your husband needs to stand up for you. NTA.
NTA. You were just being honest. That's what families do. They're honest with each other, right? If sis can't handle honesty when it'snot coming from her, maybe she shouldn't come over.
NTA.
If she gets to just be honest, so do you.
She insulted you, in your home. NTA. She should be happy for you and her brother for even having a home. Could be she just doesn’t have a word filter but you do have to check those people sometimes!
Could you have said it nicer? Definitely. Are you obligated to? Nope. Your husband needs to stand up for you.
NTA.
Your SIL is a snobby bitch. But the real problem here is your husband.
It should have been him that shut her down, not you. And he should be doing it every time she says anything.
Tell him to grow a backbone & deal with his sister. Tell him that until he does she is no longer welcome in your home.
You are supposed to be a team. He is supposed to put your feelings first. If he can’t or won’t do that he had no business getting married. It’s time for him to grow up and remember he is a husband first!
Oh, that's rich. Ask the family what kind of guest walks unasked into YOUR home and immediately starts calling it a depressing dump? Sounds, I don't know, kinda RUDE, and DISRESPECTFUL, right? Right? I mean, who raised her?
Is she there to lend a hand & some elbow grease? No? Stop inviting her to visit or tell her it isn’t a good time. Arrange the visit at her home or out. NTA
She didn’t mean well at all she is acting like she’s superior to you and wanted to make you feel less than.
Continue to standup for what you worked for and don’t apologize for it. Tell her and everyone else that you won’t apologize for standing up to bullies and that she can keep her opinions to herself as you don’t care what hers are.
NTA. And you have a husband problem.
NTA She does not mean well. She is just making sure you know that your home and you are not up to her standards. Keep standing your ground when she acts like this.
Oh husband, I’m just being honest. Why is she allowed to be honest but not me?
You know I firmly believe that if you can’t say something nice, shut yer yap.
NTA
You DEFINITELY have a husband problem!
Let me make sure I have this straight: This woman shows up unannounced. THIS IS RUDE. She comes in, looks around, and makes disparaging comments about your home and decor. SHE KNOWS IT IS A FIXER-UPPER. SHE KNOWS THE WORK IS BEING DONE BY HER BROTHER AND YOU
WOW. What a winner. Both her and your husband. If his family agrees that you “attacked her”, it’s obvious she is the Golden Child and your husband was taught at an early age to not disagree with the Pretty Princess.
You know you didn’t attack her. Does this witch have a key to your home? If she does, change the locks. Let hubs know if he gives her a key, there will be consequences. Does she show up on a regular schedule? If she does, make plans to not be home.
When she does, and she will, show up and start her crap about how the place looks, hand her a sponge/broom/mop/putty knife whatever and tell her, “I’m SO glad you came by today! Since you are SO unhappy about OUR home and the speed we are fixing things, _______ needs to be done! Here you go!” Say it with the most sincere smile on you face and tone in your voice.
When she dishes on your furniture, tell her, “THANK YOU SO MUCH for offering to buy us a new one! Here is a picture of what we would like and a list of store that carry it!” Tell her you would BOTH LOVE it in whatever color, how generous she is to pay for it.
Do the same for his family members that think you “attacked her”. Personally, I’ve had people insult my size and clothing pretty much my entire life. Well, from 19 on, starting with my Stepmomster, or the stepbitch from Hell. Take your pick. I got to the point where I started saying, “If you don’t like it, don’t look!” When she insulted my weight (which I lost), I would tell her, “That’s the pot calling the kettle black isn’t it?” She still insulted me, but in her native language and to her family.
Your SUL is a bully and they DO NOT LIKE being stood up to. Encouraging husband to GROW A SPINE will go a long way!
DEFINITELY NOT THE AH!! Husbands family get that prize!
NTA i hate how people usually side with the integators. Like srsly she deserved a full insult like maybe she should look into the miror cuz shes as disgusting as the floors.i hate people who think they can walk all over you and then cry wolf when u speak up.
NTA. Invest in a ring cam purely for Debbie Downer. Next time you’re at a family gathering show them all what you’ve been tolerating. Sometimes you’ve gotta put them in that spotlight. She wants attention? Give her all the attention. No one ever said it had to be positive attention.
NTA. She sounds like a very entitled, insensitive person - no awareness of how her behavior affects others, and behaving consistently like a horrible guest every time she comes by. She needed a reality check, and she got it. Nothing to apologize for. Your husband should get used to a wife who's willing to speak up when necessary - even if he's incapable of it.
Just being honest and "telling it like it is" are just code words for being a cruel *****. Don't want to type out the word.
She's not judging, she's jealous. She wants a house she can use as a blank canvas and make it just the way she wants it. She looks at your floor and knows exactly what she'd do with it, but she doesn't have a floor of her own to do it. If she's a homeowner, she either bought her house pre-finished/renovated, or her partner wouldn't let her make any of the decisions when they did their renovations.
Ungrateful for what exactly???
It reminds me of the commercial where the young family has an aunt problem. I can still hear expired, expired, expired when she was going through the fridge.
Invite her over for a paint party or something like that
According to my mother, my Great Aunt tried pulling that "helpful observation" crap first time she visited my parents soon after they got married. She pointed out how the top of the bookshelf was pretty dusty.
My mother (all of 5 tall) handed her a rag and said "thank you - I was hoping someone would help me with that."
If she wants to be helpful, she can help. Otherwise, she can keep it to herself.
How are you being ungrateful? Why did your husband think she means well?
Lock your doors. She wore out her welcome a long time ago.
NTA! Treated her the way she treated you. Just being honest 😆
I think in posts like this the spouse is so use to years of the sibling's comments that they really don't actually hear what they are actually saying.
Start record on your phone every time she comes over and play it back to your husband at a later time.
You can also tell the SIL next time to come in her working clothes and her wallet and she can contribute to improving your home, but it will still be your decorating choices not hers.
updateme
This is a prime example of 'honesty' being a synonym for 'bitchiness.' Good for you, don't let her get away with it. You do not have to put up with a single minute of her nonsense, even if your husband is afraid of her. If anybody starts with the 'faaaamily' nonsense, well, MizBeeotch is his sister, not yours.
I didn’t scream. I didn’t curse. I just said it.
New signal of a FAKE AF post.
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