I am 100% not asexual but I can't recall a single time in my (24F) life that I've just, gotten aroused.
If I mastrubate it's because I'm bored and I have to use porn or erotica to get there. I have been on antidepressants for years (recently got off about a year ago) but even then I could still get off fine so I don't think it's that.
People regardless of gender can get randomly horny, or not. Might also change a lot throughout your life. I used to get randomly horny very frequently just a couple of years ago, now I rarely do. Human sexuality is weird like that.
I don't mean to offend, but is that not just ageing?
Yes. That's what the passing of time does. Some people get less horny as they age, others get more horny. It's also perfectly normal to have less or more horny periods in your life, at any age.
I wasn't aware that ageing could mean more horniness (obviously excluding puberty) so thanks :)
Getting older for women can mean approaching that menopause stage of their lives and somewhat often result in getting hornier, it’s a bit like their body’s way of telling them to hurry up and use up what you got left in the tank before you got none left, sorta thing. lol
That's a funny way of looking at it lmao
Or just having fewer hangups about sex. Sounds, jiggles. Butt zits, it all matter less, and d feels just as good as ever. 47 f on Mirena
I don't know if horniness is a contributing factor, but people in old folks homes have a lot of unprotected sex. Lots of free time and lots of widows/widowers with no permanent partner.
They're just keeping their hearts strong!
Seriously though, I assume you're right in saying it's likely lots of free time and lack of partners.
Idk how much older we’re talking about here but I’m MUCH hornier in my 30s than 20s. I think it has a lot to do with being a lot more confident, knowing what I like and not being shy/afraid to voice it. Maybe also add being in a LTR cuz I know even if the sex isn’t one of our best, Imma still get an orgasm by whatever means necessary 😹
I am actually so glad I taped off as I got out of my 20s, I did feel like something was wrong for a bit, but it was just incredibly distracting
It still happens and I have a normal sex life, but the constant random horny feelings and thoughts were just annoying eventually
Some people also only have responsive sexual desire, which is when they don’t get horny unless they are actively being hit on. You might want to read Come As You Are, OP
I’m 43f and I don’t think I really started to just randomly get horny until I was like mid 30s. Actually, I remember the first time it happened. I was just laying in bed trying to sleep and out of absolutely nowhere I was SUPER HORNY. I mean, I think I really could’ve maybe gotten off by merely being so horny.
Have you had wet dreams where youre half awake and you orgasm without even touching yourself? Cuz I have and I was fucking shocked I was capable of it /f30
Yes! A couple times
F/35 I had that happen a lot lately! It's aMaZiNg!! I can tell you now that I'm in my mid 30's I'm pretty much insatiable. I would be concerned if I didn't feel so good all the time. Lol. I was actually told by my doctor that women hit their prime in their mid 30's-40's and it's pretty natural at this age. (My age) I think I scare my fiance sometimes....just kidding, he loves it. 😝
Oh man…
Yes, particularly during ovulation.
I'm rampant during ovulation
No, that's called hysteria and it's a valid medical condition.
Source: I was born in 1873.
Wow, sounds like you'd know a lot about witches. At what point should we consider burning?
Well first you have to ask yourself if the accused person weighs more than a duck
If… she weighs the same as a duck… then she’s made of wood?
And therefore?
….
A WITCH!!!!!
That's a fair cop 🤔
As a witch, I'd like to vote we only burn Helga the Horrible Hag. Not at all because she keeps undercutting me with her cheap ass spells.
Are we talking about cheap-ass spells, or cheap ass-spells?
Ambiguous
Throw them into a pond and if they sink, we can start.
So, you have an antiquated gender norm for me?
As I get older an done treatments for pcos, it has gone up but at inconvenient times like at work. I push it away for later then it's gone like wtf brain?!?
Everyone gets a little horny
Agree, but maybe there's a range. Just like I think everyone gets a little stitious.
I understood that reference
Congrats.
As a treat
Some people are really horny
Sounds like an avenue q song
🎶 Everyone’s a little bit horny, sometiiiiiimes, doesn’t mean you go around committing sex criiiiiimes 🎶
It's possible you could just have reactive sexual desire, where you only get turned on from some form of physical touch, connection, or other form of intimacy. Many women question if they are asexual because they don't feel turned on unless they're currently being intimate. But they're not asexual – they just don't experience spontaneous sexual desire, which is totally normal.
I really recommend the book Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski
Antidepressants, specifically SSRI’s will disrupt your sex life. It’s just a matter of how and by how much
Wellbutrin, which is not an SSRI but is an antidepressant, has made me way hornier than I used to be
Yep. If you ask me, antidepressants are a surefire way to kill you libido for almost everyone.
You probably have a reactive arousal style. Perfectly normal. Nothing to worry about
Yes, they do. Both my wife and my ex would get horny during specific times of their monthly cycle. I also had girlfriend's that would randomly get horny.
it’s during ovulation
Yeah, that happens. To a lot of women. Not all, but a lot.
Yup this is true
+1 to “defining normal by others”
The question is, are YOU ok with it?
If you want to feel horny, talk to your doctor/a doctor. Anti-depressants, especially if used throughout puberty, may have caused some issues and therapy or medication may help get you where you want to be.
As a man I can tell you there are days or times where I find it difficult to focus. A high sex drive is wonderful but also can be frustrating and hurt interpersonal relationships.
Yep and sometimes it’s not as random as you may think for women. With our hormonal cycle changes (which can change) can be aroused depending on that.
Definitely during ovulation. But I can get horny any time of the month really
I do, at two different times a month. For a little after my period and when I ovulate.
a little after my period
Huh, for me it's ovulation and just before/during my period. My lowest libido phase by far is actually just after.
I also get horny way more easily during summer.
Strange, hormones are different for everyone I suppose..
Even men aren't necessarily "supposed" to get randomly horny, it's just that culturally they tend to have a more reactive libido to visual or random stimuli. But that's not a universal rule, and it's not a gender thing.
Asexuality is a sexual orientation, not a lack of libido, what you're describing doesn't sound like it, more like a naturally low or less spontaneously reactive libido, which is fine, if that does not bother you.
Antidepressants (even if you've been off them for a year) can sometimes have lingering effects on sex drive, but it's also very possible that you're just like this.
I was also on SSRIs from a young age but I’m much the same way, not sure if that has anything to do with this or not. You may want to look up the term responsive desire/arousal. Some people simply don’t just get “in the mood” without some help. I call it pre-foreplay lol. It does impact my relationship some because it leads to me not initiating sex, it’s not that I’m opposed to it right then it just doesn’t like occur to me without something putting me in that mood/headspace.
Responsive desire was my first thought.
That or good ol' fashioned porn addiction.
Yes, women get just as horny as men.
Nobody is "supposed to" randomly get horny. Some people do, some people don't.
Half the world would disagree with that statement.
Having no libido is not fucking normal the other commenters suggesting it can be are insane. I dunno what random inclusivity they’re trying to push. It’s literally a side effect of various drugs and illness and not something you should ignore.
You should talk to a doctor about it, you’re 24 years old. Of course you should have a libido.
it can be the norm for some women, also many women have what is called reactive desire which means they only get horny if something causes them to and not at random
My libido came back in my 40s! It was strong in my, leveled off in my 30s (had kids etc) and now im in my late 40s and its back like im 20! Make it make sense! (Im not complaining!)
Ughhh randomly dwag i’m always Horny. ( high sex drive no partner 😌)
Antidepressants kill libido brw
I mean, some definitely do. But as a broad generalization, womens arousal is more reactionary than spontane.
Asexual people can get horny. It’s typically a lack or sexual attraction, not arousal
I personally only get horny if I’m in a relationship, and it’s only for that person, which would be considered demisexual. I never get horny at random when I’m single
Would it be considered asexual if you get horny but when you're actually supposed to be doing sexual stuff with your SO you get completely turned off?
It’s definitely possible. Asexuality has a pretty wide spectrum
So how do you know then if you're asexual or if you just don't like sexual stuff specifically with the person you're with?
Research the various ways of being asexual, talk to your partner, and possibly speak with a professional
Research what about it? And he already knows how much I hate it when I have to do sexual stuff he doesnt care how I feel about it
Sounds like you might just have a low sex drive and the medication might be causing some changes within you.
I get horny everyday and masturbate once or twice a day. I constantly think about boys (well men these days as I'm older now). It's been that way since I was 6. The reason I'm sharing this is because you say you don't get just randomly horny. Which is crazy to me. I am always horny lol
SSRIs can kill your sex drive depending on what medication, the amount and the duration as well as birth control. (And other medications for different things too)
If you haven’t been on either of those for a while I would suggest getting bloodwork done to check on hormone levels.
Mental factors can also play a role. Do you have depression? Anxiety?
Antidepressants, especially SSIs, can absolutely kill your sex drive. They can also make it really difficult to climax.
Wellbutrin is a popular choice because people experience less sexual side effects with it.
I mean, some definitely do. But as a broad generalization, womens arousal is more reactionary than spontane.
It doesn’t happen every day but I can get horny quite easily 😅
When I'm horny it usually means I'm ovulating or my period will come in 1 or 2 days.
Antidepressants can definitely affect arousal but most women have responsive desire and not spontaneous desire. A lot of women think they are asexual until they find this out. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you! I’m the same way!
i have 🤷♀️ and i got nothing else to say about that lol
my wife tells me she’ll randomly wake up in the middle of night in the mood, couldn’t stress enough to her that it’s okay to wake me up
Well I feel it's needed in this conversation to clarify that not every erection men get is a sign of being horny, even if we are fine using it for that purpose. I think that has lead to women thinking men are always horny, we aren't usually but we are more "available" to the idea of sex. That's my experience at least, it's not a joke that our dicks often have a mind of their own but we also can get hard from just putting off our need to pee for too long.
Wtf are you even talking about…
People think guys are always horny. It's a stereotype that's been around forever that, in my experience, is categorically false.
Given that this specifically targeted women I felt it was necessary to bring up that it could genuinely be asked of about guys. the only major difference is guys are generally more available to having sex even if they aren't horny, to the point they will seak it out either way. Like I'll never not want sex with my wife and I do try to seduce her constantly but it's rarely ever just because I'm horny.
I’m talking about getting boner when you absolutely need to take a piss…
It's called a reflex erection, happens to some guys when the badder is full. Basically the same nerves that tell you that you have to piss also control (in part) your erection they are the sacral nerves.
Ofcourse.
Could def be the meds.
Could be “responsive desire”. Could be demisexuality or sex favorable asexuality.
Most women do get horny randomly, in my experience. That doesn’t mean you are supposed to. You’re apparently here for a different experience. That is OK. Live your life, not the life you surmise a hypothetical sexual normie would live.
Dude, you mean to tell me that I am actually NOT alone on this!?!? I’ve argued so many times with exes over this; they think I’m lying. Damn.
Idk but I do
Yes.
In my limited personal experience the women in my life have gotten very horny when they’re most fertile and otherwise it was rare
No idea but my gf never gets horny by herself which kinda bothers me
Sertraline causes decreased libido
I usually need to get a thought in my head to get horny, I won't get horny first from nothing. Its usually a memory of what someone did recently in bed or something that gets me going, or thinking of someone and daydreaming turns into something more.
I think it depends with your state of mind, stress level and what you associate sex with.I think everyone has different triggers, it can be a smell, word, image or a person. Our bodies respond differently and our brains are wired differently.
Just track your cycle. You might just be ovulating. Our uterus have mind of its own
Are women supposed to randomly get horny?
Every once in a while, women run into a guy that is 'easy on the eyes'.
That's a small sub-set of men, though.
Hormones play a part-- depending on the time of the month, birth control effects it. Stress effects it. Idk it's pretty crazy. oh and turning 31- "supposed to" no.... no one woman or man isn't "supposed to" do anything because we are all different. XD
Its a common side effect of the medication you were taking. Sexual energy is normal for both genders.
A lot of men can get hard but never finish. A partner’s dream, individual scream of frustration.
Yes
Nah definitely not weird, I hate porn, it’s not sexy, it doesn’t turn me on, it’s just not for me, books on the other hand… year sure, but I think that’s because it’s more of a mental image that you picture what’s going on, based on what you enjoy, I don’t think it’s weird if you don’t get aroused easily… you could just have a particular taste
Randomly, I guess. But more often there is some kind of schedule. Getting horny when u r ovulating is your body's natural mechanism to promote procreation and survival.
It all depends on hormones. Antidepressants can make you less horny and/or make it harder to get off.
Maybe you just have very low libido. Its not a "must". Its a spectrum
Wild. I'm horny more often than not, esp. at weird times.
Antidepressants can kill sex drives. You should be getting amorous usually around your ovulation time, but everyone is different.
The "supposed to" is a strange way of putting it. But I'd argue the majority of women can get randomly horny yeah.
If you are human, this is a normal human thing. Hell it’s pretty much a normal thing for… basically everything in the ape side of the zoological tree
It’s stuff like this that brings it home that men and women are different when it comes to sexuality (and to preempt the Reddit pedants, I mean on average, it’s a bell curve, not all women etc etc etc).
When I point to things like this that WOMEN OUTRIGHT SAY I get pushback from people who think that “equal” must equal “identical” and that women are secretly just as spontaneously horny as men but society / patriarchy / the Great Gnu in the Sky is keeping them down.
i masturbate when i am frustrated otherwise i am not that attracted to opposite gender.
Some people do get hornier more often than others. But we all get the endorphin and dopamine rush from masturbation. So your boredom that leads you to masturbation means that you want the rush, even though you don’t necessarily feel horny.
One of the YouTubers who's a urologist said in one of her videos that women don't get randomly aroused like men. They need to be properly stimulated, physically mentally and emotionally. Of course this is not absolutely true for every single woman and there are outliers who do get randomly aroused similar to how men get random unwanted erections. I remember reading a news story about a woman who couldn't stop ejaculating and would do so more than 20x a day. Even when she's not trying. She said it ruined sex for her.
Generally people have a libido, it’s something you should bring up to a doctor if you don’t have one. Ideally the psychiatrist who prescribed you the SSRIs but a GP is fine too. If it’s causing you any distress you should really bring it up sooner rather than later.
I’m Male- so heavy grain of salt.
If it’s something you think is serious then talk to a doctor.
After I had Covid I had a similar experience. I had no libido, no sex drive, and so I asked my doctor about it.
I was then diagnosed with low-T.
Antidepressants can drastically effect your libido and ability to get aroused and feel pleasure, sometimes permanently even if you’ve been off them for a while.
But it is normal to just get horny sometimes, especially when we’re ovulating.
We should be able to get a little horny at work
Yes, if you’re healthy and not ashamed of your body, random horniness happens and it’s normal. I was on a certain antidepressant for a decade and never had a good orgasm during that time. I thought they were good, but once I changed to something else (different reason for switching), my orgasms became incredible. Now I wake up horny and go to bed horny and usually have an orgasm mid day as well.
I can only speak anecdotally, but for us, libido seems to rotate on cycle. We usually have at least one week a month where we have sex several days out of the week. Then maybe once a week otherwise. I always just let it happen as opposed to pursuing sex. My partner does pursue me sometimes, it’s a fun game of playing hard to get:
Antidepressants will down regulate your receptors by a mile if used chronically but the side effects mostly depend on which group of drugs you’re on.
we do get random horny lol
Lmao as a mid 40 man I never meet one that just Norman got horn most women need to get drunk or high in my experience
Depends on the person, the circumstances, et cetera, everyone's body and brain chemistry are a little bit different. For me personally, I never used to get horny, and then like three days ago it just randomly started happening and I was getting a bunch of emotions and brain signals I hadn't had before. Again, everyone's different. Some people—regardless of gender—have a really high libido and get horny really often. Some people have lower libido and it takes more for them to get turned on, eg specific thoughts or stimuli. Some people might enjoy sex and be completely allosexual (not asexual) but never or extremely infrequently get horny.
If it's something that bothers you, talk to a doctor and/or a therapist about it. But if your only concern is whether or not it's "normal", you're not going to be able to find a good answer because there's kind of no such thing as universal norms especially for this sort of thing. There's only what's normal or abnormal for you and what you're comfortable with or not.
I thought the majority of people just got randomly horny. In my mind, you’re an adult and your body just does that cuz we are animals and have the biological mechanisms that tell us to reproduce. Like you don’t act on it unless you’re with a consenting partner but Is that not supposed to be the case?
Supposed is a strong word
My girl does, but everyone is different, in your case the antidepressants can play a role, even after being off, you could consult an endocrinologist just to check. But there’s also nothing wrong with not being horny sometimes what you need is the right person and boom hornyness comes 24/7
I very rarely do. There needs to be a trigger
It happens to me all the time. Started to happen in my early 20's
I do. All the time.
I didn't really get randomly horny until I was like 28 and then it was like a switch was turned. Some sort of biological baby making mechanism I'm assuming. But recently I went on antidepressants too and now it's like it was before again.
Each person is different and there is no standard for what people are "supposed to" do
I dont this we are “supposed to”, but i do get randomly horny pretty often
God I hope so. It’s a much better world if this is completely normal.
Not in our house they're not
There’s usually a trigger, you know like you see some iron chains or handcuffs.
Maybe it's birth control? My wife was significantly more horny when she got off birth control. Especially when she's ovulating
Antidepressants make you feel nothing, including suppressing feelings of joy, motivation, anger, and yes lust and libido.
Your antidepressant definitely quelled the "urge". It can affect difficulty finishing as well (especially for men, but I'm AFAB and I've experienced it from SSRI also.). What I noticed during my time on SSRIs and for a good bit after, is that it actually just made me less horny overall. Like, the urge was just not really there.
HOWEVER, before taking them and after them leaving my system(it can take some time) I do experience just getting the urge randomly. It's normal! I'm 33f.
All human beings are different.
I know it’s weird, im a tattooed woman. And everytime i get one, i get horny during the session. Just the thought of something piercing through me makes me horny. Idk why? 🤣
It’s probably the dependency you’ve developed with porn
I’ve looked into this myself because I thought something was wrong with me. You might have what’s called “responsive desire” which is exactly what the name implies. You don’t get aroused on your own (which would be spontaneous arousal) but rather in response to other stimuli. This is extremely common in neurodivergent women!
Yep, it’s called hormones. They fluctuate and medications can confuse them into fluctuating more randomly than they normally would.
No. This isn’t supposed to happen, please see a doctor as soon as possible
I won't stop you
Yes. Happens to us all. As you get older, it'll get worse too, since women don't hit their sexual peak till 30s-40s, when boys hit ours in the mid to late teens, early 20s. The raging hormones and sheer, sex fueled stupidity you see from males at those ages? As women get older, you get to enjoy the same, just with a slower build up to prepare you to handle it far better. Our bodies are machines, but not perfectly designed ones, so everyone is different too.
So random bouts of horniness is perfectly normal, for literally everyone.
People tend to talk about lot about how young males get randomly aroused.
But I'm 45yo male and even I sometimes am just sitting doing nothing or watching anything arousing and suddenly, bam ... why is my dick hard?
I don't know it works with women, but yeah, random boxers aren't just a young man thing. So far, they keep being a thing into my mid-40s.
It happens a lot more if there is someone in my life I am really attracted to, either a potential love interest or a relationship where I am getting some.
If not, it happens a lot less.
I don't think there's a right or a wrong answer here. I do but I don't find it wrong if you don't.
If you are depressed or borderline depressed it will affect your sex drive. I am hella horny when I’m ovulating and if I’m around a guy that my body thinks would make a strong baby at that time it’s kinda bad.
I hadn’t in years and years, but my circumstances have changed and I am happy- and it’s almost a problem now lol
I used to think I was weird for not getting turned on randomly like some people say they do. But over time I realized I just need a bit more context or mental stimulation, it’s not automatic for everyone.
NO, you aren’t “supposed” to do anything. Look into responsive VS spontaneous desire. So much misinformation in these comments.
My wife walked into my office today, took off her pants and let me know it was sexy time
I do wfh
I’m 36 and always horny. Idk why
Woman to woman, I experienced that till like a few months ago. I wonder if I was extremely depressed, but I did go to my gyno and they did a blood test and found I had hashimotos. Then again, I used to be a horndog going through puberty and then it went away. I think it might be worth going to a gyno, and embracing your body for what it is and not what it can’t provide in the meantime. You’re not broken :)
You might also wanna consider your mood and experiences overall, especially sexually and emotionally? Like is there maybe an occurrence that makes you feel sex-adverse?
No
I’ve been on antidepressants and that can hella suppress your libido.
I’m not a woman but it was weird for me. Like, I felt horny…wanted to get off…wanted that reward…but it felt like work. I couldn’t get focused. Couldn’t find the right videos, couldn’t find memories, couldn’t find pictures. I kinda felt numb, like the nerves were there, but I couldn’t really respond. It’s fucking frustrating:
I feel like women mostly get aroused from interactions, not just looking at a hot guy. It would happen to me when I had a work or school crush that I would see all the time and maybe flirted with.
Bang the mom she’s only ttf
29f here. I only get in the mood if I did an insanely difficult workout that day OR if i’m being intimate with someone on a weekly basis, if neither of those things occur I could probably go years without being in the mood lol our bodies are a trip!
Yeah, it kinda just happens. Happens to men too. There's really not much that you can do about it, at least not that I know of
I mean, I male and I do
It's deffo the antideppressants. I went through the same thing... i remember my friend asking me, 'don't you have needs???'
Some Antidepressants actually do have something to di with that. They tend to increase serotonin and while it helps with mood and anxiety it can also suppress the sexual desire and its harder to get horny spontaneously
Birth control can have a similar effect for different reasons.
Getting off birth control (pills) was the best thing that's ever happened for my libido
Any other sideeffects?
Babies
Jesus, that's horrific.
The worst STD hands down.
No legal cure for that condition either.
That’s what happened when I went off my BC.
Birth control can also cause weight gain, can make periods better or worse, etc
Facts. I had no idea by hown much either since i started taking it as a teenager. Now I'm in my mid 20s and been off it a couple months.
You can't get pregnant if you don't have the desire for sex. tips head /s
Lol, The hormones fool your uterus into thinking you're pregnant and if you're pregnant why waste energy getting pregnant.
belt and suspenders.
A year and half into my last relationship, her sex drive vanished. Did some research and she decided to get off birth control. Within a couple months we were rabbits again.
My last bc made me 10x more horny, it was not a fun time with a new boyfriend lol
yes !!
I started taking birth control from ages 12-18 and i’m 22 now haven’t been on it since
and i do not ever feel the sexual urge or “horniness”. I used to feel arousal, only one time and it actually was what freaked me out into thinking I was ace for years.
But it also depends on your body, i am the same tbh
Yes, Selective Serotonin Re-uptake Inhibitors (SSRIs) are particularly known for this.
Male here. I was on SSRIs for about a year and I can vouch for this. It shot my (normal active) libido.
Even Adderall does this. My ex used it