ProgrammerHumor

iLoveWhenThisHappens

iLoveWhenThisHappens
https://i.redd.it/yh6vri619ldf1.jpeg
Reddit

Discussion

regaito

Usually its more like

"customer is complaining the app is slow"

"yeah but we really need these 100 more features"

11 hours ago
dmk_aus

Product management don't get to feel like they add value and contribute to sprints where people are making performance improvements, clearing tech debt, increasing test coverage, etc. But they can request tool tips, and like a toddler, they can ask if we are there yet repeatedly.

9 hours ago
TheAJGman
:py:

Hey if we don't fix this shit soon, the shitty design and complexity in this critical flow is going to tie us up and hold us hostage.

"Wow that sounds bad, but can we add XYZ to this critical path first? I already promised to ship it by the end of the sprint. K thx bye."

Three poorly planned features later

"WHY IS CRITICAL FLOW SO BUGGY?!?!?!"

7 hours ago
Smooth_Detective
:c:

Swear to god the number of people in senior management who think tooltips somehow solve all documentation problems is insane. It’s like a lazy bandaid on a poor design.

7 hours ago
bc87

The problem is that product management is typically non technical. I'd compare them to asking if they can change the bridge from steel to concrete and steel because it's a new feature, not caring if a bridge is going to collapse if the change was made.

5 hours ago
tiki_51

But nothings worse than a PM that used to be a developer who starts trying to tell me how to do my job

4 hours ago
pastorHaggis

Sometimes it's not too bad. If they know the code and the product and they became a PM later, then they may have intimate knowledge and can genuinely offer solutions. But when they start saying "you need to do it this way" is when it gets dicey because we may not do it that way anymore.

A good PM will listen and understand the devs without getting in their way. There aren't many of those.

2 hours ago
s101c

So, the Donkey from Shrek.

8 hours ago
uremog

“Ok let’s monetize and advertise more so we don’t need to care if this one drops us”

9 hours ago
PythonDev96

There’s no money to fix tech debt, but the app needs to go faster, and we need to release features faster, maybe we can have more meetings where we discuss how to go faster?

7 hours ago
droneb

ITHell

7 hours ago
bedrooms-ds

MS Office in 00s.

8 hours ago
Medical_Smile2991

So true 😂 Fixing the speed? Nah let’s just stack more features on top of the lag and hope for the best

7 hours ago
UnstableConstruction

My boss: Then let's scale UP!

Later: Why are we paying $20K more per month for our EKS clusters and $40K more for Mongo!?!?!

3 hours ago
wayoverpaid

Yeah, getting time to improve the code before you add the new features is honestly the dream.

3 hours ago
Expensive_Kitchen525

Adobe.

2 hours ago
diomak

In this order, this is actually good project management.

11 hours ago
vocal-avocado

Yeah I’m not sure what the op is complaining about here… does he just want the app to stay as is forever? He might just as well start looking for a new job then.

11 hours ago
Zolhungaj

Is it normal for teams to only manage one app? If an application does its job well with no customer complaints, then it makes way more sense to direct the team’s attention to another application in more dire need of service. 

11 hours ago
in_taco

Apps have to make money, and if they're not continuously improved then competing apps are going to steal the spotlight. It sucks and I hate it - but apps sell on complexity and features.

10 hours ago
Zolhungaj

I suppose that’s one of the joys of being B2B, customers here really like (semi-)compartmentalised apps/APIs since it makes their billing easier to manage. That and our value is in the product(s) behind the curtain, the app is just a tool to query the product.

An added benefit of B2B is that migrating from our company’s tool to another is apparently impossible since almost none of our customers have techies on retainer to implement simple API integrations.

10 hours ago
Rebelius

An added benefit of B2B is that migrating from our company’s tool to another is apparently impossible since almost none of our customers have techies on retainer to implement simple API integrations.

This is where I come in and charge way too much to do those integrations

8 hours ago
Aremelo

It's not only the manpower. I'm a consultant working with integration platforms daily, it's amazing to see how many tools have terrible integration features. Stuff like APIs lacking basic features, or unable to push basic events to a webhook.

7 hours ago
ShinkenBrown

Massive disagree here. Apps sell on functionality. When you continuously... "improve"... the app, you end up breaking that functionality in the long term.

The best apps are the ones I've used for 10 years with almost no changes. The ones that continuously "improve" I end up uninstalling within a year, almost consistently.

When the "improvements" don't actually contribute to core functionality, they often just make the app worse, and adding and "improving" features constantly without a good reason is a textbook example of "if it ain't broke don't fix it."

By all means if you find something in an app that needs to be improved, great, do it. But there's a difference between that, and constantly seeking to "improve" or add new features unnecessarily just for the sake of doing it.

8 hours ago
in_taco

You might not represent the vast userbase. If you look at the most popular apps, then nearly all have regular junk updates. Like Office364, Discord, games, Notepad++.

7 hours ago
Ballbag94

But how many users actually know or care about those updates or their content?

MS frequently change things but people are generally still just using the core features of office, discord might add some new features but I would think most people just care about chatting to their friends, etc. Just because those devs are pushing changes and adding features doesn't mean that they'd drop off if they didn't do that

7 hours ago
Kitchen-Quality-3317

these new features are for the shareholders, not the users. I have a saas that my company licenses from me and it just works. the only change i've had to make in the past five years was on the backend because they changed their accounting platform.

1 hour ago
ShinkenBrown

Fair point. I'm not one who thinks in terms of profits so maybe that's a blind spot for me. But it should be acknowledged what you're doing is selling to the lowest common denominator, people who like when things move around and make noises.

Constant "improvement" just breeds enshittification. Maybe it does make more money. But it does so by making the product worse, more often than not. People who want to just have something that works and continues to work are going to gravitate away from products that constantly change for no reason.

Actual improvements or background updates that don't change anything on the user end are a whole different story, but pointless updates have become the norm to the point that I assume an app has been made worse, not better, anytime it receives an update. I'm right more often than not, with the only exception being apps that need constant updates because they work in conjunction with something else, like my youtube downloader. For the rest? I turn updates off on as many apps as possible and I am much happier for it.

7 hours ago
in_taco

Look, I'm not disagreeing with your points here. But when the CTO considers whether he should buy the full O364 package, then a huge list of features and synergies and empty buzzwords is the way to convince him.

6 hours ago
jamesbongsixtynine

n++ is functionally identical today to when I started using it like 10 years ago lol

4 hours ago
TrollingForFunsies

Companies lose unhappy customers. Customers won't stay on new features alone if the app itself is shit.

8 hours ago
in_taco

Then why is Teams so popular?

7 hours ago
KeppraKid

Because Teams gets sold to businesses by a marketing department not because the bosses organically choose it. See how Zoom took off insanely despite being extremely insecure and not doing anything drastically better.

7 hours ago
in_taco

Exactly: they sell Teams on an ever-growing list of features that convince CTO's that this app can improve efficiency.

6 hours ago
Randyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Teams is basically a 'value add' when compared to the price of the rest of the MS suite they're selling you, so it's essentially 'might as well use it instead of paying for something else'.

6 hours ago
Not-Clark-Kent

Honestly what is people's problem with Teams? It's not as nice as Discord I guess, but it works perfectly fine for me.

6 hours ago
ChiralWolf

Tech companies have been allowed to make monopolies in digital spaces by politicians and governments not being able to understand what they do and how to regulate it. Look how long it's taken something as blatant as google to get even a look at.

7 hours ago
Jumpy_Ad_6417

How come so many of yall talk about building apps like there are bajillions of them but every piece of corporate infrastructure is  big dog software like salesforce? Like are some of yall just creating a dialogue box that pops up for one step in some accounting software or something and calling it an app?

What do yall build? People use email, spreadsheets, docs and pdfs. 

10 hours ago
MornwindShoma

Salesforce is a league of its own. In my experience when working with B2B they basically want very custom logic to be baked in into a UI that resembles spreadsheets or calendars or so on. They could do without it but teaching thousands of people to make excel files in the perfectly same way, even just agreeing to versioning, it's a pain. A client I had in the past had their own proprietary language to abstract writing tax logic for C#, and I had to make that play with TypeScript instead. There's a ton of bad decisions in the wild.

9 hours ago
Jumpy_Ad_6417

Oh shit that sounds so hard. Rosetta stone type of shit. Thanks for answering thoroughly. I am spoiled helping a one man business and using really well formatted openDBs. 

9 hours ago
MornwindShoma

Makes sense. This company had multiple generations of different databases and languages and kept rewriting layers to make things work together or sometimes implemented the same stuff multiple times (even a simple business detail page). All the crust requires new crust to keep the old crust from falling off...

9 hours ago
TrollingForFunsies

Do you honestly think that no one is developing software anymore because you've heard that Salesforce does everything?

Man those Salesforce salespeople are the best. They've got everyone brainwashed.

8 hours ago
Maximelene

You'd be surprised by the number of small/medium companies that have custom app/software made specifically for them. There are a huge number of developers working on systems you'll never ever hear about unless you're working at the specific company it's developed for.

At my very first job, at a ~40 persons company, I spent a year accompanying them to move to an ERP that was being made specifically for them. That included bi-weekly meetings with the developers to make sure everything was developed correctly for the specific needs of the company.

Were their needs actually that specific? Not at all. They spent a small fortune having that software made anyway.

9 hours ago
Zolhungaj

Every interface between company and customer needs some sort of application. Front-end do webpages, for marketing and to actually present the product, both of which are certainly apps. While backend do services and systems, here I lean towards systems being applications, but even microservices can be called apps if a team really wants to.

Even an integration towards one of the big softwares like Salesforce could be called an app. Apple really changed the nomenclature there.

9 hours ago
Lazy-Emergency-4018

Develop internal software used by 5000 internal employees for their daily business. Somehow the enterprise feels it makes more sense to develop all inhouse than buying some general software. I am all for it ...

5 hours ago
Niksune

An app can be a little script that does one thing, if it does this thing well no need to change it (except security versions and adaptation to new versions of the environment). But an app can be a software used by thousands of people and will need to be always updated to match the evolving needs. The development of such apps can't end by definition

9 hours ago
nonotan

Can't it? In my opinion, that's just misguided corporate thinking. Almost nothing needs to be eternally updated to "match evolving needs"; indeed, I would argue user needs change very, very little over time in most fields, and you would need to wait literal decades for user needs to have changed so much that any meaningful change becomes actually somewhat required.

Like... think of most baseline software most people use. Calculators, notepads, calendars, email... none of that really needs to change. Assuming there are no compatibility issues, you could happily use 30-year-old software that did the job well, and maybe you'd miss a couple bits of nice-to-have functionality, maybe it'd "look dated", but that's about it.

Indeed, I would go so far as to say the majority of the time an existing piece of software receives sizable changes in an update, the net user reaction is going to be negative. Most humans don't like change unless they were actively troubled by the previous status quo. And most users of most software aren't really looking at the minutiae of the software they use: they already learned how to do the stuff they need to do, and that's good enough for them. Any changes, even if theoretically an improvement (and they often aren't, especially if the priorities behind the changes are not aligned with what they personally happen to care about) will unilaterally impose a cost on the user, as they're forced to get used to the new stuff even though they didn't ask for any of it. Unless the change is also eliminating a legitimate pain point for the user, that's usually going to be a "thumbs down". So what exactly was the necessity of changing anything again?

7 hours ago
G0x209C

A script does one specific task, typically in isolation.
An app (application) addresses a problem domain, meaning it offers a cohesive set of features to solve related problems, often with user interaction or service integration.

5 hours ago
chilfang
:s:

Me making the corners slightly more rounded

10 hours ago
vocal-avocado

My kind of job.

10 hours ago
Dr_Fortnite

is gonna make the app slow again ad infinitum

7 hours ago
anselme16

Every program attempts to expand until it can read mail. Those programs which cannot so expand are replaced by ones which can.

James Zawinski, 1995

It's sad but your reaction proves that bloating every software with as much features as you can is some kind of natural order.

6 hours ago
South-Capital6388

does he just want the app to stay as is forever?

I mean if the app is working as intended and there is no consumer demand to add anything to it then ideally, yeah, it should stay the same. Most people hate it when apps get changed for no reason and something breaks or gets moved, removed, etc.

4 hours ago
veselin465

Well, Redditors for sure do want the app to not change

10 hours ago
sabine_world

I mean, do you find yourself using the "news" or "watch" tabs? If cutting stuff like that out meant better performance, I'd be all for it

8 hours ago
slom68

Has anyone ever used Microsoft Teams?

5 hours ago
static_func

OP’s complaining about staying employed lmao

4 hours ago
GustavoFromAsdf

I think OP is looking at this from a customer/consumer pov. Where the app is slow, it's optimized, then it's filled with features, so it's slow again.

7 hours ago
NUKE---THE---WHALES

It's not just good project management, it's simple economics

If the demand (features) is constrained by the supply (performance), then increasing the supply will increase demand

10 hours ago
mister_nippl_twister

No, people want it to work fast. Making it not lag doesnt mean you can pump up it until it starts lagging again. Thats how you loose customers

8 hours ago
Narrow_Bandicoot

Features are not demand, and performance is not supply, nor is that implied by the article you have linked.

Those can definitely be connected, but that requires additional assumptions that you have not called out, so your statement demonstrates misunderstanding of the paradox, as well as of the product development.

5 hours ago
KeppraKid

I mean maybe, depends on what the new features are. If you go from slow app to fast app to app that now has more features but is slow again because of those features, you fucked up.

7 hours ago
galaxy_horse

It could be as long as there’s good product management that defines how fast the app needs to be (non-functional requirements) as well as what it needs to do (functional requirements).

Seems like the OP is implying that the PM/BA doesn’t prioritize the performance requirements of the app which I have often seen product owners do.

What’s more, these non-functional requirements are often reductively classified as “tech debt” and considered the realm of developers who need to fix it on their own time. But it’s a software quality issue and if a performance requirement is not met, that’s a defect just like any functional issue, and it’s thr whole team’s responsibility to address it.

6 hours ago
CryptographerWise840 OP

Yes that's why I love it

11 hours ago
utkuunal

Why is the guy giving orders has his skull caved in then

11 hours ago
Sensitive_Gold
:rust::py:

Unrelated to this comic. Stay tuned and find out!

10 hours ago
Le_Fedora_Cate

wow you can't just talk about people's appearances like that

10 hours ago
DepartmentFormer5051

True

7 hours ago
ImportantDoubt6434

I’ve increased performance by 2000% because the idiot that wrote the old code rewrote it

6 hours ago
seriously_unserious2

No, there is no clear instruction in this conversation. My interaction regarding this would have ended after „ok“.

5 hours ago
vanderZwan

From what I understand the problem is that "features" often means more useless data tracking bullshit.

Luckily I work somewhere where this isn't an issue.

5 hours ago
Mypronounsarexandand

You are aware we are paid to solve problems?

11 hours ago
Noitswrong
:hsk:

No. You are paid to complain about your product manager even if what he is doing is very logical and natural.

10 hours ago
Miirrorhouse

Yep, complaining about PMs is basically part of the job description at this point. Even when they're right, we'll find something to gripe about lol

9 hours ago
Madcap_Miguel

You are paid to complain about your product manager

I'd do it for cost.

9 hours ago
Charlie_Yu

I understand now. Someone has to create a problem for us to solve

10 hours ago
Complex_Level9632

If there is no problem, there is no joblem.

8 hours ago
Az1234er

Usually if there's no problem, they start wondering why they are paying people in IT and why not cut cost instead.

9 hours ago
Sceptix

It’s summer; this sub is frequented by programmers who don’t care for their jobs and are browsing Reddit instead.

(For the record, during the school year this sub is frequented by CS students.)

2 hours ago
Adn38974

Optimization brought to its finest might lead to being less prone to be feature-extended. Depends on where the cursor was set when performance improvement was requested.

Otherwise yes, it is quite the good process order of a pm exposed here.

28 minutes ago
Just-Signal2379

in web dev, that dev whoever optimized performance by 200% should be promoted to CTO or tech lead lol..

commonly it's usually 1 - 3 % worse you don't get any perf improvements at all.

11 hours ago
DanteDaCapo

It can be a LOT when it was poorly made the first time. I once reduced the time of an endpoint from 2 - 3 seconds to 100ms

11 hours ago
Rabid_Mexican

I once rewrote a complicated SQL request written in the depths of hell, the test went from 60 seconds to perform, to less than 1 second.

11 hours ago
R4M1N0

I wish I could get there. Spent the past weeks part-time rewriting our complex filter & sort query gen over multiple tables. Had to write an SQL Statement Introspector for my ORM to analyze and advise MySQL to USE specific indices because the query planner would refuse to use them, which had increased the runtime of a given query 30-fold.

Sometimes shit's just insane

10 hours ago
Meli_Melo_

Indexing. The answer is always indexing.

10 hours ago
fiah84

https://use-the-index-luke.com

also you need to make sure that the query planner has the necessary information to be able to use the index. Sometimes (especially with complex queries) that means you have to repeat yourself, when even if you say x = 50 and you join tables using x = y so you know y has to be 50 as well, you may have to add y = 50 in the query as well. Normally DB engines are great at figuring this out for you so you don't have to worry about it, but sometimes it really helps to remind them

8 hours ago
dandandan2

Yup - the same. Also, we were loading a massive collection into memory before filtering. I'm talking 30000-50000+ objects. My god it was so unoptimised.

10 hours ago
dominion_is_great

me when I apply the recommended index and look like a god

9 hours ago
AudacityTheEditor

I was once using PHP to import thousands of Excel rows into a database while fixing the data structure at the same time. I had been working on it for a few months and one day realized I had this one section that was causing a massive slowdown. Removed this loop or whatever it was and saw the entire import process go from taking 40+ minutes to about 3 minutes.

I don't remember the exact details as it was about 4 years ago now.

5 hours ago
TheAJGman
:py:

Biggest culprit for us is previous self taught devs doing single row queries inside loops instead of one query and iterating over the results.

7 hours ago
Quick_Doubt_5484

Or doing o(n) searches for data that is accessed multiple times and could be easily accessed by key/id if it were a hash map

4 hours ago
smeech1

I rewrote a ZX81 Basic program into a few bytes of machine code and reduced execution time from a few seconds to apparently instantaneous.

8 hours ago
Aelig_

You seem to work exclusively with competent devs and I'm kinda jealous. 

Just on db querries alone I've seen some wild shit that I optimised to way more than 200% but it's not about me being good, it's about whoever wrote it in the first place not having the slightest clue. 

10 hours ago
colei_canis
:sc: :py:

In my case it’s less that the original devs didn’t have a clue and more that they needed to write it before the company ran out of runway. It somehow manages to be simultaneously over and under engineered which is interesting.

Still, onwards and upwards like this accurate monkeyuser.

10 hours ago
FrostingOtherwise217

Same here. Heck, I once reduced round-trip times and the total runtime of a webapp's entire Django test suite by 30%. I only added a single partial index.

8 hours ago
SavvySillybug

I can't find the quote right now but I once read something along the lines of "every dev team should have one tester on a ten year old laptop and if the program doesn't run well on his machine he gets to hit you with a stick"

10 hours ago
_Its_Me_Dio_

depends on the program if its a flagship game or a flagship llm if it runs well this man should get 100 million dollars because he did the impossible

9 hours ago
nir109
:j:

Or you can hit the graphical designers with a stick and demand they triple the number of polygons in each model (no one is gonna see the difference)

9 hours ago
_grey_wall

It's not that hard to improve

Half the time you just had gzip or caching

10 hours ago
adenosine-5

The beauty of C++ development is that you can often increase performance by entire order of magnitude. two orders if the original author was an intern.

9 hours ago
ManagerOfLove
:py::m::jla:

I know code that could use optimization

11 hours ago
TrollingForFunsies

I increased a query speed by 5.4 million percent the other day and the devs ignored my pull request because they have new features to add

8 hours ago
Individual-Winter-24

You sir, should learn some maths. Improving performance by 200% is making it 3 times as fast. So assuming the app took 1s before it now takes a still whopping .33s

Basically with most stupid pwa that's something that can be trivially achieved by just cutting down one backend call that is slow, not using json, doing server side rendering via a sensible backend language that is not a scripting language, not trying to recreate the relational model in a document storage, not hiding complex and related calls behind a single graphic interface where querying for a Parameter just needed during debugging during first implementation is causing n +1 additional network calls etc. Just the usual suspects I guess.

7 hours ago
BrettPitt4711

Optimzing code is such a different skillset than being CTO or tech lead...

8 hours ago
TheyStoleMyNameAgain

Ah, he might just have reduced some of his n+1 problems. There might still be some left

8 hours ago
Ohtar1

So you want the good programmer to stop programming

7 hours ago
G0x209C

Well.. There are enough devs who have no clue about concurrency, thread-safety, locking, optimizing expensive operations.

An example:
Instantiating an expensive validator on each call as opposed to having the thing be a singleton with a semaphore if it needs to access anything IO related.

Doing .ToString() on enum values instead of nameof(EnumVal).

Doing any expensive operation more than once when it could be done once.

No caching.

Or... I find this one funny as well..
Using an array of values as your cache and then searching through it O(n)
Or worse: having two separate arrays in your cache that are related and searching through it in O(n^2)
And that, on every request.

4 hours ago
LiveRuido
:js::ts::cs:

My first job in angular 1.5 i was able to get the displaying of a box with bonus info and images after clicking a primary image from 55 seconds to 1-2. The outsourced code was just that bad.

3 hours ago
Cidochromium

I optimized a report generator task that took 4+ hours to run down to minutes. Every single property on models with 100+ properties had a custom getter that queried the database... something like 40,000 database queries were being made to generate a 10 page report.

3 hours ago
blehmann1
:cs::j::p::cp::ts::py:

I'm going to assume you meant frontend performance, not backend or load times (which can very often be improved by large factors).

I'll say that many people treat frontend performance as not mattering, since admittedly for many websites it doesn't. But I personally have improved render performance by 10x in several cases. And I was an intern at the time, and unfortunately no promotion to CTO was forthcoming.

The reactivity that most frontend frameworks use is a great tool, and makes performance wins like lazy-loading and caching very easy, but it does have traps that can lead to expensive recomputations. Some of these will be more expensive than if they were implemented by hand (e.g. if they recompute more than is necessary), and sometimes they just make performance mistakes that you'd never ordinarily make much easier to fall into.

And some are more obscure about when recomputation happens, I've definitely seen people expect a prop-expression to be only recomputed when its dependencies change, and not anytime a re-render is triggered (this is more common in frameworks like Vue where you don't explicitly write a render function very often).

3 hours ago
thewend

programmer hates programming, more at 7

9 hours ago
galaxy_horse

Programming is like golf, you strive to play it as little as possible.

6 hours ago
rorriMAgnisUyrT

Well, true, the 200% improvement was probably from removing cruft

8 hours ago
bhumit012

"Customer complaining the app is slow"

Meanwhile customer using an iphone 3.

11 hours ago
noithatweedisloud

they called it the iphone 3g lmao

9 hours ago
krutsik

I'm glad my employer doesn't make me verify mobile code for the iPhone 3.

7 hours ago
warpedspockclone
:ts:

The "optimized" dude needs bigger bags under his eyes in his second appearance

10 hours ago
yourfriendlygerman

I once optimized an app by speeding up the load animation 25%. Management was super impressed.

8 hours ago
sebjapon

My product manager: “It’s slow, can you improve” “But first, can you add these 2 features”

Features are finished

“Why is it still so slow?! And now we need to do those 2 other features right away”

“Why is it so slow? It’s even worse not!”

10 hours ago
ManagerOfLove
:py::m::jla:

Don't see a problem with that

11 hours ago
dangshnizzle
:py:

Yeah? Isn't that how it should go? And how nothing seems to ever go anymore?

9 hours ago
velvet_meoww

Ah yes, the sacred ritual of fixing things just to break them again

11 hours ago
BellybuttonWorld

You guys are getting time to do optimisation?

11 hours ago
FortuneAcceptable925

You need to optimize the code as a part of implementing new features. Sometimes a small lie can save big project. :-)

10 hours ago
unlonely-machine

I was in a project once and fixed an issue where it was taking 7 hours to load something. After I was finishing it took 14 min.

The manager went: that's it?

Motherfucker. Still mad about that.

7 hours ago
GuiIded

Imagine taking a messy room, organizing everything neatly away so there is workable space in the room, just for someone to go "o look space" and start putting new stuff in there

11 hours ago
FortuneAcceptable925

That is exactly your job to manage all this, however! This is why we are getting paid. Nobody else wants to do this. :D

10 hours ago
I_Think_It_Would_Be

What's the problem with that? That's how it's supposed to be o_Ô

8 hours ago
TheIXLegionnaire

As a PO I'm guilty of many of the things complained about ITT, but I swear it's upper management that is making me do it.

My team of 5 devs (4 dev + 1 QA) is responsible for 5 separate products. They gave us a project, we quoted a 1 year timeline to deliver, management wants it done in 6 months, and we are still responsible for maintenance and enhancements on the other 4 products.

I imagine my developers want to shoot me

2 hours ago
Feeling-Schedule5369

Team1: follows best practices and implements everything perfectly.

Leadership: good work guys

Team2: implements everything badly and after 6 months removes faulty code and re implements everything properly this time and also removed sleep commands in the code.

Leadership: great works guys. Team2 "improved" the performance by 1000%. App is quite fast. Team2 showed great resilience and listened to customer feedback. We urge team1 to learn from Team2.

😂

2 hours ago
recycl_ebin

wow it's almost like this is your job

8 hours ago
skate_2

devs when they have to do their job

8 hours ago
CrystalGoblin_1

classic case of fast code slow features

11 hours ago
Papellll

So now we are making fun of PM for asking us to do our job?

10 hours ago
Filipe_Inacio

for those that don't understand. Normally less optimized code is more friendly to use (better to implement features in).

8 hours ago
TrollingForFunsies

This is how it's supposed to work OP.

The problem is most places skip steps and their process is chaos and they have unhappy customers.

8 hours ago
salameSandwich83

Add more -useless- features.

8 hours ago
xantub

Or the similar ...

"How long would it take you to do X?"
"A week".
(next day) "Oh, also do V"
(next day) "Oh, also do Y"
(next day) "Oh, also do M"
(next day) "Oh, also do T"
(next day) "Oh, also do Z"
(next day) "Oh, also do I"
(next day) "HoW CoMe iT's NoT rEaDy YeT? YoU sAiD oNe WeEk!!!'

7 hours ago
Appropriate-Fuel5010

It’s best to have them define “slow”

7 hours ago
DM_ME_PICKLES

Are y'all even programmers? This is literally the job

5 hours ago
Observ3r__

Completely valid reason for adding new optimized features! ;)

11 hours ago
Straczi

Bro... That is your job. You choose that 😐

10 hours ago
otacon7000

it really do be like dat all the time

11 hours ago
InfamousEbb5680

It’s wild how often performance gets deprioritized for shiny new features when a 200% boost is literally game-changing for users.

10 hours ago
mothzilla

Customer now sees spinny wheel. #closed

9 hours ago
foufers

My experience with one company was working hard to pay down all the technical debt and delivering a new feature I thought they would love and then getting “ok yeah but this other thing over here is still broken!”

Saying “thank you” is free, y’all

9 hours ago
coggsa

So... You didn't ask what they wanted and are upset when you focused on the wrong thing?

8 hours ago
SearchStack

lol what is this dumb meme

8 hours ago
WrennReddit

Change that last one to "now we need realtime dashboards" to make it really cut deep. Lol

8 hours ago
Chance_Act_6296

As a filthy non-coding Admin, 99 (98 Charitably)% of all features on almost any suite of software you can get are either actively harmful, counter-intuitive or at best mildly useful for like visualization or graphical purposes.

The only people who care about this shit are Mid level Execs who want to make themselves look like geniuses.

8 hours ago
Mayk-Thewessen

Literally

8 hours ago
Geordant

Well you wouldn't want to develop more features now...

7 hours ago
djgizmo

lulz. and? Better than the other way around.

7 hours ago
Lexski

Manager: “We pay you to do work.”

Software devs: “AaAaAaRgHhH!! 😱”

Please try and get some rest and look after your mental health.

7 hours ago
anengineerandacat
:cs::j::kt::lua::rust::ts:

TBH that's basically how it should go... you addressed a key concern and then focused on adding additional value.

Now hopefully because of that performance concern you now have baselines to use for monitoring and for when you perform PE tests for your releases.

Wouldn't want a regression now would we?

7 hours ago
__ali1234__

Adding more features doesn't make the app slower.

Unless you are shit at programming.

7 hours ago
DeathRose007

It’s a managerial way to describe bloatware.

7 hours ago
GasSuspicious233

Time to take out the delay in that random loop from early testing

7 hours ago
Ok-Impression-5167

Lol 😆 the fukn loop

7 hours ago
No_Feature2284

HAHAHA!

The joke is that custo.ers are dyipid why don't they fix it themselves?

Me no want to work!  Me blame customer for shitty work ethic HAHA!

What is it with people these days hating the people who pay for you to live a life with dignity and self worth.  Not everyone gets to exist like that.  God bless and I'm happy you have the luxury to  crap on others.

7 hours ago
tbrick62

Ok so the app was indeed too slow and the point of the app is to provide as much value to customers as possible. I guess I did not know that apps were works of art and that they should not be violated.

7 hours ago
Spaciax
:j:

this is like your mom vacuuming the house and carpets and when she's done she starts complaining that people in the house are stepping on the carpets.

7 hours ago
thenamesammaris

This happens when the Product Owner has no dev experience at all. When they have some experience, even if its from clasees they took at school, they become more self aware

7 hours ago
Dr_Fortnite

Why Battery capacity keeps increasing but it still only lasts phones for 24 hours

7 hours ago
ItsTheJStaff

Among the things that didn't happen it's the most things that didn't happen.

6 hours ago
ZukowskiHardware

Yeah, this sounds fine

6 hours ago
SeaTie

I get the design version of this all the time:

“Users are saying the app is too cluttered looking.”

“Okay. I reorganized the layout so it’s much cleaner.”

“Ooo, white space! Here’s 20 more things I’d like you to cram into the design.”

But as someone else pointed out, this is job security. You want 1000 data points on screen at once so your users eyes bleed? I really do not give a shit, sure, go nuts.

6 hours ago
DevelopmentInside500

“Improved performance” lmao that’s the funny part of the joke. 

6 hours ago
ecafyelims

improve performance

Introduce loading spinner

6 hours ago
Secret_penguin-

That’s literally your job. New features keep you employed.

6 hours ago
spare-ribs-from-adam

An app that is getting requests is an app that is getting used. It's a bummer feeling, but it means people want to use what you've made. It's the curse of success

6 hours ago
Gold_Aspect_8066
:r:

Sounds like you were told the issue and given more work, which is what earns you a paycheck. If that's too bad, you can always opt for unemployment and then bitch & moan how bad the tech job market is, an easy way to hide incompetence.

5 hours ago
Desperate-Style9325

and a few more gtm tags

5 hours ago
Arrsh_Khusaria

Do what the csgo(?) dev did, lowered the ping by 10 from actual ping just to shut people up

5 hours ago
NatasEvoli
:cs:

Yep. That's the job. Did you think they would just pay you forever now without any more tasks?

5 hours ago
Youre_Wrong_always11

my work laptop

5 hours ago
ghoulwife

The more you add the more you gotta optimize!

5 hours ago
Elegant-Exit8396

and use more water and electricity

4 hours ago
cheezballs

Aka Software Dev? What the hell is wrong with OP? This is what we want.

4 hours ago
DroppedLoSeR

I think that's the joke... It doesn't happen this way often?

3 hours ago
glha

Very similar to consequences of the automatization stuff I do.

- I've improved the process for people working on it, so they can do the job in 25% of the time.
- Good, now we can fire 75% of the people

ಠ_ಠ

4 hours ago
Arareldo

That's the curse for almost every commercial software. There MUST be a new version to sell. It is not allowed to be finished. ;-)

4 hours ago
JulienStJean

You would hate working in the video games industry 😅.

4 hours ago
Ambitious-Let9544

Me: boosts app speed by 200%

Also me next sprint: debugging 12 new features no one asked for 🫠

4 hours ago
QultrosSanhattan

Linux user spotted.

4 hours ago
dwittherford69
:unity:

Not sure what you are complaining about… this is how it should be

4 hours ago
ori68

So this is why the home depot app sucks

3 hours ago
Scottz0rz
:j::kt::ts::cs:

mfw employer gives me work to do and pays me money in exchange for my services

3 hours ago
SnakeBiteScares

Blinn's Law

3 hours ago
ZunoJ
:cs: :asm: :c:

What kind of shit show did they deliver in the first place, that there was potential for a 200% performance increase lol. Sure you're going to add more features. What else are you going to do with it?

3 hours ago
nicman24

This is literally the job my dudes

3 hours ago
thanatica

Usually it's all the tracking crap that GTM barfs into an app that makes it slow.

2 hours ago
whizzdome

The story of Microsoft Windows

1 hour ago