AITAH for telling my MIL I’m not her maid in my own home?

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NTA. You are so young. Just get completely out of this relationship. He’s literally worthless and he’ll have his true lover mommy up in your crack until the day she dies. Do better for yourself.

not the asshole at all. Her son should be on maid duty instead. And I'd think about having a serious talk with him on boundaries, what he is doing is not okay.

My MIL from my first marriage was the same (as well as my FIL). They would come over and just sit and wait to be waited on, cooked for, etc. The year of my sons birth it was right before Christmas and they came over and wanted postpartum me to wait on them and cook them Christmas dinner. I made my husband let them know they couldn't stay at our house anymore because I would not be their vacation slave, they could go stay with their parents.

NTA but I am begging you not to have children with this guy. Your husband is a spineless mama's boy. It will only get worse if children are in the picture.

Tell your husband if he doesn't like it you'll happily divorce him and he can go back to his mommy and wait on her in her home. You might have to think of this as a starter marriage and find a man who's umbilical chord was actually cut at birth. This ones still attached.

NTA - You did right.

You’re not the AH at all, there’s a big difference between being polite and being treated like a servant. Setting boundaries in your own home is the bare minimum and your husband should’ve backed you up.

Your husband needs to set and maintain healthy boundaries with his mother. That includes that she treats you either respect- no coming over unannounced, no making demands.

My husband is an only child whose dad has been dead for decades.

His mother is enmeshed with him.

She is an extremely poised person who values appearances over everything, so she is careful to only be mean to me when nobody else is around. She was also mean to his first wife, and parents of friends and Sig Others have always loved me so this was a shock to me. The first 5 years I tried “killing her with kindness” but it didn’t have any effect.

My husband feels she is an albatross with 0 emotional availability and he left home at age 18 and has always lived thousands of miles away from her.

One day when she was visiting, we had been to an event and were in the car, and I said it was weird that my husband’s colleague whom I barely knew was weird for making a joke about me in his speech as a guest of honor at the event.

My MIL has strict rules of right and wrong. She polices the words I use and although she describes people as Odd all the time, she got angry that I used the word Weird, even though this person is a compete stranger to her.

Knowing I couldn’t get away from her, since we were in a moving vehicle, MIL, (aged 70s) grabbed my shoulder and shook it and told me (aged 40s) not to use that word.

I looked at my husband and he was dissociating, white-knuckling the steering wheel and looking straight ahead, aware but avoiding the situation.

I told MIL assertively to stop grabbing me and instead of stopping, she did it Again!

So, long story short, this devoutly Catholic woman refused to apologize for what is a legal simple assault (I also served in law enforcement), and I told my passive husband that I’m pretty sure she will live 30 more years and I’m not dealing with it, so he cannot sleep here and I’m filing for divorce.

My husband works in a protective field and has a strong protective instinct. So I asked my husband if he would take a bullet for me (shield me with his body), and he said yes. I replied, I don’t need you to take a bullet. I know you would rather take a bullet, it would be much easier for you, but I need you to do something much harder- I need you to protect me from your toxic mother.

The next morning I received a text that my husband had an appointment with a counselor. I assumed he would have slept in his office, it has a shower in it. But he had slept in his car, lol.

It took 8 sessions. The (male, married) counselor said:

1.Husband has to deal with his mother. The mother will not accept any peace offering if it comes from me. Boundaries don’t work from in-laws. Husbands cannot opt out by pretending to be caught between the two.

1. Any resentment my husband has or will get must be aimed at his mother because she is the only one not trying. Healthy mothers want their children to have happy marriages.

2. He must give his mother a list of boundaries that she cannot cross. As soon as she crosses one, he has to give her an immediate consequence (like leaving, or ending the call, and no contact with her for awhile).

3. The first step was for my husband to have zero contact with his mother for 2 months so she could learn to sit with her feelings about not having him at her beck and call and about finally suffering a consequence to her behavior. This was extremely difficult for my husband. Mother’s Day passed, her birthday passed. 0 contact.

Then he was allowed to email her the boundaries. Then call to only discuss the boundaries and her feelings about them.

Of course when he called, she did her signature pretense, acting like nothing was wrong, started talking about a sport my husband likes. My husband firmly told her he was disappointed and would try again another time and hung up!

It was so hurtful to him, now that he understood why he felt do uncomfortable around her his entire life. Their house had been filled with unresolved tension, secrets, and elephants in the room all the while the adults pasted on a smile and pretended everything was fine.

Anyway, she eventually accepted the boundaries and we have had only two times where he had to go NC briefly again.

We are Low Contact with her. We always live abroad or far away, and he only talks with her on speaker phone so she has to accept that we are a team (advised by the counselor), and we see her every few years.

We have been together 15 years. My husband works on his conflict-avoidance and the learned passive-aggressive behavior, but he is much better in that, unlike his mom, he accepts that it’s toxic and he apologizes when he sees he has hurt someone.

I acknowledge my own issues stemming from my upbringing and have done a lot over the decades to work on myself.

We don’t ignore problems. We don’t blame. We work them out, as s team, us against the problem.

Every spouse must set and maintain healthy boundaries with their family of origin.

Family is upset because now she is going their houses to spend time.

"Like maybe I should’ve just kept quiet one more time. "

Just the opposite: You should have spoken up earlier. Far earlier. You let her get in the habit of abusing you, thinking it was OK with you. Going forward, do not bend. Do not put up with her BS. Do not let her into your house uninvited, UNLESS your husband is there to wait on her. And make sure he knows what he will be expected to do.

Change the locks on the house, use them, and do not give MIL a set.

NTA

NTA but your husband is.

Stop letting her visit. They make hotels, she should stay in one of those. If your husband can’t stand up to her, then he hosts her from now on. You go stay elsewhere for a few days until she’s gone. And you don’t clean a single mess she made…he does it all.

What ethnicity is this? 

NTA. And the next time your DuH opens his mouth about the mistreatment of his MoooM, please pack his bag and send him to her. Tell him he will be allowed back into your home when he grows a spine and becomes a real partner. In the meantime, do not waste a minute of your time or energy to reply or justify anything to the OuTrAgEd family. They can kick rocks. Seriously.

Tell your husband he can wait on her, but you're done.

Nta

I'm 51 - I still have a teenager at home, like many others. Unless she had your husband at 60, she's not old. Fuck your husband and his "mama's boy" bullshit.

Why do so many people marry someone who isn't ready to be a grownup?

NTA. But you have 2 problems, the first and main one is your husband.

First off, change the locks. If she shows up unannounced, you are busy, you have plans, now isn’t a good time. If only she had called first! Turn her ass away on the porch, don’t even let her inside. Does she not have a cell phone?

You have a husband problem. He can get over it, and start backing you up

NTA you need to opt out of the marriage. Your husband and MIL are both horrible. Have some self respect and leave. Like you said, you’re not a doormat. Show it by leaving the marriage and living a better life.

NTA for snapping but yta for allowing your MIL and husband to treat you that way in the first place! You're young, divorce and move on! Let man-child crawl back up his mothers vajajay like he wants!!

NTA

NTA. your husband is a waste of space as well

My mom lives with me she's got a issue using trash bags I told her pick up ur garbage she says where? I said EVERYWHERE lol that's part if life picking up after urself

How come she doesn't ask your husband to get her anything?

Make him do everything for you. Tell him to get you a drink. Drop your tissues on the floor and tell him to pick them up.

When he refuses ask why do you have to for his mom when he wont for you?

Your husband is a Mama's boy. Until he finds his spine, he will always be a Mama's boy. You are definitely NTA. If you're husband won't straighten his mother out, feel free to do it yourself.

No. You’re not.

Your mommas boy hubby is a deek for not nipping that BS in the bud when it first started... time to rethink the marriage...

NTA.

Your MIL is an issue, but your husband's the real problem. He's letting her treat you like that because he feels it's your job to cater to her every whim. Not because she's old, but because your his wife and mommy comes first and foremost.

She comes over because she knows you're supposed to treat her like a queen. It's all a performative power play. Hubby's never asked/expected to do anything, only you because they both think that's your place in the pecking order.

Give in to their treatment, and it will never get better.

NTA - Your husband does not have your back.

YTA for marrying a man like that in the first place

I’m sure that most of the comments are already saying as much but you have a Husband problem. Mother-in-law certainly wouldn’t be allowed in my house without prior notice and approval of the visit but your real issue was that your husband lets his mother act like a rude entitled B and doesn’t defend and stand up his wife like he should when she’s being mistreated.

You say you’re 23, is your husband older than you? Does he expect you to do all of the house hold chores? Does he ever get his mother juice? Does he expect you to take care of him in that same way? These are all things you seriously need to think about When deciding if your relationship with your husband is worth your self-respect.

Where are you all finding these MILs from hell? How did she treat you BEFORE you were married? If she was disrespectful, then she would not improve. You have a husband problem, but you also need to stand up for yourself much earlier. My suggestion is to not even think of having children until this is resolved. Good luck!

You have a husband problem. Fix that and the MIL will fix itself.

NTA but your husband and is mother are

You are the asshole if you don’t leave your loser of a husband, and then you never have to have anything to do with his horribly entitled family……

Oh hell no, your husband better get a backbone and get his mother in line. No way should she be disrespecting you in your own home. Please don’t have children with this man, imagine how she’d be disrespecting you in front of your own kids and trying to take charge.

!updateme

I’m sorry, he can tend his mom if that’s how she is. That’s sexist and gross.

Your problem is NOT your MIL, it is your husband. He is not on your side, he is still a momma's boy, and he doesn't even love you enough to stand up for you. It should be on him to tell his mother that you are not her slave, to not allow impromptu, unscheduled visits, and to ensure she treats you with respect and gratitude. If he won't do that, you really need to reconsider your marriage. Truly.

But maybe you have already allowed him to be your 'master' and you do everything around the house catering to him just like his mommy did?? Think about it while finding a therapist to learn why you accept this behavior when you deserve much more.

NTA. That’s just as much a husband problem as it is a MIL problem. If not more so.

You need to tell your husband (coldly) “There’s a new sheriff in town. And if you want to “keep the peace” you need to back me up, tell your mother to stop ordering me around, or YOU can wait on her.” Stop being a doormat to both husband and MIL.

How is she getting in your house? Don’t answer the door.

So, if your MIL is a guest, it would not be unusual to bring them a glass of juice (and rude for a guest to go get their own juice). If you treat family differently - they are open to getting juice for themselves, then you should communicate that to them. You communicated that to your MIL, but you were so tired of being commanded at that point you were a little rude ("You know where the fridge is," as opposed to, "Help yourself. The juice is in the fridge."). There is some confusion though because you are offended that she doesn't knock, but also offended that she wants to be treated like a guest who is served.

I agree that your husband is problematic here - in part because he should be in charge of handling his mother. When she asks for juice, "Honey, your mother asked for some juice. Could you get that please?" When you say she doesn't knock and she is bringing bags - did you know that she was visiting overnight? That would be majorly uncool and upends a lot of what is going on here.

Make her HIS problem. His mommy, his task / work etc. She visits unannounced? Damn my boss for calling me in on a day off. Or that one friend lost her beloved pet and needs your shoulder to cry on… You get the drift. She there? You elsewhere.

And, sucked it up? More? Dafuq is he smoking?

Seriously though, as much of a beep your MIL is (which no one will deny) your biggest problem is your husband. WTF happened to his spine? Did she take it?

He should be master of his home, and lay down the law, not force you to be a doormat.

You are 23. Young enough to go back out there if he does not stand up for you, but indeed old enough to know your worth and your boundaries.

Put husband on notice. Make your choice, your wife or mommy.

NTA

Honestly, I am A-OK being the "bad guy" in other people's stories. They are just pissed because you stood up for yourself and they don't have the balls to. Not your problem and NTA.

as for your husband, you may want to remind him that YOU fuck him, not his mother. So, which woman does he really want to piss off?

AAAAAAND yet another 'husband problem' post. Change the fucking record AI

NTA it didn’t bother your husband because it didn’t effect him. Let him know that next time she shows up (hopefully the 32nd of July) that he is going to be the one doing all the things his mother asks because as she walks in you should go pack a bag. Go stay in a hotel with a spa and relax. And when he complains just say “she’s old, just let her be. But also, this is going to be happening every time she visits until you put a stop to it cause I’m done.”

"How about you suck it up and do her bidding. You're her child. not me. I'm done being treated like the help. Either you wake up and step up or i'm done. I'm not staying in a marriage where my husband is fine with me being treated like a slave while he sits on his ass scrolling the phone."

Definitely husband problem AND stop being a doormat to your MIL! You need to set the boundaries!

You need to seriously rethink staying with him. This is NOT going to get better if he's not willing to back you. Plus his family is not going to back you either. They are used to giving in to her to keep the peace and that's not going to change.

Think long and hard about whether you want to raise kids around these people. You are an adult and can stand up for yourself, they won't be able to and you won't be able to watch them the entire time they are around his family without you and the kids going NC with them.

The first time in a close friend or family's home you're a guest and get guest treatment. Every time afterwards, unless there are specific house rules, you're on your own. You get your own drinks, snacks, and clear up your own mess. If you're unsure, you ask. If it's your house you set the ground rules when the person arrives or right before the person is expected.

If the rules change, state them clearly. If your husband won't speak up then you have to, but this is his mother so he needs to tell her apart from you what is expected and to respect you. Also, start locking your doors or move. My mil used to just drop in too until we moved 45 minutes away, vs 5 minutes away.

Is this a cultural situation ? This sounds awful. You also have a DH problem.

I am always amazed when I read these kind of posts about the boy-men out there and how they do not stand up for their wives. I can’t imagine not being first in my mates life. That’s what the marriage vows are all about- to start a new life with your wife and leaving your old life as a dependent child behind. It’s time to remind your husband of the vows he took to put u first and respect your boundaries with his mother.

NTA. If your husband wants her waited on, tell him HE has to do it. MAKE HER HIS PROBLEM.

If he gets pissed, you’ve really lost nothing because he’s an unsupportive, lazy, mommy’s boy anyway.

"Get out!"

NTA anymore.

My grandmother spent my entire life sucking up to my mom because my mom was the only person who stood up to her

Husband = 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

You go, OP. Please don't have kids with this man

Updateme

NTA. Why was hubby scrolling and not serving his mother himself?

NTA - let your husband be the one his mama treats like a servant. If she says it to you, look at hubby. I wonder how he will feel after a weekend of that. Is there somewhere you can go on the weekends she “pops in”? A friend’s house perhaps? Or your parents home?

NTA;

Your husband is the problem. He is responsible for hosting his parents not you. He’s saying suck it up because you’re the one having to deal. If she visits I would leave to “run errands” and let him wait on her. It’ll get old fast. Please have him read the comments so he can know what a spineless weasel he is.

She shows up and you go have a nice stay at a lovely hotel with a spa. Husband can cater to his mother. And I’d tell him he better clean it all up or hire a maid service because you are not cleaning up after both of them.

Good for you! I bet it felt great to finally stand up for yourself. Definitely NTA but you do have a husband problem. He should have your back.

NTA. Tell your husband that if your mom wants a servant, HE can fucking volunteer. And then, leave every time she comes over. Let him deal with her.

My mom would not do that in my house, imagine my jn laws doing it...

NTA.

nta she's rude all around and your husband is a jerk for letting her boss you around.

NTA, if he wants to wait hand and foot on his mother, let him. You don’t owe this woman or your husband your dignity or your personal peace, especially not in your own home.

NTA. Why can't she ask her son?

I feel like every woman, before marrying a man, should do some detective work to find out if their guy is a mama’s boy and/or his mama’s doormat.

I love how it’s always the MIL and not the actual spouse who’s the problem. These stories are all the same. The husband/wife let their spouse get treated like shit and said spouse does nothing until they can’t take it anymore. You needed to lay down the groundwork for boundaries when you were dating him. I’m sure he has not changed anything about how he treats you versus his mother.

NTA

Good for you. You have begun to learn how empowering the word “no” is. Now it’s time for you to learn its proper use.

To husband:
No, I will not put up with rudeness from your either mother or YOU.
No, this is not your mother’s home and I will not put up with you and her treating it as if it is.
No, your mother is not that old and if you think she deserves to be treated like royalty, then YOU can do her bidding, because I have better things to do.

To MIL:
I’m sorry, but no. I wish you had called before coming over, because I just don’t have the time to entertain right now.

There are so many uses of the word.

Definitely a husband problem

updateme

I'm sorry your husband is a pathetic fucking noodle. I hope your future contains an actual partner

It’s hard for others when you enforce a boundary isnt it?

Rule at my house and everyone gets this speech- you’re invited and treated as a guest once. After that, my home is your home, help yourself to whatever you want, but get it yourself, and clean up the mess yourself. If you can’t/wont, don’t come over.

She threw something on the floor and told you to pick it up? She would have been out the door that minute. I can't understand how people can be that way. I loved my in-laws, and my wife loved hers. And then it got along well with each other. And none of them would have been that inconsiderate or boorish.

Next time you go to get house, give her the same treatment! NTA, but you should be!

Assuming it's not too late, please don't bring children into this mess.

You don’t have a MIL problem. You have a husband problem! He is siding with his mother and not backing you up.

So are your husbands legs broken or something? NTA but he is. If he expects his mother to be waited on hand and foot, he can be the one to do it

His family is his problem.

But the second she made a demand of you and he didn't tell her to stfu and do it herself, you should have opened up all guns blazing on his ass right there and then, including every time hes let you down in bed and everywhere else and questioning his manhood. He's a mummy's boy and you need to call him as such.

You have a you problem.

🙄 your mil is "disrespectful", showing up uninvited all the time. "Lazy" flops on the couch and expects you to wait on her. And "ungrateful". You've been pouring up with her shit for way too long. Your husband is also all of those things. Maybe tell them to fix their problems or you'll take it the trash. Meaning them. NTA

Yay for you, hon, well done, well done. Hubby needs therapy, or a balls transplant, and the rest of the fams can mind their own business.

Nope. Fuck her entitled ass. He can go with her if he doesn’t like it.

Husbands response, "you could've sucked it up for a few more days" why didn't he 'suck it up" and get HIS MOTHER some juice

NTA. But if she should grace your door again and ask for something, just tell your husband he's on duty and leave.

Updateme

In the future, your answer should include your husband's name: : You want some juice? husband will bring you some! I see you dropped your Kleenex. Don't worry, husband will be by to pick that up...

NTA

You have a serious husband problem. He needs to make it very clear to his mother that she is not to show up unless invited to do so and that she isn't to treat you like a maid. Ever.

I suspect you may have made the grave error of having married a Mommy's Boy.

Your DH sounds spineless and lazy. Fifty is not even close to old, so there’s another strike against your DH. Next time she shows up unannounced, back a bag and go visit friends or family. You’re a wife, not a doormat.

NTA. However, your husband hasn't developed his leadership skills yet as a man and husband of a home, and I think that's the real problem.

NTA and dump the husband along with her!!

I would ask your husband why in the flying fuck is it your responsibility to wait on his mother hand and foot? 

 Why does he think it’s OK for her to throw her dirty tissues on the ground and tell you to pick them up? Does he think her being a senior exempt her from needing to be polite or respectful to anyone? Does he think she behaves this way with anyone other than her young daughter-in-law? And gets through life successfully that way? 

Why doesn’t he not get up and get her juice? Why does he not cater to her every whim? She is his mother after all.  Why is the expectation that YOU need to be her personal slave but not him?

Is he planning on being your mother’s personal slave in return?

Does he think it would be reasonable for you guys to go over to her house and expect for her to wait on you guys like this? Is that his expectation for how house guests should be treated?

I’d tell him  to please explain it to me. Make it make sense.

Hint: he won’t be able to without sounding like a man from 1822 who’s wife is his legal possession and de facto personal slave.

LOCK

THE

DOOR

CHANGE

THE

LOCK

I’m so excited that I’m getting better at spotting ChatGPT.

Tell him to pack his bag too. You are NTA.

If you’re 23, how old could your MIL be? I’m only 54 and I have a kid older than you. She is definitely not too old to learn some manners! Your husband is acting like she’s in her 80s. It’s not ok for her to treat you like the hired help, esp in your own home, and it’s especially not ok for your husband to just let it happen. He needs to step up and insist that she treats you and your home with respect. NTA!

Oh honey----- JUST. IGNORE. HER. Walk around her, look right through her with a thousand-yard stare, do not respond to anything she says, don't do anything she asks because she's invisible to you.

This is what to do while you're deciding if you really want to be married to her manchild. This will not change absent therapy and real commitment on his part, because no one, not even you, can change him for him.

The problem is with your husband for not supporting you. You are absolutely not the maid. It’s one thing to offer someone a beverage, but quite another to wait on them hand and foot. There are tremendous red flags here and things will only get worse if you have children. I’m sorry to say you need to seriously consider staying in this relationship.

NTA but your husband sure is! His lazy entitled ass deserves to be kicked to the curb like his mother!

Nta but you have a husband problem. A massive one.

NTA

Agree with others about your husband.

Question: How old is she?

If she sits on the couch and kicks her shoes off, she's "making herself at home," she can get her drink, unless she's an invalid

That behavior doesn't fly with my kids, and it sure wouldn't fly with an ungrateful and entitled able-bodied in-law.

I’m trying to imagine what story she told that anyone in the family agreed with her.

I also wonder how she is able to just walk right in.

No matter what the answers are, this is about your husband being an AH and you being one for putting up with his shit.

What's up with all the mommas boys

//Dig:  “Can you not burn the rice this time?”

Answer: "It's not burned now" or "probably" (if you did burn it).

//

Dig: "Wipe that table, it’s sticky.”

Answer: "I'll get to it eventually. If you want to do it now, feel free."

//

Dig: “Oh, you’ll pick that up, right?"

Answer: "No."

"Ze French Maid haz taken ze week off. You do it." Said in outrageous accent.

NTA- your DH doesnt lift a finger and im guessing she specifically is asking you to do her bidding. Let the family be upset- you laid a boundary. Normal people would look back and see where they overstepped. She is not normal. Its not you.

NTA, If your husband won't stand up for you, then it's time for a divorce.

Tell your husband that your trouble making mother is screwing up the family. Otherwise how would anyone else know about it.

NTA and I am seething rn for you.

He said you “could’ve just sucked it up for a few more hours”?

That’s rich. As if enduring disrespect is some kind of virtue. No, because if you had, it wouldn’t have stopped, it would’ve become the norm.

And your husband? He should be ashamed of himself for spinelessly sitting back while his mother disrespected you. He needs to grow up and act like a partner, not a spectator. You’re his wife, not the damn maid. If he can’t step up and make that clear, then he’s part of the problem.

So, the first time your MIL did any of this, why didn't you say to your husband, right in front of her, she's your mother, so she's your problem? Get busy waiting on her since I won't be doing it because she is rude to me. That would have put everyone in their place. If she called you rude or disrespectful, you could have countered with It's rude and disrespectful to come into someone's house and start ordering them around.

Instead you let both your MIL and husband salk all over you and then are surprised when they are agog at you standing up for yourself.

Why wasn’t her dear Sonny Boy doing stuff for his Mommy during all the unplanned visits? At least one hand couldn’t have been broken if he could still scroll on his phone

Your husband can play doormat. NTA

It wouldn't be a few more hours, it would be the rest of her life, or the life of your marriage. Whichever came first.

You married your husband not his disrespectful family. He brought them into your marriage. You know how to get rid of them.

NTA and your husband is the problem, not your MIL.

LMAO, THE FAMILY IS UPSET BECAUSE, NOW SHE IS COMING BACK HOME OR TO THERE HOUSE.

I am older and age doesn’t buy you entitlement she is not only acting entitled but ill mannered

Good for you!!! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 I put up with this shit for years until I exploded. I don’t talk to my mil unless I have to. Tell your husband to grow a pair.

show up at her house, kick off your shoes and ask for juice!!! See how she likes being the maid.

Husband can be her damn maid/cleaner/housekeeper/cook/whatever! Geez! What is wrong with the two of them?! It's like you're not even human in their eyes.

NTA. Good for you for taking a stand.

You need to ban her from your home and seriously consider sending your spineless, enmeshed husband with her. Ultimately, he is the problem here.

Your MIL is certainly NOT OLD if you 2 are in your 20s. You need to talk to your husband about the disrespect because it is only gonna get worse.

NTA but you have a loser husband.

Tell him how would he feel if your family came over and started making demands of him to fix this or fix that I'll get this and get that how would he feel if he wouldn't like it done to him it shouldn't be done to you. He should be having your back not covering for his mother. You have a serious husband problem. That's not gonna go away if you allow it to continue you've got us at boundaries with them.

NTA

Oh no, what a shame she left 😂

I don't know where she ever got the idea that she could treat you like that, but you responded perfectly.

Tea? Rice?

If this an Asian household, dynamics are different unfortunately. Even so, hold your ground. And girlll you’re 23? Maybe this was a trial and error.

NTA but you need to nip her walking in whenever in the bud. My mom, sister and I each have an open door policy for our houses. None of us would ever NOT be welcomed, but I would NEVER show up with out at least texting something like "Hey you home? Can I pop in?" because I respect that it's their space even if they want me to treat it like a second home. They might be in the middle of something *ahem* sensitive they don't want visitors for ya know?

No! You're not TAH!!! She is rude and disrespectful. And your husband needs to grow a pair.

It would not have been "one more time"...it would be every time.

Out of curiosity, is she a different race or financial class?

What a piece of work. Good luck.

One more time? It wouldn’t be one more time. They expect you to suck it up for as long as mil wants you too. Your husband sucks. NTA.

Next time (and there will be a next time), what ever she asks for, tell her son and keep going about your business.

"Marty, your mom wants juice. Marty, you mom needs you to pick up the tissue she just dropped. Marty, your mom wants the table wiped"

Get on his nerves JUST like she gets on yours. DO NOTHING FOR HER.

No. You are not the AH. Your MIL is. And your husband should be defending you to her and the rest of the family that she bitched to about you.

NTA - but your husband and MIL are.

Why isn't your husband getting off his a** to her her servant? Let him suck it up. She's his old mom.

These karma farming accounts are out of control in this sub

For some reason(s) this is the family dynamic they’re used to. You’ve changed it and now they’re uncomfortable. So you’re getting “change back” pressure.

If you acquiesce, your MIL will continue to abuse the family with a vengeance.

So you have to refuse to change back. Speak honestly to them: “This entitled behavior is not acceptable and I won’t be treated this way.” You don’t have to say anything else. Don’t let yourself be caught up in their drama as they try to justify their behavior. You’ve said all you need to say.

You’ve told your husband you have a boundary when it comes to accepting boorish, entitled behavior. He needs to figure out how to handle it.

If you’re sick of being around him, go out with friends, go visit your family, go to the gym, or whatever makes you happy. Give him time to adjust to the new normal.

Tell your husband he should pack up and go live with his mom if he believes she has the right to disrespect you and treat you like a servant.

You embarrassed her. No one else dared to say what you said. NTAH. Keep your boundaries. You're not a doormat. You're her DIL and should be held in high regaurds. Put yourself on a shelf. She will figure it out like a toddler figures out life.