I (18M) recently started meal prepping to save time and money. I work from 7 AM to 4 PM everyday of the week and wake up around 6, then usually go to bed around 10 or 11 because of a combination of summer classes, personal projects, and trying to maintain some semblance of a social life. To make life easier, I bought my own groceries and made five meals (rice, beef, and vegetables) to get me through the workweek.
Here’s where the issue started: My dad saw the containers of food in the fridge and got angry. He said I was being selfish and accused me of hoarding food for myself. His stance is that if I cook, I should cook for the entire family (there are six of us total). He also pointed out that I’ve eaten food cooked at home, usually by my mom.
For context, my mom doesn’t cook that much anymore, and my siblings are younger, so I've been filling in to compensate, so its not like I don't cook for the family.
I tried explaining that the food was for meal prep only, not dinner or family meals, and that I had paid for everything myself, which seemed to offend him, because I ate food which he paid for, so he doesn't see me paying a viable excuse in his own words. I don’t think it’s fair that I’m not allowed to cook just for myself or keep the food I bought for my own use.
So now I’m stuck wondering—AITA for not cooking for the whole family and making food just for me I didn't really think I was at first but my mom agreed with my dad which made me start pondering on it.
NTA and if my 18 yo would do this, I'd be thrilled about cheaper groceries and not having to cook as much. Your dad is a moron.
This is what being responsible looks like…planning ahead, paying your own way, feeding yourself. Dad’s acting like that’s selfish when it’s actually growing up.
It's incredibly responsible and OP os setting himself up for a healthy future due to healthy habits. Most 18 year olds would just grab fast food. He'll thank himself when he's in his 40s and isn't surprised by sudden health issues.
Facts!!!!
So, you're packing a lunch for work with your own groceries, and your dad thinks that's some kind of character flaw? Don't be gaslit here with your dad's circular argument, He has a problem. You didn't say why you mother won't cook on a regular basis for her minor children that she brought into the world. Are they wealthy and have a cook to do such things? If not, there is a negligence issue with the parents.
I think it is nice of you to occasionally cook for your family - it is proper to contribute to your family in that way. But that's got nothing to do w packing your work lunch.
Sounds like her mom quit cooking for her dad and that's what he is really pissed off about. Really crappy taking it out on his son though.
Talk to mom and see about setting up a rotation where everyone takes a night cooking dinner.
I couldn't tell if you were meal prepping for your lunches or dinners.
Buy dad a cookbook also.
Upvoting for that last line
Well said
Your dad ought to be thrilled that: A. You have a job. B. You can cook. C. You can take care of yourself. D. You aren't begging him for money.
What's wrong with this man?
Your dad is an asshole and your mom agrees with him because she doesn't want to get in a fight with an asshole.
It’s wild how “meal prep” magically becomes “selfishness” when parents want to skip cooking. You’re just being responsible, not rude.
This is the thing, right here.
Your father is trying to force you to pay to feed his children.
NTA Is it possible to take the weeks worth of meals into your job site on Monday and have them in the fridge there? Then they won’t be visible for him to be complaining about all the time. I would Move some stuff around in the fridge to block them and then take them all with you the first day of work after meal prepping.
You should not have to do any of this, but it might make your life easier.
i thought of a small personal fridge to keep in his room as not to mix family & his food together. also, this would keep the food out of sight from grumpy dad.
It needs to lock, too.
Buy a mini fridge for your room and store it there so they can’t see it
And put a little lock on your room/fridge.
Fuck him. Fuck your mom. They're your groceries! NTA Such parents piss me off.
I had paid for everything myself, which seemed to offend him, because I ate food which he paid for, so he doesn't see me paying a viable excuse in his own words.
What the hell is he even trying to say? If you eat one slice of bread he pays for, you can't have your own food at all even if you pay it? What would he say if you stopped eating everything he bought, period? Would that shut him up or will he come up with more excuses?
This is why parents get sent to shitty retirement homes. 🙄
I literally cannot imagine my parents having an attitude like this! (To be fair, I’m now in my forties and have not lived with them in decades, but still…). They have always encouraged me to do smart things to make my life easier, and while some never quite took (like cleaning up after myself as I go to avoid clutter 😅), they would be happy and proud of something like intelligent meal planning!
NTA
If he expects you to start buying the groceries for the whole household, that's going to put your costs up. It might be better to just start looking for your own place before he starts expecting you to pay his utility bills and mortgage too.
Yeah you ate your mom’s food you cooked… because she had you and that’s what parents are supposed to do?? I hate when parents make it seem like you owe them something
Nta. Dad doesnt want to cook.
NTA. Tell him you will stop meal prepping and just eat all the food that he pays for then.
JK, don't do that, but you can say something to the effect of:
"Dad, it was your legal obligation to feed me. If you didn't, you'd be in jail, so don't act like you did me some huge favor."
And to add: you still have a legal obligation to feed my underaged siblings. I don’t. So, you know, get to it.
NTA but stop buying your own food, save your money, eat whatever is in the house, cook enough for everyone even if it is just buttered noodles. Use your saved money to get fruit and other nutrition while at work. They aren't going to let you meal prep, save to leave
NTA. Could you get your own small fridge? Obviously pay for it. And even offer some Money for electricity for it. Your mom stopped cooking and your dad doesn’t want to so he’s trying to pin it on you. You are taking care of yourself. You don’t have to cook for the entire family everytime you cook! What an asshat
NTA. He’s the one who had a bunch of kids. You’re only responsible for yourself.
NTA. Fathers that don’t cook and then discourage their male children from cooking are the worst.
NTA. You bought it, you cooked it, it's your food. Maybe offer to teach them meal prepping, could solve a lot of issues.
Guess you can stop buying your own groceries, meal prep with their food by making enough for your lunches and a dinner for the family. Just make sure to pack all the leftovers and bring it to work the next day to stash.
Nta
Nta but your dad and mom sure are thinking their own kids owe them anything.
Imagine having kids just to be a raging POS to them
NTA but time for a small mini fridge in your room...or closet
Nta. He is the dad. Feeding you is part of the deal.
NTA. You're managing your time and money effectively. As long as you contribute towards family meals as well, you've got every right to meal prep for yourself.
Or completely stop eating family meals and contributing bc until now you family legally had to take care of and feed you. Him throwing it in ur facw is an asshat move.
NTA. Your Dad is ridiculous. You work full time, why is it your responsibility to cook the majority of the family meals? I can understand taking a shift 1 to 2 times a week, by why are your parents doing this as well? Frankly, buying your own groceries and making lunches for yourself for work isn't hoarding. I have boys, I know how much they eat - if anything, your Dad should be happy you're paying for this.
Are you paying rent to live there? NTA either way, but if you are, I’d suggest moving. If you aren’t, then you basically need to live by their rules unless you are willing to move out.
The main point is you are NTA, while your dad is. Especially about getting angry.
You sound like a good person, being responsible, helping out some, and taking care of your own needs. He sounds like a bit of a tyrant.
I’d suggest moving as soon as you are able.
OP, they want you to move out or give them money. That's really what this is about. He is pissed because you spent money on groceries instead of giving it to him. He doesn't want to admit that.
Tell mom and dad that if they want you to cook for the whole family, they had better have the components of the meals available. You are not obliged to foot the bill for their groceries.
Nta okay so your mum is cooking less and so you are having to fill in that role in the family... Why isnt your dad helping if he thinks it's a problem
Your dad should support your efforts to be independent. His argument makes no sense.
NTA, but stop cooking for a while, leave that to mum and dad, see if he changes his mind about letting you do some of it.
Get a mini fridge for your room. Your dad sounds like a jerk and I’m sorry for that
because I ate food which he paid for,
yeah, cause he's the parent.
NTA. This mom says,buy a mini fridge to put your food in.
Move out otherwise your dad is gonna pull the whole "under my roof" bullshit. Unfortunately at least on the point that under his roof his rules are law. So move out.
NTA your dad is an idiot manchild, my 17 yr old son cooks for himself all the time which is a good thing, not something to complain about. He has his own job and buys the food he wants and I'm proud of him for it. Sure he still eats some of the food we buy, but if there's something he wants that we don't have he'll buy it and make it or just go to Chipotle like he usually does lol
NTA, stop cooking entirely. If you can mange it for a small number of meals buy from factor for a period of time. Make him cook if he wants to eat. You are not his maid.
So your dad now thinks it’s reasonable for you to not only pay for, but also prepare food for HIS underaged children? That’s what you’re saying, right?
And what the heck IS your mom doing while you are feeding for HER underaged children?
NTA
NTA. You sound very responsible for taking care of your own lunches for work. It's not your job to parent the rest of the household. There are already 2 parents there that should be cooking dinner for themselves and the minor children that they chose to have.
Your dad is being ridiculous and selfish, and your mom is probably used to his awful behavior and is agreeing with him to keep herself out of it. Based on some of his comments, it might be a good idea to remove yourself from this household entirely and just stop by and visit your younger siblings every week or two. Then that will clear up these issues revolving around money and food. There's something about these reactions that sounds toxic, and I don't want you to be walked on by your dad.
You mention you have a job. Do you have the financial ability to get out? A dorm? A studio apartment? Even just renting a room someplace decent and quiet? If you are just home from college for the summer break, do you have a friend whose house you could do your meal prep at to avoid this drama, and then next summer, don't move back home?
I can't imagine my dad being anything but impressed that I took the initiative to buy my own groceries and prep my meals for the week, especially at 18.
NTA
NTA all your dad's arguments sound valid on their face, but hes forgotten that he's the parent and youre the child, whom he's responsible for feeding.
You could cook a double batch when you do cook, feed the family a meal and pack up the leftovers for lunches. But HE pays for the groceries.
NTA. Your food, your rules.
NTA. he bought the food with the idea that you and your siblings would also eat it, right? and I'm sure he gets things for himself sometimes. parents seem to be really weird about wanting their kids to take on more responsibility and take care of themselves whrn they become an adult, then get upset when the kid actually takes care of themselves. if I buy myself food or anything I'm never expected to share it unless I want to, I'm actually told I'm a nice brother when I do share lol. same for my younger sister and was the same for my 20 something year old brothers.
Someone will eventually eat at work too. Get those lunch boxes that have locks and store them in your fridge at work or at home
NTA. My oldest is 19. He has his groceries and we have ours. He still eats stuff I make. But his pizzas, cold cuts, yogurts, etc are HIS. We are poor and I can't tell you how much I appreciate that he covers like 90%+ of his own groceries.
OP: Let me tell from myself, another mother, that I am very proud of you. You’re practicing to be an independent adult. Budgeting, planning, shopping, and cooking for yourself is brilliant!
You’re becoming a fine young man who will make an excellent husband and father one day, if that is what you choose for yourself.
Keep your head up!
NTA. Ugh, why do so many people have to make things difficult?
Perhaps dad is confusing the adult child relationship. Mom and dad arent providing cooked food for the family and youre supposed to buy and cook for them???
Get a mini fridge for your room
Let me guess. You Dad doesn't cook at all does he?
I think having a child means you take care and cook for them. He's still 18. However, of course, we continue to feed our children. I think it's great for him to take responsibility. This kid is working and going to school. Buying his own food. You can come live with me. I would even buy your food. My grandson lived with me 2 years of his college and I bought the food and cooked.
It was literally his job to feed you from 0-17. You don't owe him for those meals. Who's he cooking for?
Lol yup my step dad did this to me when I was 17/18. My parents were barely home, thought shit microwave dinners were healthy. I started cooking for myself dinner when they weren't home and lunch because i could actually pay for my own healthy food.
I moved out as soon as I could and (for several reasons) am no longer in contact with them.
NTA
I have a whole extra freezer where I store my work lunches. Because that way I don’t need to make something every night and burn out mid week
Nope ur dad moronic
NTA. Can you get a mini fridge in your room to keep your meals in?
You’re not responsible to feed your siblings; their parents are.
ESH
I get what you planned, and it makes sense. It does. But you're going for the 'roommates' attitude, while you're living in a family.
Your dad is being really childish about it, too.
Communication can solve everything.
It's clear your father is not OK with living like roommates, and that's valid. So, look for compromises.
If he wants you to meal prep for the entire family, you're not going to be doing it alone, and you're not going to be paying for groceries.
He has to get containers for 6 ppl, 5 days a week. 30 containers.... He had to get groceries for 30 meals. And the entire family helps prepping those meals. If you all do something (yes, the younger siblings can do something helpful, and it will be a good lesson) you could all be done in a few hours the night before the week you're prepping meals for starts.
Everyone takes one container per meal, and everyone has a hot meal.
But you're not responsible for the entire family's dinner, just because you like to prep.
If your dad is not OK with that, he's basically saying you have to cook 30 meals, or not eat warm meals daily. That's a total AH attitude. Especially considering you're buying it yourself.
What a stupid dad. When my kid is 18 I would be freaking pumped if he was smart enough to do what you do.
Your dad is an entitled ahole. He wants your food because he’s too lazy or incompetent to make his own. He’s an ahole
NTA. Your dad is a jerk.
NTA but maybe just give the a little money to “cover” the food you are eating that they eat. Consider it shut up money.
Nope, not at all TA. Move out asap or just take all five meals into work and leave them in the fridge there. Your dad is being a total loser here.
OP if your parents haven’t said it, I’m really proud of you! For taking initiative, planning ahead, understanding that meal prep is so much cheaper and requires less scrambling around to feed yourself at lunchtime. Those are such important life skills that you’ve mastered at an early age! Took me way longer to optimize my time, energy and budget, well done. Your dad could learn a thing or two from you 😄. Something tells me he wouldn’t be open to it, but maybe he’d like to help out & chip in on groceries so he could also have lunches ready — less work for both of you if you work together rather than independently. It could be a bonding opportunity…I won’t hold my breath on that though
NTA. Your parents are trying to gaslight and take advantage of you. Go ahead and start saving to move out if you can. Otherwise, they’ll use their entitled mindset to browbeat you into submission and drain you dry.
This is a tough one. He feels like he’s been feeding you your whole life, and now you’re only feeding yourself. On the other hand, you’ve got a busy schedule and you’re trying to be efficient.
Is there some sort of compromise you can come up with? Have you been expected to pay for groceries or cook before? Do you pay any rent to live there?
NTA buy a dorm fridge for your room keep the food in it there.
Get your own mini fridge problem solved
it doesn't really matter who pays for it; even if he paid for it, you have set that aside for a specific purpose.
Nta. Man I felt this. I lived a similar thing at a younger age. Except i would buy my food and my dad would literally throw it out or feed it to the dog as an abuse thing.
Your dad is an ah. You are not.
nta
NTA
Tell your dad that he's the parent. He should cook for his kids. And he can cook for you too. Then you won't have to meal prep anymore.
NTA what you’re doing is smart and money saving.
NTA but your parents sure are. My oldest does the same and I'm not the least bit offended by it even if he eats what I buy.
nope but yourself a mini fridge and lock I'm serious they gonna eat your food. NTA but seriously if you can't buy food safe containers you can lock. They also sell locking food cages.
Move out as soon as you can.
Your father is irrational and lazy. He's not cooking.
Your mother apparently "goes along to get along" with your abusive irrational father.
NTA
Does he want you to meal prep 25 meals, and packaged them all and little containers in the fridge?
Since your mom doesn't cook for whatever reason, why won't your dad step in and start cooking for the family, especially the younger kids? It's nice that you try to be a good older brother and help out but your siblings aren't your responsibility - this is primarily your parents' job. And your food that you bought and cooked yourself is obviously yours. NTA.
Get a mini fridge and put the food in there
You're NTA, but it is his house, so his rules. If you pay rent, you may have a legitimate argument. If you don't, to some degree his position makes sense. If you don't contribute to household expenses at all (rent, utilities, etc.) making your own food and not sharing (even if you do buy it) isn't contributing to the household in any way. From your dad's perspective, you just take but don't give anything to the family.
A lot of people here seem to act like your dad is a villain...I don't look at it this way. He just wants the house to function smoothly. He sees his adult child living in his home but not helping out with feeding the younger members on a regular basis. I don't know why your mom isn't cooking, but there is a clear need for someone to and you have demonstrated ability and willingness to do so...at least for yourself. As a compromise, and to preserve what I am going to assume since you haven't stated otherwise is a generally good family relationship, I would suggest that when you do your meal prep, do a much larger batch (which won't take that much more effort) of what you are making for yourself. Your father should pay for the additional food needed. The rest of them can them eat that during the week.
I don't know all the details, but keep in mind that your father has stress and time commitments of his own to deal with.
NTA. Your dad is an asshole. He and your mom are obligated, both legally and morally, to feed you and the rest of the kids. Therefore any food you eat cooked by your parents is never transactional, you never have to pay that back or feel obligated eating it.
On the other hand, you are doing it for meal prep reasons since you're busy. You're not supporting a family, you're trying to support yourself. His anger is stupid and irrational.
I'd work on your exit plan really hard, mate, this sounds like it's escalating, he wants you to be his meal ticket so he doesn't have to live up to his responsibilities.
NTA
Save money and move out as soon as you can. Cut them off.
Would it be possible to put a mini fridge in your room? Or would that cause more problems?
Buy a mini fridge and put it in your room or consider it may be time to move out.
You’re an adult now but it’s still not your job to be putting food on the table for your younger siblings.
Paying for and making your own meal preps would be completely reasonable in most households.
Sorry your dad is cuty.
NTA. Your dad just simply doesn’t understand what meal prepping is or why you do it.
NTA.
My mil did this when she lived with us. The kicker was I made the majority of the meals, paid for most of it and was the one who did shopping. If she did "groceries" she would end up with juice, Popsicles and chips. Nothing to make a family for dinner. But ANYTIME I would make myself a snack, out side of the 3 meals a day I cooked for everyone, it was "DID YOU MAKE ENOUGH FOR EVERYONE". Like clockwork. It was infuriating and it just boils down to control. Ignore him as much as you can while you make your exit plan.
Nta. You are the child(even as an adult) and it's not your responsibility to cook for the whole household. He prep his own food if he's hungry
Get a fridge for your room.
NTA. dude, we're poor as crap, and i've gotten very very creative at making things stretch. If i currently had an 18 year old child at home who was paying for their food and batch cooking it, i'd be proud as hell. especially if they're doing their own dishes. you're a rock star.
NTA, your dad is being a jerk.
Your dad is crazy! It's your food/lunch for work. If you were to buy lunch everyday for work, he'd probably give out too. Ffs what's his problem.
You're doing a good thing, being responsible and saving money that way too.
If you were my kid I would be so proud! Your dad is so shitty. It’s his job to cook for his dumb kids. No wonder your mom is on strike. He’s a giant baby.
Its his job as parent to feed to you. Taking the food from your mouth is an asshole move.
NTA but if it's got rice in it, you shouldn't keep it in the fridge for more than 2 days - 3 days tops. Rice goes off quite quickly! You can freeze it though.
? Guess you got a hot fridge
NTA. Your dad is a major AH. Buy a mini fridge for your room. Maybe even a hot plate to cook in your room. Keep your meal prep in your mini fridge in your room. If dad is too lazy to cook his meals then he isn’t hungry.
No, but hide your stuff in ziplocs deeper down in fridge where no one will find them.
Your dad is an asshole. Buy a small lockable fridge for your room and keep all of your cooked food in there. He is stupid to equate feeding you as a child and now expecting you to share food you paid for. It is literally part of a parent's job to feed their kids. He wasn't doing you "special favors". He was being a parent. You do not now "owe him" paying for food that you share with others.
NTA, tell your dad that as your parent providing you with food, clothing, and shelter was the bare minimum of his job as a parent. You are not the parent in your family feeding your siblings or parents is not your responsibility especially not with food you bought. Now if you were using food your parents bought to meal prep for yourself it would be different.
However, be ready because your dad may drop the "you have to pay rent or move out if your so grown up" card.
NTA but your dad is definitely one.
But his house, his rules. Sucks, but that's how the world is. Your mom is only agreeing because it's the easier thing to do.
Please tread very carefully if this is battle you wish to win.
Since you turned 18 yrs old, your parents no longer have to house, feed, clothe you any more.
Meaning, if they want to boot you outta their home, legally they can do so which you have NO SAY in this whatever.
Suggesting that you come to understanding AND agreement w/ your parents as they no longer have to house you any more.
The fact that you purchase your own groceries is irrelevant, here.
All that food you cook this food that belongs to you, bc "you paid" for it needs to stop immediately as this is their home, not yours.
You're also unfairly using up their costly resources such as their electric/gas/hydro, fridge/stove & taking up free space in their home too.
Figure something out before it explodes in your face is all that I'm telling you.
Tell them you'll make family meals such as spaghetti w/ meat sauce or vegetarian, oven baked chicken legs w/ mashed potatoes w/ roasted carrots, homemade pizzas or a big batch of vegetarian or meat chili.
Something inexpensive & affordable is what you can offer them 1-2x's per week.
So, it's a win-win for you & your family, too.
ESH
Are these meals prepped for your lunches at work? If so you’re kind of doing the right thing. Meals for the evening? Maybe he’s got a point. It may not be a good point but he’s got a point.
NTA, your dad is an ass.
Kind of makes me wonder why OP's mom isn't cooking much anymore 🤔
Might be burnout or health issues, but dad’s reaction sure isn't helping either.
Oh I think we know why.
Probably her husband's shitty attitude!
Maybe dear old dad can cook as well.
Mom is too, she agreed with the ass
My high schooler goes through periods where she meal preps for convenience or dietary reasons. Aside from making sure they are healthy (and they are), I stay out of it and am proud of her for being organized and self-sufficient. And as her parent, of course I pay for the ingredients she needs.
If OP’s parents can’t afford to buy separate ingredients for OP’s meals, that would be one thing.
But here, they’re just being assholes and interfering with their 18 year old son’s development into adulthood. NTA.
Yeah I get where they’re coming from, it’s just a tough spot when family expectations clash with personal effort.
Seriously. OP bought the food, cooked it, and still helps out with family meals. How is that selfish?
Exactly.
This.
So is mom.
Came here to say this.