ProgrammerHumor
newAndImproved
Discussion
Hammer is now a monthly subscription of £20 per month.
This is where the analogy falls apart but we're also ending the infrastructure that hammer 1.0 was built on and if you bought a perpetual license: sike! time to buy one again.
Hammer 3.0 comes with unlimited nails and unlimited hits, but it's really just MongoDB under the hood.
Finally, my carpentry can scale.
Hammer 1.0:
user picks up and uses it.
Hammer 2.0:
user picks up
can’t find where the “hammering” feature in the UX.
Clicks “chat with hammer master”.
types “how do I hammer?”
Hammer Master: “here are some YouTube videos that found about MC Hammer.”
user Google’s “how to use Hammer 2.0”
watches a 15 minute YouTube video that just turns out to be an unboxing of Hammer 2.0.
watches a 4 minute YouTube video “wildest hammer 2.0 uses” that contains experts using Hammer 2.0 to do things like forge a sword on an anvil and use the Hammer 2.0 to call and order Nail 3.0 (version locked for Hammer 2.0 only. Don’t try to use Nail 2.0 as those were version locked to Hammer 1.5 and are now deprecated.)
finally finds and watched a 60 minute video of an Indian woman with a very thick accent reading directions out loud, but spends the first 30 minutes just telling you what she plans to do in the video.
finally gathered enough knowledge to use Hammer 2.0.
try to use it.
Hammer 2.0: “Unable to connect to network”
This deserves and award 🏆
But I told the sales team it had Bluetooth?
Bluetooth is so 1989, you should use NFC
Sometimes (sadly rarely) you can just replace your toolbox with it, other times it stops working cuz all the mini tools get in each other's way and the thing is too damn heavy
I practically had a moment of enlightenment when, while I was in training, my boss told me not to overengineer the solution because people actually wanted software that does what they need it to do, and some time within their lifespan - after in school everything was about scalability
Oh, but we don't sell hammers anymore - https://www.danstroot.com/posts/2018-10-03-hammer-factories
"Okay, so everyone else has hammer factories now?"
"Yep."
"Then I think I'll just go to one of my friends' factories and have them make me the hammer I want. Thanks for sharing, I'll never be back."
"But... our money..."
"You don't sell hammers."
There is one, for Source 2. (Dota 2, CS2, Alyx, s&box)
It's more like 2.0 came with only the head of the hammer because the handle is now done by another package, only it's too long so now you're 5 feet away trying to hammer nails. 2.1 attempts to fix the issue and does resolve the long handle but now the hammer head weighs 22lbs and the handle is 5 inches. 2.2 comes out to resolve both of these issues but now the hammer has two claws and no face and everyone has switched to screws.
Still has a handle? Pfft clearly technical debt.
And goodluck figuring out what those new features are, cause the documentation is still for 1.0 but theres a cheat sheet that lists some of the new functions but not what they do. And the 2.0 documentation is supposed to be coming out ‘soon’ but they just announced 2.5 that deprecates some of the features in 2.0 but nobody can lock down WHICH features
And theres STILL no json serialization so everythings gotta be an xml, and even then its an xml request with only one parameter and that parameter is AN ENTIRE XML DOCUMENT WITH LITERALLY 0 DOCUMENTATION ABOUT WHAT ANY OF THE NECESSARY DATA TYPES ARE AND YOU HAVE TO FIGURE IT OUT WITH A HALF LIST OF SUPPOSED VALID TYPES AND CONSTANTLY QUERY THEIR SYSTEM AND FIXING WHATEVER THE MOST RECENT ERROR WAS
That’s deep hatred, you okay?
Nah but I’m making do, I’m hoping we can dump the vendor soon
Bloat features suck.
*Stares at Microsoft Office*
It did need a clock
Is it part of the blockchain to the cloud?
Oh, looks! It's Nero Suite!
Whoa, it even has a hammer!
Looking at you, Postman.
Where's AI?
This reminds me of Microsoft.
Discord too.
Thats a hammer 2.0 already
Hammer 1.0 had no claw on the back side
2.0 devs knew pretty well what they were doing ngl
yeah, and that really fast to open thing you loved now takes an eternity to load.
I AM SO FUCKING SICK OF THIS. (coding since FORTRAN)
This is just stupid lol.
The one on the left isn't Hammer 1.0. Hammer 1.0 was a rock in the hand of the first humans. The one on the left already is atleast version 3.5 ish. 2.0 was Rock & Wood, 3.0 was Metal & Wood, 3.1 was optimized form ...
No AI? How are we supposed to sell that?
was literally going to say this, no ai integration == no funding ?
It's bizarre that companies think this when I, as a consumer, will instinctively avoid any product which advertises itself based on "AI" integration.
The clock is managed by AI
Like AI in "if else" or AI in "actually indians"?
When you fix one bug, ten more appear.
It obviously uses AI to determine the time and how to display it on that screen