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Who wants to take a crack at how to baby proof these stairs😂

Who wants to take a crack at how to baby proof these stairs😂
Who wants to take a crack at how to baby proof these stairs😂
https://www.reddit.com/gallery/1luxmyu
Reddit

Discussion

josephjosephson

Remove or keep the baby downstairs 🤷‍♂️

19 hours ago
AnilApplelink

I came to say this. Don’t let baby anywhere near those stairs.

19 hours ago
bigkutta

And pets

19 hours ago
Tapingdrywallsucks

And me.

19 hours ago
TheReal-Chris

Broken ankle and leg coming in hot for me. This looks disorienting to walk up.

15 hours ago
tholder

When you say hot you're talking about the coffee I spilt all over me whilst breaking my ankle?

11 hours ago
OSRS-MLB

And my axe

19 hours ago
No_Street8874

you need people of intelligence on this sort of... mission... quest... thing.

18 hours ago
hoominhalp

Well, that rules you out, Pip!

18 hours ago
NinjaArmadillo

Fool of a Took

18 hours ago
Zealousideal-Way6472

What about a catapult?

13 hours ago
BackupTrailer

Six-ish companions… So be it. You shall be the Fellowship of the Stairs

16 hours ago
uconnboston

One Tread to rule them all, One Tread to find them, One Tread to bring them all, and in the darkness maim the person who walks down them.

6 hours ago
mrspectorhrvyspector

Also people of balance, coordination and spacial awareness with a sober streak 🙊 😂

6 hours ago
MiscalculatedRisk

The slinky tho.....

15 hours ago
weightyinspiration

Roll for Dexterity check.

14 hours ago
NoParkingOnLobsters

Ok, rolled my ankle. It’s swelling now.

What do I do now….???

13 hours ago
Tapingdrywallsucks

And into the dice jail it goes.

13 hours ago
DavidinCT

and me after 6 beers...

18 hours ago
HoofStrikesAgain

And me perfectly sober on a random Tuesday.

16 hours ago
Common-Aerie-2840

Especially me.

16 hours ago
cr1ter

And drunk people

3 hours ago
JagrsMullet1982

Don’t let me anywhere near those stairs.

17 hours ago
StaggeringBeerMan

Condom , birth control.

17 hours ago
Imaginary_Bad_4844

😂I have a condom baby!! Don’t trust condoms!!! As for the stairs, move if possible. I hate spiral stairs. They are an accident waiting to happen!!!

12 hours ago
StaggeringBeerMan

Don’t trust someone is on birth control either. That’s how my friend has a son.

12 hours ago
Juttisontherun

This is the only applicable answer. If it’s too late for these methods. MOVE.

13 hours ago
seahorse_party

Who keeps a baby in a lighthouse anyway?!? 😆

17 hours ago
etsprout

Holy shit this got me good 🤣 I scrolled too fast and had to come back, this is the best /r/nocontext I’ve seen all day

PS I just realized I read this in John Mulaney’s voice, I assume because it make me think of “horse in a hospital” lol

14 hours ago
seahorse_party

Omg! I actually only know about that quote because the singer/songwriter Ondara wrote a song about/around it.

Ondara - Days of Insanity

10 hours ago
CaterpillarMel

Nobody puts baby in a lighthouse! 😂😂

1 hour ago
Narrow-Height9477

Agreed. Baby should go. Stairs were there first.

18 hours ago
Audi0z0mbi

I vote remove the baby per the suggestion. But to point out they make baby gates that attach to a wall and then unroll to reach the other wall and latch on and lock. I will say that once they get a little older they will figure out they can get under it but with the minimal trim that you have you should be able to minimize it as much as possible and SHOULD be good.

19 hours ago
erose238

IDK...those are great for keeping baby in a level room or from going UP the stairs, but they aren't enforced enough to safely protect a baby/toddler from going DOWN the stairs. All the ones I've seen only ratchet lock from the top and they aren't sturdy enough if they are pushed on hard. I wouldn't trust it anyways.

18 hours ago
Whpsnapper

Nothing here but solutions! Remove the baby, can't believe I didn't think of that.

19 hours ago
Festering-Boyle

adoption is always an option

19 hours ago
blind30

Ironically, those stairs seem like a very efficient baby remover now that you mention it.

18 hours ago
Fireandmoonlight

Don't have the baby in the first place, the best solution!

18 hours ago
CompetitiveRub9780

Giant Hamster ball

16 hours ago
PhReAk0909

I read this as "Remove the baby"

19 hours ago
ParadoxTheHybrid

Yup, removing the baby seems like the best solution

18 hours ago
TheZippoLab

If I was the baby, I'd want to be raised in the shed.

It's nice out there. 😊

Downvote if you wish, but Karl from Sling Blade was raised in a shed, and I love Karl. ❤

18 hours ago
TaytorTot417

FRENCH FRIED TATERS

18 hours ago
redgdit

Yes. Remove the baby from the household. It's the only way.

17 hours ago
JJ82DMC

Sweet Jesus those things aren't adult-proof with a BAC above 0.02...

19 hours ago
DaysOfWhineAndToeses

Those stairs look like they were built for the beneficiary of a high-payout accidental death policy.

19 hours ago
lovelust89

Or someone that has intentions of suing ems constantly.

19 hours ago
A_Downboat_Is_A_Sub

Put a baby gate at the top and it's practically suicide stairs.

"I'll just step over it this time and..."

16 hours ago
FlametopFred

mom?

8 hours ago
OkConcentrate3302

OMG! I came here to say the same thing. Looks horrifying.

19 hours ago
CurrentCitron26

Right I'm cooked never mind the baby

19 hours ago
Styronna

You swish mouth wash longer than 30 seconds and can no longer use these stairs

18 hours ago
BibliophileBroad

I don't even drink, and those stairs are unsafe for me! 😄

18 hours ago
MarionberryOk2874

I fell just looking at them.

14 hours ago
Conscious-Loss-2709

Evolution. Keep having babies and breeding the survivors until they stay away from stairs automatically

19 hours ago
Yawanoc

It's the same way with leaving babies in hot cars! Eventually, humans will evolve to survive extreme temperatures, and then what does global warming matter?

19 hours ago
pearshapedorange

This is the way

19 hours ago
Cold_Cap_6049

Who is breeding the survivors though? I certainly hope not the original parents

18 hours ago
artie_pdx

Yeah. You gotta leave the bodies in place though. How else would they know it’s perilous?

18 hours ago
Super-Vermicelli-957

Glue traps should do it 🫡

19 hours ago
Anakin_Skywanker

I mean... I guess if it works...

18 hours ago
TedW

Dangit, this was way smarter than quintuple amputation. Oh well, live and learn.

17 hours ago
housesettlingcreaks

r/DeathStairs material

19 hours ago
umyumflan

lmao i hate this, thank you

19 hours ago
Cozmo525

Lollll WTF, I love Reddit.

Edit: the one with the 3 Indian Blokes carrying that massive pane of glass up the hollow stairs covered in loose shoddy plywood…😂☠️

17 hours ago
vnonos

Curse you for making me scroll ten miles to find it 😂

https://www.reddit.com/r/DeathStairs/s/ITYehm0REf

7 hours ago
RamenRoy

There's a serial killer out there who went to school, became an architect and now designs stair specifically to murder people. Nobody will ever make the connection.

18 hours ago
Adorable-Junket5517

came here to say this.

15 hours ago
Ghostrider556

From a building code perspective it isn’t happening unless you manage to close the gap on the stairs because the baby can go thru them. You could essentially cage in the landings to lock the baby away from any stair access but it probably won’t look great

19 hours ago
FallenJoe

Why cage the landing when you can cage the baby?

19 hours ago
Ghostrider556

However they wanna do it but something needs caged lol

19 hours ago
ProfessionalBread176

because babies can escape from cages. Most stairs cannot

18 hours ago
GoldenDragonWind

For those stairs I'd start with a condom.

18 hours ago
stefaniki

Move

19 hours ago
BackgroundPanda138

Slide?

19 hours ago
AdOk8555

I vote fireman's pole.

19 hours ago
BackgroundPanda138

Babies don't have the upper body strength to slide down a pole silly

18 hours ago
ProfessionalBread176

But they're made of soft rubber so they will bounce; it will really be okay

18 hours ago
Mrfunguykawhi

I mean if you want it actually baby proof and not super janky, may just have to build a custom gate deal. Attach to wall, bring a strip along the floor, 90 degrees turn to other wall. Then frame out two gates basically. Or build 2 or 3 sections that attach to each other. You’re not gonna find anything that really makes this work though 😂

19 hours ago
Practical_Music_4192

Yeah maybe hire a contractor willing to do a small job.

Not a pro but hear me out: get a fence post bracket that you can mount into the floor at that right angle, then build out two custom gates mounted to each wall.

18 hours ago
viprus

I mean you can just buy kits that are made for this.. for example: https://www.argos.co.uk/product/9650640

18 hours ago
420jhollandaise

I’m not able to see what on the other walls. Are you able to buy a long get straight across like this?

https://fairybaby.com/products/baby-gate-autoclose

19 hours ago
Linzy23

That's what I thought immediately, block the entire area off if possible.

18 hours ago
booty_flexx

I wouldn’t do this if op plans on living with this solution/in this house for more than a couple or few years. This is great for keeping the baby out of the kitchen or certain areas.

But as a solution to deny access to death stairs, may not be viable.

My child at 3yrs could lay on his back and kick out the bottom as hard as he could, bust it out in 3 kicks, breaking through the reinforced mounting cups that were anchored into the doorway.

It was fine for us, we caught on quickly, and corrected the behavior. But we had to learn, and learning your kid could bust through to the kitchen vs busting through to death stairs are two entirely different risks.

OP this will work if you come up with a new solution in 3yrs, or move out by then.

17 hours ago
LivingLikeACat33

OP needs to bolt a real, unclimbable fence securely into the studs in the wall. Maybe the floor too but with enough support they might be able to get around that.

16 hours ago
RemoteShine1257

Are you serious? Hire someone to sit there

19 hours ago
blmbmj

This is the answer.

15 hours ago
LT_Dan78

Don't listen to these people saying don't have a baby or move or any of that crap. The easy fix is to put a harness on your kid and tether them with a cord that's too short to reach the opening. Works great in the yard with one of those screw in spike things. No need to watch them or worry about them getting into the road.

19 hours ago
mazzarellastyx

You had me in the first half

18 hours ago
similar-be

That’s a horrible idea! The obvious answer is to tether the baby to a dog of equal pull strength and put some kibble across from the stairs. This will create a pull equilibrium between the baby and the dog.

Notes: regularly increase the size of the dog to align with a developing baby…obviously

15 hours ago
Life_Detail4117

I’d be intimidated to use those stairs myself. I don’t know if you can build locking doors to cover each landing or something of that nature, because a child gate (if you can find one big enough to cover this) isn’t going to hold for long.

18 hours ago
Separate_Custard_754

Put the house up for sale.

19 hours ago
InflationSome1283

It's giving, "Rest in Peace." I've already tore my ACL just looking at this photo.

19 hours ago
Set9

I'm thinking more "Long live the king!" after realizing if you slid just right, you'd be dangling over the stairs below.

10 hours ago
Nejura

I'm 100% certain these are baby proof.

No baby can defeat these stairs. They should come with a Boss HP bar and a auto-save point.

19 hours ago
ArtichokeDifferent10

They look sturdy enough to stand up to a full grown adult falling down them. Why are you worried about the weight of a mere baby? 🤔

/s

19 hours ago
materdoc

Babyproof? Those need adult proofing!

18 hours ago
goingforawalkmmk

Leave th stairs and put the kid in a bubble ball

18 hours ago
EastHillWill

Oh god, why

19 hours ago
AdOk8555

Wait 10 years. Problem solved.

19 hours ago
Chipsky1ark

What about that twine people weave around trees

19 hours ago
No_Street8874

Hear me out… lasers

18 hours ago
OozingHyenaPussy

wouldnt even let my cats play on them steps

18 hours ago
Richmondpinball

Remove the baby.

19 hours ago
justagigilo123

Condom.

19 hours ago
H0ckeyfan829

Don’t have baby🤷🏻‍♂️

19 hours ago
frinkmahii

Electric fencing which fits the vibe since nothing else is safe.

19 hours ago
OnlyBeat3945

Install a slide. Make your life a lot easier.

19 hours ago
lovelust89

As an emt, these stairs give me serious agida and anxiety. If you must, baby gate all around them with a good sturdy baby gait. Imagine carrying someone incapacitated down those stairs. Christ. There's no equipment we have that would make it easy or safe for the patient or most importantly....us! I think there should be a clause somewhere that if you choose to modify or build your house with shit like this, the fire dept/ems is in no way responsible if youre injured upon extrication and that personel should be able to refuse the call of its a risk of injury to themselves and they cannot reasonably make it safe.

19 hours ago
Big-Quality-4820

Put a trapeze net down covering the opening. If the baby falls, it lands in the safety net.‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

WINNER! WINNER! CHICKEN DINNER! 👼🏼👼🏼👼🏼👼🏼👼🏼👼🏼👼🏼👼🏼👼🏼👼🏼👼🏼👼🏼👼🏼👼🏼👼🏼

‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

16 hours ago
35_PenguiN_35

Struggling to see how to make them adult proof

10 hours ago
Safe-Tennis-6121

Plywood, duct tape, drywall screws /s

Needs a freaking railing

19 hours ago
ViperThunder

place a couple heavy objects there that a baby can't move 😄

19 hours ago
gretchens

I had impossible to babyproof stairs, so we did zones - a baby gate on her bedroom door upstairs, and a big 12' gate across the living room and a gate on the other door to the dining room in there, so there were safe zones. It also kept her out of the kitchen, bathroom, other dangerous areas but gave us peace for taking a shower or whatever.

19 hours ago
sea-elle0463

I’d put basically fencing across the whole thing wall to wall with a gate somewhere convenient.

19 hours ago
BTCdad77

EASY. Don't let the baby live here

19 hours ago
MikeCheck_CE

You move bro, that's what you do....

19 hours ago
AdEnvironmental6033

What’s it like living in a castle?

19 hours ago
Practical_Wind_1917

Lots of chicken wire.

19 hours ago
Sea-Yogurt712

This seems like a hazard for any age personally dang. The only thing I would say kill it with fire.

18 hours ago
surethisusernamewrkz

Baby gate at very the bottom of the stairs (first floor)

18 hours ago
Ol_Pasta

Moving should be easier. 🥴

18 hours ago
HistrionicSlut

Don't proof the stairs proof the entry ways to the stairs.

18 hours ago
grizzlyshoots

Baby proof? I’m trying to figure out how to me-proof those stairs!

17 hours ago
Nu11X3r0

Probably using a condom? Those aren't even adult-proof so preventing the baby from existing is probably the only way to make these stairs baby-proof...

17 hours ago
ShoulderThen467

Only for a lighthouse keeper. Totally bonkers. The only way to babyproof those stairs is birth control, really.

17 hours ago
HeinleinsRazor

You should probably just move. 😂

17 hours ago
akg81

remove the stairs or the baby

16 hours ago
Half_adozendonuts

I’d consider moving altogether. A lot of parenting is just keeping kids from accidentally taking themselves out and it doesn’t stop after toddlerhood. These stairs are going to make keeping your kid alive that much harder lol My kid went headfirst down a whole flight of stairs after trying to come down them in princess heels. First thing she did when she came home from the emergency room was try again.

15 hours ago
mjpfinger

Maybe just move…

15 hours ago
MarleysGhost2024

Those stairs are a deathtrap for all living beings.

15 hours ago
cheesebin1

No drinking or drugs. No babies or stupid pets (most of them). Nobody with balance issues. Nobody mobility limited folks. No kids and certainly no rambunctious teenagers. You have created the perfect stairs for an introvert.

13 hours ago
YerrRiggy

That’s not even me proof.

13 hours ago
Ok-Grapefruit1284

Jesus. I think a firehouse pole would be safer.

12 hours ago
ThunderPushii

Condom!

12 hours ago
Valkelrie_

Put a mattress at the bottom and hope for the best

12 hours ago
cltncrts

Condoms

12 hours ago
jmcclintock8888

May I suggest a condom?

12 hours ago
YourAuthenticVoice

Heavy-ass trap door. With cameras. And alarms. Maybe a net too. Fuck me, that's like a woodchipper for babies... You own a babychipper, bro!

12 hours ago
Fit-Association3293

Why have the wall turn?

By a long baby gate that SCREWS to the wall. Use some structural screws into studs. If there are no studs where you need them, open up the wall and put some blocking in where needed. And do what you can to keep baby away from those stairs in the first place

12 hours ago
Myke500

Just put up a gate right about where you are standing. On each floor

12 hours ago
Electrical_Top5004

Stair-proof the baby instead!

12 hours ago
Icy-Economics-8969

take wood and never use them again

12 hours ago
mayshebeablessing

Baby Dan modular baby gate. You’ll create an L with a door, or three panels with a door, similar to your drawing. You can order different parts online. We have regular stairs, but they do have a tricky landing to box in, and that’s what we did.

12 hours ago
idye24

Turn it into a slide with bean bags at each landing

11 hours ago
Sidetracker

Safety gates on every floor the child (or pet) may have access to. They are an accident waiting to happen.

11 hours ago
LTLSHIPMaster42

Move !

11 hours ago
Maintainer13

Best way to baby proof the stairs? Don’t have a baby

11 hours ago
actuallyanicehuman

Condoms

11 hours ago
tired_lil_human

these aren't even adult proof. just looking at them is making me heartbeat faster

11 hours ago
SixSevenTwo

Baby proof? Anyone over 4 beers that could be dangerous lol

11 hours ago
AcrobaticRelation253

Move.

11 hours ago
Bluebugs83

Rip them out and start over...

11 hours ago
StarDue6540

Lots of gates top to bottom..very European.

11 hours ago
GiGi441

Simple. Wear a condom 

11 hours ago
Myrtle_Snow333

Are these even adult proof? I could imagine my foot just going through a crack on a sleepy night

10 hours ago
CapitanNefarious

Vasectomy.

10 hours ago
jmwarren85

You can’t. I would recommend you have two babies, one for when you’re upstairs and one for downstairs.

10 hours ago
LetEast6927

Screw the baby - I’d need to me-proof those things!

10 hours ago
AdhesiveSeaMonkey

Holy hell. I’d need to me-proof those things.

10 hours ago
motorsportnut

Vasectomy?

10 hours ago
LibraCyn

They need adult-proofing, too!

10 hours ago
Desperate-4-Revenue

Remove the bottom 12 steps

10 hours ago
LemonPumeloLime

Those stairs cannot be human proofed, no less baby proofed.

10 hours ago
ArchedAngelxxoxx

There ain’t no baby proofing that disaster 😂 get a moving truck and find a new place

9 hours ago
watchtheworldsmolder

Condoms

9 hours ago
exhibpar

I'd think about how to adult-proof them, first...

4 hours ago
No-Sundae3363

I would just move lol. My kid fell down our carpet stairs and even though I knew he’d be fine, it was terrifying. He would not of been ok falling down these stairs. Kids find ways especially when you’re making dinner or something you cant watch 24/7.

I wouldn’t even let my 6 year old go up these stairs especially with how clumsy they can be with adjusting to growth spurts. He would definitely find a away, even if we proofed it just so he could go on an adventure or something. Absolutely not lol.

3 hours ago
Longjumping-Pair2918

Don’t have baby

19 hours ago
gvnhl

A baby straight jacket should keep him from crawling to the stairs

19 hours ago
baba_fluus

get rid of the baby

18 hours ago
Tongue4aBidet

A wide baby gate that also blocks off the door on the right?

19 hours ago
Bahaadur73

www.reddit.com/r/dingore

19 hours ago
Terrible_Fig4710

I would baby gate the doors leading to the stairs.

19 hours ago
Cleercutter

Glass hand rail. Hope you got some money. Wood risers for the spaces going up

19 hours ago
Wit_and_Logic

The only Crack that earns is the one in my Tibia after falling on it.

19 hours ago
throwawaykzoo1

Vasectomy?

19 hours ago
Waffles-McGee

https://www.amazon.ca/Regalo-192-Inch-Super-Wide-White/dp/B003VNKLIY/ref=sr_1_6?crid=3G2KLCJA66LV0&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.bcF94sfB0-UWI48zEOFl_NSOuHLcyIJ1WBZ-YAVPPyvJfgyBhHL60RUix16LbBpUqr5bZzqQ-EBb-q59LxwJXkm9Z1z-_mHHyqgKzhG8McKLF1RQ8lO6982YNhsbHESCPHh7SgfeuC-WU6k9g7LWsDan2FIT5CvC4H4h-Xh7O46vD26TzzzH4KA2Gh_YjE_FDeMh-IKyopQYLqnMQ4xpDNxEEJdiB0VCqbVj3Em9Vo_EJkBmG5fq_oDCoShqT6kHtl3pMcWj4Md3rxWNk3gzIqoZ3r0qDAeRZood12S16b4.xyU3OAKVioUChlgxQ9qjyKiZfneJ0zGrZBj19rEDdok&dib_tag=se&keywords=folding%2Bbaby%2Bgate&qid=1752003535&sprefix=folding%2Bbaby%2Bgate%2Caps%2C117&sr=8-6&th=1

use a gate like this and secure to each wall along your red line, with a bend in the middle. not sure where that door goes

19 hours ago
EricT59

Bay gate the entry to the left and down stairs as well. Like everyone is saying do not let the baby near the stairs

19 hours ago
DaysOfWhineAndToeses

I got queasy just looking at the photos.

19 hours ago
classicgxld

Get rid of the house.

19 hours ago
Full_Replacement_852

Netting lots of netting

19 hours ago
Cute_Effect_5447

Look into dog/puppy gates; some are longer, have doors to pass through, and mount to the wall

19 hours ago
Sea_Low1579

Baby Gate at the bottom.

Fine and thank you.

19 hours ago
CockWombler666

I’d start with the practical application of a sledgehammer….

19 hours ago
gjamesb0

Baby Zorb.

19 hours ago
rdhight

Other way around. Stairproof your baby.

19 hours ago
xgrader

Some kind of tethering needs to be involved.

19 hours ago
WombatHarris

Pirate ship style rigging nets?

19 hours ago
Efficient-Orange-607

Safety net. Done.

19 hours ago
ample-d

There are gates that accommodate this, but If say watch the baby and move into a less stupid house.

19 hours ago
Pristine_Poem7623

Go straight across from wall to wall

19 hours ago
mouseman1011

And this is why we didn’t move into a Trinity house when we lived in Philly! Those tiny spiral staircases scare the shit out of me.

19 hours ago
sjm845

70s kid here. In my parents house you got to fall down that once and you'd learn. Next time you fell down them it'd be assumed you were drunk.

19 hours ago
gloomandmybroom

Fix the stairs so everyone can use them.

19 hours ago
beardbush

Move

19 hours ago
NefariousnessKey9061

You live in a lighthouse? Or the tower of a castle?

19 hours ago
dagobert-dogburglar

Fuck that they need to be drunk-proofed first

19 hours ago