Someone kept shitting all over the toilet floors. Spent years working out who it was, turns out it was the cleaner looking for overtime
I mean, full props to the cleaner!
Full poops
Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime….
So I shit on the floor to get overtime
Has to be a well planned shit, you don't just go out at any time you want, you eat the right food at the right time, he be planning shit for years
I witnessed a murder suicide while waiting tables at a casual dining restaurant. It was 20 minutes into my first, not training, shift. We of course opened the very next day and had to work.
Had they placed an order?
"Two to go."
Ya. Ordered from the take out menu.
Jesus Christ. Firearm? Knife? And how the hell did they just causally open the next day??
Firearm. I guess it was a love triangle thing. A guy came in holding a box and asked if he could look around for people he was meeting. He walked out then walked back in a few minutes later and shot a guy three times while he was sitting in a booth. The shooter then put the gun in his mouth and took his own life. It was over ten years ago but I still remember it like it was yesterday. I was only about 20 feet away.
Hey dude...please tell me you've at least got some therapy or something after. PTSD isn't fun to deal with. Hope you're doing well either way
One of my roommates in college worked the drive-through at Jack-in-the-Box. He once had an irate customer pull a gun on him, and Jack in the box corporate actually forced him to take two days off of work for trauma or something like that. Pretty sure it was paid. So you know it’s bad when your restaurant has worse policies than jack in the box
Corporate jobs are routinely better all around than small business jobs.
Reminds me of when the brewery a buddy worked at got bought by AB-Inbev. People kept asking him if he was upset. He said hell no. AB-Inbev provides health insurance.
The important thing is that corporate profits were protected. 🙄
Years ago I used to work in a hotel. We once had an old man from New Zealand who was travelling the world die in his room. That was sad, but it presented a problem as a wedding party were shortly going to arrive and needed the room. My boss, the head of housekeeping, accompanied the coroner to take the bagged up body to the staff elevator at the back of the building, so the wedding party wouldn't encounter it.
The staff elevator broke down while they were inside and my boss was stuck going up and down floors with a dead body for an hour. It's bad but I couldn't stop laughing.
I once got trapped in an elevator for around 4 hours, and now I avoid them completely, even in big cities where that means going up and down 10+ stories of steps.
That’s like the shittiest would you rather: spend one hour trapped in an elevator with a dead body or 4 in the elevator alone.
I went through it, and I still think I’d pick the 4.
I once got trapped in an elevator for around 4 hours, and now I avoid them completely, even in big cities where that means going up and down 10+ stories of steps.
Sounds like you're taking steps to avoid elevators.
Perhaps one day you'll be comfortable with them again, they do have their ups and downs.
Worked as a delivery driver and some lady answered the door with tits out and a needle in her arm
Which pizza?
UPS lol
Their pizza is not my favorite but it's not bad
Good enough to eat on meth.
Not a bad slogan.
One of my coworkers didn't know our walk-in freezer had a camera and got caught jerking it into a container of pickles. Yes we threw it away and he was fired
The ol' jerkin in the gherkins
The ol’ pickle tickle
The cornichons pleasure zone.
When I was like 19 I worked alone at a gas station. I was going through a breakup so I decided "I'm gonna say Yes to whatever comes my way". This older woman, like over 50, came to buy cigarettes and chocolate. She then asked if I'd come smoke some weed with her in her van. I said yes.
In the van we got high and then we made out. It was weird. She gave me her number and drove away.
I was confronted by my manager the next week about it. "Why did you go into a customer's van?" I panicked and made up a story about how that was my aunt and we were dealing with a family emergency. She said "the cameras saw you kissing her..."
LMAO "so THATS how it is in your family". ferris bueller style
"Yeah it was a family makeout emergency"
ROLL TIDE!
“I really love my aunt damn get off my back”
A dude in our city just got multiple felony charges for doing something similar. How did he get caught? He posted a video of him doing it on social media…
I feel sorry for his Family. Everytime they open the fridge they're playing with fire.
Well, that explains the weird pickles from my latest dumpster dive.
The pickle slicer was off that day.
Stupid sexy pickles. They were clearly asking for it.
He should be jailed.
Just last week, I had to track down brain matter and skull fragments on the side of the highway so the state troopers could do a crash reconstruction. They needed to see how far it flew to determine the speed the motorcyclist was riding.
I’m a firefighter and unfortunately, this isn’t really something that’s really that unexpected. First time doing this, but definitely not my first fatal crash. Wear your helmets, folks. Don’t operate a vehicle while drunk.
With your username…
I think it translates to Dick Head.
Walked in on my boss getting head from the woman that just got a promotion like a week earlier
The Art of the Deal.
The Art of the Kneel.
A very young me fucked a fellow nurse in a supply closet at work at a very busy hospital. We didn't get caught or anything, but we had met 5 hours earlier when the shift started and I wouldn't have known her name if it weren't on her nametag
Congrats on your promotion as well
That’s a straight shooter with upper management written all over her.
They caught a 7th grader giving boys blowjobs for money in a teachers classroom.
The punishment of a weeks suspension did not seem quite appropriate to many of us.
Girl in my 6th grade class was like that. She seemed to know an awful lot about sex for a 12 year old.
By the time we ran into each other again in high school I doubt her situation had improved, and she seemed worse off. I don't know what became of her because that was the last time I saw her at my school.
Omg that's incredibly sad.
Um... Did they ever check to see if there was abuse in the household? That's not normal behavior.
This is just about the first thing they should have asked. Not normal.
Beyond fucked up.
I don’t know if I would punish her for that. Someone who is trading blowjobs for cash at the age of 13-14 is not well. She needs counseling, not a suspension.
My sister had a fast food manager she really didn't like. This manager thankfully transferred to another store, but that was not the last they heard of her.
There ex-manager and a coworker hatched a scheme to make money. She tied up her partner in crime in the walk-in freezer, took the money and lit a fire so the fire dept would come let her partner out. Partner would then say they were robbed. The fire fizzled, fire dept never showed up and the woman in the freezer died. Ex-manager went to prison.
There is no way in hell there is enough money in a fast food restaurant to even make it worth attempting that ploy
Guy I went to college with worked at a sporting goods store and went to prison for exactly that, minus the killing a person thing.
Just emptied out the till, lit the place on fire, walked out. All on camera... guess he figured they'd burn up or something? He was arrested four hours later, they hadn't even checked the cameras yet... the police tracked him down for a welfare check because he was scheduled to work that day and was missing after the place caught on fire. When they got to his place he ran out the back which kind of clued them in he was maybe involved. Then when they caught him he swung on the cops, knocked one down and immediately went for his weapon. Guys partner was all over him and that was that, lucky he wasn't shot.
Not the brightest spark that one, think he got away with about $250.
Can you imagine the excited anticipation of a fat payday and all you had to do was be cold for a while slowly descend into the panicked and terrified realization no fire alarms are going off, you're getting colder, and your partner in crime has already got out of dodge.... then whatever that short hypothermia spark of joy is as you take your last breaths
Holy fuck, that took a turn.
That’s the kinda plan you hatch while on heroin.
My job had a bathroom in the back that they kept locked Because they wouldn't fix the toilet. So they kept it locked so no one would accidentally use it.
Well my coworker disappeared one night, He worked closing shift then disappeared No one could find him.
A week later We found him in the locked bathroom passed away with a needle and half used bag of heroin beside him
Oof, a week later. Can take a guess as to how you discovered him.
We honestly thought the sewage was backing up
Work at a movie theater... most of the NSFW stuff I've encountered is weirdo customers:
Most non-customer NSFW stuff has mainly been co-workers hooking up here and there in the parking lot after work or that sort-of thing.
The only really bad situation was a sexual harassment situation a few years ago where this creep on staff made his "goal" to try and violently sodomize as many female co-workers as he could (literally, that's what he wanted to do).
He didn't do it to any of them, thank god, but he wasn't subtle about it. Dude looked like Frankenstein's monster and had a nasty beard that looked like pubes glued to his face, but somehow thought he was god's gift to women and that he could fuck anyone he wanted. And he wanted violent anal sex most of all because I guess he got off on the pain/taboo factor.
He was openly sexually harassing multiple staff members (including at least one co-worker under 18), and once made an implied rape/sodomy-threat against one of them, so he was fired pretty damn quickly. Complete scumbag and psychopath who will probably end up rotting in jail.
We had a guy we dubbed "Towel dude" coming (hah) into the most recent 50 shades of grey movie and would bring his own towel every single time, drape it over his lap, and watch the movie in the very back of the theater up in the corner, where he could see anyone who was walking into the theater before they could see him.
He would watch the movie at least once a day, sometimes twice or three times.
We were told we needed to actually catch him doing something to kick him out or ban him, so I think he kept coming until we stopped playing it.
he kept coming lol
sometimes twice or three times
Christ I hope he changed the towel
Back in my day we still had projectionists, and their job was basically 20 minutes of working like a dog every 2 hours, then nothing the rest of the time. Once my buddy got that job he spent a solid portion of the downtime hiking up with his girlfriend
Like to the roof or the top of the mountain he was projecting on?
Holy shit the pear story actually made me laugh
One of the forklift guys showed up to work drunk and crashed the lift into a rack containing a million dollars worth of product.
He was not fired.
I left warehouse mgmt for IT; best thing for my mental health I’ve ever done. So many batshit crazy people working in those places.
I work in it and volunteered to help out in the warehouse. It was fun.
Found the batshit crazy person.
Over 25 years ago, we had a very high paid, experienced, yet extremely dishonest night shift supervisor (caught on video) bury a million dollar tail assembly behind the helicopter factory after he"d severely damaged it. He'd been driving the forklift at way too high a speed (which he'd been written up for twice within that year), lost control, and crashed into the tail assembly (accident caught on video as well). Union shop in a defense plant---yup, he didn't get fired. He honestly should have been arrested.
Did deliveries for Amazon through a contracted DSP and a woman answered the door with what I thought was a butt plug in her back door.. she asked me to help her get it out and I took a photo of the package delivered with her in the background pulling it out herself. Never heard anything about it from my DSP.. and I still to this day don’t know if that was a butt plug or just a random object she turned into a butt plug!
Funny how these people are always attractive when trying to visualize these stories
She really was not attractive though. She was a cat lady and her house reeked of the smell of urine.
Had to clean a dead body off the train tracks
Dad and Grandpa were both CarMen. They had these little conversational pauses when such stories popped up. And if my sis or I ever got near playing on tracks we got an ass whooping delivered from on high.
Went to highschool with a girl that passed out drunk on the train tracks and got hit by a train.
I used to operate a ATV drill rig. Another driller on site was operating a skid rig. He was in the process of winching the rig up a hill. The cable snapped, he pushed his helper out of the way and then he got crushed and pinned against a Jersey wall. I was one of the people to help get the machine off him. He shortly died there after. This gave me severe PTSD. I quit that job soon after. It’s been almost 28 years since it happened.
Dude I'm a seasoned geotech engineer and these types of stories give me nightmares even though I'm rarely in the field anymore. I've met too many one-armed drillers, drillers missing fingers, drillers with massive scars on their faces and a harrowing story to match it. I always tell my people not to get overly comfortable with the process and to do the drill inspection from a safe distance.
Director bullied a supervisor into taking her own life.
Fuck Spectrum
Why aren't they in jail?
Legally? Because they can't prove that the director yelling at her in front of everyone, instructing her to drop out of school (she was trading 1 shift a week for a semester), and kicking her out was what caused it.
Realistically? Because their legal team is much bigger than a lower-middle class income person can afford
Hr lady had a fetish for almost getting caught in the stairway, got let go after getting caught the 3rd time.
So she was not that good in the "almost" getting caught part...
I caught my friend fingering a coworker in the back office.
Is back office a euphemism?
No lol. we had a literal back office when I worked at a grocery store. That would be a good euphemism though.
Recovering bodies of the drowned from the Windward Passage between Cuba and Haiti during one of the coups in 1996 because Haitians were fleeing the island.
Never again.
I don’t fish or hunt any more.
My god. I'm sorry you had to live through that.
Walked in on two coworkers feeling each other up and undressing each other in the walk in cooler about to have sex presumably. Anytime I’d catch them alone in the walk in I’d turn off the lights and the girl would come running out demanding to know who did it, lol. The guy was my friend so we’d always be clowning him about it too.
My boss (female) heavily implied that if I wanted a raise I’d have to sleep with her. I was 16 working at McDonalds and quit that day.
No way I’m eating her filet of fish for an extra $4 an hour
$4 an hour raise?? For that much I'd make it a happy meal
So I guess her name was not Bink
If you have a polyp during a colonoscopy they cauterize it, if it's big they cut it and staple it. Sometimes those staples pop. Dude came back to work after his coloscopy and took a dump. He bled everywhere. Whole bathroom looked like he said Candyman 5 times in a mirror. They carted him out on an ambulance and my manager cleaned it up.
Manager was such a fucking saint. Good dude.
Just gonna copy and paste my answer from when this was asked last week here:
Worked in a call center where a few dudes put a Carolina reaper sucker in the microwave. It happened before I got there that day but that half of the building was evacuated and people said it was burning their eyes. Dude was fired that day.
Oh yeah read about it last week. Goddamn gas attack that must have been.
Reminds me of the time my buddy accidentally pepper gas attacked the whole house when he put the wrong burner on for water and forgot about it. The burner that got turned on had a honey and ghost pepper based hot sauce for wings in it. I was sitting playing video games and all of a sudden my eyes and nose were on fire and we all had to run out the house. The poor dog came out sneezing too. Glad he didn’t burn down the house. We couldn’t go back in for over an hour.
One of my mom’s friends before I was born was dating a guy who was nice, but a huge idiot. At a party at their house, he was showing off a new device he’d bought to help her stay safe: a flashlight that could also shoot pepper spray out of a hole in the front at the push of a button, in case a mugger accosted her at night or something. While telling people about it, he tried to turn the light on and it wouldn’t turn on, so he put the bulb right up to his eye to see whether he could tell what was wrong, and then accidentally pressed the wrong button and pepper sprayed himself directly in the face.
Then, an hour or two later, a guest showed up and asked why his face was all red and puffy like that, and he accidentally did it to himself again while demonstrating what had happened.
One guy was trying to show me some picture in his camera reel in the kitchen one day. He was swiping through his pictures and then suddenly, there it was, in the most comically embarrassing pose you can possibly imagine, nothing at all left to the imagination. He swiped past it with the same rhythm that he was swiping through all of the other pictures hoping that I simply missed it. We never spoke of it lol
I had a coworker out of boredom take one of those online purity tests or whatever where it asks you all these sexual questions and you have to check off every item that you've done and it gives you a score. She proceeded to do it out loud and read off every item and describe how she did them all. I told her repeatedly to stop and I didn't want to hear it.
I hired an admin assistant for my section. One of the other guys google’d her and found a TikTok of her listing off “kinky” shit she had done
Put a finger down if….
I honestly wouldn’t have hired her if I had seen it. Not that she was into whatever, but she was trashy enough to put that on TikTok
Edit: she was a great worker, but turned out to be an HR nightmare. Extremely inappropriate. And my buddy who Google Fu’d her won’t let us live it down lol
If we thought 'old tweets' were juicy, there's a goldmine on tik tok just biding its time
Coworker using a forklift didn't wrap the pallet first and then accidentally dropped it. It was a pallet of juice in glass bottles. The majority of which smashed open. And it was at the end of the work day. On Christmas day. Nobody was pleased with him.
One of the worst spills I saw was a pallet full of blueberries. Those little fuckers rolled all over the place and any machine that came anywhere near the spill lost pretty much all traction.
I work in oil and gas, One morning as I was doing a site walk with supervisors we happened upon a hoarding in which two male crew members were having sex, they were more than surprised when the entrance to their little love shack was pulled open…it was a bit awkward. For everyone involved.
Did... Did thay at least wear protection?
Hard hats are compulsory onsite 👍🏾
I worked in a nightclub and one of the barmen pumped his girlfriend on the pool table in the VIP section after the club closed.
Sadly for him it was all on camera and they had the temerity to sack him for it.
Twats
Take my upvote for using temerity in a sentence. I knew there was a reason I memorized the meaning of that word for my GRE exam
For the rest of you dumb-dumbs like me who learned a new word today:
Temerity
noun
excessive confidence or boldness; audacity.
"no one had the temerity to question his conclusions"
Do you know how hard it is to clean that mess off of the delicate baize?
The CEO got his personal secretary pregnant, she sued the company, company gave a 7 figures settlement and politely escorted him to the door.
[removed]
Did you get a promotion the week before?
Nice callback
Hilarious reference
One dude on my last ship would go into an unoccupied office sometimes 3 times a day for god knows how longto jerk off. From what we understand now there was a camera in there for some reason that he either didn't know about or was under the impression was turned off.
Turns out the camera was not turned off, so he got to explain himself to our divisional officer, then the Chief's Mess, then the Executive Officer, then the Commanding Officer (of an aircraft carrier) why he felt the urge to jerk it multiple times a day at work.
I’m sorry, sir. There’s just too much semen in the seaman.
A lady at work that was into me got really high and then grabbed my junk in front of a customer because said customer was apparently giving me "I want to maul you" eyes.
She wasn't, she was just being the normal amount of friendly that folks who aren't assholes give to food service workers. That customer did report the interaction to management and asked them to check if I was okay, so that was nice.
The customer asking if you were fine was such a sweet thing for her to do
A therapy horse shat all over the conference room I was working in.
A therapy horse is going to do what a therapy horse is going to do
therapisthorse.com
A therapy horse sounds like a reasonable idea. Bringing it inside, however....
A drug dealer tried to sell cocaine to a one of our customers worked restaurant, so this guy was eating with his family, guy in his 40's with wife and a toddler. The customer said no thank you and asked the dealer to go away. The dealer reached for a bottle and smashed it in this guy's face and then punched him also in the face and then walked away as if nothing had happened. Customer lost two teeth, had a bleeding wound in the forehead and there as so much blood everywhere.
I walked the family back to their hotel and helped them contact the police.
What did he hope to gain from that? It's not like he's gonna suddenly feel like doing cocaine after you smash his nose in with a bottle.
I witnessed a lethal injection execution
Weird day at the daycare huh?
It was show and tell day at Boeing
Army. Got shot at. Felt pretty fucking unsafe at the time.
Working at a call centre at night with me and my girfriend, she gave me a blowjob while i was taking calls.
My husband works from home once in a while, so I like to crawl under the desk and "distract" him while he's on zoom calls with his coworkers
I once did a morning walk-around before anyone got there and didn’t wear a hard hat OR safety glasses!
OSHA! This man, right here!
I guess most people are just living in a fucking porn video
Contractor decided not to use a safety line and fell through the roof. 20m, head first onto concrete.
Driver ignored instructions and exited his vehicle in the loading yard. Forklift crushed him against the trailer. Bled out before the ambulance arrived.
Idiot ignored all training and safety measures for the circular saw. Resulted in the saw having to be stripped down to small parts to clean chunks of said idiot out of the machinery.
Damn how do you fuck up that bad with a circ saw??
You check how sharp the blade os with your hand powers on to save time. On first contact your hand flies into the blade that then pull in your arm then that arm is attached to the body...
No ladder around, climbed rhe shelves like a monkey. Fell off and twisted my ankle
I used to work at a farming center. I hated it. The customers were always exceptionally rude…yes, the farmers…and the employees were all assholes, obsessed with gossip. So, I spent as little time with them as possible.
They had a ladder that was wooden and as old as the hills, and I hated that thing. Farmer came in for some cattle gates which were on a rack about ten feet up. So, I am balancing as best I can on this ladder that is creaking and wobbling underneath me, and farmer dude is rushing and pulling down on the gates before I can let go of them.
Of course, he eventually pulls hard enough that I am off balance, the ladder cracks, and I fall to the ground. I land on my feet and then fall to my ass, clearly hurt. The farmer looks at me and gets in his truck and drives off.
I eventually get up, unable to feel my left foot, and hobble to the manager, who says: you know, if I take you to the ER, our store won’t have the clean safety record. If you drive yourself, we won’t have to report it.
I point out that I can’t drive, as I can barely stand, so he takes me to the ER, staring daggers at me the whole time.
I am off work for a few weeks and come back from the fracture with a boot. I actually came back earlier than I could have. All of the employees gave me the cold shoulder and refused to talk to me at all, manager included.
Turns out that my ruining their safety record for the year meant that they didn’t qualify for the company reward: a free buffet at Golden Corral.
After another week of the cold shoulder, I just got up and left one day and didn’t even bother to come back for the check.
I love hot sauce! My coworker was telling me about a sauce she tried and liked. I asked what it was so she went to google images on a work computer and typed in Pepper Joe XXX… she didn’t include keywords like hot sauce or habanero. You can imagine the images that came up lol she freaked out and exited out of them so quick!
She was freaked out the rest of the week thinking she was going to get a call from HR.
I am a Realtor. I was doorknocking for high priced, ocean view listings when an attractive woman in her mid-to-late 30s answered the door - wet, and wrapped in a towel.
She told me her husband had just recently died in a skiing accident and would probably need to sell the house.
She invited me into the house to price it out.
I literally turned around suspiciously looking for a hidden camera, like "where's Ashton????"
Worked in a restaurant. Got head from under the table while eating my after shift meal. It was spaghetti.
Don't put yourself down like that, I'm sure it's more like penne when you're excited.
I've heard spaghetti gives the best head.
I have a few.
Airforce (base is not important but think somewhere with large sat dishes and lots of cold weather) New guy was walking rounds at night near the holidays, found a really warm area and decided to hang out there as it was really cold. We came in that morning to the smell of cooking meat, thoughts were things like "hell the commander must be grilling chow for us" nope his cooking body was found right in front of one of the giant dishes, radiation cooked all night, must not have seen the warning flags or signs in the snow.
Homeland security. Montana. Doing an airport security check, the TSA lady failed the weapon detection, need to report to her boss that she just got her whole team signed up for training. His office is locked, I use my ID to scan in, him and a "lady friend" are going at it, it was probably close enough I just assumed it was his lunch break and wife... nope was the supervisor to the lady who just failed her test.
Dish network installing. I show up to a house, older lady and her 16 year old daughter live there. Get the instal done and just waiting for all the updates. Older lady asks if I have $40 bucks so she can buy beer, if I do she offers to leave her daught home with me for at least an hour. I refused, finished the update and reported her to CPS. Got written up for upsetting a customer.
About that first story, do you have any more info? I've never heard of satellite dishes having so much radiation and I'm interested in reading more about that
I'll be honest its been almost 20 years since I worked satcom so my info is fuzzy, but we were working with 20 foot output dishes. So all the communication for the whole base put into the dish then pushed to a satellite in space. The small ones we told people don't get to close because radiation is bad, the big ones had a 100 foot radius arround them saying stay away.
We don't know if he died their because of the radiation or just happened to stop there and die, but you can think of those 20 foot dishes as a microwave that close, the radiation use to knock birds out of the sky who got too close, an airmen doing walk about and staying there for over an hour is going to get warm, fall asleep or die there and the water I'm your body is going to cook you.
Does gun stuff count as NSFW? If so, coworker A brought a rifle in to work (pretty normal for this place tbh) but coworker B, thinking it was unloaded, pulled it up and 'dry fired it' only it wasn't unloaded and he shot through the wall and into a breaker box.
What an idiot. I don’t even own a gun and am always under the full assumption that every gun is loaded. It’s not worth the risk
Dumbass
Working retail, went to the bathroom in the back, came across a dude openly getting a bj from a coworker. They see me come in, she immediately scoots over, pops the dick out of her mouth and waves it at me like it's a fucking mic, and asks if I want a taste. I just turn around, tell them something like "just clean up when you're done" and walk back out. I wanted no part of that and to this day I still deny I saw anything
tap tap tap is this thing on?
When I was 17, I worked for a cleaning company. My boss had me come into work early before everyone else so we could get a head start on a job an hour away. I walk in and head straight to knock on his door to let him know I have arrived. Mid knock I hear moaning on the other side. Turns out our lead estimator had accidentally sent a homemade video of him and his wife doing the deed to our boss and a client via email and my boss just so happened to be in the middle of watching it.
Let’s just say, once he finally came out of his office, it was an extremely awkward and silent drive to the job site.
Guests were fucking in my bar.
To make the story somewhat detailed. I own a bar (in Bosnia if anyone wants to know for any reason) and it has 3 rooms/areas not sure what to call them actually. The main one and two smallers ones that are separated by big sliding doors. It was an bad day as I only had two guests (think it was Ramadan and most folk here become really religious in that month), it was one of my regulars and some woman he was trying to get with. They went to the side room got two drinks each and said they would call me if they needed anything. So an hour passed and no one else came. Decided to check on those two and went to see if they needed anything. As I entered the room saw them fucking on one of the tables. Both mostly naked, the woman lying on the table, legs up and tits swinging. While the regular was standing and ponding her like his life depended on it. Stood there watching them for like 10 seconds and just slowly stepped away. Sat down at the booth and was thinking what the fuck did I just see. Maybe 5 minutes (at most) pass by and the woman is walking to the toilet while the regular calls me. He pays for the drinks and gives me 10 bucks as a tip. He smiles and says "did you hear anything" and I told him no. Didn't say I saw them doing it, just played dumb. He went to the toilet after that and they left together.
Employee without a working at height certificate was working on a ladder, at height.
This is the most NFSW comment here. Please put a spoiler on this smut, lol.
There was a student in my class who would pretend to make out with a wall by kissing the wall.
So not really pretending at that point anymore are they?
In high school I worked at a hockey store. I was the newbie and about 2 month in some dude came in and blew diarrhea all over the walls, floors and toilet of our bathroom. I got stuck cleaning it myself. It literally took hours to clean. Lovely day.
We have a room called the first aid room thats a private room with a couch for people who get migraines or mothers to breast feed. Well the first aid box is in this room. I once burnt my hand on the copy machine innards so i went to get a burn pad but the door was locked. I knocked and said it was an emergency but no one would answer so i figured it was empty since you can technically lock it and shut it behind you. Happens from time to time. As a manager i had a key so i used it. Opened the door flipped on the light and on the couch our intern was balls deep in one the other managers and they were both frozen in place trying not to make a noise. It was hysterical. He pulled out and sat down. My colleague also swung and sat down. Both red and avoiding eye contact. I grabbed my burn pad, turned out the lights, locked the door and shut it behind me. I didnt tell anyone but i mercilessly make fun of the other manager in private any time i see her since we are office friends.
Someone physically attacked me at work. It wasn't safe at all.
I lived on site, in a separate small house. Me and the bosses daughter got very close, one day the gaffer decides to come in looking for me while me and his daughter were mid anal quickie in the toilet, he eve knocked on the toilet door. His daughter answered, saying she didn't know where I was..... Ended up with me jumping out of the bathroom window and walking around the building and pretending as if I was coming in from the farm. His daughter made out she was just using my bathroom.
Had a coworker who was given the nickname “lollipop” hit on me. She was given that nickname because she was caught licking a guys “tootsie pop” in the parking lot.
How many did it take to get to the center?
"One... two... OH MY GOD SHE'S CRUNCHING ON IT!"
I worked on a TV years ago that had a huge production team, post team, all in house (unscripted). It’s still on the air and it’s premiering on Thursday night. Anyhow, I got to work one Sunday morning and someone shit on the floor of the post production bathroom. In the middle of the floor. Not an accident, a deliberate act.
Anyone could access this area but we later heard someone in the same area, the post area, had put rocks in the sinks garbage disposal and turned it on.
Apparently some editor was upset.
Anyhow, he shit on the floor. Everyone was disgusted and no one wanted to clean it. Production Manager called an EP, they were going to call some pro cleaning service and I (being a PA at the time) was like, fuck it I’ll clean it. So I went in, took care of it in 5 minutes.
One of the EP’s came in, thanked me, told me to take the rest of the day off, with pay and gave me $50 of his own money.
Believe it or not, one of the better days as a Production Assistant.
I've posted this on here before but I'll post it again because my old boss was a gold mine for this shit. He used to watch porn at work, he would scream and swear at his employees (it was literally a point of pride for him that he made all of us cry at least once), he would offer drugs and alcohol to children, he sexually harassed and assaulted multiple people, he was a raging alcoholic who decided that we were no longer going to serve alcohol at staff parties because he got a DUI one time (you know, instead of sober or going to rehab like a normal person), dude was a goldmine for that shit.
And since he was in charge of the entire company, had the entire board of directors in his pocket, and we didn't have an HR department, he got away with all of it for years.
Working at home Depot. Had a nose bleed. Ran to the bathroom and sat in a stall until it subsided. Another guy walks into the stall next to me. I hear cloth s being removed. Then heavy breathing. Then I see his knees below the stall, then his cock, and he starts cumming into my stall onto my shoes. I was embarrassed and mortified and didn't know what to do.
Being on the receiving end of an equine cum shot.
I used to breed horses for a living, and we did a lot of artificial insemination. One afternoon we were collecting one of our stallions and I was the one in charge of leading the stallion to the breeding phantom so he could do his thing. When doing a collection we used a Colorado style artificial vagina, which is basically a PVC tube with latex liners that act as a warm water reservoir/collection sleeves. These have a bottle that collects the semen secured to the end of the latex sleeve, and then you put a warming cap on the end of the whole apparatus to keep the horsey sauce at the appropriate temp for as long as possible. Well on this particular day the latex liners were still drying, so we decided to use a disposable plastic liner instead. The stallion mounted up and started doing his thing, and I took my position at the front of the phantom to keep the lead rope from getting caught on a front hoof. Everything was going normally, until I noticed the warming cap on the end of the artificial vagina pop off. No big deal usually, but on this occasion we were using the plastic liners instead of latex. The stallion was quickly reaching his climax, and gave the AV one more big thrust. Unfortunately for me that’s when I noticed the plastic liner was torn. That’s when I noticed the stallion’s fully flared penis poking out of the end of the AV. I was directly in the line of fire right as the trigger was about to be pulled. I took two jets of horsey sauce to the face and chest before I had enough sense to drop the lead rope and get out of the way. If you think that it couldn’t get any worse, we had a whole gaggle of people in the breeding shed to watch the collection, who instead got to see one of the stallion handlers get blasted in the face.
That first sentence was wild
The rest made me chortle
I am a high school teacher. I had a female coworker several years ago who referred to me as "daddy" in front of other coworkers, commented that my bulge looked "extra thick" that day, and said she wished I was going to be a chaperone at a school event because it involved swimming and she wanted a chance to see my "beast" in swim trunks.
I reported it to admin and nothing happened.
Months later, she tried to "accidentally" brush up against me and groped me through my pants briefly. In a classroom with students while they were distracted by a guest speaker.
I reported it to admin and nothing happened.
I later heard from another coworker that this woman had been casually talking about my penis length during school hours in the teacher's room.
I reported it to admin and...
So the most NSFW thing I experienced was blatant sexual harassment and assault being ignored by my bosses. I changed the district I worked in at the end of that school year.
Someone ran and jumped into one of the big wood chippers.
Mechanic on the night shift decided to fiddle with something on the frozen fish line - a 200 meter slow conveyor belt that takes cut filets inside a multi-story circular loop of a giant freezer unit before they get packaged. As best as they could tell from the video later, he got his arm/clothing stuck on the conveyor belt, and was incredibly slowly dragged through a 10" x 12" opening, bones broken and somewhat pulped, and then did 45 minutes of slowly being flash-frozen to death inside the freezer.
Lock out the heavy equipment before doing repairs, kids. They have those rules for a reason. Also, fuck solo nightshift jobs.
At a former job before I started working there a guy got stabbed in the neck by another coworkers husband. They were having an affair and the husband found out and forced his way in past two secure doors and stabbed the guy banging his wife in the neck.
At my current job I found human bones last year
That’s not how you got your username, is it?
Saw a guy only use two points of contact while walking upstairs 😱
My ex-girlfriend and I worked at this bowling alley, whenever we got horny we would go into the supply closet that nobody went into until they were closing up the place, and just go at it, we would fuck like every hour whenever we felt like it while still being on the clock.
I just want to return my shoes. Where the fuck is the shoe counter guy?
Company summer party. A drunk guy started to dance on the bar, then decided to pee on the bar, splashing pee on the CEO.
Guy with Tourette’s was caught masterbating on the call centre floor at his desk claimed it was one of his ticks
A girl I worked with at a well known sandwich/soup shop decided one day to pour some of the degreaser they had at the store in a coffee style cup with the other employee drinks in the back. She and her boyfriend were moving to a new apartment and needed to clean their house.
She wrote all over the cup and put a stopper in it.
Well….mid shift guess who forgot about what they put in their cup? Yep. She drank it.
She was rushed to the ER and was told if the degreaser had gone any further she would have been severely injured.
So she got fired. For that and the fact that they had to take a urine sample for some reason? Well anyways, she had weed in her system and that was a fireable offense. It’s a double whammy though because the girl that took her to the ER tried to give her HER urine and got caught. So they BOTH got fired
Saw a guest fall down the entrance stairs to work and literally smash his head WIDE OPEN on the pavement.
Nothing quite like ending your shift with you and your colleague performing CPR on a guest, while simultaneously getting blood all over your forearms while trying to cradle his head to stop the bleeding.
Unfortunately it's a sad ending... Ambulance arrived and he was pronounced dead shortly after arriving at hospital.
People just don’t flush the toilet where I work. One time I went into the stall and it looked like someone had taken an old musket, packed it full of blood, shit, and asswipe, and fired it into the toilet.
If you’re gonna fill the shitter with your fucking bloodfarts, at least FLUSH and then see a doctor.
Absolutely diabolical memory.
Guy got crushed in industrial machinery because he didn't follow lockout tagout procedure.
By the way, everybody should follow lockout tagout procedure.
My first day working in a press shop, there was a minute silence for the bloke who died a week before. That’s when I found out I was his replacement.
The press in question had two safety gates and three safety locks, and he’d managed to bypass all of them to try and clear the press of debris. He became debris.
That would be a really effective (if grim) thing to fake on every new hire’s first day.
Too say it made me focus would be an understatement. I practically shit myself for the entirety of my first shift.