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NTA
It’s not a joke if not everyone is laughing. You deserve someone who wants to stand up for you and make you feel loved and safe in your own home. You need to ask your husband if that’s him.
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If his friends think it's ok to talk about you this way it's because HE is talking about you this way behind your back. No one just automatically thinks badly of their friend's SO - you build up that dislike by listening to your friend bitch about them.
He doesn't respect her, which is why they keep disrespecting her. Period.
Absolutely. My partner's friends wouldn't dream of saying such things about me, especially in my house in my earshot. OP your husband is a total AH, you are NTA.
Your feelings should matter over his friends. You are his wife and you made vows for life. I would recommend counselling if you can.
NTA.
As everyone else has said, just admit you married an immature boy. A real man would have defended you instead of siding with his juvenile friends. Why bother staying with this guy with no balls? It's not like anyone of them can run a house or make snacks, they'd need a woman to do that for their incompetent asses.
Hope you haven't been married long, I'd start consulting a divorce attorney.
First these boys are not your friends or your husbands friends, friends would never treat their friends wife like that. Second for the love of God, stop giving them snacks! I can’t believe you actually let your husband treat you like this. Stay at your sisters place until you figure out if this is what you want out of your marriage. This will not change until you actually do something about it. Stay firm and don’t back down.
Should have dumped the snacks on their heads.
60M, happily married for 30+ years. One key to our success s that we are always 100% a team.
She once returned from a girls night out and told me all the shit her girlfriends were saying about heir partners. I worried what she said about me and she told me that she woudl NEVER talk bad about me because "it is you and me against the world"
I have never felt more loved. Your partner should defend and protect you. If he can't do that than at teh very, VERY least is you should stop doing anything to help him on these visits.
I won't suggest how far you take it...... but a loving partner woudl not do this
I had to stop engaging with a group of girlfriends because every conversation would eventually lead to serious bitching about their partners. Not jokingly venting about minor annoyances - I think some of them downright hated their husbands. I would try to derail the conversations, but it never worked. And heaven forfend I start bragging or saying nice things about my fella. I can't even imagine being or staying in a relationship so vitriolic.
I'm pretty sure I only read this sub because it makes me appreciate him more, lol.
I would think it would go something like “I entered into this marriage under the assumption that you would love and care about me, not laugh repeatedly while your guests humiliate me. I deserve basic respect in my own home and in my marriage. If you’re not the person that can give me that, get out of the way so I can go find him. I’m done catering to children that make themselves feel big by putting others down.”
Perfect!
Honestly, as a woman I might tolerate a joke or two at my expense if everyone was otherwise kind and friendly.
But... these guys aren't even funny at all. Their idea of a joke is just to insult you and then laugh. Do they even know what comedy is? If plain old insults are funny to them, I guess it's time to invite some women over and fire back at all of them about hos small their dicks are, how they've never satisfied a woman, how ugly they are, how little money they make, how shitty their cars and homes are, how they dress like shit, etc.
Like why did he marry you? Did he marry you so he could have someone to put down and make fun of? Sadly, that’s what it seems like. You’d be better off single.
Questions like, who should you hire as your lawyer.
If that's what they're saying in front of your face, what are they saying behind your back? There is a reason why they think it's okay to disrespect you like that. The call is coming from inside the house...
That was my first thought. They aren't being MORE respectful when she isn't there. Is the husband talking about how much better off he would be without her? Or talking up other women? My husband would NEVER talk to me like this, and if his friends tried, they either wouldn't be his friends any longer or he wouldn't be my husband any longer.
Divorce
Sounds like you don’t have any children. I hope not. This will only get worse. Sounds like you really need to decide if there’s a future here. There is no excuse for him treating you this way.
You are NTA, but you need to put yourself 1st. A man who loves and respects you would NEVER EVER allow their friends (who should come AFTER YOU) to disrespect you period but esp in your home. You are the queen of that castle. You've made it a home. You make sure as his guests are taken care of and your husband is responsible for demanding that you be respected as his wife. Do not apologize! It's not just fun.
My ex-husband and my own brother used to make fun of me. One time, I said, "Oh funny coming from soon-to-be be gumby and Mr. 2nd face. " My ex has dental disease (genetics) and was very self-conscious of his teeth . My brother had a large cyst on the side of his face, also self-conscious. This was after multiple times of them bullying me. It didn't happen again!
He values his friendships with his buddies more than he values you as a person or your relationship. His lack of respect or remorse proves this situation will never change while you stay with him. They wouldn't be comfortable saying these things in front of you if they weren't say worse things behind your back. You deserve better.
Your husbanday love you,but he doesn't respect you one bit and takes you for granted.
If he loved her he would respect her. You can't treat someone like that and say you love them. That's not how it works
Love is different ofr people.Maybe her husband finds comfort in her but he sure doesn't respect her.
Absolutely not. Love includes respect. Love is different for people but there are some things that show love and respect is a major one. If you don't respect your partner you have zero business being with them
Some love is shallow.Just like OPs husbands.Its not love.Its just comfort without respect.
Then he's not in love with her he's in love with his twisted idea of what a wife is in his head and that's not the same thing at all for her.
Save the hard questions for a lawyer. This bozo will never change. NTA.
Each one would get a snack in the mouth if they said shit like that about my wife if she wasn't there.
Everyone that knows us and especially me knows you do not disrespect my wife in any way. Most of the time if we are out in public and someone dies so my face and posture lets them know real quick it will not be tolerated. I am a big guy not fat, big. 6'4 260 and have been told I am scarry (even though I'm a big teddy bear).
Your husband allows them to disrespect you because he does not respect you. It is that simple. And he is allowing them to send memes to disrespect you more. You have to decide what you want to do with that.
I can tell you for a fact my wife would be handing me divorce papers the next day if I did and allowed this shit and she would be right to do so.
Good luck
There's 3 options here.
You ask him to talk to his friends and put an end to it.
(Depending on how tired of it you are) Leave his ass for not standing up for you and for him and his friends disrespecting you.
(This is my favorite) Crack jokes back. But make sure they hit below the belt. Like jokes about their little weiners, or how they couldn't satisfy a women if they all pitched in, or if it wasn't for their mommy/wives they would live in filth, or their single cause their face looks like a stepped on piece of bologna, or how it sucks that you have to air out the house after the leave cause they smell like desperation and ky jelly.
I mean I could keep going but you get my point. I hope the best for you.
So glad to hear it
100% I never let people speak about my wife that way. I would never speak like that about my wife, not in front of her and certainly not behind her back. In fact, I've never said anything behind my wife's back that I wouldn't be comfortable saying to her face. I would never disrespect her and I would never make her the butt of jokes, at least not in a mean-spirited way. My wife and daughter and I frequently tease each other, but that's different than this. This is completely disrespectful.
Exactly, OP, I hope you read this comment. My husband loves teasing me and make jokes. BUT, but: he never disrecpect me, never belittles me even as a"joke", and I know he'd throw anyone out of our house if they disrepected me, for sure. Your partner has to be your safe heaven in life, yours is not
What's NTA?
I brought out snacks like usual. I don’t even know why I keep trying.
Stop trying.
That's my thought. Stop doing anything for them.
I suspect your husband isn't defending you because he's the one feeding his friends the source material for the derogatory comments they make in your presence...
this right here
I think you have a couple of options and one of them is not to grin and bear it. This is disrespectful and he doesn’t have your back. You could ask him if he’s serious about this marriage and if he wants it to continue. Whether or not marriage counseling will help, I can’t say. You could make that a condition of staying married.
Second, you could go have a girls night or afternoon any time they come over and refuse to be there if they are. It’s not what I’d choose but I’m not you and I don’t know if you think this is a reasonable compromise. Or make it clear they can’t come over as a group any longer and can go trash talk you at someone else’s house.
I kind of like this, it’s a great confrontation-avoidance option. It gives you, OP, more time with people who care about you. It may offer perspective for both of you. I would add that you should start recording what he’s doing. Just a subtle voice recording for future reference. Invite your friends over and return the favor. Let them pick on him for being a human being simply existing in his own home and see how he likes it. My husband says super demeaning things around his friends and colleagues as well, but at least the room goes awkwardly silent when he does. The first time was an awkward laugh from the group, then an awkward silence, then I started making my own jokes about myself on his behalf and he quit. Still does it at home sometimes but it’s gotten a little better. It has been suggested to me to reply with my own derogatory comments, but in my heart I’m not that way and it does not make me feel good to tear people down even if they’re unkind to me. I’m sorry he’s putting you through this. Honestly, if you don’t have any kids together and he’s not willing to be decent get out and find someone who loves you because he doesn’t sound like he does and there’s plenty of good men out there from what I hear 🫤
NTA. As a married man, I wouldn’t tolerate negative jokes about my wife. Your husband and his friends are major assholes.
It's because you ARE a prop. To your husband AND to his friends. They all don't see you as a person. You are an object.
This, and that is so sad.
NTA
My husband would start wars to defend me against ANYONE. He would never laugh at something that upset me.
Find a new husband
You are blessed.
I strongly suspect your husband is the only one in this group that’s married.
NTAH
Start telling jokes about his little penis and how he is just your starter husband in front of his friends. When he complains tell him he just can't take a joke. You married a teenage boy. Lose the boy and go find a good man. Your husband is TAH
And invite all your girlfriends over to laugh at your husband for being a coward and unable to defend you. Be sure to have some popcorn handy.
LOL. That might be the only way to get through to him.
NTA-you didn't embarrass him, he embarrassed himself by not being a good husband and allowing them to treat you that way.
Your husband is demonstrating horrific disrespect and refusing to own it. If he considers you to be so unworthy then perhaps you should reconsider this marriage, or at least go to counseling asap. Without a doubt, NTA.
NTA Time to get a lawyer.
Walk away from this. If your partner doesn't defend you, no one will. Trust me, for most women there is only one man on Earth who will actually have their back. And you don't even have that.
There are 2 issues here. You lack a backbone/boundaries and your husband is also not setting & enforcing boundaries with his friends' treatment of you. Now it's escalated because no one is saying anything. I am actually in shock, that you are STILL being a hostess and doing anything for these men, personally. Your husband is ultimately the one at fault here, but you do have some blame, as well. People can't treat us poorly unless we allow it, however, your husband is not teaching his friends to respect his own wife, in his own house. This man is not showing much integrity or honor, nor respect for you, his wife. I would rethink who I chose as a life partner, personally, because I'm guessing this is a long term pattern of behavior. You can't fix a lack of character, unfortunately.
NTA - personally, I wouldn't stay with a man that openly disrespects you. Imagine having kids and him raising them to treat you like garbage too
why are you serving them? Your husband has HIS a friends over (people you don’t even like) why are you acting like a house servant?
You have a huge husband issue.
Jokes reveal attitudes
I can't imagine my husband EVER acting like this with me. We've been together over 20 years, so he has had plenty of chances to be this way, but he is a wonderful, respectful human being.
You're definitely NTA! He is 100% the asshole. He prioritizes looking cool in front of his friends over respect for his wife. That is a huge red flag. Usually, men like this are dismissive of their wives in many other ways, too. I wouldn't be surprised to learn he is a jerk to you in other ways.
Nope. It would never stop otherwise. In fact, emboldened by your (sorry) total wuss husband, the remarks are surely only going to escalate.
So... they make horrible comments about you in regards to attitude and how much you talk. Sounds like your husband talks shit about you behind your back. He doesn't respect you and he never will.
I would not apologize. I'd hand him divorce papers though.
How old is everyone here? At 18, I would chalk it up to husband’s immaturity and ignorance. Fixable with marriage counseling. At 28, I would say lawyer up.
Here’s the truth. The husband doesn’t respect the wife. She seems militant because she is asking him to take responsibility and participate in the marriage (friends made jokes about her strictness). I would point blank ask him why he bothered getting married if he didn’t want a partner. Did he want another mom to take care of him? Either way, he has a LOT of growing up to do.
Nta. He actively embarrasses you every time his friends come over so why is you sticking up for yourself, which he should do too, embarrassing him?
Dude I would be zinging them back every time they say something, so that it becomes so uncomfortable at your house they either stop saying stupid comments or go to another’s home. Your husband is ridiculous to not tell them to stop.
Also what idiots insult the person who has access to their snacks? That’s just dumb.
NTA, but what is with this group of clods? Those are antique-ass jokes. How'd they enjoy fighting in WWII? Have they learned this new dance called the Charleston yet?
This is a GUY here. Husband won't be laughing when you don't wash his clothes or cook him anything. Don't pick up after him. Don't talk to him cut him off , Sex too. If he does have a buddy's over , do not lift a finger or talk to them. Be even funny if you got some fart spray and set it off and go to your room. They won't be there long. Yes they are un welcome.
I am sure your husband figure it out quick. I am sure he had several short falls you could have said about him to his buddy. To humiliate him. He would not be laughing then but his buddy would have. .
You husband was being a low life ass hole.
NTA. So why are you with this guy?
NTA. The company he keeps says a lot about him and how he views women. You’re his partner not his mom. How does he act when he’s not around friends? I recommend individual therapy for you. Take a good look at the relationship from your point of view and what you want and need. Does it meet those expectations? If not you need to consider if he is the one you want to spend your life with.
Nta. Belittling someone is NEVER funny, your husband should have the fancy to punch rheir faces or throw them out for speaking thatndisrespectfully about his wife, not laugh and act as if it was the funniest thing ever. He does not respect you either.
No, you’re NTA. It’s time for the boys to grow up.
NTA, your husband set the tone though when he didn’t shut that shit down immediately. Therefore it became acceptable to make you the butt of all their “wife bad” boomer jokes. You do not owe anyone an apology for setting a boundary and making it known you do not want to be treated like or spoken to like that. It is not out of line to demand respect in your own home or anywhere really. They all owe you an apology, the only thing you should have done differently was shut it down sooner. If it were me I’d send out a group text to the entire group including your husband telling them exactly that. That you put up with it for to long, it’s not a bad attitude or over reacting to demand to be spoken to with respect, that YOU set the boundaries for how you want to be treated not them and it’s really misogynistic of them to assume THEY get to decide how you should be treated and how to feel about it. I’d also let them know that while you understand they’re doubling down because they’re all embarrassed they’re being called out but that at the same time they’re participating in the downfall of their own friends marriage because how long do they think you’ll put up with this before you walk. I’d also make sure the wife of any that have them knows what’s been going down at your house. Then you can tell you husband he can choose his wife or he can choose to continue pandering to a bunch of full grown men who can’t tell when enough is enough
NTA. He's a child, and so are his friends. They need to grow up,or get out.
NTA
Your "husband" is a giant asshole. What made you marry someone like this?
He’s an ass.
NTA. Invite some friends over and treat him like shit. Make sure everybody's making statements about what a crappy husband he is. Sometimes you have to mirror somebody in order for them to get it.
Any one of my friends who disrespects my wife is not my friend and they can go fuck themselves.
I'm sorry you don't have that.
NTA. Are you sure you want to be married to this guy? It doesn’t seem like he respects you at all. Approval from the guys seems to be more important to him than you.
Go tit for tat have all your friends over and just roast the absolute shit out of him to his face….just immaculate him to his core
Let me guess, most of the are single?
NTA, a real man wouldn’t let anyone talk to his wife like that
“You want to see an overreaction, fine. I’ll give you one.”
And from there any and all contact should be through a divorce lawyer.
NTA
NTA. I think we know he's the weak link. Maybe a better attack would have been at his mates and not him... "How is that funny?" "What did I do to deserve that comment?", "Do your friends talk about your missus like that?"... something to get them all back to adult mode.
Why are you allowing them to treat you this way.... and you feed them? You are the ass for allowing anyone to treat you this way.
NTA . Been there. Done that. He is the issue
Why ask him anything? He's already proven you should trust the bear more than him. Love is not enough. Respect trumps that EVERY SINGLE TIME! If he doesn't respect you, ask yourself why am I here. You need to start setting yourself up to leave. I don't just randomly suggest divorce, but that's where this is headed. We'll unless you want to continue being degraded, bullied, and disrespected.
Stay at sisters until he apologizes. A REAL apology. This is a hill to die on.
NTA this is divorce worthy! He has no loyalty or respect for you baby. Please go off on him and be that damn drill sergeant! Or divorce him. My husband had friend like this and would defend and shut it down. I'm a very strong willed woman that speaks her mind. So eventually we could not even hang out together anymore. He finally died like I know that sounds terrible. But this guy was basically my brother in law. He isn't close with his family, so I tried to respect the relationship. He was trying to get at me and try to make my husband chose between us. He always chose me and he couldn't handle it. He made boys night, where everyone else's signifacant others were invited just not me. Eventually he just knew I wasn't backing down. And my husband will always chose me!
Your spouse is not someone who is supposed to be the butt of the joke. Your husband and his friends are being disrespectful and you should not put up with it. Time to have a conversation with him and set some boundaries. Does the man even love you? He obviously does not respect you. NTA
I mean, you knew he was a tool and married him anyway, so...
Updateme
Give him a taste of his own medicine. Invite your friends over and have them do the same thing to him.
NTA for finally calling him out, but why do you stay with a man that lets his friends treat you like a punching bag? He obviously doesn’t love or respect you.
NTA. Spouses are supposed to have each other's backs. A couple of weeks ago me and my husband pulled up to the pharmacy and he got out of the car to pick up some meds. He accidentally tapped the truck next to him with the car door and apologized but the owner looked really testy and closely followed my husband inside. I jumped out of the car and followed them because I didn't like how aggressive the guy was. I am a middle aged woman with no tactical skills but I didn't want anything happening to my husband. You're supposed to be each other's ride or die.
Honestly I’d be giving as good as I got by teasing them right back! They are boys who don’t know how to be around women so they tease. Give it right back!
I’m sorry you’re having to go through all of this disrespectful behavior on your husband’s part especially. You’re supposed to be honored as well as cherished. Unfortunately your husband is showing you neither one of those traits in his behavior.
You don’t say anything about having children that you need to be at home for, so it’s harder to say what you should consider doing. Honestly if children were not an issue I would say stay gone, even consider leaving your husband permanently or at least until he reconsiders your value to him and decides to give you the respect that you deserve.
We all need to be honest and admit most men would let everything fall down around us if we didn’t have a woman to help keep us straight and to give us some purpose. It’s fun to make jokes about the old ball and chain or the slave driver, but we all know that’s all a bunch of exaggerated crap. We guys work hard for those we love because we want to give them a better life, that’s the truth of it. Unfortunately your man has gotten carried away with his friends joking around and let his mouth get carried away from reality.
He needs a dose of reality or you need to consider looking for someone that will honor you and cherish you for the woman you are.
Best of luck ……
First of all, no more boys' nights until they can respect you in your own home. Second, no more bringing snacks. They want to call you a bitch? Give em one.
Oh, NTA. Your husband is for not standing up for you. They all are, but him most.
You have a serious husband problem.
NTA, time to throw a girls bashing your husband and you not standing up for him party, I think. Let him feel what you have been feeling and ask your friends say the same things his friends did to you to him. Let him have a spoonful of the same dish he is serving you. Wait until things calm down and then set up your party. Schedule one every few weeks so he gets the same as he dished up to you. Then once you have made your point you can address the basic friendship that has broken down between the two of you. If you want your marriage to last, you really need to repair the basic friendship between the two of you. This sis not the best solution, I admit, but it is one possibility you might want to consider. Perhaps just telling him the idea will open his eyes?
NTA In the first place, let your husband feed his friends. He's the host there. In the second place, he's getting entertainment out of his friends bullying you? And he's pretending you are the problem? I find it hard to believe he doesn't see that his friends are being offensive to you. Your not overreacting, Him doubling down when you draw a hard line in the sand is incredibly problematic, and there is no easy fix there. I suspect you'll end up divorcing.
Sit him down and ask a hard question or 2. "Do you even live me? You laught at the boys' jokes about being married to me, well we can change that in a hurry, because I am fed up being a punching bag for those lovers."
The next party, don't do anything, no snacks prep or extra house cleaning. Just before they are about to arrive, grab your purse, (overnight bag is already in the car) then tell him you have to go get something for tonight. Then go get a bottle of wine and go to your sister's. If he realizes that you aren't home and calls/texts you, just say, "I went to get something for my sister. We've had wine and I'm staying over, have fun"
They bully you and your husband allows it.
Like what is it some kink to degrade another man’s wife in front of him?
Is the kink watching your husband’s manhood shrink like his wiener and vanish.
I could never feel love or romantic to that man ever again.
I would he the ick so bad I would ovulate sand.
NTA
Fake post. New user, and this is only post you have made.
You did ruin everything. You ruined him being Mr. Big Man in front of his friends. The whole group of them probably were bullies in school, and haven't made any progress since then.
NTA- this has gone on long enough! Your husband is a jerk!
I wouldve been done after the mouth runs faster than a vaccuum comment. Nta, he clearly does not respect you nor does he have your back. He will continue to let them disrespect you because HE doesnt respect you.💀
NTA - file for divorce and see who will be apologizing to who. Your husband is a punk and things won’t change for you until you take action!
NTA. I hope you don’t have kids with this dude and his friends sound like a bunch of misogynistic assholes.
Your husband sounds like a teenage boy looking for validation from his asshole buddies. He stared all this shit and then has the nerve to accuse you of embarrassing him. He is a moron and you do not owe that guy anything.
NTA
Stay at your sisters.
NTA
He should be defending you from those people.
Updateme
Why are you married to this jerk?
If my husbands friends had said something like that about me they would be gone before they could blink.
No way on earth would he laugh along.
I get him maybe feeling uncomfortable and nervous laughing the first time. Possibly. If I reallllyyy squint hard. But any other times? Especially after you have expressed how upset it made you? Hell no.
You have a huge husband problem.
Fuck him
Your husband is such a jerk! I wonder where his friends get the idea you run your household like a drill sergeant? You’ve got an ingrate and a loser and worst of all he lets his friends insult you to your face. Sorry, it’s betrayal plain and simple. NTA
NTA. Your husband sucks!
Knee slapping(??? How old are you?) sounds fake.
NTA. Dont stay with this guy. He's for the streets.
NTA. I don't even understand why you let these nasty, insecure little boys into your home. Can't they go hang out somewhere else?
But also, you MIGHT be kind of an idiot for waiting on them.
NTA. However, I would have said something to his garbage friends as well.
UpdateMe
Nta, does your husband even like you? Imagine what they say when you're not there. Updateme!
I see a few problems.
Behind every joke is some truth. So, what attitude are they referring too?
Your comment to him about his friends comment, why to him? Yes, he absolutely should defend you to husband friends, however, mane he does not know how.
You mention a punching bag, you are NOT a punch8ng bag. Punching bags just sit there and not react...ohh wait.. that is what you did.
When my friend commented on my wife in a negative way, he was dismissed. Like I pulled him up by his collar and walked him to the door.
Don't say it Reddit family, I over reacted. Especially for a first time offense. My wife let me know. So I made a deal with her. She can handle it any way she sees necessary and I will back her up. Even if her way is to have me get involved.
If I was asked to create a list of red flags for partners that may become abusive in the future, this type of behavior is top 3 on that list. It's arrogance and an underlying lack of gratitude. Only he can address that for himself, it's not your responsibility to fix him. Go be appreciated elsewhere, love. And never underestimate the value of appreciating yourself. You'll never need someone else to do it for you, unless you choose to.
Right when the one said," I thought she’d throw the food at us with that attitude" I would have thrown food at them and kicked them all out of the house. Well... at least kicked them out of the house.
You're going to have to make your husband respect you, not let him get away with anything. Call him on every disrespectful word or action he does. Get used to demanding respect. I would demand respect from every one of his friends.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. You sound like a nice woman.
Bottom line, they are disrespecting their friends wife in front of him. Your husband is the punching bag. His friends have zero clue on how to act when in someone's home and when around someone's spouse. It's sad that people lack simple common sense.
Literally ghost his dumbass until he wakes tf up from beef town and suddenly acquires some basic decency & respect for his wife.
NTAH
I would have no desire to remain married to this horrible man. Trust me you would be happier alone. NTA
NTA but if you stay in this marriage, expect more of the same.
Your husband thinks you are sub human too. Leave his ass.
His friends would never have been comfortable making those jokes if your husband wasn't making them himself behind your back
My ex husband was similar in that he wouldn’t defend me, in public or online. It doesn’t get better.
Only an extremely weak, insecure and miserable man would allow his wife to be the butt of all jokes. He wants his friends to sympathize with him for the hard life hes leading with you. Leave him with them! NTA!
Your husband is letting his friends ridicule you and you are expected to normalise it. He won't call out their behaviour. Maybe that's what he really thinks.
I would never think of disrespecting any of my friend’s wives or girlfriends. I can imagine how bad that makes you feel. Standing up for yourself should never be seen as an over reaction. Your husband should have put a stop to it and showed respect for you. Nta
NTA. If my boyfriend’s friends were saying that shit about me, he’d call them out. I’m sorry your husband doesn’t have the balls to. You deserve better.
NTA - I joke about my wife sometimes in front of her, but this is crossing a line. Husbands should defend their wives when friends are acting like this.
Pretty sad that the husband lets his wife get made fun of constantly. Lack of respect
Your husbands friends don’t respect you. It’s not joking they genuinely think that little of you. Your husband is no better. You’re his wife and he’s ok with his friends degrading you. Is this really the life you wanted? Is he the man he said he would be to you? No. You know you deserve a man who loves you and one who wouldn’t tolerate disrespect in your own home.
NTA - he's showing you with his actions how he truly feels about you, and that he agrees with his dickbag friends. That's not someone you wanna spend your life with.
The one and only time one of my hubbies friends made a joke like that about me (don't eat that cuz she probably poisoned it) my hubby full on punched him in the face and threw him the fuck out
Could have handled it better. Like in the start without blowing up.
But maybe look at why they are saying these things. Its not like its coming out of no where.
You married the group bitch He's just grateful he not getting teased I guess. Good luck, a man who can't stand up to other men is the weakest and most pathetic of partners I personally find cowardice the biggest turn off. How can you stomach sleeping with this man?
This is soooo AI.
NTA
Your husband sure is.
Your husband should be on your team for sure and defend you, but please don't be afraid to hit it right back in their court. When any of my husband's friends or family have tried to give me shit, I do not hesitate to go at them. They all still like me and respect me more because I don't put up with it. Even if your husband doesn't fight on your behalf, you should. If they don't like it, they can get snacks served to them at the local wing place and hang out there.
NTA is your husband 12 years old? You have to bring him snacks when he has friends over and now he's throwing a temper tantrum bc you "embarrassed him in front of his friends". What an absolute toddler. He needs to put his big boy pants on and tell his friends to stop disrespecting his wife. You should probably just tell him his friends aren't allowed to come over any more.
If...and I mean if, the friends come over again, just say you're going out with friends for the night and to make sure he and his bag of Ds clean up before they all crawl back under their rocks.
Then go check in to a spa for the night. And don't clean anything when you get home.
NTA - none of that is funny or a joke…I’m sorry to say but that’s how your husband really feels about you - it’s why he doesn’t stand up for you or stop it.
Time to decide if you want to keep carrying his dead weight around while he hammers into you that your aren’t worth the dirt on his shoe!
Of course YOU ARE better than him and worthy of so much more than the crap he shovels in your direction!
I'm so sorry that you are married to a little boy who just wants to be popular instead of being married to a real man who protects his wife. You deserve better.
NTA
He doesn't like you even a little. He doesn't respect you one drop. I'm so sorry.
Find a good lawyer and a good therapist. Make a plan to escape.
Stop trying. I'd leave the house when they come over. Also, your husband sucks.
Divorce
NTA. Maybe you should rethink your marriage. Let him hang out with his friends and find a man who will treat you right.
NTA.
Couples counseling, at minimum.
Sorry you decided to marry a middle schooler who never grew up. But good news is you're an adult and can file for divorce.
NTA. I would've kicked all those assholes out of the house and told them they are not welcomed back. The fuck.
NTA - your husband is an asshole. This is your home. Your husband should respect your and insure others treat you with respect.
I can guarantee no one disrespects my spouse or is rude to them in our home - I don't accept it. He wouldn't tolerate anyone being like that with me either. This is what a partner who loves you does.
nta but he and his friends are
NTA-
Sounds like his friends are embarrassing him in front of his wife.
No
You need to leave his ass,your partner is there to build you up.and never put u done....disgusting
ESH. Your husband is the omega bitch in his friend group and he thinks that's the only way he can retain said friends. You also suck for enabling it for so long, and based on friends' comments, probably destroying his confidence in life to begin with.
Listen sister, I come from a very macho country. Women here do all the house work and men provide for them. Even if you have a job your husband is supposed to be providing for the house and you have to do the house work, cooking and stuff like this . HOWEVER, when a man has his friends over and you serve them food or snacks, the right thing and the normal thing that every normal person does is to praise you for that and say how a great of a wife and lady you are. They would be telling each other that X or Y has a good wife who honours him when he has guests. Your husband needs to learn to respect you and value your feelings. You have them at your home and serve them snacks and what do you get in return? Disrespect!
Definitely NTA
If you no longer respect each other, it’s time to separate. I don’t say that lightly but if you cannot respect your spouse really what is left?
Throw it back in his face. "Is that a vienna sausage, or are you happy to see me, honeybear?"
Bigger issue is your husband wanting to seem like a big man at your expense. Tell him this has gone too far and needs to be reeled in. Up to you whether this is worth ending a relationship over but you could just leave the house when his friends are over.
In the meantime, lean into it and have fun with it.
Them: You run this house like a drill sergeant.
You: As a matter of fact yes I do. Now each of you pussies owe me 50 push-ups.
Them: (laugh)
You: Did I stutter?!? Make it 100. Now get on the floor or get the f out of my house. Move it! Move it! Move it!
Men and women just have different senses of humor. Guys talk insulting s*** to each other all the time - it's a form of bonding. It's acceptable within a circle of friends to put each other down, they think it's hilarious. The willingness to not get offended is a sign of the depth of the friendship. No stranger could get away with that.
You're not an a****** , you are from an alien culture - women usually don't insult each other as a way of getting closer. His friends probably thought because it was all right to rag on him, it was all right for you too. It's like they thought you were part of the gang. They were probably surprised and bewildered at your reaction. And your husband was embarrassed because you violated a social norm that you didn't know anything about. You were taking everything at face value, which is probably what many females would do, but it was probably not really how it was intended.
I don't really think it was meant personally. I think it was meant as a sign of comfort with you until you showed that it was not something you were enjoying. And then it became really awkward for everybody. Personally, I would have been talking smack right back to them, I think that's what they expected. But your husband should understand why you didn't understand the dynamic and felt that you were being criticized.
I really do believe he isn’t going to start respecting you until he realizes you are willing to walk away from the marriage
NTA. Rude behavior like that should be called out directly. You aren’t a maid or a clown.
NTA
Your husband and his friends are bullying you. How long are you going to take it?
Your husband is supposed to have your back. This one is defective. He enjoys making fun of you with his friends. He's even mad that you don't want to take like a good little victim. HE is mad. I am disgusted by him.
Your husband doesn't love you.
Updateme
NTA. Your husband is bullying you and taking joy in your misery. Stop it. If he’s not able to apologize and leave the friend group behind then he’s not worth it.
NTA. I would leave every time they came over. And eventually tell him that you are never coming back.
NTA. My husband would never tolerate this shit.
You are not even a person to him or his friends at this point, were you ever? They are treating you like the unliked drill sergeant teacher they had in high school. For sure the jokes didn't start in your living room. They started when the guys were together outside the house & not around you. Possibly after your husband started complaining about you. You are not his partner in this relationship. He has put you in the position of mother/dictator. He is acting like a high school boy with his peeps making fun of the parental unit they have to get around to have fun. Dump his low rent ass. But first, get your affairs in order. Don't let him know anything is wrong. Get yourself a bank account only in your name if you don't already. Make sure your name is on every important document, like the titles to the house & cars. Make sure you have yourself set-up & ready to make a break (and have a lawyer) before you dump him. If he is an especially disgusting piece of human excrement, get a consultation with all the best divorce attorneys before you settle on your choice. That way you know you have the best of the best, an attorney you can work with, and the benefit of all the other best attorneys not able to represent your husband due to conflict of interest. There is no reason to stay with this immature frat boy. He will not change for you, he will not see his own lack of quality. He will most likely blame you for divorcing him. He will not see his part in this with his friends cheering him on & laying the blame at your feet. Maybe when you are gone & not there to make his world a paradise to live in & taking care of the responsible parts of adulting, maybe, maybe at some point the path to enlightenment may be revealed to him. Don't know if he will step on that path & take the walk though.
NTA. They are not his friends. Disrespecting OP in front of her husband is a power play. It is a joke, but he is the butt.
When he talks about being embarrassed, he is worried they will leave him because he has become dependent on them.
Did he have abusive parents that taught him to accept abuse in place of love.
Tell him they are laughing at him when they make those jokes and see if it will get through to him
NTA. So it’s okay for you to be humiliated but not him? Does he have redeeming quality? If non, walk out of the door
My wife would kill me. Not literally. You are not the AH. He should go to his doctor and get some “grow the fuck up”, pills !
Here a life lesson. People will f@k with you till it stops being fun for them. Stop taking it, STOP passing out snacks, tell your husband you did him a favor because the jokes aren’t because they don’t respect YOU they are doing it to his wife because they don’t respect HIM.
If his friends are so disrespectful to you right in front of you, then it's likely happening because he talks that way about you as well when you're not there. So they are taking cues from him. It's extremely rude and offensive. Stop hosting/inviting them to your home - and def don't feed or serve them anything.
Start flirting with his friends. Start with the ugliest one.
Why is he making boomer jokes with his single friends like that and k bet they are all single because if they where married they wouldn’t assume every marriage is like it was in the 60 movies it’s bizzare they are even making jokes like that and just screams of incel behavior maybe your husband needs to be an ex husband
NTA they feel entitled to talk about you like that because he talks about you like that to them. I’m assuming you don’t act like that so the only place they could get this characterization of you is your husband. You need to have a serious conversation with your husband about the dynamics of your relationship.
NTA. I will say this is something you should have nipped in the bud a long time ago. You should have mentioned it to him that they were making you sad. He super sucks for letting it get this far. You should definitely talk this out. If he can’t hear you out then more drastic measures may be necessary.
The more they talk about you that way to him, the more accustomed he becomes to it. This is how a nice guys attitude can be influenced for the worse. Hope he makes other friends. In the meantime, you could point out that you were the one being embarrassed in front of his friends, BY his friends, and in front of.you. I am assuming you talked to him previously about how you felt. You can tell him thjs was a natural response to you being constantly made fun of and him not defending you. Spouses are supposed to defend one another, and even though he thought it was harmless and funny, it ought to have carried more weight with him that you were hurt and not amused.
NTA but the better route probably would’ve been to discuss this one on one with him. Then if it still happens dressing him down in front of his friends would be appropriate payback.
I disagree. This needed to be said in front of his friends. They needed to hear how she feels as well. They are all doing this
The best route is never to have to dig out your Time Machine… mine never works anyway.
Now if it was me, I would have dished it right back and talked shit so I wouldn’t expect my husband to say anything because he knows I can hang with the shit talk and I’ll roast somebody. I can’t think of anywhere I’ve been outside of like work situations that there wasn’t some type of joking or picking. So I don’t necessarily think the friends meant any harm because they probably were thinking of you as a part of the friend group and they probably all pick with each other like that and we’re just including you. But your husband should know that you’re not the type who can handle that and told his friends to cut it. I kind of think ESH. You for making a mountain out of a molehill, and your husband for probably knowing that you would take it that way and not just nipping it in the bud.
What is ESH mean
Everybody sucks here
I wonder where his friends got this impression of you? Could there be any truth behind the jokes. Just asking.
Your husband's friends don't respect him and they see you as an extension of him. Full stop.
Feel free to mention this opinion to him so he can do some self-reflection on why he's okay with this behavior.
Men don't joke about their friends' wives, if they respect them.
Significant others are supposed to protect and provide peace to one another. He's doing neither of those things and you're definitely NTA.
ESH about time you spoke up. What you permit, you promote.
So sick of these fake posts. Worse yet, all the clowns who will fall for it and do their fake girl power stuff that they never follow themselves.
Imagine a woman who took herself ao seriously that she couldn't laugh and joke along -- that married a guy with a personality that bothers him.
I swear, that's what so many young feminists have been convinced marriage is like.
Didn't read anything disrespectful, just ball bustin jokes. Give it like you get and chill out.
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