Children of unhappy marriages, when was the first time you thought "I wish they would just divorce already"?

Probably when I was 13, and he was hitting my mother and I grabbed a knife and told him to stop hitting her otherwise I was going to stab him, and thinking, while I was saying that, that I was probably going to go to prison for killing him, and thinking further, that if I went to prison, it would be worth it and I would accept my fate. He stopped hitting her. But, she didnt finally leave him until the day after I moved out at 17.

Honestly I thought like that, but then realized they are both just unhappy and over all miserable people. So them being miserable together is probably the best they will ever experience in their lives.

Thankfully I don’t speak to them anymore and my life is much happier because I’ve seen how miserable life could get.

About 7, I think. First time the police got involved because my sibling ran away. My parents are still together to this day, but not a time goes by when I see them that my dad doesn’t insult her in some way. Mom always just laughs it off and says that’s how he is. Like, no mom, he doesn’t actually respect you. He never has.

They felt like they were protecting me from trauma and stigma by staying together, but the tension started to become too much for me when I was 12. Nevertheless, they stayed together until my younger brother turned 18 which simplified the paperwork significantly. By that point they couldn't stand being in the same room together anymore.

I was really young. I wrote in my journal that I wanted them to get a divorce. My mom found it while snooping and was pissed. Well maybe don't be such a raging bitch to everyone all the time then.

Since I can remember. And they only got divorced because when I was 12/13 I told my mom when she came with the same speech "I'm going to divorce your dad someday, because I can't take this shit no more" and I told her to just do it already because we (me and siblings) couldn't take it anymore. Still took her another year to finally do it.

I was about 3yo and was playing with the neighbor in her front yard when we heard the sound of my parents fighting coming from my house.

Can't remember the exact words but basically she asked me about what was going on, I was casual about it because it was normal to me, and she explained that actually no that's not normal at all!

Now this next bit I don't actually remember but my dad likes to trot it out whenever the topic of the divorce comes up. Apparently my parents were "just talking" when I ran between them and declared "You two quit fighting!"

And, according to my father, that is the one and only reason he left the house and the divorce happened. Except mom's religion only allowed divorce under circumstances of proven adultery, so... dad's a cheater, plus an abusive alcoholic and other major flaws. But he blames 3yo-me for his first divorce like clockwork.

My parents would argue every Saturday night after my alcoholic father would come home after drinking all day. I must have been around 10 or so when I wished they would just get a divorce.

When my dad dragged us out of our beds at 1am to scream and abuse us because the toilet paper roll wasn't properly situated on the spindle. He screamed at us so much spit flew out of his mouth. My mom just sobbed on the bed because he'd frightened her so badly she was kind of in a daze. I just wanted it to stop. It finally did years later, but not soon enough in my opinion.

I was six and sitting on the stairs. There was a full wall between me and my parents as they screamed at each other.

Yeah, right then.

I remember very vividly waking up in the middle of the night as a small child and wandering into the living room where my mother was just sitting in the dark listening to John Denver - leaving on a jet plane on repeat. I sat with her for what felt like hours.

I was too small to really understand why, but I knew she was sad. Shes a deeply flawed human and I no longer have any contact with her but I knew then something was wrong we would all be better apart.

I was always scared of them divorcing when I was little because my mom weaponized it against my dad, would frequently move out and just disappear for a few days only to come back. But as an adult, seeing how miserable and codependent they are I wish someone would’ve just gone through with it.

Age wise, early teens probably, maybe a bit before. My dad was an alcoholic and he spent more time in the bars than he did at home. He slept on the couch rather than in their bedroom. They just didn't really seem to get along, but boy was my mom an enabler. Oh, he cheated on her a lot. Even had the audacity to bring one woman home to play a boardgame with us.

They never divorced, but did separate for a few years (I was in my 30s and out of the house by this point though).

Probably sometime in middle school when my mother kept saying she wanted to divorce my father but she couldn’t until I went to college. This also wasn’t their first rodeo, as they got married and divorced previously but were still sleeping together when I was conceived.

He is an awful alcoholic and very verbally and emotionally abusive to both of us. I was thrilled to go to college because that meant I never had to speak to him again.

…and then my mother didn’t leave him for 5 years. My first term at college my mother started using alcohol to cope with me being out of the house, so when I came home for winter break I had two alcoholic parents (yippee /s). I slowly started realizing that my mother is her own kind of terrible person, and I stopped talking to her about three years ago.

Despite all this, I was excited (and a pinch happy for my mother) when I heard she finally filed the papers, though I was deeply skeptical when I first heard the rumor because she had threatened it so many times.

When I had to be the most responsible person in the house by letting them know that the yelling back and forth is keeping us kids awake past our bedtime and we had school the next day.

When my dad threatened to off me because he accused me of knowing of my moms affair 😀 meanwhile, I was only trying to hold it together thru high school, good times

My mom and step.dad were not great people and were really toxic together. I remember being 5 and wishing I didn't have to live with them. They divorced that year and shit was turbulent for a few years as my mom bounced from marriage to marriage with my ex stepdad stalking her the whole time.

When I was 11 he took advantage of her being depressed because my grandparents died so he just moved himself back in claiming he wanted to be there for us. They got remarried a few months later and my 12yr old ass protested by wearing black to the court house wedding.

They were just as toxic as before, probably worse, and stayed that way until my mom died

I was always confused about why divorce was portrayed as something sad and difficult in children’s books and tv – like, wouldn’t you run out and celebrate? I always hated and feared my alcoholic dad and wished my mom would divorce him. When she finally did (I was in 5th grade or so) it was such a relief to have him gone.

I didn’t know it was an option. I wished he would just go away as he hit us or something. I just wanted him to go away.

But it was the 80s and as a 5 year old I watched a friend go through it and said to mum I hope you and daddy never get divorced. Would love to go back in time to that moment and go kiddo they are going to and it’s messy!

So got my wish at 10 and he died 8 years ago now.

Probably around when I was in 3rd grade. He would beat the shit out of me and if she was home to see it and told him to stop he would try to do it to her. It was also becoming increasingly clear my mother's family did not like him.

My grandma said that she probably stayed with him because she was afraid he'd kidnap my brother and me and take us several states away, but even after we were fully grown she stayed with him so who knows.

I thought it once I became a teenager and started to realise that the way they were to each other wasn't normal. I started voicing it once I became old enough to not care about the fall-out. They are still married to this day

Probably around 4 when I got sent to the neighbors house while they fought

When I was 4 I had a school dance recital and they came to watch but started LOUDLY fighting, like yelling and screaming at each other. In a primary school hall. Filled with children aged 3-7. My best friend, who's parents were divorced, turned to me and told me I should "get a step-mum". To this day they are married but haven't been to a school event together since. My high school graduation is in September and I am very, very nervous. Very.

I have no memory of ever wanting them together. My first memory of "active" desire for them to divorce was when I was 6. Separately, I guess they were fine. Dad was an outgoing party guy in the Navy, and she was repressed and socially awkward. It was miserable being their only child. He stopped by my house when I was pregnant with my son. I asked him to divorce her, treat the settlement fair, and bring her to me. He said he loved her. They put the "co" and dysfunction in codependency.

In my teens I realized my narcissistic father with emotional intelligence of a 5 year old is not a normal father but an abusive drunk and that to escape the daily drama me and my younger brother used to tell our mother to divorce him.

I am now in my 40s and have come to the conclusion that they are made for each other. My mother, I have recognized is a people pleaser with the emotional intelligence of a 5 year old and a nag.

Screaming match so loud that you hear them half a kilometer away from the house. The windows were closed.

My mom was holding my baby brother while fighting with my dad and telling him to leave the house. They were screaming so loud at each other. My brother started crying.

My dad tried to pull him out of my mom's arms, and they tugged him back and forth - he said he wasn't leaving without his son. Eventually, my dad let go and stormed out.

I was probably 3-4 at this time. I didn't know what divorce was, naturally, but I remember desperately wanting things to be okay.

I must of been like 8. they had such a rollercoaster relationship, it was like watching two teenagers fall in and out of love with each other like 100 times. it was super exhausting and ridiculous. It's what happens when you get two emotionally immature individuals married with children.

We went on a family road trip when I was 15. They started fighting on the way out of the driveway and didn’t stop the whole trip. My mom kept pointing out places we were passing and saying “Maybe I’ll live there after i divorce your dad.” I kept thinking, why don’t you go ahead and do that then? I still have scars on my face from the stress acne I got on that trip. 

I never had one specific moment that I can remember. I just always remember my parents being unhappy and divorce was extremely common in military families and I wondered why my parents didnt do that but also undstood because we lived overseas and it seemed like a logistical nightmare (seeing other kids going through that helped me understand that im sure)

Probably the whole time like others have said, but it wasn't until I was 16 or so that I started actively asking my mom why she was still with my dad, why she didn't divorce him, tried to convince her that we would all be better off if they divorced (spoiler alert: we were).

7yo, I noticed their relationship wasn't genuine. They divorced while I was in the 11/12 grade and was so relieved they finally got it done. My sister on the other hand was upset and shocked.

When the verbal abuse and neglect escalated to physical violence and instead of hitting his wife, he would hit us kids. My mom legit used me as a body shield once. My mom was a POS but she was definitely the lesser of 2 evils. I was elated when I found out we were sneaking off when he left for work one day.

When my dad threw a pot of spaghetti at my mom

It was more "Why won't you see what he's doing and leave him?" but it was when he first hit me. Slammed a fist down over the top of my head. I was 7 years old. They had been married for maybe 6 months to 1 year.

That was after she was unhappy because he kept isolating us, took all of her money, and wouldn't let us have enough food. It's been 25 years since she married him and he only got worse, but she's still with him to this day.

Idk how old I was (they divorced when I was three), but I have a distinct memory of getting up and closing the living room door so I could hear Thomas the Tank Engine instead of them fighting.

When my parents didn’t communicate about who was going to pick me up from school and both showed up. They started verbally fighting on the playground and then my dad was mad my mom was wearing his sweatshirt so he asked for it back. My mom whipped it off and threw it at him and was in her bra. Then my father got physical (was the norm in our household; he had been dragged from our house to jail for DV years prior) and school staff had to intervene. I was so humiliated. The crazy fucks are still legally married, although my mom is single and my dad lives across the country with his girlfriend.

During COVID, when the screaming matches happened almost everyday. We went to my grandparents place once but came back. Now, my father still yells a lot, but thankfully I’m only back during the vacations from college, so life is pretty chill. My father is a good person, he just loses his temper very easily because he’s constantly stressed.

i remember the exact moment.

i was in 5th grade, it was right before winter holiday break. parents sat me down to “reassure me they would never get divorced”. i rolled my eyes and they pretended not to notice.

took 8 years for them to go back on their word and its now been 10 years since they initiated the process with no end in sight…

Years after their divorce.

It sucked when they got it, but later I realized it was probably the best thing to do, because they weren't going to fix it.

My father went on to have a second marriage that was far more dysfunctional than the first. He wasn't fixable.

I was 11. They divorced finally when I was 17 and moving out. It was brutal. 

I was younger than 10. They were still married when my dad died during my mid-40s.

Unfortunately, it didn't even occur to me until I moved out on my own. I was raised in a very strict religious environment, and divorce was absolutely taboo. I'm still unpacking how fucked up it was

Maybe when my mother started telling me every day I was an asshole just like my father but was too afraid of him to say it to his face

When I was 9 or 10. A classmate came over after school to play and have dinner. She asked me what time my father came home (mom was stay at home). I paused, because I didn’t know. He didn’t really ‘come home’ often - he lived in a different house.

The scales fell from my eyes lol and I realized yeah, my parents are not in a good marriage. But they didn’t divorce until I was in high school.

When I was 10. I used to beg my Mom to leave. She finally did when I was 18.

My parents fought a lot and would often scream and get physical with each other. My brother and I would stand with our ears against our bedroom doors, listening to make sure the yelling and throwing wouldn't escalate into beatings. When it did, we'd run in and separate them.

Afterwards, both of them would be adamant that their marriage was over and that they were going to divorce. They'd say that it was serious this time. It never was.

The moment those threats stopped scaring me was the moment I started wishing they'd just do it. It just felt like a false promise after that point.

I was 11 when my parents separated. My mom took me to a therapist. I remember him asking me how I felt about everything and I just said I was glad to not hear them fight anymore.

I don't remember the first time I had that thought but I remember basically doing a happy dance when they finally divorced

I'm not sure exactly when, I just remember noticing more often how toxic and unhappy their marriage is. Mostly I want them to separate for my mom's sake, because she is the sweetest person ever, and my dad is a toxic man child who is emotionally constipated. She is miserable with him but refuses to leave him for religious reasons

Literally my entire life this has been my greatest wish. For 46 years. I have begged them. Over and over and over.

My siblings?? Estranged and schizophrenic (like hospitalized and diagnosed).

Them? Sad and still married. Still toxic. I left home at 13 and do not regret it. It has been the most destructive thing of my life.

I was extremely traumatised by my parents divorce as a kid, it wasn't until I was an adult that I realised it was the best decision they ever made and if we'd stayed together as a family I would have been screwed up even more than I was.

When they constantly talk about it but never go through with it years of emotional roller-coaster that still goes on today as an adult.. they are serious this time.. no you are not.. I have heard this for 20 years..

When I watched the movie Kramer VS Kramer and I was jealous of the little boy.

Different take…

My parents argued a lot for 1-2 years when I was a child. My brother even suggested they should divorce.

25 years later, they are one of the happiest couples I know. I remember my childhood as a pretty happy one and have zero trauma from several homes / new partner / stepsiblings.

Sometimes divorce is better. Sometimes it’s not.

When they told me they were going to divorce after months of screaming fighting they didn’t think woke me up and then just didn’t…… Now l they’re “too old to start over and comfortable”, comfortable deliberately not mentioning things to each other to keep the forced harmony.

Please don’t stay together for the sake of the kids.

Probably around 7 or 8. One was present and nice, one was not. As soon as I knew what divorce was, I knew they needed it

About high school age.

8 years old

I was the youngest. I never saw my parents interact in a healthy manner, but I — of course — didn’t know this. I just thought that was how life was and that all families were awful behind closed doors 🤷‍♀️

As long as I can remember.

God I wish they just do it already! 32 years and still together. Growing up they would often treat me as their therapist - would often bad mouth about each other to me privately. Car rides or family discussions would turn into aggressive battles ~ scared if it may turn into physical aggression (never did but scary for young ones especially when they would fight during car rides). At times I was just done with their behaviours - warped my idea of relationships for a long time. Now that I am married and away - they barely speak to each other. I wish they did it long time ago - maybe they would have found happier relationships.

I would try and provoke my dad to get him to hit me so my mom would move us out.

I was around 8 years old. My mom was lying on the couch crying. I remember trying to console her, telling her to just “say sorry to daddy” and she berated me instead. It was obviously hurtful, as I remember 40 years later, what she was wearing and the couch she was lying on. They fought all the time. I was around 12 when I stopped wishing they’d get along and instead hoped they’d divorce. They stayed married until my dad died, so about 40 years. Now my mom has nothing nice to say about my dad and all these “secrets” about him are coming out while she’s dating a new partner that is “perfect” and in it for her estate we all think. I can’t help but feel angry. No thought to the kids and how we felt all those years, just themselves! Also, not fair to my deceased dad, if mom’s stories are even true. There was no physical violence to my knowledge, if dad was such a closeted POS, why didn’t she ever tell us? They absolutely should’ve divorced, but it hurts to see my mom changing the narrative after my dad is gone and how the family dynamics have changed dramatically since her money hungry unemployed boyfriend has entered the picture.

honestly when i was like 8 and realized the only time i didn’t feel ‘on edge’ was when i was with my uncle or grandparents. begged my mom to leave my dad because he always screamed at me and threatened me.

they’ve both gotten better since then but it doesn’t undo what happened in the past. still processing it all in therapy. ✌️

I knew when I was about 10 that they were unhappy and headed for a divorce. They didn't separate until I was 12/13, and by then it was a relief as my father was abusive.

I think middle school when I told my mom that it was okay if she divorced my verbally abusive dad. She cried and told me that I shouldn’t say things like that. She’s still with him and he’s still pretty shitty to her and I stand by what I said.

I was about 7 I think

Probably sometime in elementary school. They never did, still together today. My mom still calls me to complain about how miserable she is.

Adulthood. Mid twenties? A little earlier?

They put up a good enough front for an oblivious kid. Then I did my move out college thing, then I realized how much they disliked/hated each other after college when I actually saw them. Just miserable, and it had become fairly open hostility by that point.

I got past the sad part pretty quickly as they stayed in that horrible place for way too long because divorce would be the end of the world apparently. It was just miserable to visit them. Just so much “why?”

They stuck it out against my individual advice to each of them - that I’d prefer it for their own sake to be happier alone than like this. Considerably better now, but it’s against all odds, against all good sense imo, and at great personal cost to them (a big objection to divorce was not wanting to pay a lawyer 1/3 of their retirement in the process and they couldn’t agree on shit on their own lol). The stress and fighting probably took ~5 years off the top for both of them, they aged quick those years.

When the cops came.

I can't remember a time a didn't feel that way. But I wished it more when I realized they were happier and nicer when they weren't together. If one went out of town for a day or two, things at home were happier.

I thought about it when I was a young child but then it’s became my normality. I wished for a “TV style” family but thought that was just a fantasy. so I didn’t really think about it again until I was much older, in my first serious relationship and realised I did not know what a normal, healthy relationship looked like. I still think constantly that my parents should separate (they’re still married) but it feels so relieving I’m out in my own home now.

I think when I was 5 years old, my mother almost left my father, we even left the house with our clothes and everything.

I remember before that seeing him hitting her.

When i was around 8 i figured out that they hated each other. And no, they never fought in front of us. It doesn't matter, kids are perceptive. 2 years of walking on eggshells in the tension they created before they finally did me the favor of separating. I'm 43 and I still get anxious if i hear someone moving around the house after I'm in bed.

Ngl, I didn't realize it until after they had already split up. It was only a couple years later that I realized they should have split a looooong time before. I blame purity culture, evangelicalism, naivete, and a lack of communication.

Maybe around 5 or 6? There's no divorce in my country, but at that time I didn't want them together.

I only remember that my mom accusing my dad of having an affair with his boss. He denied it, but told her if he did, it's because time had left my mom behind and she couldn't keep up with him.

My mom kept yelling, 'What are you proud of, these?' Then she started throwing my father's plaques and trophies on the ground, at him, then on the glass center table, shattering it.

There was more yelling; she started pushing my dad out of the door, he resisted, so she pinched him with the door.

I'm pretty sure they had other fights before and lots after, but this one I never forget. After every fight, they'd tell me, separately, why they fought, their regrets and issues with each other.

I don't remember when the first time was, but I do know the first time I can remember. I know it wasn't the first time I had the thought though. I was 17, we were at a restaurant, in anger my dad told me that I was the reason they were on the verge of divorce. And I remember a part of me wishing they just would. I thought about how my mom and I could get along without having to constantly worry about his ego.

I never knew a day of my parents not hating each other. My earliest memory was somewhere between 5 and 7 and my mother stormed out from our lunch on vacation and disappeared. We cried all day thinking she left us for good. By the time we were in HS, trying to study while our parents fought, we would yell at them to get a divorce. They finally divorced when I was in college. In their minds they stayed together for us. But it wasn't the right call

I think around 12 was the first time I really noticed how much they don't like each other. I've talked to both my parents many times about how they'd be much happier apart, but they've refused to actually look at their marriage. They just "celebrated" 38 years last week, and instead of going on the camping trip they'd planned, they got in a fight that lasted several days.

When they constantly yelled at each other and my mom cried every day. That was pretty early in my childhood, I can't remember what exactly was the first incident.

I begged my mom to divorce since I was maybe 5 years old, since I learned about divorce. They are still together, still arguing, they can even talk to each other normally.

I was always jealous of children with divorced parents and didn't understand why would divorce traumatize them. I still think the trauma is from life before the divorce, not the divorce itself.

I was 7 when i realized that they were not happy together.

Not totally answering the question, but my parents had a very unhappy marriage purely out of convenience, and it didn’t last very long. They were young and had 3 kids 3 years in a row, and the stress got to them for sure, besides generally being incompatible. They divorced when I was 9 and my mum remarried her soulmate, an absolute gem of a man who was an amazing partner to her and stepdad to us. They had a son together and let me tell you, the difference in quality of childhood when you grow up in a happy home compared to one full of angry unhappy parents is so so vast. I love my younger brother to bits but he had such an advantageous start in life compared to what my 2 other siblings and I had.

Parents who stay in a shitty marriage “for the kids” are not necessarily doing them the service they think they are.

I was way too young lol

Oh man. I used to tell my Mum to leave ALOT. When I was 15yo I remember just sitting by the fire, listening to my Dad say we'd all be homeless if he wanted to kick us out. He'd keep the house and we'd have nothing. I thought, ok then f it let's go!

They argued all the time, my sibling and I walked on eggshells for years. I could never hear what my mom was saying due to her pitch and tone but I could hear my dad and he said awful things to my mom. The day my mom called us into the home office to tell us she was filing for divorce was one of the best days of my life. I’m forever happy they divorced. My dad stayed awful, remarried a horrible woman even worse than him and has now passed away and I’m NC with her.

My mom remarried a wonderful man who is my father for all intents and purposes and because of him I’ve had a happier life.

Probably when I was 8 or 9. They never did though.

When I was 6.

Well after they had divorced.

That being said, I only ever once wished they'd get back together... and even then just thinking it felt wrong to me.

As early as I can remember

37, and still think my parents should get divorced. They won't. The only way I can even conceive to explain to people, "they love each other, but they really don't like each other".

Every day as far back as I can remember.

I was 6